Chris breathed in deeply, the cold night air filling her lungs as she tried to control her own body. Tried to stop it from shaking, tried to stop the tears from falling. Hondo's presence beside her was comforting, but she couldn't look at him. He sat without saying a word and just watched her. She was holding the envelope in her hands, twirling it around and around by the corners.

She sighed heavily, glancing up from the ground to look out across the carpark. Her heart was hurting so much right now, it felt as if she had been hit the chest by a bullet. She desperately needed him to be ok, she desperately needed him to make it through this and find a way to get back to her. She slowly, chewing the inside of her lip and trying to hold back the tears turned the envelope flat and traced her fingertips lightly across the writing, across his writing. Her eyes still damp as a stray tear rolled down her face. Chris could feel her body trembling as she sat looking at the envelope. All she could think in that moment was,

'Is this it? Is this how our story is destined to go? Is this the end for us, the end before we even really began?'

This can't just end now, now that I've finally worked my own head out and realised how much I need and want him! Chris couldn't help but wonder would it be a cruel twist that now she had finally found the moment to actually really in real life tell him face to face and admit to him that she loves him, would she lose him like some tragic twisted fairy-tale love story?

She breathed in deeply and blew out a slow breath between pursed lips. She glanced back up at Hondo. He was watching her, and the concern for her was evident on his face.

"I'm not …... I'm not reading these" she said firmly, hitting her knee with the envelope.

Hondo looked at her, "Chris" he said with compassion in his voice, as he went to speak again she cut him off,

"I'm not reading these if….. if there is still a chance, if he is still alive…. I'm …...I'm not giving up hope ….. I'm not giving up on him" she said.

Chris flicked the envelope towards Hondo and glared sternly at him. Hondo nodded looking at the ground in front of them and turned his hand to take back the envelope without saying a word to her. A little smile appeared on his face as he sat tapping it in his hands.

As she watched Hondo it hit her. He had bought her these letters as a way of snapping her out of it. He knew she would not open them and read them if she knew Street was still hanging on, if there was still a chance he would be ok. He knew it would be a way of making her see the need to be positive for him right now.

Chris smiled at Hondo and flicked his arm. "Nicely played boss" she said smirking at him.

Hondo smiled at her, "There's my girl… yeah….ok… I knew you wouldn't read them…. now I need you to try to hold it together…... not for yourself but for him"

She shook her head rolling her eyes. "You knew that I would realise that if I read them now, the SWAT superstition might jinx him and …..."

Hondo was nodding at her and smiling a little, "Thanks" Chris said. "I needed that". Hondo hugged her into him.

"Like I said Chris, I got you"

Chris nodded as she hugged him back. They sat together for a bit quietly not really saying anything, the silence was comfortable though, she knew Hondo cared, and she knew he was there for her, there for Street. Hondo knew Chris needed a minute to calm herself and get herself back together and under control. He didn't push her to talk, just sat next to her and watched people come and go. After a while Chris looked at him,

"If he comes out of this okay" she started looking slowly up at Hondo. He looked back her eyeing her closely "I mean…... when he is better"

'shit' she cursed in her head 'she had just said "IF". She felt like rubbish, There would be no "IF" he will make it' she told herself and then continued looking at Hondo,

"…. I know that's gunna take a long time for him to recover and that …...he has months ahead of him here, but …..."

Hondo could see she was worrying about the implications of what was happening between them. He placed a hand on her knee and nodded slowly waiting for her to finish…

"He is gunna need you guys, he is gunna need SWAT to keep him motivated to get better and fully recover, if that's even possible" she dropped her eyes and swallowed hard. Thinking and then saying that he may never be the same out loud, may never recover to 100%, hurt her. It made it hard for her to catch her breath.

"I was just thinking ….. that maybe now after what's happened… maybe I should ask Hicks or Cortex about swapping to 50 David?"

Hondo closed his eyes and sighed as she said it. "Chris… we don't need to make any hasty decisions here…."

"yeah but boss…... I know he is gunna need you guys…. He needs SWAT…...he needs 20 David…. look how lost he was without it before….look how hard he fought to get back on the team….. he needs that…. that motivation, or I am scared that he will give up."

Hondo could see that she had thought about this, that she was genuinely worried about his recovery. Hondo knew that part of what she said was right. Street did need them, but he also needed her.

"Chris… Yes, I get that Street needs us, and you gotta know that we are not going to leave him high and dry, he is family and we are here for him. But hey…." he said as Chris shook her head looking away from him.

"Hey…..." Hondo waited for her to look back at him. He placed his hand on hers on her knee and squeezed it "He also needs you"

Chris swallowed hard, "I …. I can't have my cake and eat it too…I know that Hondo, I know the rules … it's killing me" she frowned and put her head in her hands,

"I want him…. I know now that I want this….I want this with him ….more than anything…. But I also…. I want us to be …. I wanna stay on 20 David too… and that's selfish…."

"Chris…" Hondo's voice was stern, he could see her beginning to spiral again, "Chris…. I'm not transferring you or Street…. You are both 20 David, till I say so. You are helping him focus and recover and that is what I need from you and what he needs from you. …."

Chris looked down away from him and Hondo could tell she was worrying about it all. How could this possibly all work out?

"Hey….." Hondo said watching her.

"Do you remember when we went out on that cruise ship to stop those drug traffickers?"

"Yeah" Chris answered looking at Hondo sideways, "Why?"

"I remember you being so cynical about being able to make any romantic relationship work back then …. Remember I was trying to make you see that if you want something you just gotta find a way?"

She nodded her head but didn't look at him.

"Now that I see how much you and Street want this… we will make it work somehow, we will find a way… I just really need you to focus on helping him get better, do I need to make that an order?"

She smirked a little, "No…. No boss you don't have to make that an order, I'm just …..."

"Overthinking?" Hondo said interrupting her and raising his eyebrows at her.

She again smirked and shook her head "Yeah…. ok… fair call".

"Hey, are you ready to go see the team?" Hondo asked her.

"Yeah, I'd like that" she said standing up with him and heading back inside.

The team was worried about her, even though Luca, Tan and Logan didn't know about the relationship stuff that was happening between her and Street, they knew they were best friends and that she would be taking this hard. When she walked back in, Luca, Tan and even Logan all hugged her tightly. Chris managed to smile, she felt really cared for as they all gathered around her.

The nervousness and fear inside her though continued to resurface. She fidgeted and fussed, trying to pass the time, trying her best to hold it all in and stay positive for him. To say she was going insane not knowing how he was, was an understatement.