Some of you are going to be upset maybe with what happens in this chapter and I am bracing myself for that mentally. Please no flames. I respect constructive criticism and have incorporated it in the past. All I will say is that this plays out as I honestly believe all these characters might react. Make of that what you will.
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Dick Wolf et al.
Enjoy. Review. Happy Holidays!
10:00 PM
He was pretending to watch the game and failing. He wasn't too drunk and Capp was being a great friend. Distracting him from the discord and awkwardness that had fallen like a hush over only one part of the crowded bar. It was the bottom of the sixth inning in a tied up game and he only needed to devote half of his brain to the score so he could watch Casey talk to Bri. Kelly wasn't being obnoxious or controlling. He knew she could take care of herself but Bri was sweet with the people she cared about most. Soft in a way that bent to their wills. He knew this from personal experience and Casey had more clout with her than most. He was remembering her on a cold sidewalk, not crying in January. He was seeing her with Casey at the head of the break room, reciting the worst harassment scenarios and half leaning in.
Right now, she was giving Casey her profile. The long braid of her hair was swinging between them while she made another cocktail and he was signaling for another beer. Her back was to Kelly as a result and while he loved the view. He didn't. She was tense and Hermann was giving Casey his beer with some wordless pleasantries. The only one in their crew who was drunk at the moment was Shay who was walking over to him with a determined look Kelly already knew spelled trouble. Angie's eyes looked dark and worried. Like she'd been trying to get through to Shay all evening to little avail.
"Kelly. Let's go home"
Shay said it with the slight slur that told him she was in the mulish phase of her drinking pattern. She had her mind set on something and right now it was him and his glance at Angie told him she'd tried to reason with his tiny roommate, probably more than once. He put a hand on each of Shay's cheeks and smiled down at her.
"I don't leave her alone when she works the late shift, Shay"
"She'd hardly be alone!"
"She locks up and handles the till. Hermann has kids to go home to. Otis isn't that responsible and Zoya isn't an owner."
He knew he was trying to rationalize with a drunk person but he did it anyway. Kelly never wanted Shay to feel dismissed or like her thoughts didn't count. Capp made space for Angie at the bar to ask for some water while Kelly negotiated with his roommate who wasn't entirely illogical just yet. Shay sighed as she glanced behind her.
"I don't like it."
"Well you haven't liked much these last few months besides Angie" he joked.
"Kelly-"
"What did I tell you Leslie?"
Angie interrupted his roommate quietly as she handed the blonde a glass of water and gestured her to drink. Kelly spared a look at Capp who was watching after Bri without asking and Otis was leaning over the bar talking to Casey, an uneasy look on his face. Loyalty. It was a beautiful thing. He hadn't asked it of anyone but Capp was still doing it and Shay was trying to save him from himself and Bri was in the middle of the whole thing. Looking cautious, losing some of the joy and light she'd had before Casey's arrival. He resented the other lieutenant for that. Bri wasn't avoiding Casey or him though. Earlier she'd mouthed the word pizza? and he'd ordered pies that still hadn't arrived…
"Angie thinks I should just let the firehouse fall to pieces around me while you and Casey explode"
"That's not what i said" Angie chided and Kelly glanced back at his roommate with a frown.
"Why is that your job? How are you responsible?"
Kelly pressed. Shay had been telling him since day one that sleeping with Bri was a bad idea. That she'd always loved Casey. That sleeping with her was going to destroy what was left of their friendship. And when she went running back to the blond lieutenant things would be that much worse for all of them. For him. Her priority had always been him but the long game not the short play and much as he loved Leslie Shay, he didn't live his life for the long game. So many people never got it. He and Bri were earnestly trying this and yeah, he lived his life to avoid heartbreaks. But he also lived his life taking 100% of the chances he was given and Bri was a chance he'd never planned for. So she was worth more because she was the thing he never saw coming in all of his life's predictable tricks and left turns.
Kelly kissed Shay on the forehead to smooth out the wrinkles forming there.
"You get to say I told you so when she leaves me. Alright?"
"Kel…"
"Shay." He looked up at Angie with a commiserating shake of his head for the drunk stubborn blonde in front of him. "You can't change my feelings or choices. Or Dawson's. Or Casey's. We're all gonna feel what we feel and do what we want about it. And I'm with Dawson until she says otherwise."
Bri glanced over just then and he caught her eyes with his signalling that the pizza wasn't here yet and she frowned a little. Put down the towel she was holding and walked over to their end of the bar. Everyone smiled and put in drink orders but Bri only had eyes for him.
"Before this night gets anymore tense Kelly I need to tell you that Casey texted me earlier today asking to meet up." Kelly immediately tensed and Bri put her hands up in a calming gesture. Shay stared at him worriedly. "I told him I was working tonight. I did not suggest he come by. I asked if we could meet tomorrow because I wanted to talk to you about it after my bar shift before I did anything"
"But he didn't listen" Kelly watched Bri shrug her stiff shoulder.
"It's a free country. The bar is a public space. I still don't have time to engage in a lengthy conversation with him about anything because it's busy in here. He could just be making a point about wanting me to know that he's determined to talk to me."
"Capp. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't that have a mild hint of intimidation?"
Kelly asked just to make sure he was hearing her right. He didn't think Casey would lay hands on her. On any woman. But showing up and insisting on an uncomfortable conversation in front of witnesses was the sort of thing abusers did to assert control of rapidly spiraling situations. He'd seen it too often and he was just buzzed enough to be feeling irrational. Capp responded quietly in the affirmative but didn't sound pleased with his statement and Bri wrapped her hand around Kelly's bicep. She looked at each of her friends in turn, ending on Angie's face as a newcomer to their world.
"I can handle it. Kelly, I just wanted you to know in case shit got said." He nodded his thanks. He couldn't speak around the indignation sitting deep in his throat and Bri being Bri, saw this, and kissed his cheek gently. "Now if someone could track down the pizza that'd be great."
"You mean, this pizza?"
They all turned their heads to see Peter Mills holding two big white boxes with a toothy smile. "All I want in return is a large pitcher of Amstel light and maybe one slice if Gabi isn't too hungry."
Mills was sufficiently chill enough to break the serious moment. He handed the boxes over to Dawson behind the bar, chuckling at her ceaseless thank yous. Kelly went to size him up. His head was already in a protective tailspin over Bri and Mills had hurt her too. But the kid immediately turned from Bri to Kelly with that look on his face like he had a million questions about Squad and Kelly relaxed. Whatever agenda Mills might have with his girl, he wasn't pursuing them tonight.
Bri walked over with a pitcher for Mills. The kid was so surprised she'd actually done it, he fumbled over his thank yous. Said his sister was meeting up with him and wanted to get her hammered. Bri waved his money away while she navigated slices of pizza onto paper plates and put them in front of everyone. She served herself last, gobbling down half the slice even though it was very hot. The food spelled a temporary lull in tensions. Mills texted his sister while Angie convinced Shay to have more than two bites and Capp bitched about the game to him, but not really. They were all just ignoring the lieutenant sized elephant in the room as Otis snuck down the bar for a slice, then Hermann did.
The older firefighter sized them all up, forehead lines crinkled. No one said a word, busy chewing and drinking. Zoya was flirting with the baseball fans at the other end of the bar, pouring drinks. She was fine. At some point Cruz had come in and Kelly hadn't noticed. Cruz was talking to Otis' cousin like she was the only woman in the room. Otis didn't seem to be worried. Which was actually the most interesting part of the whole scenario. The crowd had settled in to watch the game, and loud though the bar still was, all activity had slowed a beat. The game was coming to the seventh inning stretch with no relief, game still tied up and some people were betting the odds of the Cubs pulling it out like it wasn't sacrilege to root against the home team. Their team.
"I hope you two make it work"
Kelly blinked away from his own observations to see Mills had been talking to him, a sad look in his eyes. He took a sip of his beer to cover for his lapse in concentration.
"Me and Dawson?"
Mills had never addressed him directly about it. He'd just steam rolled over it with his questions about making Squad and treated him no differently so Kelly had assumed they were cool. He watched the younger man nod.
"Yeah. She and Casey… You know the history better than me. Just saying, he wasn't so pleasant to deal with when we were dating."
"Pretty sure that's about you trying for Squad."
"Eh. I'm pretty sure it was both"
Mills responded with something like a smirk. The kid was smart, driven and had firefighting in his blood. Kelly had no reservations about having him on his team once he'd finished all the training and the spot was posted. He grinned wryly at the younger man, slapped his arm in a gesture of camaraderie to allay the awkwardness. Two men talking about the woman they had both dated and the complication of a third man in the mix. Kelly decided he hadn't had enough alcohol for that and chugged the rest of his beer.
"Probably. Sure didn't help your case huh?" he teased.
Mills shook his head no and they laughed. Kelly cuffed him in the shoulder and pretended not to see Bri smiling softly at the two of them getting along. He got how she felt her breakup with Mills was her fault. It was. You don't hide things like that from your partner. Mills was right to be hurt and he had never been so glad to reap the reward of what the younger man had tossed away with all the unchecked impulse of youth. He patted Mills on the back again and Mills gave him a look.
"You'll be good on Squad, Mills. And I won't razz you… much"
Kelly genuinely liked Mills quite apart from the situation with Bri. He had a good heart, wasn't prone to the sort of grudges he and Casey brewed like black coffee. His genuine desire to help people shone through. It was why he'd never said a cross word about Bri despite the manner of their breakup. A different guy would have swapped stories about their ex, given him the dirt. Kelly didn't want it and Mills wasn't giving it. He'd genuinely loved Bri for the brief time they were together. Kelly could respect that. It almost made him want to ask…
"I'll take care of her" he finally said.
Then after a pause, "but you're gonna help". As he'd planned Mills looked confused but gave a tentative sure when Kelly grinned.
"You know how she is. That building on the waterfront-"
"Dude I know! I wasn't even on the comm! She scared the crap out of me!"
Kelly didn't respond to that statement right away. Please hold still featured in his less pleasant dreams along with the sort of customer service call line hold music destined to drive you insane in under five minutes. He nodded quietly and took a long swig of his beer while Mills shook his head in distracted disbelief.
"She's crazy." Mills said into the lull of their conversation.
"Yeah she is… but we go into burning buildings for a living. So…"
"With backup!" Mills protested.
Yeah, he couldn't argue with that statement. Bri had gone into a sinking ship of a building to watch a young guy die trapped under a beam she could not move. He'd had a similar experience. It stuck with you whether you wanted it to or not. They hadn't really talked about it past his yelling at her not to do it again. It was kind of ludicrous in retrospect given all the chances he took and continued to take. Bri put up with his brand of crazy fairly well all things considered. He glanced at her for a second before turning back to Mills.
"Dawson's got a wild heart Mills. She'll do what she wants."
"That's damn poetic Severide. How'd you come up with it?"
Kelly tensed as Casey slid closer, leaning up on the bar with a bottle of Bud as Hermann offered him a slice of pizza. Kelly didn't respond and Hermann looked wary, herding Bri to the other end of the bar where customers clamored for refills and Otis settled in the middle distance with Zoya as cover. Kelly wanted to smile. They were already taking care of his girl. Taking her away from the potential fallout. They were all at least four beers deep at this hour, not too bad but enough to slow reaction times and shorten tempers. And Casey hadn't even asked if he could have a slice of the pizzas he bought. Mills slid a look at Kelly that was all sympathy and commiseration. He didn't need it. He got the girl. The girl who was pouring beer to some baseball fans, looking worried. She'd been trying to hide her concern since last shift. He hated it. He wanted to be worth all the hassle in her life, the upheaval with Casey, the awkwardness with Shay and the guys at Firehouse 51.
But he wasn't certain that he was worth it for all that he refused to give her up. He'd listened to Benny's voicemail. Common courtesy or maybe just curiosity about how his dad would spin his place in Boden and Henry Mills' story. Instead he'd listened to his dad explain how they were so alike that he was spineless into the bargain. A doorway dancer of a son. He'd taken no responsibility at all. Kelly shook his head. Still didn't respond and took another long pull of his beer while Shay tugged on the back of his shirt, telling him to go home. Angie deftly seemed to guide the blonde to a table to sit down. Her panic and inebriation weren't helping him.
"Well come on Kelly! Speak up! Tell us!"
Casey was goading him. It happened on occasion. Before he was a lieutenant. Before he was in charge of anyone, when they were probies in different houses and he was gunning for Squad. Casey had needled him with quiet barbs about his work ethic and Kelly had snarked back. He'd proven Casey wrong. Been the youngest ever to make Squad, got transferred to 51 under Boden with Casey where they'd been together, for better or worse, ever since. He'd known the man a decade too long to not know which way the wind was going on this. Kelly turned away. Looked at Mills who was at his back without even asking. Looked at Capp whose wide cheery face was solemn and thought fuck.
Yes, Shay was right. She always was. The firehouse was a mess because of him and Bri. Because he'd made a choice he wasn't taking back and Casey couldn't handle it. He wasn't trying to rub it in and he wasn't asking for anyone's help. But Mills was still in his corner and Capp was glancing sideways and all behind the bar, people were already protecting his girl like family.
"Casey, man. Don't do this."
"You can't keep her from me. I want to talk to Gabi"
He could hear the slight slur in Casey's speech. It was the same as Shay's and Kelly backed away. Put his beer on the bar, slid back onto his stool, the one with a direct view down the length of the bar. To Bri, who Hermann was still herding towards Zoya gently.
"No one is keeping you from Dawson. She's working." interjected Mills into the silence. Their little corner of the bar was strained and awkward while everyone else crowed at the baseball game. And the probie was sticking up for Kelly, dear god no.
"It's okay Mills. Just let him talk. Casey needs to vent like a big bad fire"
He couldn't resist the dig and Casey's scowl was a thing of fury. Kelly was tired of this shit. Of the snide offhand comments about his sexual exploits around the firehouse. It wasn't like Dawson didn't know. Casey's distrust of his motives was well and good as the guy who let the girl get away but his constant needling and holier than thou martyrdom were fucking exhausting. How did he do it? Just watching him pull this shit made Kelly want to tear his hair out. Casey already had blonde hair what the fuck did he need a halo for?
"You're pathetic." Casey spat out.
Kelly felt Capp slip around him from behind to create a barrier between the rest of the bar and the rising drama but ignored him. Capp was solid. Mills… he pressed the kid down onto his stool, as he stood, let a sneer curl his lip because Casey clearly, was letting go of the high road with spectacular force and he was curious how far the other man would take it.
"Stop drinking right now and go home Casey. I'm sure D will call you tomorrow."
It was meant to be placating. It really was. He offered Casey what he wanted, Dawson talking to him but it wasn't enough for the other man as he launched off on another rant.
"D is not her name! It's Gabi! What, you assign all your lays initials so you don't have to try and remember names?"
Kelly went quiet. Kelly went very very still. He'd cop to having sex with a lot of women. He'd cop to not remembering all of them. Especially if it had been several years and only a one time thing. But for as long as he remembered, he knew their names and sometimes their sexual preferences. He was a simple enough guy but he wasn't a complete asshole. He made no promises and he said so upfront.
"D is not a lay". He said it softly. It didn't matter if anyone else heard him or not. "D has never been a lay." It was a warning. She'd taken charge that first night and he'd gone along and nothing about them was as perfunctory as Casey made it sound. Dawson was something he wouldn't share, with anyone. He was greedy for everything about her when they first began and he was selfish with all that he had gathered since.
Casey snorted. "You're just like your father."
"Stop. Just fucking stop Casey," his neck was hot. Benny was a button Casey didn't press. They'd argued exactly once about who was worse off. Casey with the abusive dad murdered by his mom or Kelly with Benny acting like brass, pot stirring from the first day of every visit to the last. They'd decided it was a toss-up. Casey was burning their friendship to their ground if he said anything more.
"What? Where's the lie?"
The others were crowding around. Saying nothing. Just like if it happened at the house. It was no one's business but theirs, this argument. But there would always be witnesses.
"I am not my father and she is not yours to-"
"Like hell! You knew I liked her!"
"Actually no because you were with Hallie" Kelly reminded him sarcastically.
"Sev… cariño" Kelly turned to see Bri's eyes wide and impossibly dark on them. She didn't say those names in public. Those names were for him alone like she could only be Bri when no one was around. When her brain short circuited into whatever it was in her that reached for him first. She was calling him hers, in front of Casey. She was leaning in from her side of the bar asking him to stop and for her he could. But he didn't start this fight. Not at all and he was pissed off on more than his own behalf. He glanced behind her to Hermann who looked more and more torn between his loyalty to Casey and whatever Dawson wanted. With a flick of his eyes Hermann drew closer, ready to pull Bri away. He knew that wouldn't be easy. Kelly turned to glare at Casey.
"I know she liked you. I know you've made her cry. Whatever awkward thing you guys had: you didn't make a move"
"So you just thought fuck it? I'll fuck her and fuck whatever-" Casey shoved Kelly with every other word and the room seemed to dim around them as Kelly pushed Casey off.
"Hey! Shut up with that!" Kelly snarled.
"Was she drunk? Did you get her so fucked up she couldn't say-"
"Matt!" That was Shay. Maybe. But Casey was so far into the spiral he wasn't listening and Kelly felt no better his ears going hot. His neck. Every controlled possessive urge he'd been bottling up for months unfurling inside him as Casey hit trip wire after trip wire. Casey's hands bunched in his tee shirt and drew him in close. Hot breath hissing into Kelly's ear as he whispered.
"You're gonna fuck her and leave her. Like Benny. You're gonna knock her up and-"
Kelly didn't remember the first punch. Or the second. Or the grappling choke of the other man's hands around his neck as he swung a third time for his stomach and Casey doubled over. He pelted Kelly hard with a cross once he bounced up, slowly on his heels, spat out the blood. Smiled coldly.
"Just like Benny. Where's the lie Kelly?" he goaded.
He felt the press of someone holding him back. He heard Bri calling down the bar for everyone to motherfucking stop. He didn't. He couldn't. Of course he was the screw up, the bad boy, the coward walking too small in his father's big shoes. Kelly pulled his arm all the way back and slugged his fist at Casey's jaw.
Villains always played to type.
Yeah okay hiding now!