The constant beep of his heart monitors kept time with her own heart beat as she shuffled in the chair next to the bed. Looking at him lying there, motionless and attached to all those tubes, ventilators and wires, her heart felt heavy.

'How the hell did this happen? 'she whispered 'why did this have to happen?'

Chris didn't want to go home, and a part of her was happy Hondo had gone without her this time. She had watched Hondo leave and then came back to his room. As she had stood there watching him through the glass, Nurse Jamie came over to her,

"You can go in" she said softly, "having somebody talk to him helps with the recovery" she smiled at Chris. Chris knew that she probably had read the situation and felt bad for her. "Stay as long as you need" she said. Chris smiled back,

"Thank you"

Nurse Jamie nodded and went back to her station whilst Chris slid open the door and had wandered in.

Sitting there watching the monitors and staring at him she felt a tear roll down her face. This wasn't fair. He didn't deserve this. Chris cried for a while. She needed to. She placed her head on the bed near him and closed her eyes. "Come on Jim… Please fight for me…. I need you… I love you" she whispered in his ear. "I'm going to make sure I tell you that every day from now on". She savoured his scent filling her nostrils and feel of his warmth, it was only thing she wanted right at that moment. It wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep with her head resting against him and her hand intertwined with his.

Beep … Beep….Beep….Beep

Chris's eye peaked open,

"Oh, I'm sorry honey" Nurse Jamie whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you…I was just checking his medications". Chris smiled and nodded. She looked at her watch. It was late, she pondered if she should wake herself and leave, but sitting there holding his hand and feeling him beneath the side of her head was too good to let go of. She slowly placed her head back down onto his shoulder and closed her eyes. 'I'm not going anywhere' she whispered to herself.

Clunk…..bang….clunk…

Her eyes again opening slowly, this time though the daylight hit them and made her squint. She closed them again and rested her forehead on his shoulder. 'Damn… must have fell back to sleep' she muttered. 'I don't care….. I'd rather be here with you' she whispered picking her head up and looking at him. After watching him for a while Chris decided it was time to go get a coffee and freshen up. She would still have to report to shift in a few hours. She was just standing up when there was a knock on the door, she turned to see Doctor McGuiness,

"Good Morning" he said.

"Morning" Chris answered

"How is our patient?" he said walking in.

"I um…. good I think… I must have fallen asleep here last night….. I …"

"it's okay" he cut her off. "Probably does him good to have you here talking to him and being close"

She watched the doctor check him over and read his chart and latest test results.

"Any news on when he should wake up?" she asked cautiously

The doctor frowned and glanced at her. "Ms Alonso, there is no hard and fast rule, we have stopped his sedation medication completely, but it is his brain that will ultimately determine when and if he wakes up and how long his recovery will be"

Chris stomach dropped "If" she said with wide eyes "what do you mean if he wakes up?"

"There is always a chance with the kind of severe injuries Jim has that complications arise, like further internal injuries that we can't predict or repair." He moved to stand near her and placed a hand on her arm. "I'm not saying he won't wake up, I just can't promise you the things I don't know"

Chris slowly closed her eyes and breathed out heavily. She nodded, knowing what he said made sense. But still hearing someone say "If he wakes up" broke her heart in millions of pieces.

"We will do some more tests today and hopefully know more" he said as he made his way out. Chris stood for a moment. Still shell shocked. She walked back to his bed and held his hand.

"You will wake up! you hear me Jim…... you will" she rested her head on his and kissed his cheek before standing up. "I gotta go into shift, but I will be back as soon it's over" she lifted his hand and kissed the back of it "I love you" she said out loud as she stroked his hair. Hearing those words coming out of her own mouth whilst she held him felt so right. How the hell? why the hell? had it taken her so long to realise that, she wondered.

As she headed into HQ, she replayed the doctors words "If he wakes up, complications we can't predict or treat" 'shit … he better be ok' she muttered.

"Morning Boss" she said as she rounded the corner to find Hondo in the boxing ring.

"Hey…." he answered eyeing her closely.

"Any news on Street this morning?"

"Um… nothing really new I guess…... they are waiting for him to wake up now the sedation medications have been taken away… hopefully soon" Chris said, wandering if Hondo knew she had been there all night.

"Hey Chris" Hondo said walking to the side of the ring and leaning on the ropes, "They will call if he wakes up, don't stress." Chris nodded at him, but Hondo could see the worry on her face.

"Hey…." He said waiting for her to look back at him "I've spoken to Hicks and Cortez this morning. If the hospital calls with any news, you are able to go straight away and...…"

Chris's eyes widen and she tried to catch her breath, "You didn't tell them what I ….."

"Chris…. Chris… No, I didn't." He said climbing through the ropes and holding both her arms to calm her. "I won't say anything like that, I just explained to them that Street has no one else, with his mom being back in jail now and the ICU nurse asking to put you as his next of kin. They agreed that someone should go and be with him and that someone is you"

Chris couldn't help but smile as she nodded at Hondo.

Today they had some school children through for a field trip. Chris was rostered to help Luca show the kids some of the SWAT tactical gear in the carpool area. She headed outside to find him already unpacking some boxes from Black Betty.

"Hey…." She said approaching him.

"Hey, hey here's my girl" He stepped off the step of Black Betty and hugged her, "How you are holding up?" he asked

"Good, worried, but good," she said shaking her head as it to shake it all away "now give me something to do to stay busy" she said rubbing her hands together.

Luca nodded and started showing her what he had planned for the kids and gave her boxes to unpack. Once the carpool was ready, she went to go get changed into her gear. Luca had decided she should model the full tactical SWAT uniform.

"hey, did I miss something?" Logan said walking passed her as she walked back towards the carpool fully dressed looking ready to roll out. She smirked

"No, field trip" she said raising her eye brows and pointing with her helmet to Luca and a group of 20 or so children at the other end of the hall.

"Oh, Good Luck" he said, as she walked towards the group.

Chris actually really enjoyed spending time with the kids and showing them around. It made her smile to see their excited faces and answer their questions like one little boy who asked her,

"Can you beat him a fight?" pointing at Luca. Chris has laughed pretty hard about that.

As they got ready to leave Chris remembered the box of SWAT stickers and pencils she had bought down to give the children. She passed them out smiling and was holding the box and waving to them as they began to leave when her phone started to ring. She felt herself gasp and hold her breath as she saw the number, it was the hospital. She locked eyes with Luca as she answered it,

"Hello, Chris speaking" she said. Luca could hear the worried tone in her voice.

"Hi Chris, its Nurse Jamie at Angels of Mercy Hospital. I am ringing to let you know that" Chris was still holding her breath. Hoping that she was about to tell her he was awake, "about half an hour ago, Jim suffered a cardiac event" she dropped the box in her other hand and the stickers spilt all over the floor. Luca's eyes widen and face dropped too. Seeing her react like that he feared the worst. He immediately stepped to her and placed a hand on her arm. "He has been taken back to surgery, are you able to come down and speak with the doctors?"

"Yes, yes of course I'm on my way" She lowered the phone and looked at Luca,

"What…what is it?" he said holding both her shoulders.

"He …. Um… oh god…" She could say the words, couldn't get them out.

"Chris….. What's happened?"

"He had… ah …. another heart attack I think…. he's in surgery again…" she said tears welling in her eyes.

Luca swallowed hard and hugged her. "hey, I'll pack up here, you go, get over there." He said shooing her. Deacon came passed. His eyes immediately fixed on Chris, distraught and shaken clutching her phone, he flicked his eyes to Luca who without saying a word shook his head and mouthed, 'it's bad'.

"Chris, what?"

"I gotta go" she said looking passed him, "Streets back in surgery … his heart… I gotta go" She wiped her eyes, still in her full tactical uniform she flung the doors open and ran to her truck.

Deacon stood there shocked, processing for a second. "I'll go tell Hondo". He said as Luca finished picking up the stickers and followed him. Chris had just climbed into her truck and was starting the engine when her phone rang again. It was Hondo,

"Hey" she answered

"Chris are you ok? are you still here?"

"I'm in my truck, just pulling out?"

"Be careful, do you want me to drive you?"

"I'm good…. I just wanna get there" she said reversing and driving out.

She parked in the parking lot at the hospital and ran to the doors. 'Please be ok… please…please be ok" she kept repeating. She got the ICU floor and huffed from racing up the stairs, she knew the elevators in this place took forever.

"Hey….." Nurse Jamie saw her,

"How is he?" Chris said panting and walking towards her, the worry visible all over her face.

"He is still in surgery, but Dr Lawson would like a word."

"Ok" Chris said with a questioning tone, "Why… is something wrong?"

"I'm not sure" she answered ushering Chris to a room up the hallway. "I'll go find him now, wait here".

She paced the room, anxious to know why the doctors wanted to talk to her, worried for him beyond belief.

"Ms Alonso," Doctor Lawson said entering the room "How are you?"

"Worried, what can you tell me? How is he? What happened?" she blurted.

Dr Lawson nodded, noted her worry and held up his hand to calm her, "We detected an abnormality with his heart beat this morning and rushed him to surgery to correct it before it caused further damage to his already weakened heart muscle."

Chris watched him intently and hung off his every word, "Okay" she blinked "What does that mean now? What is wrong with his heart?"

"You need to understand that the electrical shock damaged his heart, we had to remove some heart tissue the night he arrived here as it was compromising blood flow to the surrounding areas, today we detected an abnormality with a valve in his heart. We currently have the head of Cardiac surgery attempting to repair the damage valve. We are doing everything we can, but he is in a precarious position and this is serious. When Doctor McGuiness comes out, we will know more"

Chris couldn't speak. She forced a smile and nodded at the doctor. "I will be back with an update soon" he said as he left. She sat and stared at the floor. 'Come on …. Please….. please be ok Street' she said.

Her phone dinged and brought her out of the day dream she was in. It was Luca,

"any news? you ok?"

"it's a problem with a heart valve. He is still in surgery"

"Are you ok? do you want us to come?"

"I'm ok, I'll let you know when I hear more" she replied. She didn't want the entire team here fussing right now. Chris slumped into the chair then wriggled trying to get comfortable. She sat up and removed her vest, placing it on the chair next to her she sighed heavily. Time was again her worst enemy. Trying hard not to watch the clock, she paced the room, sat in the chair, sat by the window watching the traffic, paced the room and sat back in the chair. She did her best to keep the 'what ifs' out of her head.

"Hey"

Chris glanced up to see Hondo in the doorway. "oh hey boss" she said.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok" he said sitting next to her. She was about to answer when,

"Ms Alonso," Doctor Lawson again appeared in the doorway.

"yes," she said getting to her feet and rushing towards him.

"He is still in surgery. I just wanted to update you. They are undertaking a very complicated procedure to fix the damaged heart valve, it may mean they have to implant a new artificial valve and in the coming days and weeks there may be a need for him to be connected to an external pace maker for a while as his heartbeat is weak and irregular at times. Once they are finished, they will monitor him closely and decide the next steps."

"Artificial valves? pacemaker?" Chris couldn't help the fear in her voice.

"A new artificial valve will only be needed if the graft fails, it will help strengthen his heart. It os nothing to worry about, and the external pacemaker if needed would only be temporary, just used down the line to help us avoid further incidents like this morning. If and when he wakes up, we can then talk about what this means for his full recovery."

She looked down and exhaled sigh, again with the "If he wakes up!" she was swallowing hard to stop the tears. As Doctor Lawson left she thumped her fist on the wall in frustration. Hondo moved to her and placed his arm around her.

"He will be ok! Okay?" he said firmly to her

Chris turned up the corner of her mouth and huffed. "I wish I believed you" she answered not looking at him. If she was being honest though, Hondo dropping by had helped, it had helped her pass the time and stay positive as he didn't let her dwell on the negatives. Hondo talked her into going for a walk with him to get a coffee. As they came back and were sitting down, Hondo passed her a sandwich, Chris scrunched her nose up at it, not really wanting it right now, when Doctor McGuinness arrived in the doorway in his green scrubs.

"Doc" she said seeing him before Hondo, she quickly moved to him scanning his face for any indication on how Street was. She was shaking and holding her breath as she waited for him to speak

"Ms Alonso, Sergeant. I'm pleased to report we were able to repair the valve with a graft and he is doing well in recovery".

Chris dropped her shoulder and sighed "Oh thank god" she said hugging Hondo.

"Thank you Doc" she said as she hugged him.

"What's his prognosis now?" Hondo asked

The doctor politely smiled, "He is still listed as critical as his heart is weakened but I'm confident that the surgery today has repaired the damage and hopefully his heart will strengthen over the coming weeks."

Chris smiled. This was good news. She felt so much better, so relieved.

"Can we see him?" she asked

"He will be back in his room within the hour" Doctor McGuinness smiled and nodded.

As the doctor left Chris smiled at Hondo "Thank god" she said, Hondo hugged her.

"You stay here and see him when he comes back out, I'll head back to HQ and update the team"

Chris sat in the empty room waiting for them to bring him back. She wondered if he would wake up today. Would today be the day she finally gets to tell him she loves him and to see his reaction? She smiled with happiness all over her face at the thought of it. She couldn't wait to tell him.

"Here he is" Nurse Jamie said sliding the door open and smiling at Chris as an orderly pushed his bed back in the room.

Chris moved to his side holding his hand. "Hey you….." she said "You friggin' scared me… don't you do that again" Chris ran her hand over his hair and touch his face.

"Is he still sedated?" Chris asked as Nurse Jamie fussed over the leads and tubes connected to him.

"No, the anaesthetic would have worn off by now, hopefully he is strong enough to wake up soon" she said smiling reassuringly at Chris.