"I'm sorry, run that by me again." Said Lena weakly as she stared past the mouse at her two fathers, smiling happily at her.
"I said you're a Disney Princess!" Mickey stated excitedly.
"This is unexpected," stated Violet. Webby was practically vibrating with excitement.
Lena held the bridge of her bill, "and why do you think I'm a princess much less a Disney one?"
You are Lena Sabrewing, formerly DeSpell, correct?" Asked the mouse.
"Yes."
"You were created by Magica DeSpell, correct?" Pulling out a tablet.
"Yep." Check.
"The Magica DeSpell also known as the 'Shadow Queen,' correct?"
"Yes…" Check.
"Have you ever been; poisoned, kidnapped, enslaved, or cursed?"
"Other than haunting my shadow and telling me what to do for 15 years I don't think so."
"Well lass when she was done possessing you didn't you puke up her shadow?" Scrooge added.
"Oh yeah there was that, and I guess getting banished to the Shadow Realm might count as kidnapping." Lena said with a shiver.
"Oh, oh, and remember the nightmare dream catcher. That should count as cursed, actually I think everyone in this house has been cursed at one point or another." Webby added helpfully.
Another shiver from Lena, "yeah, I try not to think about that, ever."
"Ooookay," stated the mouse. "Moving along, do you talk to animals, have magic hair, or magic hands?"
"Well she can summon magic constructs in the form of animals that she can both command and communicate with. Does that count?" Violet informed the mouse.
"Plus I'm a living shadow with a magical talisman that I can use to channel magic through as my heart. So I guess my hair and hands are magic." Lena shrugged.
"Okay moment of truth, has everyone thought all your problems have been solved because of a big strong man?" The mouse read from the tablet.
"Nope," Lena said, smirking and popping the p. "It's been all Webs here."
"Webs?" Mickey asked, confused.
"Hi I'm Webby. Webbigail Vanderquack at your service, sir." Said Webby cheerfully.
"Okay, Webby, have you ever caused property damage disproportionate to the mundane active you were partaking?" He asked seriously.
"I don't think so," said Webby sadly.
"Well, there was the time you put a hole in a tree while playing hacky sack." Pointed out Huey.
"Oh, how'd she do that?" Asked the curious mouse.
"Kicked the hacky sack through the tree," deadpanned Louie.
"Okay, any feats of strength disproportionate to your size?"
"Besides kicking a hole in a tree with a hacky sack? There was the time she wrestled a bear 10 times her size," answered Violet.
"Have you ever risked life or limb fighting the forces of evil for true love?" The mouse asked in absolute seriousness.
"Yes!" Webby instantly answered. "Wait, what?" She said as her eyes shifted to Lena and her face burned red.
"Okay it's official," declared Mickey. Lena let out a sigh as everyone else waited with baited breath. "Lena is a Disney Princess!"
"Well, that's too bad… wait what?" Lena's jaw dropped. "But… but… Webby and, and…" she trailed off.
"Webby here qualifies for 'Diamond in the Ruff' status. Just like Anna did for Elsa, of course Anna then had Sven so it all worked out." Replied Mickey.
"You mean Kristoff, right?" Huey Asked.
"Actually Sven did most of the heavy lifting during that adventure," corrected the mouse.
Webby excitedly hugged Lena, "isn't this great? I'm your knight in shining armor."
"But… but… but…" Lena stuttered.
"Truth be told you're kind of the highest rated candidate I've ever seen." Mickey went on. "In fact you only missed 1 of the questions."
"Oh really, what question?" Lena asked defeatedly.
"Well actually it's one I didn't ask, since it's usually a last resort and almost no one qualifies for it. But, did you trade your voice to a sea witch for a pair of human legs?"
"Well, no. The closest I got is the possession Scrooge mentioned earlier, I guess you could say she took my voice and everything else. But I already had a pair of perfectly working legs," Lena responded with a smirk.
"The legs are usually used as a metaphor for the freedom to pursue your heart's desire," Mickey informed.
"Oh come on," exclaimed Lena. Lowering her head she continued, "Magica offered me that almost word for word in exchange for my cooperation."
The mouse just stared blankly at her, "well um… congratulations on being the first candidate with a perfect score."
Shaking himself out of it he handed Lena a card and said, "here's the info on orientation and on the back there's the number of a therapist with experience in this area. If you need help."
Clearing his throat he continued, "well there's just one more thing to take care of."
"Oh, what's that?" Webby asked, practically bouncing in place.
"Just need to know if you had a moment of revaluation or goals/dreams involving music spontaneously play during, after, or before looking at important water?"
"Is that one of those rare, highly unlikely events that are a last ditch effort to snag another princess?" Lena deadpanned.
"Actually, no. This is one of the most commonly occurring events for someone who has or will be becoming a princess." Stated Mickey in a matter of fact tone.
Lena smirked, "well then I can safely say no."
"Unless you count a montage during a dream where she realized she is and always has been a good person!" Declared Dewey.
"That only counts if a moon made of your tears is important water," pointed out Louie.
"Please don't let that count, please don't let that count…" Lena pleaded to whatever deities were listening.
"Hey! It was important to me!" Dewey defended.
"Well golly I'd say that was unexpected but I guess that would count." Mickey sealed Lena's fate.
"Of course it does," Lena bowed her head in defeat.
-orientation-
As Lena entered she saw a teenager boy sitting there playing with a pencil. "Sweet, this must be the 'Knight in Shining Armor' orientation."
"Actually," started the other teen. "I'm Marco Diaz and technically Princess Turdina. And, technically I'm my own knight in shining armor ." Pointing to the blonde with the buns in her hair he continued, "that's Princess Leia Organa and that is," he indicated the orange skinned girl with the blue and white stripes on her head. "Ashoka Tano, she's not really a princess and if you want to know why ask her. And, she'll be more than willing to give a 20 minute lecture on exactly how they're making a huge mistake." He finished with a smirk.
In walked a little girl with a tan wearing a red dress with white floral patterns. "Good morning ladies, my name Lilo and I'll be your orientation consular." She said as she placed her clipboard down on the podium that was just a bit too big for her. "My uncle is Jumba, the king of mad scientists, which technically makes me a princess."
"King of mad scientists? Don't let a chicken by the name Gyro hear you say that," snarked Lena.
"Did you say Gyro, as in Gyro Gearloose?"
"Um...yes?" Lena was worried at the giddy smile Lilo was giving her.
"Him and Jumba were roommates in college!" She explained. "In fact Jumba would probably lose his title if Gyro were actually a mad scientist."
"I'm sorry, Gyro isn't a mad scientist? Like how's that even possible?" Lena asked, confused.
"Well to be a mad scientist you need to intentionally make at least 1 evil experiment. That's why Tesla is a mad scientist and Einstein is merely eccentric." Lilo explained in a solemn tone.
"But we've gotten off topic, so without further ado, welcome to the club."
A. N. Ahsoka Tano is technically a princess (spoiler incoming[personally haven't watched season seven yet]) because her jedi master, who has technical parental guardianship, was destined to become the living embodiment of the force thus outranking all other darkside users. Including Sidious who legally became emperor of the Republic. She has repeatedly petitioned this gross miss cairrage of authority. Unfortunately all 37 petitions for appeal have been rejected.
A. N. I apologize for nothing!