Is there another life after death? I searched and searched. I read people cases on internet. I watched youtube. There are cases of children who remember their past life. When they reached 18 months to 4 years old they began to recall their past memories. They told their current parents, some of them had strong desire to visit their old home to meet past relatives. There roughly 2500 similar cases recorded. Those cases proved reincarnation theory was no fairy tale or fantasy. From what I read online, all living being including animals, will have endless reincarnation circle until they all reach a certain stage. They might end up in same family line or different. According to some cases, lucky souls can choose what family they want to reborn to.
After I read those, What came into my mind was one question. No, let me correct that. I have a single wish. After I died, I wish that my soul will perish into nothing. Let this soul have an eternal death.
I don't remember my past life, If I had any. But I know in this life. I have nothing, I have no one. I am lonely. As days passing by become years, an empty hole in me turns bigger and bigger. It's consuming me. Before I realized what's happening, I am already began to lose myself. It consume me every second every hour.
These days the hole becomes greedier. It consume me faster than ever. If I compare it to sickness, It was like an invisible incurable cancer stage 4. It was a ticking bomb ready to explode anytime anywhere.
I was not a fan of uncertainty. In some cases it made me mad. It never makes me afraid until that hole and uncertainty attacks me at the same time. It was a nightmare combination of oil and fire.
But that is not enough to make me afraid. I am more afraid of what I would become. What will I be if I completely lose myself? Will I be able to see myself turn into someone else? Right now I have the answer. I can't.
I have thought of this thousand times in years. Yet, I was always looking for excuses to postpone it. I had dreams, I had wishes. Those were bigger and heavier compare to that hole. Yet they were eaten away one by one. Right now I have none left. I only had myself. I will never let this last card be taken away. I must stop it before it's too late.
I know there are many opinions about life, I don't know what others will say, but for me it is a sweet bitter curse though it gets bitter these recent years. Right now I am in a dark space. I feel numb. I feel like I am floating. There are no grounds no gravity. At this point I had nothing beside myself. If I had a gun I would waste no second to shoot myself. If I had a poison I would have drunk it. If there is a chance today, I will do it. Anything just to stop this curse...
Even so... After I stop it, Will that single wish come true?