Several hours had passed since Dr Lawson had spoken to them. Hicks was on the phone pacing up and down again, Wendy sat doing some paperwork and Molly came and went, bringing things for her father as well as some food and drinks for the teams when they arrived. Chris was in a trance. She was reliving memories in her head and replaying them like little movies. Anything to stop herself from watching the clock and staring at the door.
"Hey…." Hondo said opening the door, the entire 20 David and 50 David teams followed him in. "How is he?" Hondo asked looking at Chris, she blinked a few times, bringing herself back to reality.
"Critical" she said swallowing hard and standing up. "He's in surgery right now…..." Deacon looked at Logan, Tan and Luca with a concerned expression on his face,
Chris continued "There is some kind of damage to his heart" Hondo saw the tears welling in her eyes. He reached out to her and hugged her into him, giving a troubled glance to the teams. Hicks continued to update them on his injuries, but Chris wasn't listening. She was mentally blocking it out. Hearing the words again was killing her.
"I'm gunna go get some fresh air" she said to Hondo, Hondo glanced at Deacon. He motioned for him to go with her and Deacon silently nodded.
"Hey, I need some too" he said joining her before she could close the door.
Chris didn't look at him, she just closed the door and turned to walk. Deacon matched her pace and glanced sideways at her. He could see the fear she was feeling, he could see she was terrified of losing him. Deacon pondered in his head. Had Street spoken to her yet? Did Chris know how he felt for her? Did she feel that same way about him?
"Hey…" Deacon said, placing a hand on her arm. Chris slowed and stopped walking still staring at the floor before drawing her gaze up to look at Deacon. She didn't say anything. Just looked at him. He would swear he could almost see anger on her face. Was he going through the stages of grief he thought? Had she already given up on him, or was she just reeling and in shock from the events of the day.
"I know this might sound like a dumb question right now Chris, but are you okay? Do you want to or need to talk?" he said with care in his voice.
Chris stood their silently. She shook her head slowly with teary eyes, make up smudged and then glanced away out the doors.
"Look…... I know your scared right now…... we all are…. but you have to stay strong for him" Deac said holding her arm. Chris couldn't speak. She was frozen and unsure how she could hide her emotions. She suddenly realised this is what Street was talking about when he had told her about telling Hondo and Deacon, he had feelings for her. She now fully understood what that must have been like for him. 'Deacon knows his side of it, should I open up and tell him mine?'
"I …. Ah" Deacon motioned for them to walk outside and he continued "I…... don't know if you've talked to Street about this at all…... but, …..." guiding her to a seat on a nearby bench he looked at her. "When you were sick Chris…. Street um…..."
Chris nodded and placed her hand on Deacons knee. "I know" she said looking at looking at him, "I know he told you that some things have happened between us and I ah…."
Deacon looked right back at her, watching her closely "I …... ah…."
"Chris" Deacon began, "honestly it's ok, we get it. We know the two of you are super close, that you've been like best friends since…... well…. it feels like forever. I know your terrified right now, I just want to be here for you. I'm not pushing you to confide anything in me, your business is your business. We are all just worried about you."
Chris smiled as she looked at her feet. "thanks" she said patting Deacons hand.
They sat there for a while, Deacon tried to distract her with stories about his kids latest antics. He manage to tell her two stories about Lila and Matthew that made her chuckle and laugh out loud.
"Come on…." she said after a while, "I need to know what's going on in there" she stood up and Deacon followed her inhaling a large breath as he stood up.
Chris was feeling a bit better, but still worried sick about him. Her heart ached, she couldn't get him out of her head, the visions of him lying there lifeless, burnt and broken haunted her thoughts. As she sat down next to Tan on the couch in the waiting room the door opened. An older doctor in green scrubs stood there with a clipboard.
"Good evening, I'm Doctor McGuinness." He said
Hicks again stepped forward. "Commander Hicks…." He said shaking the doctors hand. "What can you tell us? How is he?"
"Ok" the doctor began. Chris couldn't move, couldn't stand up, couldn't breathe, she hung on every word that came out of his mouth.
"Officer Street underwent a cardiac procedure this afternoon to attempt to repair some damaged heart tissue as well as investigate and resolve some internal bleeding" Chris's body forced her to exhale and inhale, but she felt like she wasn't even in her own body. The doctors words echoed, and she struggled to focus.
"He is currently in an induced coma in the ICU recovery ward" Chris exhaled loudly and closed her eyes. 'Thank God, he's alive!' ran through her head,
"He remains unconscious, but we also have him heavily sedated as he has suffered third degree burns to roughly 10% of his body, these will be extremely painful injuries that will likely require further surgeries, but for now we need him to rest, to allow his heart muscle to regain some strength so he will be strong enough to endure the coming procedures."
Chris glanced at Hicks who had stepped closer towards the doctor. "When can we see him?" he asked,
"As I said he is currently unconscious and will likely be for some days yet. His body needs time to begin to heal. We will be monitoring him closely. I can allow you in one at time for a minute or two but no more. He is still very fragile and weak."
Chris felt mixed emotions. Happiness he was out of surgery and that he had made it that far. Fear and dread that his life still hung so precariously in the balance, she was terrified that he may not recover to 100%, that if his injuries where that bad he may not be able to be in their team anymore, horrified at the thought of him not being there at work every day, part of the family.
Hondo moved to Chris. "Go, go see him" he said as he crouched down next to her. She looked at him with knowing teary eyes. "Thanks boss" she whispered as she stood up and followed Dr McGuinness to his room. As she tentatively rounded the corner, she saw him. Still hooked up to the ventilator, wires and tubes attached to him everywhere.
"Oh god" she muttered. He looked bad, his skin was pale, and he was covered with dressings on his burns.
"Please keep it brief" the doctor said sliding his door open and motioning for her to go in.
Chris slowly entered the room. She fidgeted with her hands and stood at the end of his bed looking at him. 'How did this happen? Why did this happen? Is this the universe punishing me?'
She slowly stepped to the side of the bed and picked up his hand in hers. Her eyes wandered slowly over him as she tenderly held his hand. She looked at the dressings on his legs and grimaced, before moving her attention to the wounds that ran across his abdomen and forearms. 'ouch…... he is gunna be in a lot of pain… guess that's why they have him sedated' she thought.
She looked at his face and sighed, 'Come on Chris…. get it together' she slowly sat on the edge of the bed. "God, I need you to be okay" she said as she watched him. She gently stroked his hair and let her hand cradle his face for a second. She leant over and kissed his forehead. Savouring the taste of his skin, the smell of him and the feeling of his warmth.
She sat back and lifted his hand to her face. "Hey…please know I'm here Street" said softly as she held his fingers against her cheek. She turned his hand and kissed the back of it before holding it in both of hers against her chest. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply.
"Street…. Jim…. I know you probably can't hear me…... but …... please hang in there. I need you to be okay… I need you to fight for me…. I need you come back to me." She felt a tear escape her eye. She lowered her head.
"God, I wish I had just had the guts to tell you how I felt. I'm sorry that I took so long to realise. I hate that it took this for me to realise. You better wake up, you hear me Jim Street, you better open your goddamned eyes soon and let me tell you how much I love you". As the words came out her mouth she froze. Saying I love you to him out loud made her skin prickle and hairs stand up. It felt amazing and her heart beamed. She was just so heartbroken that he had no idea she had finally been able to say it, to admit it.
She again lowered her head and kissed his cheek, holding her lips on his face for a few seconds. "I need you" she whispered in his ear as she stood up off the bed. She chewed her lip and watched him. Savouring every second of being with him, but she knew she needed to let the others see him.
Holding his hand again up to her lips she said "I'll be back…... I'll be here every day until you are ok, I love you Jim Street" She kissed his hand and slowly put it back in the bed before turning and walking back out. She slid his door shut and looked at him through the glass. A young nurse walked around from the nurses station and stood at her side.
"Excuse me…. are you Officer Streets partner?" she asked quietly
Chris turned her head to her, and hesitated a bit,
"I'm um…. I'm his teammate, work partner" she fumbled. The nurse heard the hesitation and nodded. She had seen her in that room with him a minute ago and quickly worked out the situation.
"Would you like me to list you as his next of kin?... we um … don't have any other family information for him" she politely asked
Chris nodded, and the nurse passed her a clipboard. She looked at it and exhaled.
"Thank you" Chris said before walking back with it to the waiting room to allow the rest of team to go in and see him. They all filed in and out taking turns to quickly see him. Chris sat in the back of the waiting room, quietly in the corner trying to mask her fear, sadness and worry. She looked at the clipboard. She had filled out some sections like her own name and contact information, but there was one part she couldn't work out what to write. 'Relationship to patient' it read. She just sat there staring at it.
Once the team had all returned Hicks told them it was best if they go home and get some rest. He would need them back at HQ in the morning to sort out the paper work from today. Chris sat watching them leave, Hondo and Hicks were the last ones. Hondo turned to her in the corner.
"Come on Chris that means you too" Hondo said motioning for her to come. She didn't say anything just looked up over the clipboard at him. Hicks was on his phone again and waved at them both as he left. Hondo nodded at him and returned his eyes to Chris. She looked away and breathed heavily.
Hondo moved to sit down next to her. "Hey…" he said placing a gentle hand on her leg. "What's this?" he said tapping the clipboard.
"The um… ICU nurse asked if I wanted to be his next of kin, he has no one else" Her eyes got teary saying those words aloud.
Hondo nodded, "Well then, you better return that form before we go so that they have your number"
She pursed her lips and blinked but didn't look at Hondo.
"Come on" he encouraged going to stand, then noticing her not moving and the hesitation on her face he sat back "what?" he knew Chris was holding something in.
She passed the clip board to him and pointed to the box she hadn't filled out. As Hondo read it, she swallowed hard and close her eyes. Hondo saw and closed his eyes too. Hondo had sensed the connection between these two a long time ago. He had wondered back then if one day they would want to be more that team mates, more than friends. He had kind of prepared himself to have to deal with it, and while she hadn't said anything out loud, he could see with every part of her right now that she was feeling those feelings for Street. He already knew that Street felt them too. He looked down at the floor then back at her.
"Chris, I know" he said. Chris glanced sideways at him. "I know Street cares about you deeply, and I know there is something there, but we don't have to go into it all now. Let's focus on him getting better and then deal with all that. Just write 'partner' it's not a lie." He said placing his hand on her knee. Chris swallowed hard and smiled a strained smile at Hondo. He put his arm around her and squeezed her into him.
"Come on, there is no point sitting here all night, not sleeping. If anything changes, they will call, they have your number" he said tapping the clipboard. "He needs to rest and so do you."
Chris stared at the wall in front of her. "I ….. I just don't want him to be alone" she whispered on the verge on tears. Hondo noted her anguish.
"Chris…. You are no good to him or the team if you are not rested…. You can't live here 24/7 for next little bit while he recovers. You gotta go home and sleep. Come on I'll drive you"
She heard the authority he injected into his voice. She knew Hondo was not going to leave without her. She sighed and raised the corner of her mouth. "Okay" she agreed begrudgingly, standing and following him to the car.