She sat silently in the passenger seat as Hondo drove down the freeway, staring out the window into the darkness beyond. Her mind was everywhere and nowhere all at once. She was lost in her thoughts and not really aware of her surroundings. Hondo glanced at her in the mirror. Her expressionless face had him worried. He knew she was hurting, he knew Chris cared about Street on some level. What Hondo didn't know though was that Chris felt just as strongly for Street as what Street had described feeling for her. Hondo could see her heart was hurting seeing Street like that. He didn't want to prod and push her, he just wanted to make sure she was ok.

"Hey Chris…. Do you wanna grab something to eat before I drop you home? Pizza? Chicken? Burgers?"

Chris turned up the corner of her mouth, "Na… not hungry" she answered. Hondo could hear the hurt in her voice, but she was being honest. She felt too physically sick with worry to eat. Hondo knew he had to try.

He took the next exit off the freeway and pulled into a dinner. "Come on…..." he said nodding out the car door. "Your gunna at least sit with me while I eat". Chris took a minute to process it all, she had been in such a daze and fog that she hadn't noticed Hondo even pull into the carpark. She sighed heavily and rolled her eyes.

"Fine…" she answered reaching for her door latch and climbing out.

Hondo ordered them both some pizza and returned to sit down with her in the booth near the window. He had a soda in each hand, "You good?" he said watching her fidget with the salt and pepper shakers as he pushed a glass towards her. She looked up at him,

"No" she answered, before dropping her gaze again to the table.

"Hey…. come on Chris…...you're really starting to worry me now…I can't help you if you don't let me in…..." he reached out and took the shakers from her hands and she pulled her hands down under the table beginning to fidget with the zipper on her jacket.

Hondo swirled his straw in his glass. Then reached across the table and tapped his finger in front of her. "Chris…please", she didn't look up at him "damn…. will you just give me something …? what is…..."

"I just…." She interrupted, "God …...I just hate this…." she said sighing and glancing away out the window.

"Hey…. I got you" Hondo said taking her hand in his.

She blinked looking up at him with her big brown eyes open wide, "I just hate that the job has to interfere, don't get me wrong Hondo, SWAT is my life. I just can't deal with… I can't accept that something we both might want may never happen or could be the reason he loses his family, his team" she mumbled.

"Chris…... it's ok…like I said… we can work all that out later…. Please don't worry about that now…. We have plenty of time to sort out official stuff if need be… first he needs to heal and recover, and you need to focus on helping him do that…... nothing else."

Chris nodded looking at the table and the pizza that had just arrived there. Damn it smelt good. Damn she was hungry.

"Hey…. I want you to eat... you need to eat!" Hondo said with authority in his voice again and she knew he was right. She picked up the pizza and began to eat.

The way Hondo looked at her made her realise that he actually really cared, that he was worried about her. She knew Street had told him about the drunken kiss they had shared, and that that made her panic and push him away as well as that he wanted to see if they could make a relationship work but what Hondo didn't know was the extent that she felt all those amazing feelings too, and deep down if she was completely honest with herself, she really did want to try a relationship with him. She was just so scared that he would lose his SWAT family, his only family all because of her. Then if things didn't work out long term, what would happen then? They could never go back to what is was before. She knew that she cared so deeply for Street that it made her so terrified inside.

She sat at the table. Barely able to look at Hondo. As she chewed into the last piece of her pizza, she flicked him a stare. Hondo grinned back at her,

"What?" she said with a mouthful and a bit of attitude,

"Ok…. Ok…. Now for someone who said that they weren't hungry you made short work of that" he teased. She smirked a little and put the last piece in her mouth.

"Guess I was hungry" she said raising one shoulder in a shrug.

"Feel better now you've eaten?" He asked

"No" she answered, her tone changing again,

Hondo looked at her closely, he could see how much she was struggling.

Chris tucked her hair behind her ear and looked back at him….."I can't…." she started then stopped. Hondo reached out for her hand,

"It's okay….. you can't what Chris?"

"I …... I want to try…. with him… I do …but I just can't bring myself to be the reason he isn't on the team anymore… especially after he busted his arse to get back on this team, back in this family. I can't take that away from him now." She said tapping the table with her fingertips, her voice quivered as let go of some of what was pent up inside. "SWAT 20 D team is all that he has, we are all that he has"

Hondo sat with her in the booth for a while. He could see she needed to talk this out. She needed to unload and he knew that he was the only person right now that could be there for her. Chris slowly opened up, little by little. Beginning back at the start, she told Hondo all about that fundraiser night. That it had been her decision after fighting with Annie and doubting her real feelings for Ty and Kira to go and find Street. It had also been her decision to take that bottle of whiskey and encourage him to drink it with her. That as he hugged her goodbye she felt the most amazing rush and had deliberately let that hug linger, and she had leant into kiss him, but that was when she panicked. Realising with the touch of his hand on her face what she had done, and how that one little act could ruin everything for them both, she ran. She told Hondo about how she pushed him away and treated him like he meant nothing to her and how she had already broken his heart.

Hondo pointed out that she could push him away like that, but that Street felt so strongly for her, maybe even was in love with her that even being treated liked that by her hadn't scared him away. He was still right there for her. Hondo reminded her that Street had been at the hospital every chance he got to see her when she was hurt and sick, that he had been open and honest about the way he felt.

"Damn it" she said huffing

"Come on… you know I am right Chris. He wants this, he is willing to give up everything if it means he has you".

"I just…. I just can't ask him to do that. It isn't fair"

"So, this is why you have been awkward, hot and cold with him... yeah? You are scared to tell him how you really feel because you know he will transfer teams just to be with you and then there is no going back?"

She couldn't look at Hondo because how he put it made it sound so dumb and trivial.

"I… I have been trying to sort my head out…" she explained. "He has been waiting for me to give him an answer about the possibility of an us, then this happens. Maybe it's my punishment for being so selfish."

"Hey…. Chris…. Listen…... I'm clearly no relationship expert, still single, with a string of relationships that I have let the job interfere with." Hondo said "but they maybe just weren't meant to be, if you and Street are both on the same page here and this is something you both want to do, we will find a way, I will make sure you find a way to make it work"

Chris swallowed hard and smiled at Hondo "I…" she looked down again and frowned.

"What?"

"I…... was planning on …. after shift today…. telling him some stuff…and before you guys left on the mission and before I left for my PFT we um…."

Hondo furrowed his brow a little and tilted his head at her, "you um… what?"

"I kissed him again" she said frankly looking at Hondo "this morning, at HQ, in the garage, while we were both on the clock…." she looked down. Hondo saw the shame and fear on her face.

"I…I couldn't help it…. I didn't mean to do it, but we had been so strained and distant with each other after all that had happened …..with him being undercover, with Whip and me sorting out the Ty and Kira mess and everything that when we were alone this morning and he hugged me into him to congratulate me on being accepted to do my PFT and say good luck that I … it was all me boss…. I felt things again and I lost control and I kissed him." Chris couldn't draw her eyes up. She feared Hondo would be disappointed in her, angry at her or something.

The silence was deafening, Hondo jigged his straw in his glass making the ice cubes clink, and after what felt like an eternity said,

"Look…... all things considered here Chris…... you need your family right now, he needs his family right now. There will be an IA investigation into what happened today. That's why Hicks wants you in tomorrow first thing. I am not going to tell them anything about you two. We never had any of these conversations. You two are just team mates doing your jobs and nothing more."

Chris glanced at him blinking slowly, "I…... I don't want to get you in trouble boss…. I am …. I'm ashamed that I let my pheromones take over…... I've never done that…. ever before! I am so disappointed in myself and completely understand you being upset and angry"

"Chris" Hondo said placing a reassuring hand on her arm, "I get it…. I really do…. I can't ask you two to chose 20 David team over what may just be the best thing that ever happens to you both. You two maybe meant to be, soul mates, destined for each other. I can't ask you to forgo that just because it makes my life as your sergeant easier."

Chris glanced away out the window,

"Chris… If you really want things to happen with Street," she looked back at Hondo.

"I will 100% support that. In my opinion, I think you two are a damn good match… you are the ying to his yang and exactly what he needs."

Chris smiled, hearing Hondo say those words made her realise that what she felt was right. That the fact she can't get Street out of her head or off her mind must mean something. The way he makes her feel, is incredible, she has never ever felt that before and this is all stuff she already knew, she knew deep down that Ty and Kira were never gunna work out. She knew she wanted him, it has just been a bloody rocky journey for her to get there too.

It was beginning to get late and the dinner staff were clearly tables and packing up for the night.

"Come on," he said. "Let's get you home to bed."

Chris had stood under her hot shower for what felt like forever. Her mind kept flashing between her moments with Street, the accident today, the way Streets life was hanging by a thread and what she had told Hondo this evening. Opening up to Hondo and getting it all off her chest seemed to help ease the burden a bit, but her brain felt fried from so much emotion in one day. Collapsing onto her bed, she made sure her phone was charged and set as loud as possible, in case the hospital rang. Chris was not one to pray, she wasn't religious, but she prayed, prayed for him, for him to be okay and to come back to her.