"Donna?" Audrey's little voice rang out from inside the house, peering into the dark night. "Who's here?"
Donna heard Audrey make her way down the stairs and took immediately took a jarring step back from Josh, losing contact with his body completely and wiping her lips and she looked away, feeling her face flush.
She had to focus on Audrey. They had to focus on Audrey.
She plastered a smile on her face amidst the mix of emotions coursing through her and turned around just in time to see Audrey, who had been running towards Donna, stop dead in her tracks at the sight of her father.
She stood just outside the threshold of the cabin door as the bitter air whipped by, and stared at Josh. She was stunned into a stillness Donna wasn't used to seeing. Audrey looked at Josh for a few moments as if she was trying to make sure she really believed he was there, before glancing briefly towards Donna to get her bearings again, and turning back to stare at him silently. Audrey slowly blinked a few times, her silence almost deafening, before bursting into gut wrenching sobs.
Josh's heart broke. He didn't know what he was expecting, just showing up, but it certainly wasn't this. He stood there in shock, momentarily frozen to his spot.
Donna quickly swooped in and picked Audrey up and held her close, whispering soft reassurances into her ear as Audrey clung to her.
"Come on, Sweet Pea," Donna spoke in a normal tone once the cries had initially faded, continuing to rub her back, "let's get you inside."
She motioned for Josh and Sam to follow her, all of them glad to be out of the near freezing temperatures. "Your mom should be back in an hour or so. Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes," she noted, glad she'd made an extra large pot of soup.
"Oh, I, uh," Sam looked towards the door awkwardly. "I should go."
"No!" Josh and Donna both interjected at once.
"Sam, I insist," Donna continued. "We have plenty and we'd love to catch up with you, wouldn't we, Josh?" Donna looked to him for confirmation.
"Yeah," Josh cleared his throat. He was still somewhat off balance.
"Okay, so it's settled," Donna tried for a chipper voice. "Make yourself at home, we'll be right back," she told them, heading into the bathroom to wash Audrey's face and try to calm her down.
Josh looked around the cabin for the first time, the unmistakable feeling that he was home washing over him. It was strange, he thought, to feel that way about somewhere he'd never been before.
He wandered over to stand by the fireplace and warm up while he made some small talk with Sam, trying to cover the ache in his heart that resulted from Audrey's reaction.
"Hey there," he spoke directly to Lucy, who was staring at him from where she lay curled up on her bed. "You must be the famous Lucy."
Josh bent down to give the dog a scratch behind the ears but Lucy barked at Josh and ran off to find Audrey.
"Ahkay," Josh remarked to nobody in particular. "This is one hell of a homecoming," he muttered and began to look closely at the photos on the mantle. Though he was familiar with the majority of them, as they'd been moved from his apartment, he picked up a few of the newer snapshots to examine them closely.
When Donna emerged once again with Audrey clinging to her, Josh was relieved to see that at least the tears had stopped. But he didn't miss the red, puffy look in Donna's eyes that now matched his daughter's. He'd never meant for any of this to happen, and he wondered how long the people he loved would have to pay the price for the deal he'd made.
Audrey clung to Donna, buying her face in her neck as Donna stirred the soup still simmering on the stove, declaring that it was ready and pulling a loaf of warm bread from the oven.
"Ok, Sweet Pea," Donna sat Audrey on the edge of the counter, "I've gotta put you down." But Audrey didn't let go of the hold she had on Donna. Silently shaking her head 'no.'
Donna sighed, knowing that it wasn't worth the fight. Any effort she made to get Audrey to be a little more independent right now would likely result in another meltdown. And she couldn't bear to see Audrey in that state again tonight. Or, for that matter, the look of devastation on Josh's face that accompanied it.
She moved around the kitchen with ease, able to prepare the meal and hold Audrey. Josh watched the two of them intently, swallowing the lump in his throat when he began to realize just how much he'd missed them both. He'd tried not to let himself think about it over the last months. But it was unavoidable now, watching them move around in unison, making a home cooked meal in the warm comfort of the cabin.
"Can I help," Sam offered Donna, the sound of conversation pulling Josh from his thoughts as he stood, also ready to lend a hand.
"Glasses are in that cabinet," Donna nodded towards the far side of the sink. "If you could get everyone something to drink. Audrey will have milk."
"Can I have juice?" Audrey asked softly.
"No, Sweet Pea," Donna didn't miss a beat. "You've had enough sugar today."
Josh watched Audrey accept Donna's answer without protest. He wondered what other changes in her personality he'd missed.
Josh and Sam set the table and took their seats as Donna sat Audrey next to Josh and returned to the stove to retrieve the bowls of soup she'd ladled out.
She could hear Josh's almost desperate attempt to converse with Audrey but the child never said a word, her eyes glued on Donna every second that she was away.
Donna returned quickly enough, placing Josh and Sam's dinner in front of them and letting her hand rest gently on Josh's shoulder and give it a soft squeeze. She wished this was easier for them, but at this exact moment she wasn't sure how to fix any of it. But she'd do whatever she could to hold them all together until she figured it out.
She made conversation with Josh and Sam through dinner, attempting unsuccessfully in the process to engage Audrey, but she mostly spoke to Sam. Josh was still, understandably, out of sorts.
He'd reached over to try and assist Audrey during the meal, but he was met with a grumpy irritation that let him know without words she could do it herself.
After dinner Sam thanked Donna for the meal, hugged Josh and headed back to Denver. There was a snowstorm heading in and he had an early flight back to DC.
An odd still fell over the house as Josh attempted to help Donna clean up. He watched Audrey carefully walk her bowl to the sink and stand somewhat patiently as Donna rinsed off all of the spoons and handed them one by one to Audrey, who placed them carefully in the utensil rack of the dishwasher. Audrey stared at Donna in anticipation of what was to come, and Josh watched closely.
"Thank you for helping me clean up, Audrey," Donna stated. "You may be excused."
Audrey ran to the corner of the living room and pulled out a small basket to color, as was her nightly routine.
Josh grinned a bit, leaning back on the counter. "I see you've got her on a schedule."
"I've learned that Lyman's do better with routines," Donna quipped, purposely bumping into him a bit with the side of her body and smiling.
As Donna continued to clean up from dinner Josh watched Audrey in the living room and slowly dried the soup pot. "What's the routine," he asked, trying desperately to get a handle on daily life, and quite frankly blanking on any other topics of conversation.
"Umm, not far from what it was in DC, I suppose," Donna told him, rattling off the order of events in a typical day. "Breakfast and getting ready for school. I drop her off on my way to work and your mother picks her up at three. They run errands or go to the library or the park. On nights when I'm home by 5:30 we work on reading or math while dinner cooks. Audrey helps clean up and then plays until bedtime."
Josh nodded slowly. "You have a job?"
Donna chuckled. "That's what you got out of that? Yes, Joshua, I have a job. I work at a major resort about twenty minutes north of here. What did you think I did all day?"
Josh grumbled something unintelligible. Truth was, he hadn't considered it. He'd hoped he'd left her enough money to take care of anything they may need, but he hadn't anticipated he'd be gone for so long either. "The, uh, the place looks amazing," he told her, changing the topic. His mother's letters had outlined all of the hard work Donna had put into making the old cabin into a cozy home but none of them did it justice.
"Thanks," she spoke softly, appreciating his compliment.
She'd never known Josh to be too caught up in interior decor, but she'd desperately wanted him to feel at peace in the little cabin. She'd made every decision with him in mind.
"Josh? What's going on?" Donna dropped her voice as low as possible to stay out of earshot. "How… how are you here?"
"We can talk about it after she goes to sleep." Josh was firm in his decision.
"You're scaring me…" Donna understood his lack of desire to get into the details when Audrey could potentially overhear, but she'd been worried sick about him for 10 months and she had lots of questions.
"Don't be scared," he quickly assured. "I just… there's a lot we need to talk about. And I'd like to be able to give you my full attention and unabridged answers. You deserve to know the truth."
Donna nodded her head.
"Don't worry," he added with a self deprecating smile. "I didn't tunnel out with a spoon."
She gave him a little laugh, hoping to god her Josh was still somewhere inside the shell of a man standing in the kitchen.
Donna finished the task at hand and closed the dishwasher and dried her hands, placing the towel to rest on the lip of the sink. "She'll come around," Donna assured Josh when she saw him watching Audrey intently. "She's just a little overwhelmed." Donna made her way over to the pantry and opened a tupperware of freshly baked cookies, offering one to Josh and placing a second on a napkin and nodding her head towards Audrey.
Josh walked over to the couch and perched on the edge. "That's a pretty picture you're coloring, Shortcake."
Audrey ignored him, staring directly at her coloring book and pressing down with force, coating the page in glittery purple crayon. Her tongue stuck out at the corner of her mouth in concentration, and though Josh was hurt at the lack of interest his daughter was displaying in spending time with him, he was comforted by her familiar mannerisms.
Josh sat the cookie down near Audrey's coloring book. "Want some dessert? They're pretty good."
Audrey's motions stilled and though she didn't look up, Josh could tell that she was considering his peace offering. He could see her eyes flick over to him without lifting her head, and eventually the coloring resumed and a much slower pace. Josh could tell she was watching him. He stepped away for a quick moment to get a glass of water and he could see from his peripheral vision that Audrey's head jerked up and followed him closely. He returned quickly and Audrey looked away, but not before taking a bite of the cookie that Josh left for her.
"Bedtime, Kiddo," Donna announced. It was actually well past Audrey's bedtime but Donna had let it slide for obvious reasons. Audrey didn't stop coloring so Donna tried again. "Audrey? It's late. Daddy will still be here in the morning but we need to go to bed, okay? It's already way past your bedtime. Let's put on your jammies and brush your teeth and Daddy will be up in a few minutes for a story. Okay?"
Audrey kept coloring.
"Audrey Joan." There was no response.
Donna's voice came with a bit more of a warning tone. "1... 2..."
Audrey put her crayon back into the tiny basket and quickly closed her coloring book. She knew when Donna meant business.
Josh watched Donna take Audrey's hand and head towards the staircase. "We'll give you some privacy," she told Josh, motioning towards the window where a pair of headlights began to slowly make their way down the driveway. Edith was home.
Josh nodded his thanks and stood, walking slowly towards the front porch. Donna talked to an unusually quiet Audrey as the little girl put on her pajamas and brushed her teeth. She could tell Audrey was deep in contemplation.
Donna heard a commotion downstairs, followed by a shout of joy, as Audrey washed her face. Knowing that Edith and Josh were being reunited caused her to smile involuntarily.
At the sound of the noise downstairs, Audrey stopped scrubbing her face with a washcloth for a moment and glanced over to Donna, who was perched on the edge of the bathtub. "Bubbe's home?"
Donna nodded confirmation and Audrey went back to what she was doing.
"You know," she began, hoping to get Audrey to open up a little bit, "Daddy is so happy to see you. I know he missed you so much."
Audrey said nothing, but listened intently to Donna.
"Come here," Donna opened her arms and Audrey walked into them, letting Donna hold her close. "I love you so much. And I know you don't like it when things change, but this is a good change. I promise that Daddy and I are both going to be there if you're scared or worried, okay? You can talk to us. Do you understand, Audrey?"
"Yes," Audrey whispered.
"I love you, Sweet Pea, and so does your Daddy. Do you know that too?"
"Yes," Audrey whispered again.
"Okay." Donna kissed her forehead and hopped up, taking on a more chipper tone. "Pick out a story for bed."
Audrey crossed the room and looked intently through her books as Donna called downstairs for Josh, who was up in a flash.
Donna pulled back the covers on Audrey's small bed, placing a small bottle of water on the nightstand and Walter in the pillow.
"Night night, Lucy Dog." Audrey whispered softly and pat the beagle on the head before crossing the room to her bed and crawling under her blankets.
Josh looked around the room that Donna had clearly taken a great deal of time putting together just for Audrey before picking up the book on the nightstand and taking a seat on the edge of Audrey's bed. Donna lay down on the other side of Audrey and the little girl curled into her. "Come on, Dad," Donna told Josh. "We can't see the pictures from way over there."
Audrey made no protest, looking at Josh with anticipation as he leaned back against the headboard and began to read Harry the Dirty Dog. He was only a few pages in when Audrey fell asleep, breathing deeply, but Josh was content with his surroundings for the first time in a long time, so he kept reading. This wasn't lost on Donna, who reached over and gently rest her hand on his knee. By the time he closed the book Donna was asleep, too.
Josh sat where he was, watching the two doze peacefully. He choked back his emotions, not wanting to make even a peep and risk disturbing either one of them. He'd missed them so much it hurt. He sat there, in the comfortable still of the room, for the better part of an hour until Donna woke.
"Mmm," her eyes fluttered open. "I dozed off." She glanced down at Audrey before gently standing up. Josh followed suit, tucking in the covers around his daughter and watching as Donna softly kissed her goodnight. Josh leaned over, unable to hold back his tears, and did the same. "I love you baby girl," he whispered, gently brushing the curls from her face. "And I promise, I'll never leave you again. Not for anything in the world."
Josh and Donna closed the door to Audrey's bedroom and paused on the landing. "She's okay up here? She doesn't get scared?"
"She's been doing really well. But I can hear her at night with the door cracked if she needs anything."
Josh nodded his understanding and descended the steps slowly. "Where's my Mom?" He looked around trying to find Edie.
"Oh. She probably went to sleep. It's late, Josh." Donna couldn't believe how long he'd let her lay there asleep. "I'm sure you're tired."
He shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. I'm all honesty, he hadn't considered it. But he'd grown used to having a set schedule and he followed her lead without hesitation.
"Where, um, should I…?" He glanced hesitantly around the living room, eyeing the couch. "Do you have an extra blanket?"
She gave him a sad smile. "This is your home, too, Josh," she stayed, inferring what was on his mind. "You'll sleep in your room."
"My room?" He raised his eyebrows.
She nodded her head softly and motioned towards the master bedroom, leading the way down the hall. Donna slipped inside and opened a drawer to his dresser, removing some sleepwear for herself.
"Your clothes are on this side," Donna pointed to the second set of drawers in the oversized piece of furniture.
"All of my things are here?" He looked around, as though he hadn't really pieced that together, even though she'd informed him of all that she'd moved to the cabin in a few letters.
"Yes," She answered patiently, watching him look around the room from where he stood in the doorway, his uncertainty practically radiating off of him. "Your clothing is on the left side of the closet," she nodded towards the door. And your toiletries are on the left side of the vanity," she explained softly. "I… I hope that's okay. I'll just grab my things and-"
"No!" He rushed. "I mean… yes. It's okay. It's really very… nice. In here, that is. In the cabin. It feels… I dunno… warm and cozy."
She smiled genuinely at his praise. She'd wanted so badly for the cabin to feel welcoming to Josh.
"But you should stay in here," he continued, shifting his weight rather nervously as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'll take the couch."
She stilled her motions, turning to look at him. In her head and her heart she knew that he was feeling out of sorts and she didn't want to push him.
"I don't want you to be uncomfortable," she admitted softly. "I can sleep upstairs."
"It's not that," he assured her. "Believe me, it's not. I just… it's hard to explain?"
"Sure," she nodded her head in genuine acceptance, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear somewhat nervously. He didn't have to explain himself.
"I'll probably, uh, just watch some TV or something," he tried to add noncommittally.
She wasn't convinced but Donna didn't press the issue. He'd need time, and space and she'd give him both. Whatever he needed to heal.
"Well you can take a hot shower first if you'd like," she offered. "I'm sure you've had a long… day."
"Donna..." Josh caught her attention and met her gaze. "I know we need to talk about this. All of this. You deserve answers, and . And I'm not avoiding you. I just… not tonight, okay?"
"I'm here when you're ready," she offered, respecting his request for time. She was more than understanding with his request to do this on his own terms, in his own time.
"Towels are in the linen closet." Donna pulled out his favorite pair of pajama pants and an old Yale T-shirt she'd worn on many nights during his absence and placed them on the corner of the bed so he'd have something to change into.
"Thanks," he offered, gathering the items and stepping into the master bathroom.
"Josh?"
He turned to face her in the half closed doorway.
She crossed the room towards him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and a bright, genuine smile. "Welcome home."