AN: Not going to torture you with a long note. Bri's got thoughts so does Sev. Enjoy!
I do not own any of the character, they are the property of Dick Wolf et al.
Bri loved her haircut. Long sideswept bangs she could tuck behind her ears. A sexy nape undercut no one saw unless she wore her hair up. Karen had cut face framing layers through the length of it which now hung only an inch or so past her shoulders. She felt pretty. Really pretty. It was a good change from the blunt cut she had been growing out and Bri found herself tossing her hair from side to side as she danced around her townhouse. Jabbing and punching as she went.
Chief had a plan and so did she. Well, the beginnings of a plan. Nothing fully-formed but she'd protect Kelly as much as possible. The man didn't appreciate coddling. Said there was a difference between her attempting to take a swing at Heather on his behalf and the kind of fussing she did over his injuries. Welp, too bad! She was going to start boxing and he was going to help which was going to help him and win-win because she actually really missed sparring.
This was not to say she didn't care about Casey. She still reached out to him. Kelly didn't tell her what to do. But Casey was polite and distant, he wasn't doing the complete freeze out like with Voight but he didn't invite her to share either. It wasn't like she'd only talk about Kelly for fuck's sake. She wasn't insensitive. They hadn't discussed his mom and how post-prison life was going. She'd met Nancy. It wasn't an easy relationship for Casey and she was willing to be there for him despite his callous manners about her relationship. She'd loved him too long to ever do a complete shutout, not unless she was forced to. Shay had some choice words about the situation but it didn't matter. Dawson's ability to be a glutton for punishment with Matthew Casey had not magically disappeared because she loved Kelly Severide.
It made her sigh as she looked in the mirror. She was prepping for a late shift at the bar. Dawson hadn't sent pics of her new hairdo to anyone but she knew that Kelly and Shay would be at Molly's drinking and bonding. Spending very necessary time together after months of arguing and silence about her. Kelly it turned out, did not forgive easily. He had never told her all of what Shay said but given the backburner comments Shay had said to her, she had a pretty good idea. However, they were all friends. They all needed each other, day in day out because their jobs were tough. Shay was Kelly's family because fuck his dad and the new wife in Kenosha and the two half siblings he'd never even been introduced to. Benny only came into town to wreak havoc and remember the old days. He was not interested in living his present, and his criticism of Kelly was coloured by that desire to be who he once was. She wasn't sure if Kelly had the most objective viewpoint on the situation and she didn't expect him to. His father was the only blood connection he had and he would keep him as close as was bearable but no more. She felt bad for his half brothers though. They were going to be all kinds of messed up.
Kelly admitted to a bit of a rebellious phase as a teenager which had just made Dawson blink and sip her tea because duh Sev, I figured. And Kelly had grinned as she'd told him about her stints in detention. The schoolyard slaps, the boxing ring knockouts so there would be no schoolyard slaps. How the slaps became outright grappling and hair-pulling as she tumbled through the grass because she'd promised Antonio not to use her hands on anyone's face. So she'd resorted to wrestling holds and sitting on top of someone's lungs and squeezing with her thighs. Kelly had looked a little stunned at that, then a little too pleased. He seemed to like that she was as tough as she was sweet. She wasn't exaggerating her past any. If anything she was downplaying it a tad so he wouldn't know how intense she was in her anger.
It didn't bear harping on. They'd had arguments enough between them for awhile now, and Dawson stalked out the door in her cutest but comfiest pair of dark wash jeans and a black v neck tee ready to wow her guy. She'd swiped on a deep berry lippie. He was going to hate the cut. She just knew it. He was going to miss pulling her hair and hiding in it like a curtain but oh well. It was sticky summer August and hair was hot and heavy. She and her neck needed the break.
ʘ
Kelly was feeling good. He and Shay had knocked back a couple and she'd admitted that she and Angie were fighting about her control issues and, good friend that he still was, Kelly listened while she rambled about Angie saying their life, like they had one together. And truth be told, Kelly had assumed his blonde pixie and the statuesque brunette were on the same page about that. You don't bring someone random to the annual picnic. You're going to get teased. He said as much and watched Shay pause, go quiet as she mused.
"Well, we weren't going together and I didn't want to third wheel Campbell and his boyfriend so..."
"So you brought Angie as backup? Jesus Shay. She's met everyone. You brought her to Molly's. And you're not sure of her?"
That didn't sound like the Leslie Shay he knew. It didn't sound like the Leslie Shay who had flaunted Angie and brought her around their apartment while he was pissed off at her for telling him not to see Bri. How Bri had nearly fucking cried when she'd broken it off. Again. Jesus. It was enough to make him pissed off at her all over again. Angie was nice. Really nice. Took care of Shay in the sweetest way when she was on a bender and liable to get reckless. Was probably a real wild card and wildcat with his friend. He struggled not to picture it.
"We don't agree on certain things" Shay hedged while Kelly sipped his beer.
"If you mean me and Dawson, let that shit go Shay. I'm with D. Casey needs to get his head out of his ass. We are not seeing each other to spite him. I am not sleeping with her because he hooked up with Heather."
He was quick to anger on this. Had a hair trigger because fucking A, his past history didn't make things easy on D. Everyone thought she was slumming. Well, not everyone but enough. They wondered if he'd given her an STD. They wondered if the sex was worth it. He wouldn't create drama by sleeping with D because he was pissed off at Casey for sleeping with his dead friend's wife. That was all a little too theatrical for his tastes. Too convoluted. His thing with D was much simpler and more mind boggling at the same time. How they just fit. How she got away with calling him an idiot and an asshole because sometimes he was, but she didn't believe that was all there was to him. She kept needling him about hiding behind his smile and his charm when he was fucking smart. And then gave him a smack when he tried to disagree. Kelly smiled a little just thinking about her temper. You didn't put up with a woman's temper to get back at a friend like Casey. There was literally no point to that kind of bullshit.
"I know Kel. I know… I'm sorry I made it so hard." Shay said the words softly. An apology Kelly had never expected to hear but maybe needed because his anger flared, his ire at her betrayal.
"Why did you? I already knew Casey was going to be a dick about it. Why'd you have to jump on his fucking bandwagon?"
"Because the firehouse is our family. Ours. Your dad is shit. My parents are three hours north and love me but are still awkward about the gay thing. I didn't want to lose the family we have."
"But we didn't. Casey is one person. One. I don't expect Truck to be on my side but they'd never hurt D. Hermann and Otis were crowding her the night Casey and I got into it. Mills, her fucking ex stood at my back. Not Casey's. I'm not forcing anything on anyone Shay. I never have"
"Casey is a lieutenant. Just like you. It matters that you guys can't get along. It makes a difference on a job. You can't tell me that it doesn't."
He couldn't. Casey made no bones about double-checking every single call he made on a job. It was petty as hell and a wonder that Boden hadn't called Casey to the carpet about it yet. Except he knew why. Casey was the steady golden child of 51. Boden would always give the blonde lieutenant the benefit of the doubt. This realization would have hurt more if Severide wasn't used to people thinking and expecting less of him in general. He took another long pull of his beer.
"So maybe I make it easier on everyone. Maybe I just transfer." Kelly listened to Shay choke back on a snort.
"We both know you don't want to do that so why even say it out loud."
"Because I'll tell you what I told D. Casey and I may never be okay. He doesn't have seniority but he sure as shit has clout so why even bother fighting it?"
"Dawson. I know you. You would never leave Dawson alone at 51 with Casey."
"She's coming with me Shay."
He hadn't meant to say anything just yet. Especially because it wasn't a final decision and Dawson was still protesting but saying it made the idea of leaving more real. The fact that Dawson would jump ship with him. That she was willing and had offered to do so without a moment's hesitation. That for all her useless prevaricating on other dumb shit, she was very clear on wanting to be with him. He was her favourite place to be. She hadn't hedged at all after the first time she'd suggested it. If he left, she would follow. That was a commitment and he wasn't freaking out about it. Saying it out loud reinforced the idea in his head and how good it felt to have her by his side. Bri and me. Kelly smiled to himself.
"Well then what about me? Huh Kel? What about me?"
Kelly turned to look at Shay, conscious at last, of the slip he had made in saying Dawson would come with him. He and Shay had always been a team of their own. Family. She wasn't lying about that. He didn't think the shift that had occurred over the last few months would have been as dramatic if she hadn't fought him all the way. He had room for both Shay and Dawson in his life. More than enough space given his woeful lack of real family. It just felt like Shay was fighting for something that, in some small part, couldn't exist the way it used to when they were accidentally on purpose maybe sharing bedroom partners and going on benders and being each other's lifelines come hell or high water. He had D now, but D was hers too. Had always been in her corner. He knew that because D would always confer with him when shit was going down about Shay. They'd check in to make sure what each person saw was actually happening, brief each other on what their approach to the crisis would be and basically steered Shay away from the more egregious decisions, like the full back dragon tattoo she'd wanted at one point...
"You are always going to have me Leslie Shay. I'm not leaving Chicago"
He went to kiss her cheek but Shay reared back violently, her face aghast.
"Are you kidding me?! This is like the shit with Spain all over again!"
"What? No it's no-"
"You. Leaving. Because of a girl"
Shay sneered the last part and Kelly's ears went hot. It seemed like it was going to be one step forward and two steps back with Shay on this. He wanted to be less irritated at her reaction but Spain had done a number on Shay. The thought of him being so far away had upset her even if she'd pretended to be okay. And right now it seemed like Shay still didn't believe he was serious about Dawson. Like she thought he was using her as an excuse to run away and he wasn't. He saw a solution to a problem. It sucked and he didn't want to do it but comparing what happened with Renee Royce with anything D was about as simple as organic chemistry. He wondered why people continued to believe he was using his girl as a means to some nefarious end. Kelly was pretty sure D would be first in line to maim him if that were the case.
"That girl is your friend."
"Not the fucking point Kelly!"
"There is no point! It may not even happen! You're yelling at me for nothing!"
Hermann slid down their way at the point to tell them to quiet down and re-fill their beer orders. Kelly's face was incredulous and Shay's was pink and huffing angry. They were supposed to be making up dammit. Not picking apart his potential reasons for doing a transfer he absolutely did not want. 51 was his father's firehouse and he wanted to make good, maybe make captain, learn as much as he could from Boden's calm and quiet leadership. Leaving would mean starting from scratch on that plan in a new house with people he did not trust and an uncertain path up the ladder so to speak. It was definitely not his idea of a fun or smart time.
Just then, D walked in and Kelly blinked fast as the bright late afternoon light filtered in behind her for a brief second before she closed the door. Holy fuck. His girl had bangs, and her hair looked lighter somehow and it was much much shorter which kinda made him sad but then again…
"Kelly Severide! What did you do to your hair?!" D wailed from across the bar as he turned all the way around to see her. She stalked over, hair flying around her face in pretty long flicks as Kelly grinned and rasped one hand over his newly shorn head.
"I figured one hair surprise deserved another" he joked. "And hey I left it long on top just for you".
He really had. D wasn't wrong about his hair being hot under the fire helmet. And if she was finally conceding to her more practical side then why shouldn't he? His cut had taken 15 minutes no appointment necessary while she'd definitely been at her salon a good hour plus to look so fucking pretty. He'd shaved the sides and back but left the top as it was with a little trim so he could slick it down the back or side with water and go.
"I hate it"
"I hate yours too D"
They grinned like idiots. Her fingers scraped his nape looking for the curl she'd tug but it was gone. He traced a bang away from her forehead so he could kiss it and felt his fingers fall through air with a slight frown.
"Oh my god. You two are sickening! Dawson get back here!" Hermann yelled.
Dawson bussed him on the lips before grabbing the apron Hermann tossed at her head and scampering around the side of the bartop with a hello wave to Shay who gave Dawson all the feminine oos and ahs he wasn't equipped for. Shay was quietly ignoring him for the moment which was fine. Dawson deserved her full attention. She clearly loved the haircut but was still a little nervous about how it would be received. Do the bangs make me look juvenile? Which made Kelly's nose crinkle in disgust. What the fuck did that even mean? She looked hot. The lipstick helped. He knew he was wearing it. D had a thing for marking her territory in not at all subtle ways and he fucking loved it. He'd wipe it off just to have her do it again later.
"I haven't even shown you guys the wildest part!" Dawson declared a little fervently.
And with that, Dawson spun around and flipped her hair forward, catching it all in one hand to reveal a kickass undercut with thin lines crosshatching her nape in a pattern. Kelly's jaw dropped open while Shay squeaked.
"I take it back. I love your haircut. What the hell D?"
His girl flipped her hair over one shoulder and gave him a smile. The one that knew her hair flips were his fucking weakness as she shrugged. His mouth went dry.
"I told Karen my hair was heavy and my neck always got too hot but I didn't want to cut it all so she suggested an undercut. Problem solved! Kinda. When I wear it up that is"
Which she knew he fucking loved. Her hair in that high bobbing curly bun. It was too short for a bun now, but it could definitely be a ponytail and he could tug on it while he…
"Kelly put the dirty thoughts away. Your face is saying all kinds of unspeakable things right now and my shift is a long one tonight"
And it was. He and Shay played nice for Dawson who was by turns frenetic and lethargic as the night wore on. She asked Shay how she was doing with the whole gun incident and she repeated the same line that Dawson had told Kelly many hours earlier when people were around at the station. That it wasn't the first GSW she'd seen and would hardly be the last and so, she was fine. It made him frown. He'd hovered around Dawson as much as possible during a shift after their brief discussion by his car. And though they were strained he would have done the same for Shay if she needed it. He noticed that Shay didn't bring up Angie in front of Dawson and decided not to blow her cover. He was pissed off at Shay but he would never tell her secrets. However D, being the intuitive person that she was, noticed the tension between them and frowned. Dropped three shotglasses on the bartop and poured out whiskey over Hermann's protests.
"Can the three of us just not be fighting for one minute?"
Dawson glared at Shay first. And Kelly admired her profile, the new haircut suited her well. D's eyes looked larger in her sweetheart face and her lips were pouting. It made it hard for him to pay attention but the answer was yes, of course they could all just not be fighting. He wasn't going to say Shay started it though she did. And over nothing. He grabbed the shotglass and looked at D. She was tired and he immediately felt contrite as she picked up hers and Shay tried to hide her sneer at the brown liquor but clinked glasses with them and tossed the shot back with a grimace. She really was a tequila girl.
"Okay. Someone start talking because I am done with this bullshit. I refuse to have the same argument over and over again with the same tired excuses for why people are mad, or hurt or just plain stupid about a relationship that is none of their damn business!"
Kelly shouldn't have smiled but he had to. Bri was officially irate. Fierce and protective and so fucking done with the crap that weighed her down. She had both hands on the bar and she was staring Shay down like she was two seconds from decking her. He knew she wouldn't. Bri wouldn't hit him or Shay or Casey. Everyone else was probably fair game and he reached out to touch her hand, so she would look at him. So his girl would turn her head his way and give him that look he loved so full of righteous indignation and her fierce loyalty. He was done for. So fucking done and she didn't even know it. He decided to give it to her plain.
"Shay's pissed because I suggested we might leave 51 and accused me of running away again like Renee".
He watched while his girlfriend clenched her jaw. Glared right through him because this was not what they'd decided. And no it wasn't. Her eyes plainly said she was quite pissed and he muttered the word might to remind her they were still talking through it but Dawson turned her head to stare at Shay abruptly and Kelly would take any reprieve he could get from her anger.
"We're not leaving but even if we did it sure as shit won't be running away" D snarked darkly. She cocked her head at Shay. "What's the issue? It can't be the firehouse falling apart because us leaving would solve everything. Wouldn't it? Casey gets away with being a hurtful asshole and no one's concerned. Yay 51!"
Kelly blinked at D's sarcasm and gripped her hand on the bar. Underneath her anger was a deep reservoir of pain and exhaustion. People she cared about were spinning their wheels and criticizing her for being with him. People she respected and trusted were suddenly awkward and left-footed. People meaning Shay and Casey and they hadn't discussed the blonde lieutenant yet. He was possessive of D but not controlling. It was a fine edge between the two but he walked it with her. She made no bones about stamping her seal all over him. He was equally not silent about his annoyance with Casey but she'd said nothing of her own issues with him. This was the first time she'd even spoken badly about his counterpart in front of him. D was truly fed up.
"I just think Kelly leaving doesn't solve the issue." Shay said directly. "It's cowardly and not the Kelly Severide I know him to be."
She was spinning the shotglass on the bar and her words pained him. He didn't think of his suggestion as cowardly. He was trying to be the bigger person, giving up something he loved, a feeling of comfort and surety he had in Firehouse 51, so that his colleagues didn't have to deal with their officers' drama. Kelly watched D's nostrils flare at the word cowardly and squeezed her hand. She was too far into her feelings to squeeze back. She was annoyed and hurt and it was Shay saying all these things. Shay who they both loved and were loyal to and really, the only reason they were close at all at first.
"The issue is our relationship" D said bluntly. Kelly felt his heart seize when D said that. It felt good to know she thought of them the same way given his inability to articulate anything beyond being unequivocally hers.
"And that's not going anywhere so what do you propose we do Shay? Casey doesn't want to talk to me."
"He's hurt and-"
"And he keeps hurting me! What the fuck Shay you heard him!" D cut in her voice trembling.
Kelly's ears pricked at that. If Casey had said anything untoward to Bri. If he was the reason she glanced away to hide angry, frustrated tears, again, because fuck if their friends hadn't put them through the wringer... Kelly wasn't certain he would be able to control himself next time he saw the guy. Friendship be damned. He kept on looking at Bri.
She looked away. Pretended to make sure Hermann didn't need her but Kelly saw the tears in her eyes as she composed herself. Murmured baby so she would notch her head his way and smile just a little. It took a long minute but she did. She bent over his hand to kiss it and ignored Shay for a second. D looked up into his eyes and he held her gaze, waiting. Wanting to know what she was searching for in him that he didn't know how to provide just yet. He let D pull him forward and she kissed him briefly, eyes open as she repeated the gesture on his nose and his forehead. She kept right on staring as she leaned back, elbow propped on the bar, face balanced on her palm, the fingers of her other hand tracing his face.
"No one was just happy for us. Not really. Were they?"
Kelly wasn't sure how to respond. Their relationship, such as it was, tripped back and forth between being ecstasy and just plain hell. No one was really happy but fuck if Bri wasn't worth all of it. If she kept asking questions like this he was going to have to work harder to prove it. To show her just how much she meant to him while he clamored for words that were nowhere near sufficient in the saying.
But it turned out he didn't have to respond because Bri was in monologue mode. Still angry. Still hurt but staring at him seemed to help and she swiped her thumb across his lips where her lipstick stained him, a small smile on her face. He let her take the lead because being between his girl and his best friend was awkward and he didn't want to say the wrong thing and Bri didn't seem to care or have a filter at the moment.
"Let me tell you a story, Shay. I still find it hard to believe but I don't meet the guy I'm dating. I already know him. He knows me. Or we think we do anyway. It's been years and he's..." Bri shook her head while Kelly leaned in as she bit down on a smile. "And he takes me out after a really shitty day, no questions asked. No judgment." She cocked her head to the side. "He takes care of me and I don't realize it until I'm halfway through a bottle of Cuervo and fighting with the chef at his favourite food place about his enchiladas. Wait. Have you ever gone back by the way cariño? Did I get you banned?"
Kelly hadn't and he didn't know and he didn't care because she was a much better cook so he shook his head. She was calling him by that sweet Spanish nickname. She looked thoughtful but unapologetic. She still wasn't looking at Shay. Neither was he. He wanted to know whatever it was she was trying to say. He wanted to see her face and believe in it.
"Dawson-" Shay tried to interrupt.
"Anyway this guy, this big strong tough guy carries me out of the restaurant and he doesn't know this. I've never told him this but when I was leaning into his back he smelled so good I wanted to stay right there. So much so it fucking scared me. Or thrilled me I don't know. I was drunk so I lied and told him I needed to throw up. And just like that he tossed me upright and in his arms and so so safe." D laughed and Kelly was mesmerized. She really never had told him this.
"And I'm looking at him. At this guy I've known forever right? And we're both drunk and stupid and holding each other up on the sidewalk and I realize he's taking care of me. And not just that, he's taking care of me like he would his best friend. And I feel so grateful, so honoured by that. He doesn't let just anyone in. But this guy holds me up and I just…. I finally see him. Him. Just. Him."
D was smiling wide now and gazing into his eyes like there was nowhere else to be and the fingers of her one hand were still tracing his face and Kelly was clutching his beer bottle so tight in the other he thought it might break. But fuck he wanted to hug her and kiss her and wipe away the tears that were still in her eyes and then fuck all the sadness out of her because no matter how happy this memory proved to be: how they got from there to where he was standing was not at all pretty.
"So I took him home. I did. He didn't take me. It was my decision. And I'm sick of everyone questioning my intelligence. I am so sick of his best friend hurting him because she can't have what she wants. Shit happened. Things change. I don't think my guy is a coward. He can be an idiot and stubborn and so damn reckless I may die of a heart attack but he has never played it safe. Not to me"
Dawson turned away as a customer called for another beer and she stalked over to fill up their pint glass. Kelly and Shay were silent while she did it. Kelly for his part, didn't know how to move the conversation forward. He was upset with Shay and D had defended him. He didn't ask her to do it but she did and it felt good to not be the one arguing. He watched his girl come back over with pretzels after a brief conversation with Hermann to check-in he guessed. D flicked a bang out of her eyes and stared between him and Shay for a minute. She popped a pretzel in her mouth as she mused on Shay's shocked and outraged face and said well? Like it was finally her turn to reply as Shay cleared her throat loudly
"I'm just telling you guys what I think. I don't want you to leave."
"You called Kelly cowardly. That's not truth Shay. That's an opinion. And a really shitty one given what we both know about him. Get on board or shut up. Neither of us need any more naysayers"
Kelly and Shay watched as Dawson stalked away, her ill temper apparent in how she snapped at Hermann and the customer slowly becoming more and more belligerent in his drunken stupor. Kelly took a glance at Shay as she stuffed a pretzel in her mouth and chomped loudly.
"She says that with love, of course" Kelly suggested mildly.
"Did I hurt you with my comments?"
"Were you ever just happy for me and Dawson?" Kelly countered instead of answering.
Because yes, Shay's comments had hurt. Your best friend labeling you a coward sucked ass. Her indignation and disbelief the first three months of his relationship with D weren't so easy to swallow either. Like neither of them were capable of making the decision to be together. Like he hadn't had his hands full convincing Dawson to get over her anxiety and just be with him in the first place.
She'd never held it against him. D had never once said I told you so despite her anxious speeches about what the chief would think and the firehouse in general. She had not been wrong. Neither she nor Shay had been wrong about any of the reactions their relationship had garnered. Shay blinked for a long minute before responding.
"I've been too worried to be happy"
"Fuck it Shay! We're not your problem to solve. Okay?"
Kelly didn't expect a response and he didn't get one. D wanted Shay on board. He wanted everyone to stop fighting. Shay wanted… what he wasn't sure. All three of them were stubborn beyond belief and Shay kept drinking her beer as she fumbled with her phone. Kelly was watching D. He would always prefer to be watching D as he nursed his own beer.
"You don't need me anymore."
"What?"
Kelly turned to Shay. Her lower lip was trembling and her eyes were filling and she knew he hated that as she swiped brusquely at her cheeks. Shook her head and smiled quietly.
"We were each other's family but you have Dawson now and I feel… lost. I guess."
"I'm not going anywhere Shay. How many times do I have to say that?"
"But you are going. Don't you get it yet? Even if you and Dawson don't leave Firehouse 51, you two are team like we used to be a team. I'll admit it. I'm having trouble adjusting."
A quiet pocket of space descended then. Kelly didn't know how to respond except to repeat that Shay was family and would always be family. Dawson didn't negate that bond. She couldn't. She wouldn't want to, Kelly was certain. Why couldn't they all be family like they'd always been? He didn't see how it was a problem when the three people involved loved each other…
About twenty minutes later Shay left after a brief, terse call with Angie. So Kelly knew she was either going over to break it off for good or not come up for air until next shift. He was hoping for the latter. He didn't want to go back to D's place. Even if it was her turn. He wanted to wake up to her in his own bed, all that pretty hair across his pillow. The smell of her perfume lingering for hours. He wanted to thank her for being so kickass without actually thanking her. He knew a couple ways how.
Soon enough it was last call and Hermann shuffled out, after setting all the glasses into the dishwasher in the back and the stools on top the tables around the bar. Dawson was counting the till and Kelly was torn between distracting her with sex or helping her wrap up everything so they could go home.
"Hey Bri?"
"Yeah Sev?" she was putting all the cash into a black bag for the deposit at the bank in the morning as she shuffled the receipts into its small organized folder. She was busy and Kelly nearly swallowed the words he was about to say as he walked behind the bar to drop off the washcloth he'd used to wipe everything down...
"We're not dating."
Kelly still liked to be a little bit of an asshole.
"Say what now?" Dawson's head popped up just as Kelly's arms wrapped around her from behind, binding her to him before she could protest. He kissed her hair and breathed her in with a smile as she struggled angrily in his hold.
"We're not dating" he repeated. "I don't date. I'm either all the way in or out the door."
He was trying to say things without actually saying them. Kelly didn't want to say anything until the firehouse situation was resolved with Casey and Boden was no longer looking at him like he was a second-rate idiot for suggesting the transfer that neither of them wanted. Kelly felt Dawson turn around in his arms to look up at him.
"Are we defining things now Sev?" she asked softly, "cuz I think if I look up the verb date in the dictionary..."
He kissed the words away. He hated them. Found words stifling and confining. Preferred anything else to talking about feelings or having arguments or his best friend's reluctance to respect his decisions. He was for Bri and Bri was for him. End of discussion. And yet.
"I'm yours. Okay?"
The bright smile on his girl's face when she nodded was enough to make him happy. He agreed with Hermann. They were definitely sickening. He didn't care as he pinned his girl to the bar with his hips. And he definitely didn't care when she sank to her knees. Kelly ranged his fingers through Bri's short pretty hair as she giggled and stuck out her tongue. He laughed and really, who else but Bri could make a blowjob so damn funny?
ʘ
Casey stood, arm braced on his shower wall with the hot water steaming over him, muscles burning from a day spent doing construction after a shift at the firehouse. It was worst when he had no downtime between jobs. His exhaustion. But right now he was stroking himself off to the memory of Hallie, of her tall lithe body, all the way in Africa to escape the tormented memories of Voight and his near un-doing. How strange and volatile he'd become to himself! Without her as a tether, so many things had happened to him. He missed her calm practical nature. How badass she was at the hospital the few times he'd witnessed it. He missed having a plan, a roadmap for where his life was going with her. Maybe he'd done them both a disservice. Staying with her, with his life plan for too long, it had cost him Gabi. But what Matthew Casey yearned for deeper than his desire for Gabi was family. Kids. And he was nowhere close to that. To having the normal family and life he'd missed with his own fraught childhood.
It was an odd thing to be thinking about as he grunted quietly, hand slipping off his cock as he allowed his memories of Hallie to fuel fantasies that were much safer than any of the alternatives. Heather popped into mind. And just like that he was remembering her in his lap. How he'd kissed her and touched her and almost caved in completely before he'd pulled away. Said no. Watched her touch herself, voice strangled with denied passion as he'd stood and adjusted himself, and dressed quickly before slamming out the back door to his truck. Heather was a ready made family… Casey stood up straight in the shower and gave up with a groan. He was not going to imagine Heather while jerking off. This was not him. This person who had almost slept with a firefighter's widow. This man who had cut himself off from his friends because he didn't get what he wanted.
Gabi kept reaching out. She was stubborn. It didn't surprise him. She wasn't the sort of person to give up on a friend just because he'd hurt her and lashed out and refused to accept her decisions. She'd liked him while he was with Hallie and never been the slightest bit rude despite what she wanted. She'd waited and he let her. That was on him. Punishing her for doing something he didn't like had never ended well for them. Alienating her for being with the worst man possible to have any sort of relationship with was not one of his brighter ideas. He was just so damn frustrated with life. Casey got out of the shower. Wrapped a towel around his waist and padded over to his cellphone before he lost his nerve. Something needed to change.
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