"Hailey?" Jay's hand waved in front of her face, dragging her out of her thoughts.

Five days had passed since she discovered her world was completely reversing, but compared to the first few days, now there were times when she even managed to accept it.

If she managed to deceive everyone coming up with a constant headache, she knew Jay hadn't believed her even for a second. Getting away from him hasn't always been easy, but by now she knew him well enough to know which of his behaviors to avoid in order not to collapse. His touch - which was a hand on her shoulder or on her back - his eyes and her name whispered by him.

So, for five days, she worked hard not to be alone with him, to avoid falling into one of there three pitfalls.

And she made it.

She didn't have the mental strength to face him, so she simply let his puzzled looks, his unspoken phrases and his noisy silences slip over her.

She still needed time to process it, but she knew that time was running out. She had to talk to someone about it, she needed to talk to someone. But with whom? The only person she could talk to about everything was her best friend, but she couldn't talk to Jay about it yet.

Then she gritted her teeth and moved on, day by day.

After all, it wasn't that bad, was it? It was just another secret to keep. Besides, all of them had secrets, what could change one more secret or one less?

"Hailey, your phone is ringing…"

The confused note in Jay's voice almost made her laugh. She knew her behavior was leading him into madness. She knew him well enough to know that not knowing what was happening to her was literally driving him crazy.

"Upton."

"Hey Hailey, it's Natalie. I hope I won't disturb you…"

"Uh, hey, yeah." She walked away from the desk as if it were burning, a note of panic that made Jay's eyebrows rise to almost his hair. She forced herself to smile at him making a reassuring gesture with her hand. Then she went to hide in the break room, closing the door behind her.

"Yeah, tell me!"

"I was thinking you might come over for another visit. The other day was a little quick. I would also like to recommend you some vitamins to take…"

She thought briefly on the day staring at the clock, "Is it okay if I come at the time of the other day? As soon as I leave work I can come to you…"

The hours passed slowly, it seemed that time almost wanted to stop just for the fun of bringing Hailey to madness.

The striking of every hour, punctuated with absurd precision by the hands of the clock hanging on the wall, made her feel almost nauseous up.

But why feeling so upset? She already knew she was pregnant, what would change?

Everything, she replied bitterly glancing at Jay from behind her computer. She couldn't really deny it to anyone anymore, to herself first. Then, leaning over the desk, she attracted his attention discreetly.

"Can we meet tonight?"

"Sure, where do you want to go?" A slight note of hope in his voice.

"I thought I could coming to your place, you okay with that?"

"Uh, sure, no problem…" He peered at her with a frown in his eyes.

Understandable but still painful.

...

She had stood still in front of his door for five minutes before realizing she would have to knock at least to be able to enter.

But, as if blocked by an invisible force, her hand remained frozen in mid-air.

'Oh come on!' She thought angrily. She had gone through much worse things in life, she would certainly have been able to get through this evening - in one way or another.

She knocked hard, a courage she thought she didn't have flowed through her veins showing her clearly what she would say.

But then, he opened the door and she fixed his feet on the threshold and every residue of courage slipped away like water.

"Come in, I was waiting for you later, sorry." He smiled almost embarrassed, his hair wet from the shower, "I was making a toast. You want one?"

She entered slowly following him into the kitchen.

Unlike what she believed, a strange calm descended on her. She didn't feel uncomfortable at his place. The blue sofa, the wooden table, his favorite cup on the corner of the shelf, the few frames on the cabinet behind the sofa. It was all so familiar that, for the first time in five days, she felt almost peaceful.

"You okay?" Jay stared at her from behind his toast.

"I need to talk to you, Jay."

"Okay…" He put down the toast, a doubtful look in his green eyes.

Hailey turned her eyes away from his and lowered them to her crossed hands on the table. The small object hidden in the back pocket of her jeans seemed fiery.

"Hailey, you know you can talk to me about everything, right? I know there's something that disturbs you and hardly you want to talk about it, but I'm here if you need…"

"I'm pregnant"

The words slipped from her lips so quickly that for a moment she thought she hadn't even spoken. But then she observed his reaction, confusion darted in his eyes, quickly replaced by awareness.

"You pregnant?"

"And it seems obvious to say it, but you're the father."

"You're pregnant."

"You good?" She saw him leaning against the chair with his hands stretched out on the table.

"I'm trying to…process the news. I think I need a few minutes."

He stared at his now-forgotten toast on the table.

"I wanted to ask you if you're sure, but I know you and I know you are" Jay rubbed his hands over his eyes tiredly, "I don't know what to say, Hailey…"

"Yeah, I know. I also needed some time. But Jay..." She added when she saw his bewildered expression, "I don't expect anything from you. It just seemed right to let you know."

"You're pregnant, okay." He nodded, talking to himself, "Who knows?"

"You and Natalie. Listen, I'm going now, so you can be alone. See you tomorrow." Hailey stood up quickly away from him. Waved a hand in his direction and said goodbye before closing the door behind her.

And this is done, she sighed going down the stairs.

...

The next morning, Hailey went up the stairs to the district with Vanessa talking about the last episode of Grey's Anatomy. They were slightly late but, Hailey noted with a hint of agitation, the only one sitting at the desk was Jay. He waved them over before focusing all his attention on the papers in front of him.

"Ruzek arrives in an hour. Burgess and Atwater are out for a CI. Voight is somewhere but I haven't asked."

"Have you been here long?" Vanessa asked noting the pile of files on his always incredible tidy desk.

He nodded without looking at her, "Had a few things to finish."

"And you're also a few words this morning." She mutters after going to fill a cup of coffee.

"I ever been a talker?" Jay replied ironically with a slight smile on his lips.

Then he looked at Hailey and with a gesture of his head towards the locker rooms, he got up disappearing inside.

She followed him. A touch of anxiety sprouted in her stomach, but she kept her face expressionless.

"So, about last night… I'm sorry, I needed some time to understand the situation, but I didn't even ask you how you felt about it…" He said passing a hand through his hair and looking at the floor. He seemed almost sheepish and uncomfortable.

"I'm fine. I've had more time than you to process how I should feel. And I'm fine."

The look she read in his eyes made her realize he didn't totally believe her, but from two months now he hadn't insisted much when she lied to him. And once again, he let it go.

"Listen, Hailey, I don't know what you want to do but I'm in it. I mean, as often as you need…"

"No no, no pressure on you. I'll continue working until I manage. I live with Vanessa, so she'll be able to help me. I don't need anything, I don't need…"

"Me. You don't need me. Yeah, I remember well what you said to me!" He said coldly staring into her eyes.

Hailey felt like a straight stab in her heart, because she remembered that damned conversation very well. She accused the blow keeping a neutral face.

"Listen Jay, I didn't mean that. You know that. I thought we clarified the situation two months ago…"

"Oh sure, of course we clarified it. You made what you thought very clear, you said what you thought and you always decided for both of us. So yeah, of course, we had absolutely clarified!"

The scoffing note in his voice made her hands itch.

She had a sudden desire to get her hands on him and beat him. He couldn't lift that conversation now, she couldn't afford it.

"I thought we agreed we couldn't do on with what was going on. We both have had relationship with partners and we know they don't lead to anything good. It was just sex and we were smart to stop when we could!"

She clearly saw the moment when her words were processed by his brain. The expression on his face made her back imperceptibly. She wasn't afraid of him, it was more correct saying she was afraid of what she had just said.

"Just sex?" He spat incredulously, "It wasn't just sex, Hailey. I had been clear after the first night. Been very clear and you too. It wasn't just sex. But then you decided, for both. And now we're talking about a baby, our baby. And you still want to decide for both. But it doesn't work for me!"

As he spoke, he had come so close to her that he now stood over her. But the adrenaline that run though her veins almost blinded her.

"It's my body. My life. I decide about it!"

"It's my baby too!"

It was so strange seeing him lose control. She knew him so well that he rarely let himself go so much and every time it happened with her - sensation always made her warm from inside, because a man as reserved as he was could only open up to her.

But the expression on his eyes, at that moment, left her stunned.

He really cared, he really wanted to be considered in this pregnancy.

"Well, I get it. At work I'll still be your good partner, don't worry." He said moving away and leaving the locker room. Evidently, he had taken her silence as a refusal to speak to him.

She sat exhausted on the bench. Her head resting in her hands and a long sigh between the lips. Once they were so good at talking, what had happened?

And in response, the images of the only big quarrel since they met had flashed through her mind.

...

"I think we should shut it down here."

"What?" His astonished eyes stared at her from the sofa.

She had arrived at his place a few minutes ago, but finding him lying on the sofa, with an ice pack on one knee, more ice behind the neck and an arm in a sling made her heart fall into her stomach.

That afternoon he had fallen from the roof of a garage dragged by a suspect and she had not been able to go to the hospital with him. She had been stuck at the crime scene and her head was somewhere else the whole time. She looked at the phone every two minutes hoping he would let her know something and the more time passed the more she realized she was risking a panic attack.

Then, finally, her phone signaled a message and she was able to breathe again.

'Everything fine, see you later. Take dinner."

But it was only on the way home she realized she couldn't do it.

She had spent a beautiful week, maybe the most beautiful one of her life, but she really couldn't do it.

She wanted to be convinced it was just sex, but she knew it wasn't.

Hanging out with Jay was nice, rewarding and fun.

It had all started as a normal night at his place. After a rough case they had found themselves for a beer but then things had evolved rapidly.

They were almost always them, their partnership had no changed radically. But now they could hug each other, they could touch each other, look at each other differently. Nobody knew because, seriously, nothing had changed in front of the others.

But having Jay in that way made her feel thrilled all the time.

Basically it was always the same collected man, but she was convinced that in private she had known the real Jay Halstead, the one who hid daily behind a facade of seriousness and affability.

"This thing, between us, can't go on, Jay. You're my partner and it will go to hell, we both know…"

He widened his eyes and straightened up on the sofa, "What are you talking about? Something happened?"

She sighed as she felt a boulder land on her stomach.

Images of Garrett's face overlapped the memory of Al's funeral to fade into the panic had pervaded her when she found him on the ground believing he was shot.

"I can't fall in love with you. You are too important to me to risk ruining everything. And we are both too broke to face another relationship. That's all, hope you'll understand… I'm sorry, Jay."

She closed his door behind her, still feeling his stunned eyes on her.

She didn't go home that night, she stayed in her car parked in front of the pier and watched the water flow incessantly in front of her eyes.

She didn't cry. Why should she? The decision was made by her. But her aching heart told her a different thing.

...

The following week was marked by a sort of a tacit truce between the two of them.

Except for the first day where Jay had barely spoken to her and when he was forced, he looked like he was walking barefoot on a carpet of pins. The rest of the days, Hailey found a much more accommodating partner.

However, they tried to be alone as little as possible and everyone had noticed the atmosphere that vibrated next to them, but no one had the courage to ask questions, Jay's deadly looks on the first day were a good message for everyone.

A couple of evenings they went out to drink with the whole team. And Hailey always took a Cola and, with the excuse that she drove, she managed not to suspect anyone.

More than a week had passed since their quarrel in the locker room and to celebrate a closing case that had occupied them for four days, they all went to celebrate at Molly's.

Hailey found herself sitting between Vanessa and Will and she refrained from asking what the hell he was looking at. She knew that Jay hadn't spoken to his brother about the pregnancy, but evidently he must have understood something had happened between them because he kept throwing them short sympathetic looks.

The tiredness of the previous days was coming to her suddenly and her head ended up dangling on Will's shoulder more than once, until Adam caught her attention.

"Hey you two, look at those girls at the counter…" He said winking to Jay and Kevin.

"They'll barely have the age to drink, Adam, come on…" Jay snorted amused, finding the consent of the other man.

"You know, this is your problem. You are too selective…" Adam stared at him curiously.

"Not again…" Jay muttered in pain making everyone laugh.

"Come on, Will also give me right!" Adam provoked him winking at his brother, who in turn shook his head unconvinced.

"Nah, I can't speak. I'm the king of bad decision! Sorry man."

Adam snorted but didn't give up. He continued undaunted to look around indicating several girls, behavior provoked exasperated laughter from the whole group, with the exception of Kim who stared at her beer all the time.

"Well, I'm done. Go to sleep. See you tomorrow." Jay stood up slowly, tapping his brother on the shoulder before slowly making his way into the pub.

And Hailey found herself pouncing off the stool to trudge behind him. She pretended not to hear Vanessa's voice muttering something like 'Wow, now they also risk talking outside the office…'

"Jay! Hey Jay!"

He turned to look at her with a confused expression, "Need a ride?"

"No, I've my car but…" She hesitated in front oh his green eyes, "Could we talk?"

"I'm really tired, Hailey…", but then he looked her in her eyes for the first time in days and gave her a resigned nod to follow her out.

She stood stiff as he leaned against the wall outside Molly's. She moved her feet uncomfortably, seeking the courage to speak. Everything she was imagining to tell him had magically vanished.

"I'm sorry. I miss my best friend, I miss you… And I don't know what to say because I don't know what to think anymore and the only person I would like to talk about this…" She said pointing at her belly, "it's you! But I don't know how to fix things!"

"I'm doing my best to always be myself, I don't really know what to tell you!"

"You were right, the other day…" She looked up at him.

Then, she held out what had been turning in her hands for a few minutes.

"Hailey…"

"Can we do this together? Just…as friends? I think I need you…"

It was so strange for her to use that pleading tone in her voice. She hated feeling weak, she wasn't weak at all. But she would just keep lying to herself if she said she was strong. For years she had felt strong and serene at the same time only if she had his support.

She stared at him looking at the photo of the ultrasound with his frown, his breath rising in the darkness of the night in small white clouds.

"You really convinced you have changed your mind?" He spoke without taking his eyes off the photo.

"I don't think I have precise ideas right now…" Hailey chuckled nervously hopping from foot to foot.

"Listen, think about it. It's a big deal, think about it, okay? It's yours, keep it." She added as she approached Molly's door to get back in. She looked at him one last time staring his green eyes before turning her back on him and walking away.

...

She arrived at her desk more rested that she had been in the last few days. It had been nights she couldn't sleep so well and when, that morning, the alarm sounded, she almost felt like turning it off and continuing to sleep.

She greeted Jay with cheerful mistrust, waiting to see how he would behave. But then she saw him smile at her and point to the brown aper bag in front of her computer and she felt her heart flicker with joy.

She opened the little bag while a sweet scent of croissant still warm released into the air.

She shot her gaze towards him who, now standing, murmured, "I guess no coffee for a while…", before leaving her alone.

She ate her breakfast, sighing satisfied and also a little excited.

Hey guys, your positive reviews have pushed me to publish another chapter! I hope you can like it!

By now, if you have read my other stories, you know that I have a soft spot for drama, so as you will have understood the situation between Hailey and Jay will not be very simple.

Hailey wants to maintain her freedom while feeling the need to have Jay with her in some way.

At the same time, she doesn't want to be tied too much to him out of fear, to lose him or mess up everything. In short, what actually blocked her for three seasons of Chicago PD, I would say ;)

To write this chapter, I tried to put myself in the shoes of a single, strong and independent woman who discovers she is pregnant. I think it's normal that the first reaction, the most sudden reaction, is going crazy and want to protect hers independence. She's human, after all.

We'll calmly see how Jay has been so burned by how the little story between them ended that will change his attitude with Hailey.

But hey, who knows. These are just my current thoughts, we'll see as I write!

...

Bets: will it be a boy or a girl? I already have clear ideas on this ;)

...

Hoping, as always, you may like it! I wish you a good evening (wherever you are in the world).

With love, H.