Insomnia fueled update that was thankfully mostly Lily approved, the second half of the chapter was all me.

Shortish, I know, but considering besides last chapter I hadn't updated since October, take your free fun and enjoy it.

Also, are Asuna and Argo getting jealous? Why yes, yes they are.

Please read and review!

April 28, 2023-Floor 27

"Look I'm just saying the moment the guy gets his rocks off Lois is as good as dead. Best case scenario her womb is wrecked, worst case her head explodes."

Asuna pinched the bridge of her nose as she glanced back to her best friends, the pair of beta testers who blithely continued on debating about the sex lives of super heroes for what felt to be at least two hours. It had been...spiritually taxing, but she really couldn't say anything because she had nothing to add to the conversation while they slaughtered the local trash mobs for crafting mats.

So she just tried to ignore the fact that Kirito and Argo were kind of perverts and continued on with their self imposed mission in stoic silence.

"Huh, that does keep blowjobs off the table doesn't it? Superman loses a bit of control, doesn't warn her he's about to go off and *pop*, there goes the back of her head."

Kirito glanced at Argo and nodded in turn, "Right? I mean what is the guy supposed to do, premeditate every moment of sexy time by spending a week under a red light to siphon off his super powers? Talk about taking the spontaneity out of romance."

Not being able to help herself since she actually did know something about this particular hero, Asuna threw out her own thoughts which only had the other girls grinning.

"I mean, well, what about a kryptonite condom? Would that work?"

"Good thinking," Argo began, "but short sighted. While that would definitely keep him from accidentally killing his lover in coitus it would likely end up killing him in the end as well."

"Or in the best case cause him to go flaccid thus making the entire exercise pointless really."

Asuna bit her lip as she tilted her head to the side, "Err...if this is just to you know, breed, rather than be passionate what about artificial means?"

Argo scoffed in turn, "Then you'd have a regular woman carrying a half breed super baby that at any given point could accidentally kill both itself and the mother."

Kirito blinked at that, "Would it be super powered? I mean I was always more of a Marvel girl but I'm pretty sure Superman got his powers from the yellow sun?"

Asuna just let out an exasperated sigh while grinding out, "Can we just agree that having sexual relations with an alien super hero is just a genuinely bad idea and move on to, I don't know? Any other topic?"

Her friends remained silent for a moment when Argo eventually pointed out several figures in the distance, "You mean like those newbies getting their asses handed to them by a monster several levels above them?"

Kirito let out a withering sigh as she drew her sword and marched forward, "Goddammit..."

The tank and spank that followed went as anyone would think it would and eventually the monster died in a cascade of rainbow colored polygons.

Not really caring in the slightest about the idiots she had just saved Kirito turned back to her friends and began walking away when the awestruck group, sans the spearwoman, rushed her.

"Oh my god that was amazing!"

"How did you do that!?"

"Thanks so much for saving us! Did you want to join our guild?!"

Keiko felt her blood pressure rising, in a quite literal sense until the female of the group approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder while giving the hero of the hour a soft smile.

"Thank you, for saving us miss, my name is Sachi by the way."

Kirito blushed lightly at that while being completely oblivious to the glares Argo and Asuna were sending her direction as she gave the other teen a slight shrug.

"Honestly miss that mob probably spawned because of me. The way this game works the enemy generation parameters directly correlate to the highest level player in the area, which frankly would be us. So really I should be apologizing for putting you in harms way for just being here."

The girl waved off her concern with a laugh as she gestured back to the still fanboying members of her party behind her, "Regardless you saved us right? I mean we might be the Midnight Black Cats but there really was no reason for us to be out at this hour other than to prove our name to be a bit more literal than necessary."

"Seriously what idiots go out questing at three in the morning..." Argo muttered to herself, Asuna, who was equally annoyed whispered a quick retort.

"Umm, us?"

Argo bit out with, "We're not questing, we're grinding, there is a difference."

"Right, why is Keiko being so nice to them?"

"She is being nice to her. She's completely ignoring the rest of them."

Asuna's eyes narrowed at that, "Oh... Right..."

One of the gathering stepped forward and offered his hand to Keiko while grinning widely, "Names Keita! Glad to meet you...?"

Keiko shrugged, "Kirito, these are my friends Asuna and Argo."

There were choked gasps from the group but the girl, Sachi as she introduced herself, stepped forward and grabbed her hand tightly, "You're the Black Queen!"

It was both adorable and a bit irritating how much emphasis the girl put on the title, but Keiko was able to shove that aside to reply.

"Err, yeah, seriously though I'm just Kirito ignore all that superfluous stuff you've heard I'm just like everyone else, only, you know, higher profile."

One of the boys, Ducker if she remembered correctly, threw his hand in the air like he was in class while quickly spitting out, "So you didn't help lower level players train on the first floor?"

Keiko froze, then shrugged, "Well yeah I did that sure bu-"

Another member, she thought it was... Sasamaru? Stepped forward with stars in his eyes, "You led the group that cleared the first floors and got the game really rolling right!?"

Shooting a now panicked glance at Asuna Kirito nodded slowly, "Well, yes, I mean Diavel led the charge on the first floor I just took over beca-"

"Can you give us pointers?!" Tetsuo asked quickly while Kirito was very much wishing to activate a teleport crystal.

"Guys...you're crowding her," Sachi stated sounding tired as she shook her head slowly. Placing a hand on Kirito's tightened fist she gave the swordswoman a small smile. "I wouldn't mind some pointers either though, if you're willing?"

Nodding quickly Kirito shot Asuna and Argo a quick smile while shrugging lightly, "Hey, it'll be like the first floor again but I won't have to train anyone how to use their menus. What do you two think?"

Argo coughed into her fist before shrugging, "Keeping people alive is a plus for us in the long term, so ok, in so long as I can turn a profit."

Asuna stared at the Black Cats with a narrowed glare before muttering, "Fine, whatever Keiko. I'm in if you are."

As the group began moving on Sachi turned to Kirito and gave her a warm smile, "So you're names Keiko? It sounds pretty! I used my real name since we were all members of our schools computer club and I couldn't think of anything that hadn't already been taken."

Kirito perked up at that, "Really? I'm taking college level programming classes at the moment are you software or hardware?"

Sachi grinned in turn, "Software mostly really, Ducker is the hardware nut."

"Sweet! What are your program preferences?"

Kirito didn't notice both Asuna and Argo gritting their teeth as she babbled about high end math to the girl walking beside her.

Kayaba, as it ended up, was laughing his ass off as he watched the proceedings whilst popping the cap off his sixth beer.

I kinda love how oblivious Keiko is, she's an adorable little high functioning sociopath isn't she?