"Okay, Sweet Pea. Put the flower in." Donna knelt in the garden, patiently waiting for Audrey to delicately place the dahlia bulb into the small hole she'd just dug. They'd been outside for the better part of two hours planting a garden in front of the cabin and both of them were loving every minute of it.
Audrey gently placed the dahlia bloom in the appropriate spot and filled the dirt in around the stem.
"All done!" She announced, rubbing her cheek and smearing dirt across her face.
Donna laughed outright, causing Audrey to giggle too. They were both absolutely filthy, but the yard looked vibrant. As Spring came to an end, the cabin was really starting to feel like home. Donna had installed a porch swing the prior weekend and she was especially looking forward to enjoying the fresh mountain air and a warm cup of coffee overlooking their new garden.
"Let's get you cleaned up and start dinner." Donna stood and picked up the small garden trowel they'd been using.
Audrey did as she was asked and was soon all clean, playing with a pony figurine in the living room with her damp hair drying into wild curls.
Donna, satisfied that Audrey was occupied for a moment, took a quick shower and changed into some comfortable clothes before starting dinner.
She'd found a recipe for chicken pot pie and decided to attempt to switch up their dinner routine with something new. Audrey helped pinch the edges of the crust, pleased to be contributing and enjoying the task at hand.
"Now we just slide it into the oven," Donna narrated her actions, "and it will ding when it's ready. 40 minutes." Donna wiped down their hands and the workspace in the kitchen before moving to settle in beside Audrey on the sofa.
"Are you ready to write our letter to Daddy?" Donna picked up the small notebook they frequently used to correspond with Josh and clicked her pen. Along with turning the cabin into a home, over the course of the last few months Donna had figured out how to move on with life, but still keep Josh a part of it in some small way. She and Audrey wrote nightly letters to Josh telling him about whatever caught Audrey's fancy. Donna also made it a point to sit down and craft something more substantial from herself about once a week. She found it therapeutic, and it made her feel like Josh was co-parenting, even though he couldn't be there, and even though he'd never once disagreed with her approach. Still, getting a letter back from him, thanking her and telling her she was doing a good job raising their little girl always made her day.
Audrey agreed that she was, looking towards Donna. "Let's tell him about our garden," Audrey suggested, "and the pretty flowers."
"Alright," Donna agreed.
"And riding our bikes!" Audrey spent the early part of the morning riding in circles on the new pink bicycle she'd received for her birthday last month. Donna had admired it a window of a local bike shop, with its wicker basket and the streamers on the handlebars, and had picked up extra shifts at work until she'd saved enough to surprise Audrey, placing a large bow on it with a tag that read
Happy Birthday, Audrey Joan!
Love, Daddy & Donna
The look of awe on a Audrey's face had made all of Donna's extra effort worth it. She'd done little laps around the garage and could hardly wait until Donna took her to the park later that same afternoon. Once Donna had seen how quickly bike riding had become a favorite activity of Audrey's. Donna had kept an eye out for a used bike in her own size. Luckily it had only take a few weeks to find one for sale at a reasonable price. They'd made a quick trip to the park that morning, riding a little trail to a diner and having breakfast, just the two of them.
Donna had certainly always been able to find joy in life's simple pleasures, and she was proud to watch Audrey's gratitude grow.
"Should we tell Daddy about the turtle we found today on the way to breakfast?" Donna asked, referring to the box turtle crossing the bike path in town.
"Oh, do you mean Tim?" Audrey didn't miss a beat. She had a particular affinity for animals and named practically anything she came into contact with.
Donna stifled a chuckle. "Yes… Tim."
"I'll draw a picture," Audrey stayed with resolve, picking up a green crayon and stating to color a rendition of the scene Donna was describing.
"What did you learn today?" The question was standard in their home.
"Turtles can be 100 years old," Audrey offered. "And they like to eat lettuce."
"That's right," Donna nodded her head. They'd stopped by the library after lunch and picked up a book about turtles in addition to the other books Audrey selected for the week.
"And what is our country of the week?" Donna asked. After their relocation to Colorado, Donna had taken a more direct approach to Audrey's education. Though she was very pleased with the quality of instruction at Audrey's preschool 3 days a week, she also knew that Josh had immersed his daughter in non traditional forms of education as well.
"Peru?" Audrey looked to Donna for confirmation, trying to accurately remember.
"Yes, it is."
"So we're going to learn a little bit about Peru and the people who live there this evening, and you can draw the flag on a notecard for our fridge." They'd learn a few things about the country of origin over the week, and have a traditional meal on Thursday evenings. The meal, in Donna's opinion, served more than one purpose, both educating Audrey on the world she lived in as well as combating picky eating habits that may have been forming.
Donna helped Audrey write the rest of the small letter and left her to color a picture of a day in the park on her bike with a turtle. Donna would write her letter to Josh that evening before she went to sleep and include a worksheet from Audrey's school that she'd done particularly well on from the prior week before dropping an envelope in the mail.
Donna chopped the lettuce for a salad and Edith walked over from the guest house just as the timer on the oven buzzed.
"Mmmm… It smells wonderful in here." Edith let herself inside.
"Hi, Bubbe!" Audrey greeted enthusiastically.
"Hi, Edie," Donna gave a warm smile.
"Hello, my darlings. Tell me all about your day."
OoOoOoO
Donna leaned against Josh's headboard and sighed. Audrey had been a little ball of energy all day and though they'd had a wonderful afternoon riding their bikes around the lake and meeting Edith for a picnic lunch, Donna felt particularly alone.
She crawled under the soft flannel comforter on top of the bed and looked around. It really was starting to feel like home. She'd kept Josh's furniture and added some new linens that she'd found to be cozy but still somewhat masculine. She's painted the master bedroom a warm gray and accented the area with soft finishes and candles.
Donna opened the drawer of the nightstand and pulled out Josh's latest letter. He'd gone on for several pages, as he always did, about everything and nothing. He'd clearly been doing a lot of reading, outlining for her both a new theory from a particle physicist in Switzerland and the merits of sight based words and phonics theories for Audrey's reading. It warmed her heart to know that even when he was away from them, he still wanted to teach them every he knew. It was a distinctly Josh way of showing his affection, and it was never lost on Donna.
He'd praised her for the life she'd created in Colorado. Her resilience in the face of change, her ability to adapt to new surroundings and the extraordinary job she was doing raising their Audrey.
And then he'd told her how he'd missed her. Every day, he'd written. Every day.
OoOoOoO
Donna was completely exhausted. She'd worked a double and her feet were killing her. It was late and the crowd at the resort seemed to be particularly demanding that weekend. She simply had to help take the trash out and she'd be done for the evening.
She followed her coworker out the back door chatting casually, waving hello to a few ladies from the front desk who were headed to their cars.
"Shoo!" Donna jumped at the sound of a grounds manager shouting. "Go on! Get out of here! Shoo!"
Craning to see what the commotion was all about, Donna wasn't exactly sure what was going on. She stepped forward a few paces before she was even able to spot the small, dirty beagle puppy shaking with fear in the corner. She looked up at Donna with wide, sad eyes and tucked herself even farther into the cardboard box where she was hiding when Donna stepped towards her.
"I'm calling animal control," the groundsman announced in disgust.
"No!" Donna found herself interjecting. "I'll handle it."
The groundskeeper scoffed but quickly washed his hands of the situation, walking back towards the main building.
Donna crouched down and spoke to the frightened puppy in soothing tones, removing her jacket as she inched closer to the tiny animal.
"It's okay," Donna coaxed. "C'mere."
A few minutes later the puppy was snuggled into her sweatshirt on the passenger seat of
Josh's car as Donna drove home.
She let herself quietly into the house, depositing the puppy and the sweatshirt into a laundry basket to keep her contained before slipping in and saying a quick hello to Edith, who had been dozing in a reading chair after putting Audrey to bed. She'd said goodnight to Donna and turned in quickly.
Donna gave the puppy a thorough bath and a small meal, which it gratefully scarfed down.
"We'll pick up some dog food and a bed in the morning," Donna gave the puppy a soft pet before placing her back in the laundry basket, which had now been lined with a few old towels and situated in Donna's bedroom. "Stay here, I'll be right back."
The puppy whimpered a bit when Donna left the room, but had fallen asleep by the time she returned from checking on a soundly sleeping Audrey.
Donna watched at Audrey's peaceful breathing, kissing her forehead and smiling at the thought of Audrey's excitement the next morning when Donna would introduce her to the puppy.
The next morning Donna was up with the sun, letting the puppy outside for a few moments before climbing the stairs to the loft.
"Good morning, Sweet Pea," Donna woke Audrey gently. "I have a surprise for you."
Audrey's eyes opened at the sound of the word 'surprise,' and she rubbed them lightly sitting up in bed to lean over into Donna's arms.
"What is it," she asked, climbing into Donna's lap.
"Well you have to go downstairs and find out."
"Okay," Audrey agreed, groggily descending the stairs.
"Donna!" She gasp, eyes widening with her growing smile. "There's a puppy in our house!"
The dog trotted directly over to Audrey, who crouched down and softly pet the animal.
"Hello, Lucy!" Audrey exclaimed, the puppy immediately wagging her tail.
"Lucy?" Donna smiled, immediately catching Audrey's name for the dog.
"Yes." Audrey was firm in her conviction. "Her name is Lucy. And we are going to be best friends."
Lucy lunged forward and gave Audrey a kiss. Donna just shook her head, wandering to the kitchen and starting breakfast to a background of giggles, happy squeals and a very excited howl.
OoOoOoO
"Hello?"
"Donna!"
"CJ!"
"Boy, is it good to hear your voice."
"You too!"
"Donna?"
"Hmm?"
"What's that racket in the background?"
"Oh. Umm, Audrey started piano lessons this week."
"I'm going to send you a giant bottle of Excedrin first thing in the morning."
"I won't fight you on that."
"I'm sorry I haven't called in a few weeks. It's just been so crazy with the re-election campaign and… Donna? Is that a… dog howling?"
"Oh. Yeah. That's Lucy. She likes to sing along."
"Will you put Audrey on the phone? We all miss our little daily dose of happiness around here."
"She misses you too, Auntie CJ. I'll call you back after she goes to sleep and we can catch up."
"Ok. Talk to you then."
OoOoOoO
Donna was preparing the watermelon for their 4th of July celebration when all of a sudden it hit her. Josh had been gone for 6 months. Tears sprang to her eyes unexpectedly as a sudden wave of loneliness hit her.
She wanted to be proud of herself. They were making a good life. Audrey was doing well. She was learning all sorts of new things. She was happy. She was adjusting to life without her father.
The tears spilled over then. Audrey was adjusting to life without Josh. It dawned on her all at once that Audrey had stopped asking for him. There were no more tearful cries in the middle of the night. None of the daily questions about how long it would be until Daddy came home or looking hopeful every time the phone rang.
Donna felt her chest tighten at the reality of the situation. She didn't want Audrey to give up hope. She didn't want any of them to give up hope. She wanted Josh here, with them. She didn't want to go another 18 months without him.
As she heard the back door open she quickly scrubbed the tears away and put on a bright smile, greeting Audrey and Edith and deciding on the spot that they were going to make the most of their holiday.
OoOoOoO
"What if they don't like me?" Audrey squeezed Donna's hand, clinging close to her as they walked towards the small school, the first hints of a fall breeze hanging in the air.
"They're going to love you, I'm sure of it," Donna stayed confidently, crouching down to Audrey's eye level and smoothing her hair. "Just like I do."
Audrey smiled at that.
"Besides, Sweet Pea. You know most of these kids. They're your friends. The only thing that's really changing this year is your teacher."
"Miss Karen?"
"Yes. Miss Karen. You liked her last week at orientation night, didn't you?"
"Yes," Audrey nodded in the affirmative. "She was nice to me."
"Yes, she was." Donna smiled softly. "I'd never let you go anywhere if I thought people weren't going to be nice to you. But you'll have fun today, and Bubbe is going to pick you up at lunch time. And I'll be home after work, in plenty of time for dinner. And maybe we can go get ice cream after we eat. How about that?"
"Really?"
"Of course. It's a special day! Your first day of pre-K! Now give me a big smile so we can send a picture to Daddy!"
OoOoOoO
Donna highlighted the relevant text in her blue marker and made a careful note in the margin of the book. There were days when she thought that maybe she was making some headway, but the majority of the time she felt as though she was barely treading water. She wanted so badly to do something useful for Josh. She wanted desperately to make this all go away.
She'd fallen asleep with a stack of papers spread over her bed more nights than not, and her late night calls from Sam reminded her that she wasn't the only one who wanted to make this right. She'd cried and, one particular evening, yelled about the unfairness of it all. How he was too stubborn for his own good and too smart for her sanity someday. She'd sobbed that she didn't understand why he wouldn't just take the pardon and come home, though she rationally realized why he was hellbent on staying the designated course. Sam and listened to her, softly reassuring that he'd do everything he could, though he reasonably wasn't making any progress either.
She'd done all of the research Sam has asked her to complete, and some more of her own, compiling documents and recounting events to Sam, who wanted to verify that he was remembering events accurately. But their endeavors seemed to be fruitless, and Josh remained behind bars, hellbent against taking a presidential pardon.
Josh has put his foot down, demanding that the senior staff focus on the re-election campaign and Sam's phone calls had become less and less frequent. When she heard from Senior Staff their conversations were personal in nature, and they all shied away from Josh's legal situation. It was clear to Donna that they were losing all hope. They'd exhausted every option that any of them could think of, and they were right where they'd started out. She could hardly bear to hear the rapidly increasing dejection in Josh's voice when he called. He'd put on a brave front for Audrey, but he couldn't fool Donna. She could tell. He was slipping away, into a deep pit of despair.
But Donna wouldn't give up. She'd never stop fighting for him.
OoOoOoO
With the arrival of fall, the heat of the summer gave way to cooler evenings. Donna found that she enjoyed the mountain air more than she would have imagined, enjoying the laid back time reading with a cup of warm tea or watching Audrey and Lucy play in the back yard.
Donna woke in the night, somewhat groggily, to Audrey's faint cries. She was up the stairs quickly, scooping Audrey into her arms.
"I don't feel good," Audrey whimpered.
It was easy to see that she had a slight fever and was under the weather. After giving Audrey a dose of the proper medication and changing her into different pajamas, Donna was fairly certain that Audrey had the flu, and it wouldn't be going away before morning.
"Donna? Can I sleep in your room? Please?" Audrey's lower lip trembled as she held onto Donna.
"Of course you can, baby girl." Donna carried Audrey and Walter downstairs to her room as Lucy trotted dutifully behind.
Donna held Audrey, gently rubbing her back until she fell asleep once again. But only a few short hours later Audrey woke again and it was easy to see that the little girl felt miserable.
"I want my Daddy," Audrey cried.
"I know you do," Donna soothed. "I'm right here and I promise I'll take care of you."
"But I want Daddy!" Audrey continued, emphasizing the word Daddy and becoming increasingly worked up with every passing moment.
"Sweet Pea," Donna attempted to capture Audrey's attention in the most loving way possible as she pulled her close and rubbed her back. But before she could continue her thought, Audrey's cries interrupted again.
"Please, Donna? Please?" Audrey was sobbing.
Donna truly emphasized for Audrey. "If I could fix this I would. But I can't. And I'm so sorry." She kissed the top of Audrey's head.
"Can you call him? And ask him to come home?"
"No, sweetie, I can't," Donna soothed. "You know that I can't. I'm so sorry." They'd had this conversation before.
"But why?" Audrey sobbed, her cries cracking with her complete despair. "Why doesn't Daddy want to come home and see me?"
Donna's heart shattered with Audrey's desperate plea.
"Oh baby girl," Donna pulled her close. "Of course Daddy wants to see you. He loves you so, so much. He just can't come home quite yet. But I promise I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
Audrey continued to cry, slowly but steadily falling back to sleep in Donna's arms. And though Donna hated that she couldn't give Audrey what she wanted, her father's comfort. Donna was a little relieved that Audrey still wanted Josh there. She hadn't completely moved on from him.
OoOoOoO
"Hey you." Donna couldn't help but to smile when she answered.
"How'd you know it was me? Wait… did you know it was me?"
"It's Sunday at 4:30. Who else would it be, Josh?"
"Is that Daddy?" Audrey chimed in from the background as she ran towards the phone.
Although she loved the sound of his voice,Donna rarely spoke to Josh for more than a few minutes on the phone when he called. It was so much more important to have Audrey spend that time with him. Instead, Donna wrote him regularly, and he'd respond with enough Josh-like calculated enthusiasm that she knew he wanted her to continue her weekly multi page letters.
"I think someone's ready to talk to you," Donna smiled softly as Audrey bounced on her toes and reached towards the phone.
"Wait. Before you hand me over, I just…" he trailed off.
"What is it, Josh?"
"I just… I miss you guys."
Donna softened at his tone of voice, running her hands through Audrey's auburn curls.
"I miss you, too, Joshua. And so does Audrey. And we aren't going to give up hope or stop advocating on your behalf. You know that, right?"
"Yes," he swallowed the lump in his throat. She believed in him.
The promise of seeing his family at the end of his two year sentence was what kept him going every day.
OoOoOoO
Donna sat at the desk in the makeshift study balancing her checkbook. They were lucky to have limited expenses as the cabin and Josh's car were both already paid off, but she still had to pay careful attention to her budget. With utilities and insurance and maintenance on the cabin, Donna tried to save money where she could, clipping coupons and watching for sales on clothing in Audrey's size.
Edith, though financially stable, typically didn't contribute much financially. She'd buy the groceries if she did the shopping, but even her help with the errands was rare. Donna knew she was struggling with Josh's absence and didn't want to burden her with additional problems.
She'd vowed to take care of Josh's family while he was away and she wasn't going to fail him. She'd find a way.
With Josh's assets frozen, the only thing Donna had access to is a Trust designated for Audrey's education. She'd read the paperwork very carefully, and while she probably could use the funds if necessary, Donna prided herself on not touching them.
Besides, the money in the trusts was for Audrey's future. She wanted her little girl to go to college and not have to worry about finances. Even if she'd wanted to access the funds, she wasn't sure where to begin and she hated to bother Edith about it.
Donna was working 40 hours a week, picking up extra shifts at the resort when she could and trying to build the best life she could for Audrey.
Donna carried the 1 and totaled out the balance in her checking account with a sigh. Audrey had plead with her for two weeks about taking ice skating lessons and Donna was having a hard time saying no. Audrey had enjoyed ballet in Washington, and Donna herself had been lucky enough to enjoy extracurriculars in her youth. Though it didn't seem as though it was in the budget, Donna would find a way. She'd skip coffee and lunches and get haircuts less frequently. She could wear her worn in winter coat for another season or two. She'd come up with something.
OoOoOoO
"Donna, look!" Audrey grinned wildly as she twirled in her poodle skirt. "I'm fancy!"
"Yes, you are." Donna did a quick once over of Audrey in her Halloween costume. She was decked out in a poodle skirt that Donna had made out of felt with an old pair of Keds painted to look like saddle shoes and bobbie socks with cat eye glasses and a scarf tied atop her curly ponytail. "Do you have your candy bag?"
"Yes! Are we going trick or treating now?" Audrey picked up the small novelty bowling bag that Donna had picked up at a thrift shop a few weeks prior. It had been the inspiration for the whole costume and Audrey had been so excited for the idea.
"Almost," Donna nodded as she reached for a brown parcel on the kitchen countertop. "But you have a box to open first."
Donna scored the tape and allowed Audrey to open the flaps, a full dimples grin spreading across the little girls face as her eyes widened in delight at the contents.
"There's candy in here!" Audrey marveled.
"Let's read the card first," Donna gently encouraged.
Audrey pulled a small card with a cartoon black cat and jack-o-lantern on the front out of the envelope.
"Let's sound it out," Donna continued as Audrey opened the card.
"Ha...pppeeee... Haaa...ll...ooooh...weee...eeen. Happy Halloween!"
"That's right!" Donna looked on with a wide smile.
"Wuh...eee luh...veeee y..ouuu. We love you!"
Donna beamed.
"I got it!" Audrey announced with a new found pride.
"You sure did." Donna's heart was practically bursting with joy. "It says that since you aren't going to be able to trick or treat in the West Wing this year, they're sending the candy to you. It's signed from Papa Leo, Aunt CJ, Uncle Toby, Uncle Sam, Margaret, Carol, Bonnie, Ginger, Ed & Larry."
"Wow..." Audrey was amazed at the sugary goodness inside the box.
It was packed to the brim with her favorite treats, and Donna noticed that it contained a few of her choice indulgences, too, as she grabbed a piece of foil wrapped Dove chocolate.
"You can pick one piece," Donna informed Audrey. "And we will write a thank you note tomorrow and save the rest for later."
After careful consideration Audrey chose a few pieces of candy corn and followed Donna out the door to Edith's guest house.
"Trick or Treat!" She exclaimed as soon as Edith opened the door.
"Oh my!" Edie exclaimed, grabbing the fancy, oversized cookie shaped like bat and iced in purple sugars. "Aren't you lovely?"
"Thank you, Bubbe," Audrey stated in a singsong voice, using her best manners. "Are you ready to go with us?"
"I believe I am." Edith grabbed her jacket and snapped a few photos of Audrey posing next to the the pumpkins they'd carved that currently sat perched on the front stoop before all three loaded into the car and headed into town.
Once they arrived at the fall festival, Audrey trick or treated at the booths of local businesses and then moved on to participate in the crafts and games.
Edith was chatting with a woman she played bridge with about joining the library board as Donna sipped a cup of hot apple cider, thinking to herself how much Josh would love the quaint little town they now called home, even though he'd whine endlessly about the lack of access to cable news programming in the cabin.
She couldn't believe it had only been 9 months since his incarceration. It felt as though a lifetime was passing by without him and they weren't even halfway through his sentence.
She missed every single detail of his presence. It killed her to know that Audrey was growing up and making memories without him, and that he was alone in a strange, desolate place.
She took a deep breath and willed herself to come back to reality. She had no idea how she'd make it another 15 months without him, but she would summon her strength to get through each day one at a time and make it through this phase of their lives.
No matter what, she wouldn't move on without him.