CASTLE IMPROVEMENT
Authors note: Hey guys. I'm back with the next chapter of my Crash Bandicoot story. Sorry it took a while. I am currently playing and enjoying CTR Nitro-Fueled! Anyway, in this part Doctor Neo Cortex shows the Viscount, Vincent DeVil the living conditions of Cortex Castle.
Also, for reference the characters have their current N. Sane/Nitro-Fueled designs.
Disclaimer: Crash Bandicoot is the property of Activision. 'Celebration' is owned by Kool & The Gang.
Chapter 2: Castle Hassle
In the cool stonewall lobby of Cortex Castle, Vincent the Viscount stood with an awkward grin as he gazed at Dr. Neo Cortex's associates; a muscle-bound tiger in a loincloth, a pyromaniac dingo/crocodile, a demented scientist with a live missile lodged in his head, a lizard swinging a ragged sword about, a sly potoroo in a pink suit, and an insane blue kangaroo in a straitjacket. It was by far the strangest family he had met in his career.
"Allow me to introduce my hench... Er friends." Cortex cleared his throat. "Dr. N. Gin, Tiny STOP PICKING YOUR BELLY BUTTON! He who nearly gave you a heart attack is Dingodile. Komodo Joe, Ripper Roo or Dr. Roo as he likes to be known, and that ray of sunshine is Pinstripe who is delighted to meet you too."
"Ecstatic." the potoroo said with heavy sarcasm. "Look buddy, what's your game exactly?"
"I assure you there's no game. What I'm presenting is merely an opportunity to turn this God forsaken base into a powerful and less hazardous castle to plan your evil deeds." Vincent explained.
"Evil deeds?" Cortex had a look of alarm across his face. "No, you've got it wrong. We uh... bake cakes here. You simply must try N. Gin's strawberry tarts!"
Unconvinced, Vincent opened the front door and pointed outside. "I see, so that's why you have a toxic waste plant?"
"That's not functional anymore. Ever since a disaster a few years back it's been lying dormant."
"Huh. I had no idea a bandicoot was capable of that much damage."
"My castle didn't get off easy either. Hold on, what bandicoot?" Cortex narrowed his eyes.
"Be honest Doctor, I saved a few newspapers." the visitor revealed a bundle of the Wumpa Times.
The first had a photo of Crash and Tawna on Cortex's airship with the castle burning in the background; 'LOCAL BANDICOOT SAVES THE WUMPA ISLANDS AND RESCUES GIRLFRIEND', then a photo of the Cortex Vortex Space Station getting blown up; 'CRASH, COCO, AND NITRUS BRIO SAVE EARTH', and finally Crash and Coco in Ancient Egypt; 'CRASH AND COCO SAVE TIME ITSELF!'.
"GIVE ME THOSE!" Neo snatched the papers and threw them at Dingodile who quickly burned the bundle with his flamethrower.
"Hey, I don't judge you." the Viscount held up his hands and brushed back his glossy brown hair. "I actually admire your accomplishments. This is your chance to start a new, you want to take over the world, so show how bad you mean it."
Cortex beamed a sinister smile. "Yes! I like the sound of that."
"Hope you don't mind my asking..." N. Gin began.
"Shoot." Vincent said.
Pinstripe whipped his gun out, but Cortex immediately grabbed it off him. "Not literally you dummy!"
"Do you seriously think you can save this place from extinction?" N. Gin finished.
"I know I can."
As Vincent looked around the bottom level writing down notes, Team Cortex were in a huddle.
"So, what do you minions think of him?" Cortex asked.
"He ssssseemssss nicccce." Joe commented.
"Tiny like guest." Tiny growled.
"Swank suit too, mate." Dingodile added.
"Boss, if Uka Uka came back and seen a vastly better lair he wouldn't get mad at you." N. Gin suggested.
"Oh no he'll still find his ways, but it could decrease his tantrums." Cortex chuckled at the thought. "Roo what do you think? As a potential president I think your opinion counts." He nodded in agreement.
Pinstripe however had doubts. "I don't think we should trust him fellas. I smell a rat and I can tell you it ain't me."
"Dr. Cortex?" Vincent popped into the circle causing the potoroo to jump. "You ready to show me the place?"
"Certainly." Cortex rubbed his palms together. "The rest of you, keep yourselves occupied while I show our new friend around." As him and the Viscount turned, they were greeted by the large teeth of Tiny. "That includes you, Tiny." As the mutant left, he grinned at the starstruck tycoon. "My most loyal henchman. Some people have a guard dog, I have Tiny Tiger."
"How riveting."
Later, Cortex took Vincent throughout the blacked-out hallways of the interior carrying a lantern.
"Because of that orange skunk these corridors have been constantly dark. Watch your feet by the way, rats are common and yet they move in a line right into the pits, don't ask me why."
"And these floating platforms?"
"The floor kept giving way so I had no choice, but to program them like this." They were forced to squeeze together on a platform in order to cross the chasms.
"So, you're a Tasmanian devil eh?"
He nodded. "I come from a whole generation of rich Tasmanian devils. My grandad was my greatest inspiration. He scoured the globe for lost treasures like the infamous Hand of Midas and the City of Atlantis, but his most wanted possession was the Super Big Power Crystal. A crystal which according to legend could grant the one who found it one wish for anything their heart desires. He would do anything to get his hands on it. I was ten at the time and he would always tell me about his incredible adventures, he also said he'd like me to travel with him across the world. My mother and father were dead against this deeming it too dangerous for a kid my age. One day he discovered the approximate location of the Crystal and offered me the chance to see it for myself, but my mother refused to let me go. That was the last I seen him, as that night a heavy thunderstorm wrecked the sea. My grandad's boat crashed into an iceberg, split in half and sank. He didn't make it." Vincent's purple ears drooped.
"I'm so sorry to hear." Cortex cringed at what he said. "He never found the Crystal then?"
"No. My folks called it karma. But you know what, people said that about that Steve Irwin guy, yet he still inspired so many people."
"Heh, Dingodile wasn't his biggest fan."
They entered the Main Lab which was silent of moronic minions. Vincent gazed around the room in shock and awe at all the technological equipment; table tops littered with vials of unidentified substances, numerous computer consoles, a bullet board with blueprints of inventions and a gigantic satellite view of Earth. The biggest attraction was the rebuilt machines, the Evolvo-Ray and Cortex Vortex.
"What made you start DeVil Homes, Vincent?"
"Over time I eventually realized the most valuable treasure: family. My goal is to invest and improve the lives of those whose houses have fallen into disrepair."
Cortex covered his mouth as if he were about to throw up, the Viscount picked up on this. The two men walked outside on the balcony view point with Cortex's airship in their sights.
"How's the weather out here?"
"Amazing, however it can get intolerable at the worst of times like today. The two other islands are prone to bad winters, but not this one." Neo said as he wiped the sweat off his big cranium.
"Very good. I really like your airship, very unique for a villain of your stature." Vincent said.
"Why thank you, what better mode of transport is there? I made quite a few of these babies and gave some to Pinstripe for his sky casino."
Out of the corner of his eye, Vincent was certain he had seen some creepy yellow eyes staring at him like daggers through a grating in the wall. When he got closer, the figure reached a big hand out revealing itself as a disfigured old man with a bald head, white beard and a mental problem. "What the devil?!"
"Aghh! Help me." he snorted.
Cortex ran over and kicked the freak into the grating. "Get back in there!"
Vincent simply blinked in disbelief.
Over the course of the afternoon, it quickly became clear to Vincent the amount of workload required for tackling such a giant eyesore. He partially felt empathy for the doctor, one of the world's best evil geniuses to have such an embarrassing lair. Even Dr. Eggman would be howling at how abysmal it is: the castle Library didn't have a roof which meant most of the books were growing moss (According to Cortex it gives Jack and the Beanstalk a more 'natural' look.), in the Temple underneath Cortex and Vincent were constantly speared and crushed, one of the out of control blobs briefly ate the purple marsupial before Cortex disintegrated it, leaving Vincent covered in green goo, and one of the towers collapsed before they could even enter.
"Hmm, that's the third tower this week." Cortex remarked.
An hour later, Vincent was drained with exhaustion, and he had the hair style of Don King. He wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead as he checked off the last room on his clipboard. "The Great Hall huh? We'll see." To his astonishment, the Great Hall was in much better quality with beautiful stained-glass windows of Cortex, again most of the floor was gone, but Cortex had constructed proper walkways.
"Well I have to say, I'm pleasantry surprised. It's a simple, but perfectly grand hallway, and where is that triumphant sounding music coming from?"
"Beats me." Cortex shrugged. "That's the tour. Any questions?"
"Plenty, but first I want to know one thing."
Outside at the dreaded High Road. "What kind of messed up bridge is this?! It took me ten attempts to get to the other end, with a multitude of missing and broken panels I felt like I was doing several Long Jumps at the Olympics, and another thing, what's the deal with the turtles and hogs? Yeah, like it's not tricky enough to jump the gaps, now I need to bounce on turtle shells and avoid hogs?!"
"Did you get the Relic?"
"What?"
"Huh?"
"Well, the point I'm making is its far too treacherous for other people to cross. Jeez, I'd rather ride a unicycle blindfolded on the Great Wall of China than go through this again. Enough about that, let's discuss in detail what can be improved upon."
In the castle Breakroom, the minions were busy preparing a surprise party for Vincent for the simple fact he survived the castle, with balloons, confetti and food. N. Gin and Dingodile were putting up balloons, Joe was keeping one eye on the oven while he dusted cobwebs, Tiny was mopping the floor although he had accidentally mopped himself into a corner, Ripper Roo was washing dishes with his tongue, and Pinstripe was sitting on his butt, feet up, reading a magazine.
The Breakroom itself was very basic in layout, a big round table in the center with an embossed 'N' table cover and a kitchen at the side, the wall had sheets of recipes N. Gin made including blueberry muffins, bat wing cakes, lemon and lime donuts, and seagull pie. The color of the room was a welcoming white with a lone mini palm tree in the corner.
"Any excuse for a buffet huh? Not that I'm against it." Dingodile commented.
"The way I see it if this guy wants to rebuild this cesspool, then we have to show willingness." N. Gin said.
"Man, that Liz is a fine piece of work!"
"Pinstripe! Get your face out of that Bandiboy and give us a hand. It'll ruin your eyes."
"Ok mom." the gangster rolled his eyes.
N. Gin put his hands on his hips. "Don't take that tone with me mister. We have to interpret that we're not a bunch of brain-dead layabouts."
Pinstripe stood up. "Well pardon me for having instincts, this guy looks like a classic con artist!"
"And? I think you look like the weasels from Roger Rabbit, but you don't hear me complaining. This could be our last chance to change the castle for the better. What happens now will bring Cortex Commandos onto the global stage and out of the dark ages. Every able-bodied citizen will tremble in complete fear at their impending DOOM! *PING* Oooh, my tarts are ready." As N. Gin took the hot tray of freshly baked tarts out of the oven, he heard chatter coming from outside the room. "We have to turn the lights off." Tiny turned them off, then a loud scream was heard as someone tripped N. Gin over, landing face first in the treats.
Dr. Cortex opened the door to darkness with Vincent behind him. "Oh no. Don't tell me they cut off my electricity?"
Everyone jumped out as the lights came back on and 'Celebration' by Kool & The Gang began to play on a speaker. Dingodile shoved a kazoo in Vincent's mouth and placed a party hat on his head. Komodo Joe (with a camera round his slender neck.), gave him a plain white T-shirt that said 'I Survived Cortex Castle' and took a picture of him. "Ssssay cheesssse." he couldn't sound less excited. Tiny held a pink celebration cake he made himself with far too much icing cascading down the sides, an all manner of sweets on the top, and chocolate sauce laced all over it.
Vincent felt like he needed a dentist just looking at the sugar-coated cake. "Uh, thanks I guess, but I don't like cakes." the music abruptly scratched off and everyone gasped.
"How can you be so cruel?" even Cortex was shocked. "If you go take a seat, my servants will attend to you."
As Vincent walked to the central table, he stretched his legs over N. Gin still knocked out on the floor. He placed his briefcase on the table and let out a massive sigh before sitting down. A tall lanky man came over to him, a man with spectacles and a long-hooked nose like a vulture.
It spoke in a synthesized voice, "Hello there. Tea or coffee?"
The Tasmanian devil slumped over the table in confusion.
END OF CHAPTER 2
Well that's it for this part, poor Vincent had a lot to deal with so far. Anyone think I've captured the other minions well? And for those wondering the guy in the grating is based on the weird hand enemy in the Stormy Levels in the remake of the original Crash Bandicoot.