AN: hoLY SHIT ITS LITERALLY BEEN LIKE TWO YEARS IM SO SORRY
IS ANYONE STILL HERE?
im sorry life got... very in the way. anyway, i'm back on my bullshit.
this chapter is 3k+ long so hopefully it makes up a little?
heavy dialogue.
feedback helps feed the muse monster. 3
I did not proof read I will go back and correct spelling/grammatical errors later.
its been so long since i uploaded here i barely know what im doing... anyway
love yall!
Aubrey is panicking. Her hands are shaking so bad that she can barely get her key in the door. Once she's inside, she leans against the door and brings a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose. A feeble attempt to stave off the headache she can feel building behind her eyes.
This isn't happening, she thinks. I'm not- I'm not falling for Stacie.
"Damn it, Chloe!" She yanks her phone from her purse and quickly dials.
"Hey, Bree. You make—"
"This is all your fault, Chloe!" Aubrey cuts in, moving further into her house until she's collapsing on her couch.
"I'm sorry? What are you talking about?" Chloe asks, clearly confused.
Aubrey sighs. "You got into my head about the whole Stacie thing and now it's weird and—" she trails off, knowing that even as she says it, it sounds absurd.
"Oh shit." Chloe says, and Aubrey sighs. "Oh shit, you're falling for her."
"No I'm not!" Aubrey goes for indignant, but her attempt is weak.
"I'll be there in 20." And before Aubrey can protest, Chloe's already hung up.
By the time Chloe arrives, Aubrey is almost on her third glass of wine. She's curled up on her couch, one hand covering her face and the other clutching her glass.
"Oh, honey," Chloe says as she sits beside her. When Aubrey doesn't immediately acknowledge her, Chloe takes the wine glass from her hand and sets it on the coffee table before she pulls Aubrey into an awkward hug. "It's going to be okay."
Aubrey huffs out a little incredulous laugh. "No, it's not." She feels Chloe inhale, probably about to spew some cheery, optimistic bullcrap, but Aubrey sits up and cuts her off. "How? Exactly how do you think this could possibly turn out okay?" She snaps, leaning forward to take back her wine glass. "If you hadn't of said anything-"
"You'd still have fallen for her, Aubrey but it would have taken you longer to figure out, and it would probably hurt worse." Chloe says patiently, probably more patience than Aubrey deserves at this moment.
She's being childish, and even though she's aware of it, she can't seem to stop herself from pouting as she petulantly says, "I haven't fallen for her."
With an eye roll that rivals Beca's, Chloe sighs. "Bree, seriously? Is that why you're wallowing and drinking wine? Because you definitely don't have a thing for your future baby's bio mom?"
Aubrey shoots her a withering glare, but it's half hearted, because she knows Chloe is right. She just doesn't want to admit it. They sit there in silence for a few moments, Chloe leaning casually against the back of the couch as she waits for Aubrey to get her head out of her ass, while Aubrey glares into her wine glass.
After a few more minutes of this, Aubrey finally releases a defeated sigh, shoulders sagging slightly. "What am I supposed to do, Chloe?" She asks, internally grimacing at the desperation in her voice.
Chloe's eyes are filled with empathy, as she places a hand on Aubrey's knee. "You've only known Stacie for basically two months- which, I'm not saying that's not an adequate enough time to fall for someone, because I mean- I fell for Beca the first day I saw her and-"
"Chloe!"
"Sorry, I just mean-" She gives Aubrey a look that doesn't make her feel at all reassured. "Maybe it's one of those crushes you can get over? You know, with time? Or it could just be that your emotions are all over the place, Bree. I mean this is a pretty unusual situation."
Aubrey sighs and finishes off her wine before setting it on the coffee table. "I don't think that's what it is, Chloe…" She says tiredly. "I think I'm just going to have to be perpetually stuck between a rock and a hard place, until I can- I can get over whatever this is."
Chloe is quiet for a moment, gaze a little distant as she seems to take in Aubrey's words. But then she smiles, and Aubrey's anxiety skyrockets from that look alone. "No," She starts preemptively.
"I haven't even said anything!"
"No, but that look on your face tells me everything I need to know." Aubrey replies warningly.
Chloe pouts. "And what's that?"
Aubrey gives her an exasperated look. "That you're going to try and convince me of some wild, and outlandish ploy to win Stacie's affections." Chloe scowls at her. "Am I wrong?"
"Yes!" Chloe frowns. "What I was going to say, is-" Her expression softens slightly. "Maybe- maybe there doesn't have to be a 'ploy', maybe she already feels the same."
Aubrey scoffs. "That's absolutely ridiculous, Chloe. And… wishful thinking."
Chloe smiles something soft and sad. "Why is that ridiculous? You're a catch, Aubrey. Besides, I just… I have this feeling."
"Oh my god," Aubrey starts, sounding exasperated as her head lulls back against the couch. "You and your 'feelings'." She sighs for what seems like the nth time and brings her gaze back to the redhead. "I'll just be more careful, and I'll force myself to get over it."
"Bree-," Chloe starts sadly, but Aubrey cuts her off.
"No, Chlo. This isn't some romantic movie, and even if it was- you know the lesbian ones never end well. The girl never gets the other girl." She smiles wryly, folding her arms over her chest.
Chloe frowns, eyes sad and full of concern. She shakes her head gently, and stands up, holding her hands out. "C'mon, Aubrey. This pity party is over, you'll feel better once you get some sleep." Aubrey doesn't think that's true, but she takes Chloe's hands anyway and sluggishly gets to her feet, allowing Chloe to lead her to her bedroom, and tuck her in like some sort of mother hen.
How am I going to get through this? She idly wonders as she waits for sleep.
The hardest part for Aubrey over the next week is keeping a distance from Stacie, thinking maybe some space would do her some good. She tries to focus on getting things done for the baby, but that only causes her thoughts to stray to the other woman. She declines a lunch with Chloe, Beca, and Stacie, making up some weak excuse about work. Chloe will call her out on it, later.
Or sooner than she thought— her phone rings just as Aubrey is getting into bed for the night, her plan having been to read. The screen flashes with a picture of Chloe and Aubrey sighs.
"Why'd you bail on us at lunch?" Chloe asks before Aubrey can even utter a greeting.
Aubrey's head drops back against her pillows. "I told you I had to work. Someone called off today at the retreat."
She hears a scoff from the other end. "Stacie thinks you're avoiding her."
"I'm not!" She is. "Did she tell you that? What did you say?" A burst of panic rushes straight to her heart, causing it to speed up. Had Chloe let it slip? Did Stacie somehow know?
"Yeah, you are," Chloe replies in a matter of fact tone.
Aubrey's fingers play with the edge of her comforter with her free hand nervously. "Did you- did you tell her, or hint or-"
Chloe makes a noise between a scoff and a gasp, clearly offended. "Of course not! I would never reveal your secrets, Aubrey. I'm like a vault!"
"No offence, Chloe… but you're a terrible secret keeper."
"I am not! I kept your secret that you thought Beca was hot during that first riff off!" Chloe exclaims indiginitly.
From the background, a faint voice yells, "You thought I was hot?!"
"Damn it, Chloe!" Aubrey feels her face heat up in embarrassment.
"Oops?" Chloe says, just as there's a muffled noise on the phone. "Beca n-"
"Soooo, Posen… You had a thing for me?" There's a smugness in her tone that makes Aubrey want to punch her in the arm.
Aubrey huffs, her face feeling as if it's on fire. "Fuck off, Mitchell. I didn't have a thing for you. That was Chloe. I just said you… maybe looked kind of hot."
There's a muffled, "Give me the phone, Beca!" And a small scuffle before Chloe is sighing on the other end. "Sorry, Bree… I thought she still had her headphones on."
Pursing her lips, Aubrey scrubs at her face tiredly. "Does she know?"
"No, no of course not. I do keep the secrets that count." Her friend says, sounding apologetic.
Aubrey shifts down so that she can lay on her side and pull the comforter further up her body, curling up slightly. "It's fine," She says in a tired sigh. "Did- did she really seem upset?" The thought that she could have made Stacie sad causes a sick feeling in her stomach.
"Well, when I told her you couldn't make it, she kind of deflated a little. But anyway, Aubrey, you can't avoid this forever." Her friend says gently.
"I know that, Chlo." Aubrey's eyes drift over her walls, eyes finding a few photographs and studying each one. "I'll figure it out, but I've got to go to bed. I've got some errands I have to run in the morning." She says quietly, sounding defeated.
She hears Chloe sigh on the other end. "Okay, Bree. Love you!"
Despite herself, Aubrey smiles softly. "I love you too, Chlo. And tell Beca I love her even though she's annoying and rude."
Aubrey goes another 2 days trying to avoid Stacie and focus on anything but her developing feelings for the younger woman. She's successful during the day, able to hyperfocus on work or household chores; But at night, when she has nothing to distract her, Aubrey stresses (obsesses? hyper focuses?) over Stacie.
Those thoughts keep her up, her stomach going sour over the thought of losing Stacie as a friend, as well as not being in the baby's life because Aubrey can't get over a silly crush. Of course, her thoughts aren't always so dour. Sometimes she catches herself thinking about how pretty she thinks Stacie is, how pregnancy makes her glow. She thinks about her sea green eyes, and her coy smiles and brazen touches. They'd always been platonic touches, but they sometimes seemed to linger.
Not that Aubrey had seen Stacie enough to really compare those actions to. In fact, the next time she sees Stacie, it's under circumstances that Aubrey wishes were different. She's just getting home from work, feeling utterly exhausted, when her phone rings.
With a tired sigh, Aubrey digs her phone out of her bag and without looking or even her usual professional greeting, she mutters a tired, "Hello?"
"Aubrey," Chloe's voice is tight, and there's an edge to it that borders on tears. It sends a rush of adrenalin through Aubrey's body and she's suddenly much more alert, anxiety quickly filling her. "It's Stacie…"
Aubrey breaks several traffic laws on her way to the ER, and by some miracle, doesn't get pulled over. After rushing to the front desk and asking for Stacie Conrad, she's given a visitor's badge and directed to room 102.
"-seriously, I'm fine!" Aubrey hears Stacie's voice as she approaches the cracked door.
"Dude, you fainted! That doesn't read 'fine' in my book." Beca says, and Aubrey can hear the frown in her voice- the worry.
"I agree, Stace," Chloe chimes in, her tone more gentle than Beca's. "You should get checked out, just to be sure everything's okay."
Aubrey takes a steadying breath, some of the worry leaving her as she hears Stacie complain about not liking hospitals, but Aubrey tunes the rest of it out as she gathers a little composure, mentally preparing herself. She then knocks gently on the cracked door and peaks her head in. "Mind if I come in?" All eyes go to her, and Aubrey fights to keep nervous blush from coloring her cheeks.
Stacie looks away the moment their eyes meet. She's wearing a standard hospital gown and is hooked up to numerous monitors that Aubrey assumes are tracking both hers and the baby's heartbeat. There's a blood pressure cuff on her left arm and an IV in the right and her fingers are playing with the edge of the white hospital blanket.
"Hey, Bree." Chloe greets just as Beca offers an awkward finger wave before turning her attention back to Stacie. "We were just trying to convince Stacie that she should probably stay and let the doctors make sure she's okay. Aubrey brings her gaze to Chloe's watching as her redheaded companion gives her a pointed look, as if saying, 'Agree with me!'
Aubrey clears her throat and moves further into the room, shutting the door behind her. "She's right, Stacie. You could have some sort of underlying issues that could be harmful to both you and the baby."
Stacie's eyes meet hers before an adorable pout pulls at her lips. Aubrey fights a small smile at the sight of it. "Fine." She mumbles petulantly, arms crossing over her protruding belly.
Beca's jaw drops. "Seriously? We've been arguing for 20 minutes now and Aubrey comes in here and suddenly her word is law? I literally said the exact same thing she did, like verbatim!" Aubrey purses her lips, trying hard to hide her amusement at Beca's frustrated frown.
Stacie's cheeks seem to flush lightly and Aubrey notices how her heart rate picks up slightly, though Aubrey isn't sure why. "You did not say that," She says with a roll of her eyes. "You said, 'Dude, you should probably stay for like… testing or whatever'" She says in a mocking voice. Chloe snickers behind Beca, swiftly avoiding eye contact when Beca turns to glare at her.
"That's essentially the same thing! And I don't sound like that!"
Behind them, a throat clears. Everyone turns to see a middle aged woman in blue scrubs, brow quirked and lips pursed in a poor attempt to hide her amusement. "Sorry to interrupt," She says once she's sure she has everyones' attention. "I'm Dr. Cameron," She looks down at a chart that Aubrey hadn't noticed at first. "So they did an ultrasound when you first arrived, and everything looks great. Baby is healthy. We're gonna draw some blood to run a few tests and make sure it's nothing serious like gestational hypertension, or something along those lines. Okay?" She smiles, making a point to meet everyones' gaze.
Aubrey finds herself nodding along with the others and watches as the doctor excuses herself.
By the time the doctor returns, after they'd taken four vials of Stacie's blood (Stacie had made a point to look anywhere but there, while Beca looked a little pale.) and hooked up a saline drip, it'd been a little over two and a half hours. Two and a half hours of tension and slightly stilted conversation between the four of them. But as soon as the doctor enters, relief seems to wash over all of them.
"So, looks like all your tests came back normal!" Dr. Cameron says, smiling gently. "The only thing I noticed was that you were mildly dehydrated- hence the drip. That could have been a factor to your fainting spell. Are you getting enough sleep, Stacie? Perhaps feeling a little more stressed out than usual?"
Aubrey watches as Stacie pushes a strand of messy brown hair behind her ear. "Maybe," She replies, glancing away. "I've had some trouble falling and staying asleep." She admits, gaze finally meeting the doctor's. "And I'd taken a few extra shifts at work." Aubrey frowns at that, concern twisting like a knot in her stomach.
The doctor nods knowingly. "I thought so. I'm going to recommend you take some time off work and take it easy. I know it can be hard to get comfortable when you get to this stage in your pregnancy, but you need to make sure you get plenty of rest and plenty of fluids, or next time it could be something worse." She says gently, smile somber.
Stacie seems to consider the doctor's words before she nods gently. "Okay, thanks, doc."
Dr. Cameron grins at that. "Good. Now, you're free to go once you sign the discharge papers. I'm leaving you in the clearly capable hands of your friends." And with that, she disappears out the door.
After signing the discharge papers, (and Aubrey, Chloe, and Beca leave the room to give Stacie the privacy to change back into her clothes.) Chloe drags Beca out of the room, calling over her shoulder that they were going to get the car so they could meet them at the door. Aubrey narrows her eyes in Chloe's direction, but she just smiles and waves.
A nurse comes in with a wheelchair saving them from being alone together. At Stacie's annoyed look, he smiles gently. "Sorry, hospital policy." He explains.
Stacie sighs and takes a seat, and in a split second decision, Aubrey steps up. "Uhm, I can push her." She offers, smiling kindly.
The nurse studies her for a moment before he nods and steps aside. "Just push the wheelchair back inside when she gets in." He says, offering them both a nod as he exits.
Aubrey swallows and grips the handles of the wheelchair and begins pushing it. Nobody says anything as she starts down the hall. The air is awkward between them and it doesn't help that Aubrey can see how tense Stacie is as she stares resolutely ahead.
"I'm sorry," Stacie blurts suddenly after a few more seconds of unbearable silence.
Aubrey frowns. "For what? These things happen, I'm just… glad you're both okay." Her cheeks flush at the admission and she's glad that she's behind Stacie so the other woman can't see it.
"N-not for that- I mean, I am sorry for that." She stammers, her gaze still ahead. "I just- I feel like I've upset you somehow. I mean, I know this is technically a uhm- a business deal?" She sounds uncertain with her choice of words, a frown evident in her tone. Her words cause Aubrey's stomach to drop. "But… I enjoyed your company. I kind thought- we were becoming friends."
Guilt fills Aubrey up and her heart clenches painfully in her chest. She pauses just outside the ER doors and notes that Chloe and Beca aren't there yet. Stacie stands as soon as they stop and Aubrey is quick to gently grab her arm to help her up. She doesn't let go right away as she meets Stacie's gaze.
Her eyes are lighter than Aubrey remembers (not that she paid that much attention to the exact shade of Stacie's eyes or anything), and there's a vulnerability there that she isn't used to seeing. After a tense moment, Aubrey's fingers brush against the soft skin of Stacie's arm and she smiles softly. "I'm not upset with you, Stacie." She says earnestly. "And I've enjoyed your company as well. I think even after everything is said and done, we'd make good friends, don't you? It'd be hard not to be, wouldn't it? So, I think maybe this is a little bit (a lot) more than a business deal. We're friends."
Stacie's eyes are glassy and for a moment, Aubrey thinks the younger woman might start crying, but before she can say something to maybe help stave off the tears, Stacie is throwing her arms around Aubrey and hugging her tightly. She's so stunned, it takes her a moment to hug the other woman back.
Her arms wind around Stacie as best she can and finds that her nose gets buried in long chocolatey locks. Before she can stop herself, she inhales deeply and her heart does a somersault in her chest. Stacie smells like acai berries or something of the berry variety and it's everything Aubrey can do to keep from melting.
And then all too soon Stacie is pulling away, a watery grin on her face. "I'm really glad you feel that way." She says almost shyly as Beca's car pulls up beside them.
Aubrey is sure her face is red, but she smiles anyway and nods. "C'mon, let's get you in the car." She helps Stacie into the front seat (Chloe had volunteered to sit in the back), offering a wave after she closes the door. Stacie and Chloe both roll down their windows. "Call me if you need anything, Stacie." She smiles again, making an extra effort to ignore the pointed look Chloe is sending her and watching as Stacie nods, smile soft.
"I will, thanks, Aubrey." Stacie replies as she puts on her seatbelt.
"Call me, Aubrey!" Chloe calls after Beca offers her own goodbye and starts to pull away.
The car pulls away and Aubrey sags in relief. "Well," She mutters to herself. "I'm fucked."