A/N: Holy cow it's been awhile since I updated. I am SO sorry to anyone that still follows me. I've been busy with work and just...haven't had motivation to boot up my laptop. However I got a target gift card for Christmas, and the first thing I thought was 'hm I remember at one point, Target had Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog on DVD. Wonder if they still do' and they did so I ordered that then watched it a thousand times. Now that I think of it, the only reason that thought came to me was because songs from the movie randomly popped into my head and I remembered how much I loved it. (Seriously, for only 6 days of shooting? IT IS A MASTERPIECE...also I think I have a crush on Neil Patrick Harris' singing voice...) Anyway, watching it and such got me remembering this fic as well as a sequel I plan to write...the sequel is a little...rusty in the making right now. Those of you who've seen the movie will probably have an idea how the sequel will go. We'll definitely see a darker side of Phineas as well as some adorable fluff between Doof and Phin...all I'm saying there.
Anyway...Phineas and Ferb is owned by Dan and Swampy
Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog is owned by Joss Whedon (I think...bottom line, it ain't me).
Heinz stood in front of the camera, and he seemed ecstatic, "All right, the wait is over. This, my friends, is my wonderful Freeze-Ray-Inator which with the addition of the Pizzazium Infionite I obtained at my famously successful heist last week."
Heinz then rolled his eyes a bit, "I say successful in that I achieved my objective. It was less successful in that I inadvertently introduced my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams. Now he's taking her on dates, and they're probably going to...french kiss or something. She called him sweet. How is he sweet?"
He then shook his head remembering there were bigger fish to fry, "RIGHT, the Freeze-Ray-Intor. So, as of tonight, I am in the Evil League of Evil if all goes according to plan; which it WILL because I have a P.H.D. in Horribleness. See you at the aftermath. Horrible is out. PEACE. But...not literally."
Much later, he was back on camera, battered and bruised from the encounter. He coughed, "Ahem, the Freeze-Ray-Inator needs a little work. I also need to be a little more careful with what I say in this blog. Apparently the L.A.P.D. and Captain Hammer are among our viewers. They were waiting for me...and...well...the Freeze-Ray-Inator takes a few seconds to warm up and I wasn't…" he paused still feeling the pain, "Captain Hammer threw a car at my head."
The defeated expression soon turned to determined an hopeful though, "But not to worry, though, cuz I'm-"
He was interrupted by his ringtone for Bad Horse.
He saw the operation
You tried to pull today
But your humiliation means he still votes 'nay'
And now assassination
Is just the only way
There will be blood
And it might be yours
So go kill someone
Signed Bad Horse
"Kill someone?" Bloodpudding seemed shocked at the news his buddy delivered.
"Would you do it?" Heinz asked, "To get into the Evil League of Evil?"
Bloodpudding looked at Heinz in an almost condescending way, "Look at me, man. I'm Bloodpudding. At my most badass I make Halloween extra scary. I'm not E.L.E material."
Heinz seemed to get it, but he didn't know what to do, "But killing someone? It's neither elegant or creative. That's not my style."
"Well, you have enough evil hours to get into the Henchmen Unit," Bloodpudding offered.
Heinz rolled his eyes, "Pfft, I'm no henchman. I'm Dr. Horrible. I've got a PHD in horribleness."
"Is that the new catchphrase?"
Heinz seemed to be getting even more irritated, "I deserve to get in. You know I do...but killing?"
"Diminutive said says he knows a kid in Iowa, grows up to become President. That'd be...big."
"I'm not going to kill a little kid. One, that's like killing Phineas, and I'd never do that. He's suffered enough. Two, it's just...look there is a fine line between evil and...well...let's just say killing a child is a line I'm not willing to cross."
"You could smother an old person."
"Do I even know you?"
Heinz decided to do laundry again. Even if Linda didn't show up, at least Phineas did. This time, however, Linda showed up with Phineas.
"Hi, Heinz," Phineas greeted cheerfully.
"Hey, kiddo," Heinz greeted.
"What's wrong?"
"Wrong? Oh...no nothing's wrong at all."
Phineas gave Heinz an unimpressed look.
Heinz sighed, "Alright...it's just...I'm up for this...job, and I feel like I'm qualified for it."
Linda then sat next to her son. She'd felt bad that Roger had sent poor Phineas to do laundry by himself, but at least Heinz was there to keep him company. Heinz felt bad...he'd only bought two frozen yogurts.
"Hey, uh...I was going to have some frozen yogurt, but I uh...they gave me two, and it looks like you two could use it," Heinz offered.
Linda laughed, "Well, I think you and Phineas should enjoy it."
Dammit, why was she so sweet?! Heinz smiled, and he handed Phineas the other cup of froyo. Phineas admitted he felt bad, but at least they were away from Hammer. The more Phineas spent with that conceited, self centered, arrogant cheesehead, the more he felt nauseous and even lightheaded from the irritation in his brain. Like he did most, he didn't say much in front of Hammer. He wished THAT would get his mom to see that the guy was a total dumbass.
"Anyway, I just feel like I'm totally qualified for this job, but I just...I can't get my foot in the door," Heinz explained despondently.
"I'm sure you will," Linda replied.
"Yeah, I bet you will, especially if you're qualified for it," Phineas added optimistically.
"I wanna do great things, be an achiever like Bad Horse."
Phineas' eyes widened as he gestured to Heinz not to bring up the 'evil' stuff...not yet at least. Heinz caught his gesture, and he was quick to correct his mistake.
"I mean Ghandi."
Linda seemed to fall for it at least, "Well, I've gotten turned down for plenty of jobs...even fired a few times."
Heinz was surprised at this...that she'd be fired from anywhere. He still seemed despondent.
"You know...everything happens-" Linda began
"Don't say for a reason," Heinz interrupted as if he's that speech more than enough.
"No...I mean...everything happens."
"Not to me," Heinz replied.
Phineas could see that Heinz needed a pick-me-up...maybe if he sung him a song about how meeting him has bettered his life.
He's a story of a boy
Who grew up lost and lonely
Thinking joy was fairy tale
And trouble was made only for me
Even in the darkness
Every color can be found
And every day of rain
Brings water flowing to things growing in the ground
Heinz watched as Linda supported her son with her own singing
Grief replaced with pity
For a city barely coping
Dreams are easy to achieve
If hope is all I'm hoping to be
Any time you're hurt
There's one who has it worse around
And every drop of rain
Will keep you growing seeds you're sowing in the ground
…
Phineas finished it off taking a position right in front of Heinz, knowing full well he'd take HIS word more than that of his mother's at the moment.
So keep your head up, Heinz ol buddy
Heinz seemed only slightly cheered up, but it was enough to make Phineas smile. Phineas' smile seemed to brighten his day a bit. Linda smiled, too, that her friend seemed a little better.
"I mean it's like Captain Hammer says," Linda began and Phineas mentally facepalmed.
"And ya just ruined it, Mom," Phineas thought.
"Right," Heinz replied holding back a groan, "Him...Phineas told me you were dating him. How are things with Cheesy on Outside?"
"Good," Linda crushed his head further, "They're good. I'll be interested to see what you think of him. He said he might stop by."
Heinz's eyes widened, "Stop by here?"
"Yeah."
Panic swelled inside Heinz, and he looked for an excuse. He was unable to come up with a good one.
"Oh goodness, look at my wrist. I gotta go!" Heinz rushed.
"What about your clothes?"
Heinz ran to the washing machine, and he opened it...yup, definitely not worth running into Captain Hammer, "I don't love these."
With a slam of the machine, he rushed to the door only to run into the man himself. He quickly covered his face, not wanting to be recognized.
"Oh, pardon," Hammer said.
"Pardon," Heinz replied.
Linda interjected immediately as Phineas rolled his eyes already wanting to go to bed.
"Heinz, this is Captain Hammer."
"Oh! The laundry buddy! Well, it's very nice to meet you."
"We're meeting now for the first time," Heinz said uneasily.
Phineas looked for an excuse to get Heinz out of this situation, but he couldn't for the life of him find one. He tuned out Hammer for most of the remaining conversation. Something about Hammer being the only needed signature to save the building. He was happy for his mother, no doubt, but he'd wished Heinz's signature hadn't been so obsolete. He watched as his mom excitedly went to get the laundry, leaving Heinz and Hammer alone. Of course, Hammer didn't know nor care that he was listening in. The things Phineas heard made his blood boil. He didn't understand all of it, being only a child, but he understood enough that he wanted to rip the head off that...that schmuck! Before he could do anything, though, Linda returned, ready to leave. Phineas hesitantly followed, unaware of the twisted things boiling in Horrible's mind.
Heinz smirked as he thought of a plan...a plan that would solve all his problems. It would get him into the Evil League of Evil, it would rid him of his arch nemesis and it would leave Linda open for him and free Phineas of this torment...oh yes...this plan would benefit everyone.
This appeared as a moral dilemma
Cuz at first it was weird
though I swore to eliminate
The worst of the plague that devoured humanity
It's true, I was vague on the how
So how can it be that you
Have shown me the light?
Heinz rushed out into the beautiful sunshine as Linda followed Hammer. Phineas was the only one to notice him, and he admitted he felt a little afraid.
It's a brand new day
And the sun is high
All the birds are singing
That you're gonna die
How I hesitated
Now I wonder why
It's a brand new day
Phineas watched as Heinz rushed home, and he worried of what was to come. Heinz watched some of the old videos of Captain Hammer's merciless beatdowns of him.
All the times that you beat me unconscious
I'll forgive
All the crimes incomplete
Listen, honestly I'll live
Mr. Cool, Mr. Right, Mr. Know-it-all is through
Now the future's so bright
And I owe it all to you
Who showed me the light
It's a brand new me
I got no remorse
Now the water's rising
But i know the course
I'm gonna shock the world
Gonna show Bad Horse
It's a brand new day
He sat into a big chair, staring at the picture Phineas gave him of Linda and Phineas together. Sure they'd be a little afraid at first, but he'd never hurt them.
Phinny and Linda will see the evil me
Not a joke
Not a dork
Not a failure
And she may cry
But her tears will dry
When I hand her the keys to a shiny new Australia
In a fantasy, Heinz imagined himself high up in the heavens.
It's a brand new day
Yeah, the sun is high
All the angels sing
Of course upon further observation, the fantasy is just him as a giant rampaging through the city.
Because you're gonna die
Go ahead and laugh
Yeah, I'm a funny guy
Tell everyone good-bye
It's a brand new day
The giant Dr. Horrible crushed Hammer under his foot. Ah...what a wonderfully horrible dream…
Phineas laid in bed, wondering what Heinz's next move was...he threw a pillow over his ears to block the sounds coming from his mother's room...staring at the ceiling as he worried for the wellbeing of his friend and...he admitted...desired future stepfather.
Two more chapters to go (aka one more act). Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I will try not to go on such a long hiatus again. Leave me a review and stay tuned for the next chapters. I would like to have this one done and sequel up and going by March...but as you can see from my PnF Star Wars 3, I don't exactly keep well to my schedule and I apologize. I have work, and other junk going on so...for now...
Carpe Diem!