AN: Sorry I left you hanging? Meant to post last night but couldn't get online at all which was odd. I can't stress enough how much I appreciate that you enjoy and want to read this fic. I'm rapidly coming up on the idea of an ending with my beta because as much as I love this playground I won't torture these characters forever! So much drama oy! And so much still not known to all the relevant parties... Thank you for sticking with me. There are time jumps between paragraphs and I still haven't learned how to keep my original section formatting when i copy the chapter text over so I apologize if you are ever confused. Now on we go!

Kelly had officially lost the plot. Not that anyone in Dispatch would have noticed. He was directing Truck 81 to the scene on Lakeshore Drive. They'd successfully pulled three injured passengers from a sedan that had crashed into a building when it was rear-ended by a speeding out of control vehicle. Severide was listening and not listening to the radio chatter of the other dispatch officers around him. He was definitely not listening to Casey spin out, and Hermann grabbing the comm to ask him for updates on Dawson because of this. He was relieved that Chief had made it to the scene. Maybe he'd get some answers out of Dawson. She'd gone radio silent when she went rogue and he was still suppressing the screaming curse he wanted to spew when she'd said please hold.

Please. Hold. He knew it was standard. He knew he'd said it to her only seconds before but holy shit could she be anymore of a smartmouth? He really wanted to move. To get up and walk but he could not leave while a job was active. Never mind that he wouldn't with people he cared about in danger. He was thankful for small favours. It wasn't a burning building. His girl knew her limits but the creeping sense of unease as he helped Truck navigate, it wouldn't go away. The radio came to life.

"Dispatch. Battalion Chief 25. Notify Lakeshore Hospital of two incoming trauma patients. Ambulance 33 and 12 en route"

"25 this is Dispatch. Status of patients".

He listened to Boden rattle off vital statistics aware in one small corner of his mind that neither person was Dawson. That Ambulance 61 was still on site, Shay quiet since Boden showed up. Waiting like he was, for Dawson to get out of the damn building.

Another call came in. And then another and he was still waiting for word from Boden or Shay or Casey even, that everything was going alright or if they needed additional assistance.

"Lieutenant Severide"

He looked up at the dispatcher. Shift was over. No. This couldn't be happening. Chief was still out there. Dawson was still in the damn building for all he knew. Severide swallowed against the dry mouth he suddenly had. "Sir, I'd like-"

"Go home. Give Charles your notes on what's happened at the scene. You're done."

He knew he was in no position to argue. He wasn't an actual dispatcher. He was relief like Campbell was his relief and Boden wasn't around to cut him some slack. Not that Chief ran the dispatch office but as he slowly got up and went through all the motions of explaining what was going on to his replacement, his unease, that sick pit deep in his stomach roiled hard. It wasn't going away.

And Severide changed out, watched how third watch was slowly streaking into the firehouse for their 24 hour shift. He worried. He wanted to go down to the scene and see what the hell was going on but that wouldn't help. He'd be an annoyance, a distraction from what Shay and Boden and the whole rest of the team needed to be doing just then. So he took a cab home, sat down on his couch with his radio scanner and tuned it to the frequency he needed to hear…

"Come on Joseph. Breathe with me!" Dawson choked out. She was covered in dust and coughing as she tried to keep Joseph awake, She didn't have the reach to get the AED on him if he crashed. His leg was still losing blood. He nodded weakly at her but it appeared more like he was trying to comfort her than affirm he would stay. He blinked his dark brown eyes slowly. Overhead a dead light fixture swung back and forth on its long cord as the entire building groaned and squeaked. Dawson held on to Joseph as best she could while she felt the floor shift further. She contemplated, again, shifting the wooden beam off his leg but without the means to stop an arterial bleed, without a means of egress. She glanced back at the large wooden beam that blocked the door. It didn't budge when she'd tried to move it earlier.

"Dawson? Dawson report."

"Still here Chief." She heard the audible sigh of relief over the comm and smiled reflexively. Boden was such a dad really. He took care of his people, worried for them and she had put him in an untenable position. She knew that. She could apologize for making his day more difficult but would never regret, trying to save Joseph. She'd found out he was twenty, that he worked full-time and went to school part-time so he could help his family. Dawson had asked him the names of each and every one of his five siblings and what they were like to keep him distracted but the pain was going to pull him under soon. She could see it. Epinephrine would stress his already overtaxed heart. The oxygen tank she'd given him was probably almost out and his grip on her hand when she went to hold it was weaker. The wheezing. Her heart pounded.

For all of that, and the very real possibility that she would soon be trapped in a sinking building with the body of a young sweet man who had so much to give. Dawson would never be sorry she'd entered the building. "Update?" she asked quietly, her face turned to Joseph's. He was shaking. Full body tremors. He was going cold and she pulled the flat packed emergency blanket from her kit and wrapped it around his shoulders. Tucked it around him as far as she could with him pressed into a corner. Her radio crackled.

"You were right. Water damage has corroded the bearings on key supports to the structure. Structural engineers need to work long-term on fixing whatever allowed this to happen in the first place"

She noticed he wasn't offering an exit strategy but didn't say anything. Boden being chatty was usually a bad sign, in any situation. He was a military man, prone to short blunt statements and deceptively simple emotive outbursts on occasion. He was telling her what he knew because he couldn't give her anything else. Boden was standing outside and feeling helpless and Dawson wasn't feeling much better herself as she watched Joseph's face for the pallor that would mean acute blood loss. She glanced down at her tourniquet. It still held but she tightened it all the same and when Joseph didn't even groan she knew it was bad. That he'd lost complete sensation in the limb or his nerves had stopped working and she wasn't a doctor yet or anything but his prognosis was not good. Neither was hers at the moment. She looked around the room for anything she could leverage under the beam. He was starting to gray out. Moving the beam couldn't possibly hurt him now and it looked like she was going to have to save them because Squad couldn't get up into where they were anyway. She remembered then, that she hadn't responded to Chief.

"What's the status on electrical with all this water around?" she'd be professional about this, about what she would say next. The walls around her protested the water they were taking on from below. She moved further away from Joseph to make sure he didn't overhear.

"Power's being dealt with. Standby"

Oh Chief Dawson thought sadly. This wasn't a good day. She got up. Walked away from the corner she'd been sitting in with Joseph. She'd tried pushing the beam that crossed the door again. It was large, thick. Something Casey would use on a construction job. It had fallen on a diagonal. There was a small triangular space at the top. Maybe if she squeezed… She opened the line on her radio.

"I think you should pull back Chief."

"Dawson! I-" She didn't need to hear him say anything. They both knew the protocols she'd broken by entering the building.. She glanced over at Joseph. His chest barely moving in the dim beam of her flashlight. It must be morning outside. The sun must be coming up but she was stuck in a dark room with a dying boy, his crushed leg and unable to be helpful. She turned her face to the blocked door, and touched her radio.

"You need to notify his mother. Rosemarie Vittorino." her voice was soft so Joseph couldn't hear. "They live at 34-15-"

"Dawson!" Chief cut her off and she wanted to cry but there wasn't time for that. Contrary to what happened on tv, buildings collapsed in slow motion. The building's decline into the Chicago lakefront would take hours Joseph didn't have. She looked at the small gap at the top of the door. Maybe she could fit. Use the desk to get close up. Take the helmet and turnout coat off, suck her stomach in, But she couldn't transport Joseph through the small hole. She couldn't move the beam off his leg by herself. She couldn't injure him more and she had no idea what the hallway looked like on the other side of the wooden beam. If there was even a floor to walk on.

"Chief. The power is still going. Water was already in the floorboards when I was coming in, I'm sure it's worse now. Pull back"

The silence that followed was awful. Dawson took two quick breaths and swallowed. Whatever she did next was her decision alone. She had to live with it. She had to be able to accept it. Her face set she walked back over to Joseph.

Behind her, the sun's rays had just started to fall on the wooden beam that trapped them.

Severide's hands shook. No. Nonononono. He heard it all and the bottom dropped out of his stomach. The sick roiling feeling took hold. He clenched a pillow to his face and screamed. Then he pulled out his phone and texted Shay. He moved to text Bri because she was in a building without help and why hadn't he thought to do so before?

Because the job came first. He reined it in. Pulled back on the anxiety and anguish because she wasn't dead yet and Bri wasn't made for weak. She was a survivor. That much he knew. The static over the scanner was horrible but she didn't sound defeated. She'd told Chief to pull back. To do the thing he should have already done but couldn't because she was in the building. She removed herself as a problem that needed solving. He waited. Chief still hadn't said a word. What would he do in the same situation? If she wasn't his girl. If she was just a hotshot subordinate running into danger headfirst. If he was Boden right now. The radio went live:

"Dawson. Capp is in full gear. Once we get the all clear"

Severide listened to Chief trail off. His phone beeped. A text from Shay. We're waiting. It was enough to make Severide smile a little. Chief could be stubborn too. Traffic must be backed up for miles on Lakeshore Drive. Sunday morning drives would be a tad difficult with an active building collapse. He was sure he could watch video coverage of it on the news at this point. He didn't want to. The last accident had been enough. He'd bought the scanner soon after because he preferred hearing what was happening from the people who were there than some news anchor shark looking for chum.

"Chief. This is now a recovery"

Severide's heart sank. Bri had lost her patient. She was going to beat herself up. She was still going to get reamed by Chief because it needed to be done. Whether she had saved the patient or not, it would have happened but now it would feel worse. Better to get yelled at and know some good had come out it. Better that, than knowing you'd walked alone into a building to watch a man die a mere twenty feet from help and safety. He sighed. It wasn't over yet. Bri was still stuck in that building and he was going to stick it out with her. Listen. Rein in all his impatience and fury because Severide didn't believe she would die in there. Not a chance. Not if she'd lasted this long and had the somewhat compromised clarity in judgement to tell Chief to pull back. No. Bri would make it out. She had to.

Dawson felt sick. Like she'd been put through a meat grinder at the deli her father loved when she was a kid and come out a pliable mass of something no one could stomach eating. It was well past midday before she was done with everything and everything occurred in static flashes. The incident report. Her efforts to save Joseph. Capp meeting her halfway between the submerged staircase and the second floor landing. Dawson swallowed as she drove her car home. She'd had to describe in minute detail, how she'd finally pulled herself out through the small gap at the top of the blocked door. How she'd left Joseph dead, eyes closed. How his hand clutched hers until the end because she waited. She wasn't going to leave until there was nothing more to do and even then… such a good bright kid. Dawson needed a shower and a large glass of red wine. Boden had said the lecture could keep until tomorrow. She was grateful. Casey and Mills had both coddled her within an inch of her sanity once she'd gotten out. Casey especially had held her so long she'd begun to feel uncomfortable in front of the crew. And Shay just gave her that look she got when she was right but she wasn't going to say it and then hugged her. They'd talk. She knew they would. Shay would give her a day or two to wallow first. To process. She couldn't even look at her phone she knew there'd be at least two dozen messages she couldn't respond to without crying. Dawson pulled up on the parking brake in her spot and got out slowly.

It was summer she realized. The air was hot even though she felt cold and the neighbourhood kids were running around. She threw up a hand to wave at one neighbour before shuffling down the sidewalk to her door. Her head was down, searching for her keys in her purse. She wondered which place to get takeout from...

"Bri"

She looked up. He was sitting on her steps without his jacket. His hands were clasped over his knees, his brow was furrowed and his lips were a flat line. She felt her heart leap and stutter. The day had already been too much for her and this man was going to put her through the wringer.

"How long have you been waiting?" she croaked.

"Please. Hold."

He punched the words out through tight lips and Dawson allowed herself one moment. Just one moment where she thought about falling into his arms and crying because she didn't want to argue. She looked around. The neighbours were out and he'd been waiting. This was how gossip could start. She skirted around him, up the steps to unlock her door. She didn't answer him just then. She couldn't. Dawson felt him step behind her. Felt his breath on the side of her neck as she walked in and he followed. She didn't look at him. Not as she locked the door, or put her keys on the side table or her go bag on the floor.

They stood in her small hallway. Dawson's eyes were on the wood laminate floor between them. His breath was rushing, the smell of him, her favourite, surrounded her. He reached out first because that's just the way they were. His crutch clattered to the floor, his hands enveloped her face, made her look up.

"Those were the last words you said to me"

"Kelly-"

"Shut up Bri. Just let me look at you" so she did. Dawson watched his face while his hands rifled through the crown of her head, down over her scalp through her hair looking for bumps. One hand grasped the back of her neck, while the fingers of his other hand traced her eyes, her nose, her lips, the tips of her ears. His hands roamed down her shoulders and her arms, til each of her hands was clasped in each of his and he scanned the rest of her body looking for any sign of injury. She wasn't going to show him the bruises. She wasn't going to flinch. She wasn't going to cry.

"You are never doing that again."

Dawson's temper flared. She was tired and sad and not in the mood for this.

"Yes I am. This is my job."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes it is-"

"You are NOT doing that again! Not without me!" He raised each of his hands to hold her face while Dawson was nonplussed. They weren't together anymore. Still, Severide was earnest and angry and they were standing in her hallway. She was tired and upset and she didn't need this. She pulled her face from his hands with a jerk.

"You're one to talk! You fell out a third storey window!"

"That wasn't a choice!"

"Did you throw a kid out that window and then yourself?" She pulled all the way back to lean against the wall with her arms folded while he struggled to respond. "Yeah, I thought so!"

She didn't need him questioning her choices. She was already doing that. Even though Dawson did not regret being there with Joseph til the end, it hurt. The whole day hurt and he was saying she was wrong and Dawson folded in on herself, hands clutching her elbows as Severide pressed in and she turned her head away and bit her lip. She didn't want to be fighting. She didn't want this.

"I'm sorry."

"What?!" Dawson turned to look at Kelly.

"I scared you. When I fell...I scared you. That's where we went wrong." Severide's hands brushed against her and again, he reached out. Both hands on her shoulders now. "Bri, I need you to listen to me. I will never tell you not to do your job. That is not what I am saying. Just-" She watched him pull away to lean back on the opposite wall and her heart twinged. She wanted to invite him to sit on the couch but she also didn't want the rest of her afternoon to devolve into a blame game of what she should and could have done. Dawson sighed. She moved into her living room to sit on her couch and studied him closely as he leaned on the doorjamb. Severide cast his hands wide and made a sound of exasperation.

"I don't care that we're on a break. I don't give a flying fuck what this is or isn't. You do not go where I can't follow! Period!"

Dawson's insides did a somersault. Oh.

"I heard it all Bri. I heard you tell Chief to pull back. I heard you call in the recovery and I know what it's like. Just.. You almost gave up didn't you? You were waiting to die."

His eyes were glassy, and his breath was heaving and Dawson was shaking her head no but maybe it was yes because it had seemed so hopeless. She'd left a boy dead and alone in a building to save herself and she hated it. Dawson watched him cross the room to sit next to her. She felt the hiccup in her chest, the burn of tears behind her eyes she did not want to shed.

"Kelly-"

"I swear to God woman you took five years off my life" Dawson sniffed as he continued "and your last words to me would have been please hold like a goddamn telemarketer infomercial."

Dawson choked a laugh out at that. The fight was over. Kelly had needed to blow off steam and say his piece and it was up to her to figure out an answer. She thought back to that moment at the firehouse so many long hours before. She'd told him not to push but clearly he didn't know how to stop when he was on her front step with one crutch and yelling at her. What had she been about to say before the world got the best of her?

She reached out. Her left hand played with his hair while her right hand tried to hide her trembling lips.

"I really don't deserve you Kelly."

He snorted, pulled her into his lap and Dawson breathed in deeply as Severide's arms enfolded her. She felt him lean back against the couch arm, his legs stretched out in front of him, boot crossed over the opposite shinbone. He kissed her hair and she snuggled closer as the tears came, quiet and wet on her cheeks.

"Neither do I Bri, but I'm not leaving."

thank you for reading!