When Donna landed in Denver, she felt a huge relief. Though she'd only been in Washington for 3 days, it felt as though she'd been away from Audrey for an eternity. And being in the apartment on her own for a day and half after Chris and her Dad had left wasn't easy either. She'd thought it would take more time to get everything in order, but with all the help they'd packed everything up in record time. The guys had been thrilled to get an early start on the long drive. In fact, they were making such good speed, they might just beat Donna to the cabin.
She was anxious to get back to the Cabin soon, but her mother would be landing in about an hour, so she purchased a cup of coffee from a kiosk in the terminal before making her way to baggage claim. While she waited for her luggage, Donna reviewed the rental car agreement to make sure everything was in order. She and her Mom would make the drive to the cabin together. Once the truck was unpacked and they were settled in, her family would drop the truck off and bring the rental car back to the airport before flying home. It was a good plan.
Donna was only halfway through her latte when she spotted her mother exiting towards baggage claim. The two embraced warmly and Donna was immediately relieved to be in a comforting presence once again.
"Thanks for coming, Mom." Donna held on tightly. "I'm so glad you're here."
"Oh, of course, darling." Meredith Moss was genuinely glad to be able to help her daughter. "Anything you need. You know that. Now, let's get our bags and get on the road. I think there's probably a little girl who is waiting impatiently to see you."
Walking in stride next to her mother, Donna grinned at the mention of Audrey.
"Whoa," She remarked, eyes widening at the size of the suitcases Meredith lugged off of the conveyor belt. "What did you bring with you?"
"Oh, this and that," Meredith smirked. "... a sewing machine."
"What?" Donna couldn't help but to laugh.
"Well! You're going to need curtains! And you told me that you painted an accent wall in Audrey's room coral. She's going to need a new bedspread. We can get everything fixed right up. It'll feel like home in no time."
"Maybe," Donna stared at a spot on the floor.
"It will," Meredith softly reassured. "And before you know it Josh will be home, and he will think so too."
The thought gave Donna a sliver of hope, and she clung to it as the two of them found the car, loaded it, and then navigated the mountain roads to the cabin.
"Looks like they beat us," Meredith remarked as Donna pulled into the driveway behind the moving truck. The car was barely in park when the front door flew open and Audrey darted out into the night, running across the yard in her pajamas and an oversized winter hat.
"Donna!" She called out, practically lunging towards her.
"Hi, Sweet Pea!" Donna held her close and made her way towards the warmth of the house. "I missed you so much!"
Audrey held on to Donna tightly, and it was easy to see that she was nothing short or relieved that she had come back. Audrey rest her head on Donna's shoulder, her anxiety leveling off.
"Did you have fun with Bubbe while I was gone?" Donna gave her a kiss on the cheek. She was so happy to be back with Audrey.
She could feel Audrey nod against her. "Uh-huh," she swung her feet a bit. "Donna, Grampy Moss and Uncle Chris brought my toys in that big truck."
Audrey pointed to the moving van as Donna made her way up the set of steps onto the porch and into the house, which was already in a state of chaos. There were boxes stacking up in the living room as Chris and Rick were beginning to haul the furniture inside.
"And my Uncle Chris gave me this hat!" She was wound up with all of the commotion that evening.
"I see that," Donna smiled at the hat, two sizes too big, with a red and white poof ball in the top and a badger crocheted into it.
"And what do you say when you're wearing that hat?" Chris asked from a few feet behind them as they carried Josh's bed frame in the door.
"On, Wisconsin!" Audrey responded, pumping her little fist into the air.
"Atta girl!" Rick cheered as Donna smiled widely.
"Donna." Audrey's eyes widened, pointing at the large piece of solid wood furniture. "That goes in Daddy's room! Is Daddy coming?"
"Oh, Sweet Pea. No. I'm sorry." Donna cupped Audrey's chin and met her eyes. "Remember what we talked about?"
Audrey's chin quivered a bit but she nodded that she did remember.
Donna's conversation with Audrey about Josh's incarceration had been difficult to say the least, but she wasn't going to leave the little girl wondering. Donna answered all of the resulting questions truthfully and as delicately as possible, trying to put this situation into terms that Audrey would understand.
Donna sat Audrey on the countertop and stood in front of her. "It's okay to be sad sometimes, Sweet Pea. And it's okay to miss your Daddy."
Audrey looked up to Donna with wide eyes, listening intently to what she said.
"I miss him, too," Donna admitted softly.
"You do?" Audrey looked on in awe.
"Of course I do. And do you know what else?"
"What?"
"He misses you."
"He does?" Audrey was clinging to Donna's every word.
"Of course he does. And he loves you so, so much." Donna smiled. "And I do too," she added before giving Audrey a tickle on her stomach and eliciting a loud, genuine giggle before picking her up from the spot on the counter and standing her on the floor. "Now, I think Grammy Moss has a surprise for you in her purse. I'm going to go find Bubbe."
Audrey ran off to find Meredith while Donna navigated the boxes to look for Edith.
OoOoOoO
The next morning Donna woke up early. They'd managed to assemble Edith's bedroom set the night before, and the rest of the family had opted to sleep anywhere they could land in an effort to simply shut their eyes after a long day.
Their plans to efficiently unpack were slightly derailed upon Edith's announcement that she'd be moving into the small guest house behind the main cabin. Though Donna wasn't exactly thrilled by this revelation, she realized that everyone was handling the stress of Josh's incarceration differently, and if Edith felt that she needed to live in the guest house they'd find a way to make it work.
Rick and Meredith slept on Donna's mattress on the floor in the spare room upstairs while Chris had made himself at home on the couch and Donna and Audrey slept on Josh's bed in the master.
Donna rolled onto her side, unable to go back to sleep with the bright sunlight shining in through the large picture window. Audrey was still sleeping soundly, sprawled out diagonally across most of the bed, Walter resting on the pillow. Donna couldn't help but to smile at the scene before her. Audrey was the embodiment of Josh's personality, that was certain.
Thinking of all she had to do that day, Donna was ready to get going. She gently slid out of bed and dressed quickly, tiptoeing out of the room.
"Donna? Where are you going?" Audrey's small sleepy voice stopped her at the door.
"Go back to sleep," she soothed. "I'll be in the kitchen."
"Can I come with you?" Audrey sat up and rubbed her sleepy eyes. "Please, Donna?"
Donna couldn't say no. She knew Audrey was going to be a bit more clingy than normal with Josh's absence and her new surroundings.
"Alright," Donna agreed. She would have preferred Audrey to get another hour of sleep, but she wasn't going to force her to stay in the room alone. "Come on."
Audrey hurried to her feet, climbing out of the covers and quickly making her way to Donna's side and following her to the small garage that housed the majority of the boxes from DC.
"Put your coat on," Donna instructed, removing a cover from an overstuffed chair, "and sit here. I'll find a box of your books."
"Donna? Can we play outside today? In the snow?" Audrey was hopeful as she situated herself and Walter, leaning her head against an armrest.
"We'll see," Donna muttered as she moved a few boxes.
"But Donna, I'm bored! There's nothing to do here and I don't have any friends to play with and we don't even have toys or a TV." Audrey crossed her arms and pouted.
"Audrey." Donna's stern tone left no room for interpretation as she looked over at the little girl. "What is Daddy's rule about whining?"
"Save it for the professionals," Audrey muttered. "I can whine when I get elected to Congress."
"That's right," Donna nodded. "And besides, your toys are in one of these boxes so you'll have plenty to do."
Before Audrey could continue her weak protest, the door to the garage opened and Rick peeked his head through. "Heya, kiddo!"
"Grampy!"
"Uncle Chris and I are going to head into town to find some donuts for breakfast and grab a few things at the hardware store. But I can't go without my sidekick."
Audrey was immediately wound up at the thought of going anywhere with Rick and Chris. "Donna, can I go? Please? Please?"
Donna laughed. "Of course. Let's get you in some warm clothes and boots."
Once Audrey was off on her morning adventure, Donna wasted no time getting down to business. She'd had new carpet installed in the upstairs rooms while she'd been in DC, and after vacuuming it, she made the multiple trips upstairs with boxes for each room. Her number one priority would be to get Audrey situated. The rest would fill in.
Almost an hour later Donna heard the front door open as Audrey announced her presence.
"Donna!" She shouted. "I'm home and Grampy Moss let me have a donut with sprinkles on it!"
She could hear Audrey's little feet running across the open rooms in the bottom floor of the cabin as Donna descended the staircase.
"A donut with sprinkles, huh?" Donna grinned. "Sounds like you're a lucky girl."
"And guess what else?" Audrey beamed, but didn't wait for Donna to respond. "I got my own tool box!"
"A tool box?"
"Yeah!" Audrey nodded her head vigorously. "So I can help you with our new house!" She grabbed Donna's hand and pulled her towards the kitchen where Rick and Chris were unloading their purchases. "Look!" Audrey pointed to the small, hot pink box on the counter.
"Oooh," Donna cooed as she popped Audrey up to sit on the counter. "Very fancy, Audrey Joan. What do you say?"
"Thank you!" Audrey spouted. "I said thank you!"
Rick winked and gave Donna subtle nod that Audrey had, in fact, used her manners upon receipt of the gift.
Audrey opened the top of the box the way that Chris had showed her, and pulled each of the pink tools out to examine them once again. She lined up a small screwdriver, a carpenter's pencil, a lightweight mallet and a tape measure.
"You're all set," Donna confirmed, watching Chris lug a large sander into the house to refinish the hardwood floors.
"Yeah!" Audrey replied with a wide grin, still captivated by her new treasures. "Come on, Donna. We better get to work."
OoOoOoO
Audrey, dressed in a pair of overalls, was sleeping soundly on top of Josh's bed when Donna found her. They'd worked nonstop for the previous five days sprucing up the cabin. They'd cleaned, painted, sewn, and organized from morning until night. Audrey had measured everything in sight with her little pink ruler, and now she was sprawled out on the bed, Walter beside her.
Chris was just finishing grouting the new tile backsplash in the kitchen and everyone else was ready to call it a night. The Mosses had an early flight back to Wisconsin the next day.
Donna moved carefully to change Audrey into her pajamas without waking her, tucking the little girl into the covers and snuggling Walter in beside her. Though Audrey's room was finished and ready to be slept in, Audrey simply wasn't ready to be alone upstairs at night. She'd become Donna's shadow over the last few weeks. Though they'd have to get back to a normal routine eventually, Donna knew it would take some adjustment time for all of them and she didn't push.
Leaving the door cracked, Donna made her way back to the kitchen where Chris was finishing his clean up. He washed his hands and grabbed the last 2 beers from the 6 pack he'd purchased a few days prior, handing one to Donna.
"Well, Sis, it looks pretty good in here," he remarked, taking in the freshly updated cabin.
"It does," Donna smiled softly, looking around at the cozy little home. "I can't thank you enough. I could never have pulled this off without you, Mom and Dad."
"I'm glad I could help. And I have to say," Chris laughed, "I've never seen anyone negotiate like you did at the hardware store. You sure you don't want to work for me?"
Donna gave a small smile. "What can I say? I'm a girl on a budget. And with the discount on the rental equipment for the floor and all the items that I purchased from the clearance section, this whole remodel actually stayed fairly affordable."
"It's none of my business," Chris continued somewhat hesitantly, "but is Edith chipping in on any of this?"
"Ummm…" Donna shifted uneasily. "It's complicated," she hedged. "And she has a lot on her mind. She paid for the hotel last week and I'm sure once we get settled in we will figure out the finances."
"And in the meantime?"
She knew Chris' question came from a place of love. He'd always looked out for her and she'd always been able to talk to him. Chris was observant and Donna knew he'd picked up on Edith's eccentricities over the last 8 days
"Josh left us with some money," Donna acknowledged. "And we have very few expenses. This place is paid for, and so is the car and the condo in DC. HR is letting me use up my vacation time so I'm still going to receive another paycheck and actually I got a call about a job today, from one of the biggest resorts in the area. The pay is just alright but Audrey and I would have benefits and…"
"Whoa," Chris laughed at his sister's word vomit. "Calm down. I'm sure you have it all under control. I mean, you've pretty much had a plan for everything since you were about 6 years old. I'm just… I want to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine," she quickly supplied, speaking more on reflex than anything else.
"Are you though? Because typically when you give me an answer like that I don't believe you but I know if somethings wrong…" He trailed off.
"What?"
Chris cleared his throat and leaned back on the kitchen island. "If something was wrong, Josh would be there."
Donna gave a sad smile and stared out the window.
"I thought you were crazy, you know. Going to New Hampshire to join a Presidential campaign. I mean, I wasn't surprised because it's you but I thought it was absolute insanity. I didn't say anything at the time because if it meant you'd leave Whats-His-Nuts then I was all for it. What does Josh call that guy again?"
"Dr. Freeride," Donna muttered.
Chris laughed. "Yeah. That's him. Dr. Freeride. Anyway, you left and I was a little scared for you, to be honest. But I was home that weekend and Mark and I went out for a beer with Dad, who reminded me that you're smarter than all three of us combined, and that you'd be okay. Still, even after I got over you working on a campaign, I thought you had completely gone off the deep end when you moved to DC. And when we actually saw you, on your first trip home, I couldn't believe it. You were so happy, D. You had this new confidence and this... purpose. You kept telling us about all of the things you were helping to accomplish in the White House and I think you must have shown me a hundred photos of Audrey. And that REALLY confused me. But that night I visited you in DC, when my flight was delayed, and Josh picked me up from the airport and took all of us to dinner, well, it all clicked. You're happy Donna. It may not be completely traditional, but you have the life that people dream about. Josh is a smart guy, D. And he has a team of smart people working diligently for him. You guys are all going to get through this and you're going to be happy here. I really believe that."
Donna felt the emotion building inside of her. "Thanks, Chris. I hope you're right."
But before Chris could respond, Audrey cried out from the master bedroom.
"Donna?!" She sobbed, still not used to waking up alone in new surroundings.
"Duty calls," Donna whispered, taking a quick last sip and carefully placing her bottle on the counter.
"Night," Chris nodded. "And Donna… if you ever need anything…"
She smiled genuinely, grateful for the support of her family. "Thanks, Chris. I mean it."
OoOoOoO
"Okay, Sweet Pea, are you going to set the table?" Donna gently stirred the sauce simmering on the stove. She'd had what was easily the worst day in the four weeks they'd been living in Colorado, but she put on a cheerful smile for Audrey's sake.
"Yes," Audrey hopped up from where she was situated in the living room, coloring a picture to send to Josh. They'd quickly taken to writing him every evening after dinner. Even if the letter was short, Donna wanted to make sure he remained a consistent part of their lives, and sharing their lives through daily letters seemed to be the best way to do just that.
Donna handed Audrey placemats and napkins, followed by forks, and Audrey carefully set the table the way she'd been taught. Edith would join them for dinner, followed by cleaning up in the kitchen, and then they'd all sit down in the living room to watch an episode of I Love Lucy. Donna had seen the videotapes of the series in the clearance bin of a local store and purchased the complete set. It was one of the few shows that amused all three women. Edith would turn in immediately following their program and Donna and Audrey would write their daily letter to Josh. They'd go through Audrey's bedtime routine, read a book or two and then it was lights out. Donna had wasted no time establishing a routine and they'd all grabbed on to it, grateful for some sort of stability in their changing lives.
"Okay, go pick up the puzzle on the floor in your room and then you can start to snack on some veggies before Bubbe walks over," Donna instructed, pulling a container of carrots and broccoli florets that she'd prepared in advance out of the fridge.
Audrey moseyed up the stairs to do as she had been instructed. She had barely rounded the corner on the staircase when Donna's phone began to ring. Glancing at the number, she immediately took the call.
"Hello?"
"Donna? Donna, is everything alright?" He was clearly worked up.
Donna closed her eyes, remembering everything she'd told herself on the drive home from Englewood that afternoon.
"Everything is fine, Josh," she assured in the most soothing voice she could muster at that moment. "I promise."
"You're okay? Audrey and Mom are alright?"
"We're all absolutely fine. I assure you," she repeated her sentiment.
"Then what… Why… They told me you came to see me today."
"I did."
"Why?" He was completely dumbfounded. He couldn't fathom why anything other than a dire emergency would bring her to the correctional facility.
"Why?" She could hear the disbelief in her voice. "BECAUSE! Because I wanted to see you! Because I miss you! Because I thought that maybe you'd want to see me too."
"Donna…" his voice sounded suddenly desperate in a way she wasn't quite prepared to hear. "Of course I want to see you. Please tell me you don't think otherwise."
"I wasn't on your visitor list, Josh." Her tone was quiet as she took careful inventory of her surroundings, making sure neither Audrey or Edith were in earshot. She hadn't told them where she was going that day, acting as though she was headed to pick up an extra shift at work when she left the house that morning. She'd arrived at the prison just as visiting hours were scheduled to begin, but she hadn't been allowed inside. She'd been informed buy a guard that she wasn't on Josh's list of approved visitors and turned away. After sobbing in the car for the better part of twenty minutes she'd gathered her strength to return back to the cabin. She stopped on the way out of Denver and splurged on a well made cup of coffee and resolving to not blow this all out of proportion.
She heard him sigh on the other end of the line. "No. No, you're not on the list. I want you to listen to me, Donna. Okay?"
"I'm listening." She leaned back against the counter in the kitchen, biting her thumbnail in nervous concentration.
"I miss you. I miss you and Audrey so much I can barely breathe sometimes. But you cannot come back here. Do you understand me? You can never come back here and you can never bring her here. It's not going to solve anything."
"But Josh-"
"Donna. Please." He swallowed the lump forming in his throat at the agony of the words he was speaking. "This is not a place where I want you to spend any time. I don't want you to be subjected to this. And Donna, I don't want you to see me like this."
His words broke her heart. She was absolutely certain that nothing could diminish her feelings for Josh, but she heard his request and though she didn't like it, she would honor his wishes. She'd certainly broach the topic again in the near future, but given the lack of control he had right now, she wasn't going to force the issue.
"Okay," she whispered. "I won't come back unless you ask me to. But Josh, I don't want to go two years without seeing you. Audrey can't go two years without her father. Please promise me..." She was beginning to grow emotional, and he could hear the gentle shake in her voice.
"There's nothing happy to cling to here," Josh told her. "And when I think of you and Audrey, every single one of those memories is warm. I want you to close your eyes and remember that morning in your apartment, Donna. And a thousand little moments over the last few years. I want you to hold onto those, okay? Because God knows I am."
"I miss you," she admitted without reserve.
"I miss you too," he assured her. "I'm sorry for what I'm putting you through. You'll never know how sorry, Donna. But we're going to get through this. All of us. I promise."
"I believe you." And she did. Josh had never let her down before. She wasn't about to let him start now.
"I only have about 10 minutes," he attempted to change the tone. "Why don't you tell me about what you're doing right now?"
"I'm making dinner." Donna felt a smile tug at her lips. She'd needed so badly just to hear his voice. Just to have an easy conversation with him.
"Nothing fancy, just spaghetti. Audrey's picking up her puzzle so she can watch TV after we eat, and your mom is probably walking over from her area as we speak."
"That sounds amazing," Josh told her with unhindered sincerity. "Wait. She's out in the guest house? Not in the main house with you?"
"Yes. But Josh, really, it's fine. The guest house is lovely and if she needs a little bit of privacy to get through this, well, that's fine too. I'm sure it's not easy on her. And Audrey and I are fine in here. She walks over in the mornings. There's a little path that we salt between the two houses."
"Donna..." Josh sighed, sorry that he had to put this, along with everything else, out there for her to deal with. "When Joanie... after the fire... she sealed herself off. She doesn't cope well with things like this."
"I know," Donna tried to gently reassure. She'd seen first hand what it looked like for Edith to meltdown and wall herself off after Rosslyn, and Donna thought she would likely be dealt the same set of cards in this situation. "I'll take care of her, Josh. I won't let her feel as though she's all alone."
"I know you will, but that's not what I meant. She... You need to watch her, Donna. Please. I'm sorry to ask you but... I worry."
"Josh..."
"She'd never do anything to endanger Audrey. She wouldn't, Donna, I'm sure of it. It's never been out of control. She just... when things get rough she can't always deal with it. She's been known to drown her sorrows in a bottle of gin."
"Josh, I know."
"You know?!"
"I do. It's pretty obvious that your mother doesn't do well with stress, and I can't blame her. So, she told me."
"She… did?"
"Yes," she continued very gently. "In Connecticut. Just after your father died. She was afraid it would be on your mind and that you'd worry about leaving Audrey to rejoin the campaign. We talked about it once more after Rosslyn and again in Wisconsin, too. And you're right, she wouldn't ever drink when she is watching Audrey. Nor would she ever do anything to jeopardize Audrey's well being. We're going to be fine, Josh. I don't want you to spend your time worrying about the three of us."
"You're my angel," he told her softly, unable to find any other words.
And for just a moment, they remained silent, simply cloaking themselves in the warmth of their connection with each other.
But a few seconds later Donna felt a tug on her sweater and she knelt down with a warm smile, pulling Audrey close and handing the phone over for her turn.