AN: Immediately following SW:TLJ.
"Here's to the ones who dream
Foolish as they may seem
Here's to the hearts that ache
Here's to the mess we make."
- Audition, La La Land
His father's pride and joy (an honor certainly never associated with himself) speeds away, with her a passenger. She departs along with hope, salvation, and an endless list of other unattainable qualities. The reality of what's happened – what he's done – finally crashes in. Decisions he cannot undo, consequences, and repercussions…
Why didn't she stay?
As he rises, his usually pristine cape drags slightly in the dirt. Numbly walking back through the destroyed bunker, Kylo realizes he has no idea what to do next. He has long ago given up on love – an emotion he has no use for. One that leads only to weakness, not strength. To the light and never the dark.
The girl from nowhere.
A scavenger.
In the scope of the entire galaxy, she amounts to nothing. He is now the most powerful man in the known universe.
So why does she represent more? And why specifically does it matter so desperately to him?
He pauses, looking into the harsh sunlight of Crait. The desperation in his voice as he said the word 'please' echoes loudly in his ears, embarrassing him. Crippling him.
He views the spot of the attack on Luke and the anger he'd had on board dissipates, leaving an empty void.
For years, he's known his path – to follow the Supreme Leader without question. To grow stronger than his powerful grandfather. To find and smite his uncle. With the introduction of Rey and their inexplicable connection, his plans have changed drastically. In all his plotting, there had been no time for such wasteful things as relationships. But after the battle, the thought of ruling the galaxy with her at his side had felt so extraordinarily right he'd felt a punch to his gut when she denied him.
His gloved hand grasps onto the gold trinket clearly left for him. A connection to the ship. To her. To that hateful name she continues to call him. He won't let go. Damn him, he can't. They aren't finished – this is just getting started.