start notes—

this is the first in a series of short fics im planning to do about she-ra post-canon — following the events of season 5.

my tellonym: milkisande

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heart hold fast

my heart is pierced,
my soul now exposed.

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CATRA woke up gasping and clawing at the air.

It was that dream again.

That godforsaken nightmare.

She sat up, breathing deeply as she clutched her rapidly beating heart.

Ever since she and the Princesses (— a collaboration Catra, in all honesty, never expected possible) had defeated Horde Prime and destroyed the Heart of Etheria, the girl foolishly assumed that everything would finally be right in the world; that somehow, she would finally be okay.

It was what it was: foolish.

Sure, the Princesses had welcomed her with open arms. They had greeted her (however hostile it was at the beginning) and granted her forgiveness, even though she all but deserved it. Scorpia and Entrapta, even after how horribly Catra treated them, still welcomed her back with open arms— literally, Scorpia had given one of her patented Bear Hugs as soon as they met again. (Not that she minded; they always made her feel warm and comfortable and safe).

And it wasn't just them. Adora, too.

Adora.

Adora, her childhood playmate. Adora, her best friend. Adora, the embodiment of sunshine if one could actually hold it on their arms. Adora, who sounded and smelled and looked and tasted and felt like home.

Adora was brave and strong and kind and beautiful and everything Catra had ever wanted— wanted in someone or wanted in herself, she wasn't quite sure.

But one thing she was sure of: that of all the people Catra had hurt, it was an objective fact that she had hurt Adora the most.

The pain and trauma that Catra had caused her as soon as she left the Fright Zone; as soon as she left her, was something that she could never take back— regardless of how much she wanted to.

Catra looked to her side, noticing Adora sleeping peacefully beside her (well, as peaceful as she could; her habit of sleep-fighting had subsided quite a bit since they started sharing a bed, but there were still the occasional kicks and elbow jabs that aimed at her hips).

She still couldn't quite believe that it was real, after all.

That Adora had not only forgiven her, but loved her too— that Adora felt the same way about her that she did.

Even now, it made her heart beat in a giddy rhythm.

Though that was quickly overtaken with an overwhelming feeling of guilt and self-loathing; that she had treated her so cruelly before they had gotten to this point.

Catra sighed, about ready to get off the bed when a hand darted out to grab hers.

"Where are you going?"

Adora had sat up next to her, tiredly rubbing one of her eyes, as if it would somehow rub some of the exhaustion off her face (though it really didn't).

Catra didn't have the ability to look her in the face.

Adora's hand remained atop hers, as she intertwined their fingers together, giving Catra's an encouraging squeeze. "You can talk about it with me, you know that right?"

"So you knew about the night terrors, huh?" Catra asked, a forlorn smile on her face.

Adora nodded. "I did for some time now." She confessed, looking down. "It just felt like you didn't want to talk so I… I let it be." Adora frowned, looking back at her partner. "But it's almost been a month, Catra. And I think they've been getting worse. I'm worried."

Against herself, Catra found her laughing at the scenario. Of course Adora knew— nothing could go past her. Her girlfriend was a mythological superhuman, after all. And it wasn't like Catra was all that quiet either when her nightmares happened.

Catra sighed, turning to face the heroine. "I've just been having some dreams," she finally shared. "But it's nothing big, I'm sure they'll just disappear soon and—"

"Don't you dare say it's nothing big." Adora responded, shaking her head. "I hear you crying and screaming at night, Catra." Her voice cracked, and she sounded almost desperate. It was heartbreaking. "Please, talk to me."

In response, Catra pulled her knees, hugging them up to her chest. She frowned, burying her face into them. The soft, comforting, hand on her back was what pushed her to continue speaking.

"I don't know how to explain it." She finally said, voice barely above a whisper. "It's like I see in your eyes."

"What do you mean?"

Catra shook her head, confusion and pain evident. "I— I see myself. When we're fighting. When I fought you." She corrected, wincing. "And I look like a monster. I can't even recognize myself; it's killing intent and I'm so scared, it's terrifying seeing myself like that— sometimes I shout, to make it stop, to tell myself to stop, but it comes out in your voice, and I can't breathe and—"

She couldn't keep it in anymore, and sobs began to wrack her body. She was shaking, shivering, and the hand on her back moved to wrap themselves around her waist.

Adora maneuvered her body to hug Catra's, as she cried into the girl's chest. "I'm sorry," she managed to say— however unintelligible it was from her gasps for air. "Adora, oh God, I'm so so sorry…"

Adora's grip on her tightened, as Catra's apologies and sorrys hung in the air.

"It's okay, Catra, I—"

"No, it's not okay, Adora, please, I hurt you so, so, much; much more than you— than anyone deserves to be hurt." She responded. "You don't have to pretend it's fine so you won't hurt me. Please, I just need you to be honest with me."

Wordlessly, Adora lifted up Catra's face to directly look at hers— only for the latter to be surprised with the soft and warm smile on the former's face.

Sunshine.

"I am being honest with you," Adora started. "It's true that I was hurt— and there are definitely a lot of things that we still need to talk about, but that doesn't change the fact that I care about you." Her hands made their way to hold Catra's cheek, wiping away a stray tear with her thumb. "I know you're trying to be a better person, and I know how remorseful you are for what you've done. You're changing, and I love you for that. I love you."

Catra finally looked at her, eyes red and puffy. "I'm really sorry, Adora."

For the longest time, it was hard for Catra to say sorry. To apologize. She would always point the blame at someone else, or walk away. She refused to acknowledge the harm and damage she caused towards others; pushing the feelings of guilt or shame deep inside, so-much-so that it began to weigh in on her and become a huge burden that she had to carry with her everywhere.

But she was learning.

Catra was learning to be kinder— more open, more loving.

It was a difficult process, admittedly, but she wanted to be better.

For Adora, yes— but more importantly, for herself.

Through her tears, Catra smiled (a genuine one, for the first time in a long time).

"I love you too." Then, a pause.

"Thank you for saving me."

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end notes—

so i finished she-ra a few hours ago ,,, and am justly an emotional wreck so i do what i always do when im a sobbing mess: aka write about it! (but also ive been up for almost 24hrs for this Show so pls forgive the sleep-deprived writing lmao). anygays ,

thank you for reading! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～