*Ben's POV*
When my eyes rolled I couldn't help but smile; when I fell asleep I was cuddled into Mal. We hadn't spent much time together recently but the fact that we were able to spend the night together without any disruptions was perfect. We didn't do anything more than making out and cuddling - but that was enough.
This whole situation with Uma was really scaring me - I couldn't remember sleeping with her and to be honest I didn't want her baby to be mine. I only wanted to have children with Mal; my beautiful purple princess. I know that we both were going through a very hard time at the moment but hopefully things would go our way and we would be able to return to our original plans.
I turned over in my sleep and moved my hand in the bed; I started to feel the sheet and they were lukewarm where Mal had been lying. As I opened my eyes I hoped that she was only in the bathroom and I was met with a very sombre scene in front of me. The room looked like it has been stripped of anything to do with Mal; which started to worry me.
"Mal!" I called out and I fell into further panic when she didn't call back to me. Instead I looked back to where she had been lying and I froze. Instead in her place was a letter and on top of the letter there was her engagement, promise and my signet ring. I really didn't like the look of this at all; I didn't want to open the letter as given the fact that Mal wasn't here and she had left her rings. However I wanted to know what she had written; so I slowly picked up the rings and slid my signet ring back on my index finger and her engagement and promise ring on my little finger. I felt my eyes start to water as I picked up the letter; before I unfolded it to read:
Dearest Ben,
I know that this is probably one of the worst ways that I could have done this; I should have had the courage to tell you face to face. But given that I have left you this letter it will show you how I am feeling right now - a coward! I don't have the courage or strength to look you in the eyes to tell you that I need to go; I need to give us both a chance. Yes it hasn't been confirmed whether you are the father to Uma's baby yet but this whole situation is so overwhelming and I don't know how to deal with it. I know that I should probably wait and see whether you actually are the father and support you through this but I can't Ben I am really sorry. I hate myself for doing this to you; and I always will. I never deserved you; it's just I don't know how I should feel. I want to be there for you; but it just hurts so bad. I can't just sit around idle Ben it is driving me nuts! I love you so much and this is killing me! I feel like I finally had my happily ever after with you and it has been taken away.
Please don't think that I am mad at you Ben; whether you have slept with Uma or not this isn't your fault. You have been caught up in the war between me and Uma; and the fact that you are now going through this is something that I will never forgive myself for. If the baby is in fact yours don't feel guilty for having to marry Uma; I know that the council expects things from you - no matter how unfair or how much they hurt.
Ben you are a good man, and I know that you will only want to stand by your child and that is something that I will never hold against you. But the longer that me and you are in this situation the more that I see that we can't keep up this pretence; I have lost you. I know you want to find a way of fixing this but me becoming your mistress isn't it. I know you didn't mean to hurt me with that suggestion; you were just clutching at straws to try and make sure that we could both be in each other's lives.
We may see each other at some point; but this is something that I can't really promise.
I love you Ben, please believe me when I say that. I always have, and I always will.
Yours now and forever,
Mal
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
After reading the letter I curled tightly into a ball and started to sob; I felt as if my world has ended as I had lost Mal forever. I know that she felt like she felt like a coward but I couldn't really blame her for this; this situation had pushed her to her limits. Yes I would have preferred her to stay and at least talk to me about this; yes I probably would have stopped her from leaving. I didn't want to live a life without Mal; I saw no way how I could - and hopefully I would be able to find her to tell her this.
I hate how I have been forced into this situation; I know it sounds horrible but I don't know if I could ever bond with a baby that was forced from me. Because that was the problem with this; I would never sleep with Uma willingly so I feel very vulnerable at the fact that I might have fathered a child with her.
I didn't want Mal to feel bad for not being able to tolerate this situation; and it hurts me to know how much this is hurting her. I don't want to think that I have lost Mal; and I will never give up hoping that we will find our way back to each other. I was never going to give up on her or us.
So with a heavy heart I went back to mine and Mal's rooms and got changed before ringing our family and calling a meeting. I needed to tell them that Mal has left; but we all needed to make sure that we did everything in our power to get her back.