'Come on man…...' Street said to himself 'you gotta say something and try and tell her where you are with this…... if you don't and she goes back to Kira and Ty you will regret it forever…... You're giving up too easy…. Chris is all you have ever wanted…. you gotta fight for her'
He licked his lips and ran his top teeth nervously over his bottom lip as he frowned and stepped to end of her bed, "Chris…...I ... I'm …I need to be honest with you right now." He glanced up at her and she looked at him, she was terrified of what he was going to say to her next. Was he going to tell her that if Ty and Kira are back in her life then he's out? Was he going to want to delve into his feelings? She knew he had feelings, she just wasn't aware that he cared as much for her and she secretly did for him.
"Look…... seeing Kira and Ty today really threw me…... I had …uh … I guess gotten used to seeing you here without them lately and …... Chris …... God …I feel awful for even saying this… but I liked it better when it was just me and you" he swallowed hard and watched her for any indication of what she was thinking, he noticed a small smile in the corner of her mouth form briefly as she was thinking and forming her words, she had liked hearing Street say he liked being with just her.
"Street…... look… they... ah… came to visit because I asked them to. I needed to talk to them, my head was swirling and going over and over how I did things to hurt them was killing me. I needed to talk to them face to face to apologise and let them know I was truly sorry. I have been feeling awful and guilty so I asked them to come by when Kira was up to it, because god knows how long I will be stuck in this damn hospital, I couldn't hold all of that in anymore and get better at the same time. I needed it."
Street was focusing on controlling his breathing. Chris could see how upset it had made him. She knew he was feeling jealous, she knew that because he cared for her, this was hurting him. She didn't know though that he was scared, scared stupid that she would take them back. He had nursed her through one relationship with them, he just couldn't do it again. Not in the same way anyway, they had shared that kiss and now Street, knowing she did have some feelings for him in return, couldn't watch her with anyone else.
He tentatively took his hands from his pockets and placed them on the end of her bed. "Ok" he nodded…... "How did it go with them today then?" Street asked. Chris blew a little breath out and motioned for him to sit on the end of her bed.
"I honestly didn't think they would come…. And I wasn't prepared to see them really. Seeing them both though and having a chance to talk to them about things has helped, … it really was killing me Street…. carrying around so much guilt and shame, but now that I have talked that through and explained a few things I feel a so much better, and I think they do too"
Streets mind raced, 'shit…... I haven't told her about telling Hondo and Deacon'
"So …. Um, I don't mean to pry and be nosey, but I need to know, are you thinking about continuing a relationship with them?" His voice quivered a little as the words came out. She heard the emotion in his voice, her heart began to race, and she looked down swallowing hard.
"Street…" she moved to sit upright and was a bit closer to him, "I …. know we have been trying to repair the damage I did to our friendship and I guess I know now that I need to be honest with you too. I've thought about it a lot today and I don't know what the future holds in terms of me, Ty and Kira. Seeing them today and talking to them was more about trying to heal the wounds we had made and restore some peace".
'Well that didn't answer my question' he thought. 'Come on press her…. She needs to know you are willing to fight for her'. Street was shaking and tense, but he wanted her to know that this was what he wanted more than anything in the world.
"So, is that a yes or a no to still wanting the thrupple?" Street didn't really want to hear the answer, but his heart needed to know.
"I …. Um…I …look…...I don't know" she said with doubt in her voice, she was really conscious of not hurting Street further and knew she had to choose her words carefully "…...I hadn't really…...I guess I haven't made that decision yet" she said shrugging her shoulders. Fear was beginning to become evident in her voice. She feared hurting Street. Scared that if she pushed him away that he would fall apart and it would end their friendship and any chance of them ever being anything more, scared that if she tried to start something with him now that it would mean they couldn't be partners and team members together anymore and that all his hard work would be undone. She didn't want to be the reason that he lost everything. She was sure the rest of the team would be disappointed in her.
Street knew he needed a better answer than that. He couldn't go home tonight and lay in bed wondering where she was at with this all. He needed to know now if she was thinking of rekindling the thrupple. He felt like putting up his wall and giving up on her for a second, like she had done to him. It would be easier to walk away right now than to bare his soul and put it all on the line again. He stood up from the bed and stepped to the window, his mind racing and fighting with itself. She watched him move. She could hear the sounds of him eating himself up inside, being swallowed up by his own thoughts, guilt perhaps? And a need to repair the damage.
She hesitated before standing up to follow him, "Jim?" she said in a soft tone, Street closed his eyes, they were becoming teary, and he tried to stop himself from falling apart. Chris hardly ever called him Jim. It was strange to hear. He felt physically sick and nauseous and couldn't shake the dread he felt. The dread that she was already choosing them again and they would back to not speaking.
She didn't approach too close, she paused and eyed him closely. She thought she saw him shudder. Was he crying? Waiting a few moments, and seeing another shudder, she stepped to his side and cautiously put her arm around him. He let out a small audible whimper and she hugged him into her. The warmth of him against her made her close her eyes in bliss. His scent filled her nostrils as she held him.
"It's ok …. hey …... hey …... It's ok" she whispered as she did her best to comfort him and extend that olive branch a bit.
"No Chris, it's not" he whispered back firmly.
"What's wrong?" she asked removing her arm from around him, sensing his anger and pain. He wiped his tears and stood upright, turning to look directly at her he replied,
"I can't do all of this again," he turned away flaring his arms out, "I can't sit back and watch you go off into another relationship with them. I can't hear the details of you three falling in love and be your confession booth anymore…. it's killing me Chris, can't you see that" he said with so much passion in his voice that Chris was shocked, too shocked to speak.
"All of this happening to you" he said motioning around the hospital room "It showed me how precious time is and how much I truly care for you and want this…" his hand gesturing to the two of them, before he paused and looked at her, she was frozen in place but hadn't dropped his gaze, He stepped to her "I was such a mess when you had that clot and they weren't telling us anything at all on where you were taken or how you were doing, that I …." He paused and looked deep into her eyes. Her eyes darted around his face trying to read where he was going with this. "I told Hondo and Deac that I have feelings for you," Chris's eyes widened and then narrowed as a frown began to appear. Street continued, she needed to know this, "they were sitting out there with me the entire time and I guess they both read me like a book, they saw that I was terrified, heartbroken and falling to pieces, they were all I had in those moments, and they showed how much they cared, they listened and helped me through."
Chris stood for a few moments trying to absorb what he had just said. Street placed his hands on her shoulders. "Chris, Hondo and Deacon were so amazing, they were understanding, they kinda both knew already. We need to talk this out and work out what we both want, they aren't going to make any rash decisions, they care too, and they want 'us' whatever that is, to be ok"
Chris dropped her gaze and starred shell shocked at the floor. She felt anger and betrayal surge through her. How could he do that without talking to her first? How dare he?
"You did what?" she said pushing his arms off her. "Street" she started turning away from him in exasperation "…. how could you?" he could hear the anger in her voice. She felt like yelling at him and telling him to leave, but she just stood there, facing the window.
"Look… please…...before you throw my arse out and push me away again …...please consider this from my perspective…The one person who you care the most for in this entire world has just had the second life threatening event in a matter of days happen and they are critical, and no one is telling you a damned thing. You are also in a waiting room full of all the people in the world who know you the best…. And who are trained to read people…...I had no hope of them not working it out Chris!" He stepped to her, he knew she was tense, angry and volatile right now. She shook her head silently…. clearly pissed at him.
"Chris… I didn't do any of this to upset you or hurt you… I … I couldn't lie to their faces" he tried. Street knew she was in the process of shutting herself up and he was determined not to let her succeed. He was determined that she was not going to push him out and close up on him again right now.
"Hey" he said softly, stepping between her and the window and taking her hands in his, "It's gunna be okay Chris". She recoiled her hands away from him,
"How the hell can you say that!" she raised her voice at him "It's not just your career on the line!" She was right and Street knew that in that moment Thompson crossed her mind and the fear of being seen as the cop everyone thinks they can sleep with. Chris was quiet, arms folded looking out the window. Street could see the anger steaming off her. 'shit… maybe I have made it worse and broken this even further' he thought glancing away out the window too.
He moved back and leant on the bed watching her, he decided being too close was not going to help. She would feel smothered and that would make her angrier. "Hey…..." Street said in a soft tone "look…when you're ready, I will be here…... right here for you …" Chris without turning around tilted her down and to the side to glance at him "What does that mean?" she said, anger still in her voice.
Street couldn't take her like this…. He had told himself not to stand back and let her push, he needed to stand his ground and remain firm for her. He again coached himself in his head 'get back over there and make her see'
He stood up right and walked to her, putting his hands on her shoulders and felt her flinch, but not pull away completely, "Please look at me" he said softly. Dropping his arms and waiting for her to respond.
Chris closed her eyes and sighed, she knew this could be the one of those pivotal moments. If she resists him now and breaks his heart further, he might leave and not be back, if she gives a little it might make things better. She was terrified though that giving a little would not be possible. She was terrified if she turned to him in that moment she would crumble.
She slowly raised her eyes, sucking a deep breath in and turned to look at him. It would have only been a second or two, but that moment standing there looking at him in silence, felt like an eternity. Her eyes locked to his and she took in every sensation, Street felt that spark as soon as she locked her eyes to his, a jolt ran through him. He summoned his courage and stepped a bit closer to her.
"Chris…..." he began, compassion and care evident in his voice, he raised his hands to hers and cautiously rubbed the back of her hands with his thumbs. She was shaking and so was he. "I…. I respect the hell out of you, you know that, and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you"
"I know, but Stre…" Chris started, but Street held his finger up sternly
"Please let me finish", she was terrified of letting him finish.
"I need you to know that I feel that everything that has happened to bring us here right now has happened for a reason." She still held his gaze, but her hands were shaking more. Street held them tighter "That kiss" he said slowly and with passion in his voice, "That was mutual Chris…. it wasn't just some silly temporary drunken lust, I know you felt that. I know that's why you were so scared and shut me out." Chris looked down at her feet. She was ashamed, she bit her lip and remembered the pain she had caused, the way she had seen his heart break, telling him "were not friends anymore Street".
Street gently nudged her chin to make her look at him again. "Chris…" She looked up at him, her eyes locked on his once again "I want this…...I want us…. I want you!" he said…
Ring… Ring … Ring…
His phone went off and he closed his eyes in frustration. "Shit" he blurted. Chris glanced at the phone on the table next to them. "Cpt Cortez" was ringing. She let go of him and motioned for him to get it. He hesitated. He wanted to ignore it and finish this moment. Chris gave him a knowing look.
"Street" he said answering it, still locked on to Chris's eyes.
His face became concerned as he listened, "Be there in 10" he answered before hanging up.
Chris furrowed her brow and looked at him "what's up?"
"It's a crew stealing high end cars…... they just stole a Maserati with a 4 week old baby strapped in back…...Cortez needs my help"
Chris knew that that baby's life, relied on Street right now. "Go… Go…." She said motioning for him to hurry. He hesitated, and then stepped close to her,
"I'll be back when I can. I want to finish this Chris, I really do" he said and she looked up at him,
"I know" she nodded, "Be safe".
He looked at her and feeling a wave of love surge through him he pulled her to him and kissed her forehead "I meant every word I said"
Chris closed her eyes, feeling his soft lips on her skin made her knees feel weak. "Go, you have to go" she said smiling and ushering him. He grabbed his things and turned in the doorway "I need you" he said, she smiled at him, shaking her head a little and rolling her eyes a touch "I need you too".