After they'd made up, Audrey happily held Josh's hand and rambled on, showing him every little detail of the cabin and their lives Colorado.
Donna made pancakes as promised, placing a large stack in the middle of the table just as Edith let herself in.
"Good morning, my darlings," Edith beamed.
"Hi, Edie."
"Hello, Bubbe."
"Hey, Ma."
"It smells wonderful in here, Donna." Edith remarked as she made her way over to counter to pour a cup of coffee before sliding into the seat next to Josh. "Here, Joshua. You're too thin. You need to eat." Edith grabbed a plate and began to pile it high with pancakes, eggs and bacon. Josh didn't bother to fight her mothering at that particular moment. He still felt quite out of his element.
"Can I have two pancakes?" Audrey looked to the adults at the table, glancing back and forth between them, unsure of exactly who to ask.
"Let's stick to one to start," Donna told her. "And if you're still hungry after you eat some eggs you may have another."
Audrey seemed pleased with the compromise and sat patiently while Donna made her plate.
Donna popped the lid from a mason jar of strawberry jam and spread a thin layer on Audrey's pancake in lieu of syrup.
"Daddy, did you know that I made this jam with Donna?" Audrey happily informed him.
A little smile grew on Josh's face as he looked over to Donna. "You know how to make jam?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "It's really pretty easy. You just boil the fruit with some sugar."
"We have a lot of jars," Audrey continued. "Do you want to see?"
"Maybe later," Josh responded. "After breakfast."
"I want to show you!" Audrey protested, already standing up.
"Go." Donna whispered with a smile and a nod, simply grateful that Audrey's behavior towards Josh had done such a complete turn around from the night before. Audrey pulled the small door to the under the stairs closet open.
"See?" She questioned, pointing at the shelves of canned goods.
"Whoa." Josh was genuinely amazed.
"These are potatoes," Audrey continued, crouching down to poke at the small baskets filled with dirt sitting on the floor.
"Audrey! Don't play in the dirt!" Donna chimed in from out of sight, knowing exactly what was happening. "Come on guys, breakfast is getting cold." Donna called again.
Audrey skipped back to the table as Josh switched out the light and closed the door, retaking his place at the table.
"It's like Little House on the Prairie in there," Josh laughed, referring to the rows of canned fruits and vegetables, sauces and jams.
Donna blushed at his comment, concentrating on her plate. "We did the 'U Pick' farms last summer and it seemed more efficient to buy things in season and save them for winter."
Josh could sense Donna's discomfort on the matter and decided to drop it for the moment. "I think it's nice." He simply remarked, suddenly feeling a bit shy. It was as though he was beginning to understand that he had no idea about the small details their lives had held over the last months.
He grabbed a fork and looked down at his plate, furrowing his brow when he realized that Edith had cut his food for him as though he was a child. Josh chose to say nothing. His mother dealt with change in various ways, and he decided not to poke at the somewhat overbearing gesture. He knew it was done with love.
The table was quiet for a moment, as none of the adults were sure where to begin. Josh was anything but talkative.
"So," Donna started. "I thought after breakfast we could put on our coats and show Daddy around the property," Donna began. "We need to get a wheelbarrow of firewood out of the barn."
"And bird seed?" Audrey questioned.
"Yes." Donna nodded. "Bird seed too."
"I feed the birds," Audrey supplied. "Because it's winter and they're probably hungry."
"That's very nice of you." Josh assured before turning his attention back to Donna. "There's a barn?"
"Well, a large shed, really, but we call it the barn. We keep the firewood in there so it stays dry, and a wheelbarrow and some tools for the garden. And your Mom parks her car in there when we're expecting weather."
"Oh." He nodded softly.
"Are we going to the library?" Audrey was unphased by the awkward energy at the table.
"Well…" Donna glanced at Josh. "Not today, Sweet Pea." She could tell he wouldn't be up for a trip into town quite yet, and she certainly wasn't about to take Audrey and leave for the afternoon.
"Awwww… Donna…" Audrey whined.
"Audrey Joan." Donna's tone immediately stopped the little girl's grumbling.
"Joshua, did I tell you that Marion Cargill called the other day? Her son Thurston is engaged to the youngest Wentworth daughter. What's her name?"
And though Josh couldn't have cared less about the gossip from his old block in Connecticut, he humored his mother, not really caring to hear any more on a topic that meant nothing to him, but supposing that idle chit chat that was filling the breakfast table was better than silence.
"Dianna." Josh supplied Edith, before filling Donna in on a side bar. "They lived across the street in Westport. Her oldest brother was in my class in prep school."
"Yes. That's it. Dianna. Lovely girl."
Josh shrugged his shoulders in complete indifference. "Sure."
"Well I assume we'll be invited to the wedding. In the spring, she said. April, perhaps? It'll be quite the occasion. Plus, Audrey's never really been to Westport. At least not when she's old enough to remember it."
"I won't be in attendance." Josh grumbled, growing irritated at his mother's handling of his reemergence in their lives and her ability to gloss over anything that was less than glamorous in their lives.
"And why not?"
"Because I'm a convicted felon." Josh dropped his fork on his plate with a loud clink before leaning back in his chair. "And I can't leave the state while I'm on parole."
Edith was taken immediately aback by Josh's candor.
"Well. I never." She was flustered looking about the room and straightening all of the dishes in front of her, as if she moved the coffee mug and knife to the right angles, all of their issues would cease to exist.
Josh just stared at her.
"What's a felon?" Audrey asked innocently.
Agony washed over Josh's face. He'd wanted to shield his little girl from all of this, but he'd lost his temper, and to his mother no less, and in a moment of haste he'd ruined an otherwise lovely morning.
Donna leaned in close to Audrey. She'd made a vow to herself not to shy away from the hard questions when it came to Josh's incarceration and this moment was no exception. "Do you remember when we talked about rules and laws?"
Josh's face softened as he watched Donna navigate with grace what he assumed must have been one of many tough conversations on this topic.
"Yes." Audrey nodded.
"Well, a felon is someone who has broken the law."
"But Daddy didn't break the law." Audrey demanded, beginning to panic. "Do you have to go back to the jail? Please, Daddy. Don't go away." Her bottom lip quivered a bit as large tears pooled in her little eyes.
"Daddy doesn't have to go away," Donna quickly assured. "Do you, Daddy?" She looked towards Josh, wishing for him to confirm what she was saying.
"I'm staying right here, Audrey. I promise."
"You promise?" Audrey confirmed, studying him closely.
"I promise." Josh repeated and nodded his head as he scooted back a bit in his chair.
"Go give him a hug." Donna helped Audrey hop down and the little girl quickly climbed into Josh's lap.
"Daddy?" Audrey furrowed her brow. "Donna said that you didn't do anything bad."
"Well, I…" Josh paused.
Truthfully, he was still trying to process all of this in his mind. He'd intended to plead no contest to a list of crimes he'd never committed. He'd intended to be home to his family and his job as DCOS in 21 days. But none of that happened. And he thought that somehow, he'd be cleared of the charges. Yes, he specifically asked Leo not to allow the president to pardon him, but he'd held on to the hope that somehow this would all be overturned. That perhaps, when Sam had shown up, he was there to tell Josh that the charges had been dropped. It wouldn't do, he supposed, to dwell on what might have been, He'd made his decisions and he'd hold his head high. He just hated the impact that his political priorities had on his family. They were always first to him, and it somehow felt like that line had become muddled. He knew he had many relationships to repair, and the most important were sitting with him at the breakfast table.
"Audrey." Josh cleared his throat, deciding in that moment not to let his insecurities shine through. "I'm not going away again. I promised you that last night and again this morning. I'll never leave you. And Donna is right. I didn't commit a crime. But unfortunately it's a little bit more complicated than that. And one day when you're older I hope you understand why I did what I did- or, thought I was doing." He shook his head. "Anyway. Nothing I do at work will ever be more important than you. And I'm sorry that I missed the last 10 months of your life. More sorry than you'll ever know, Shortcake."
"Oh, Joshua." Edith chimed in and moved closer. "None of this is your fault. It's just awful what those men did to you."
"Mom. Listen to me." Josh wasn't messing around. "I made my choices and they weren't without consequence. That's something that we all need to understand. But we made it through the hardest part, and I'd like it if we all moved forward together. We don't have to pretend it never happened or that this was just happenstance. I made my choices and I'm deeply sorry that they had such an impact on all of you. But I'm not going to pretend like it didn't happen."
"I see." Edith stood, gathering her plate and an empty dish of bacon as she walked to the sink.
"Ma..." Josh began in almost a warning tone. "Please don't."
"Don't what? I'm just feeling a little tired, is all. I think I'll go lay down."
"It doesn't have to be this way." Josh tried again, but it was no use. Edith excused herself and slipped out the door, back to the guest house.
Josh pinched the bridge of his nose, annoyed at the way things were unfolding. He was just trying to get settled in, and though he'd never been particularly good with personal relationships, he knew he was particularly rusty. And if things were getting off to this rocky of a start with his own mother, Josh was fearful of all he could mess up when it came to Donna.
He glanced up at her, and she gave him a sad smile. "She just needs some time," Donna advised, standing to take her plate to the sink and grab a damp rag.
"Wipe your hands off, Audrey. And then go pick out something to wear from the third cubby. I'll be up in a minute to help you get dressed," Donna instructed.
"Daddy can help me!" Audrey shouted.
Donna glanced to Josh, who was already smiling at the inclusion. "Let's go, shortcake." He stood as Audrey hurriedly pulled him towards the stairs.
"Something warm!" Donna called behind them, loading the dishwasher. She knew they'd have an uphill battle in front of them, but she just had to take it one day at a time.
OoOoOoOoO
"I'm bored," Audrey whined mid afternoon. "I want to go to the library or to the skating rink."
"We've discussed this, Audrey." Donna warned. "We aren't going into town today. We're having a nice, relaxing day at home with Daddy. I don't want to hear it again."
Donna and Josh had both decided that they needed to keep a low profile for several days. His face was, once again, plastered all over the TV and newspapers with news of his parole and they wanted to maintain their privacy. Donna had also inferred over the previous hours that Josh wasn't quite ready to be in a crowd.
"Let's watch a movie," Josh suggested. "Pick one out, Shortcake. I'll find a snack."
Audrey began to look through her videos and Josh stood from his place at the kitchen table where he'd been neatly making his way through a stack of paperwork. It had taken the bulk of the day for Donna to get him to stop pacing nervously, and she hoped the change in events wouldn't unsettle him again.
"There's apples in the fridge," Donna offered when she saw the blank expression on Josh's face as he entered the kitchen. "Cut one into wedges and split it with her. Knives are in the drawer to the right of the stove and bowls are in the cabinet to the left of the window."
"Thank you," he muttered softly.
"Can I have a juice?" Audrey called from the couch.
"You may not." Donna answered matter of factly. "You may have a glass of water."
"I was asking my Daddy."
Donna froze, momentarily stunned by Audrey's words.
"Audrey Joan!" Josh's voice boomed into the conversation. "That is not how you speak to Donna."
"I'm sorry, Donna." Audrey immediately apologized, shrinking the corner of the couch, while her eyes filled with tears and her lower lip wobbled. Audrey wasn't normally prone to dramatics, so the sudden change in the little girls demeanor worried Donna, who crossed the room quickly and crouched down next to her.
Josh and Donna glanced at each other quickly, and Donna crossed the room before crouching down next to her.
"Sweet Pea?" Donna reached out and tucked a stray curl behind Audrey's ear. "Is something wrong?"
Audrey stared back at Donna but remained quiet, her eyes widening as she looked at Josh and then back towards Donna, fidgeting slightly before shaking her head 'no.'
Donna frowned a bit, unconvinced. "Are you just tired?" Donna supposed that in all of the commotion, Audrey had stayed up late the night before and then slept poorly, only to be wound up all morning with no nap.
Audrey gave a slight nod and then quietly stepped forward into Donna's arms. And while Donna sensed that a lack of sleep probably wasn't the only thing bothering Audrey, it was a starting point. And there was no use digging any deeper on the topic while Audrey was tired and cranky.
Donna scooped her up and Audrey rest her head on Donna's shoulder.
"Donna? Will you watch a movie with me and Daddy?" Audrey asked softly.
"Of course I will." Donna gently rubbed her back, grabbing the remote and starting the movie as Josh joined them on the couch. Donna placed Audrey between them, handing her an apple slice.
As 101 Dalmatians began, Audrey settled back into the couch, her eyelids becoming heavy as the movie progressed. She curled into Josh's side and dozed off, her feet tucked under Donna's legs. Donna placed a throw blanket on top of her as they watched carefully to make sure she was really asleep.
Once Audrey's breathing leveled out and she was in a deep sleep, Josh glanced over to
Donna. Though the nature of their relationship was evolving, he still found himself hesitant. Everything in his life felt as though it was built on shaky ground while he attempted to adjust to his new normal, and he could hardly believe that after all that had transpired in the last six months, she was really interested in him. He just didn't want to screw things up.
Donna moved a little closer to Josh on the couch, wordlessly curling into his side next to Audrey. He placed his arm around her and kissed her chastely on the lips, the turmoil in his soul beginning to settle as the movie played and his girls dozed next to him.
OoOoOoOoO
Audrey and Josh assisted Donna with dinner, Audrey insisting on showing Josh each and every step of their routine.
"My job is to set the table," Audrey announced, taking 4 forks from Donna and carefully placing one at each seat before returning to the kitchen for plates and repeating the process. "See?"
"You're doing a great job," Josh acknowledged.
"And then I wash the vegetables," Audrey announced, completing her first task.
"Can you feed Lucy and grab your stepstool?" Donna asked Audrey. "Then we'll wash veggies for the salad."
The three of them worked together in the kitchen making dinner, Josh and Donna stealing gentle moments and soft touches when they could, and Donna could see Josh's uncertainty around the house slowly fading away.
Edith let herself in just as the lasagna was coming out of the oven, immediately tending to Josh as she did that morning.
"Can I have juice?" Audrey asked Josh, hoping she could luck into a cup of cran apple instead of milk.
"Are you supposed to drink juice with dinner?" Josh knew the answer.
"Well…" Audrey looked over towards the refrigerator.
"Audrey Joan." Josh's Dad voice was officially back.
"No." She slumped her shoulders. "I'm supposed to drink water cause it's good for me."
"Take your seat. I'll fill your glass," Josh told her.
"Oh, I'll get it, my dear," Edith hurried over, taking Audrey's cup from Josh's hand and filling it with water before doing the same for Josh. She hovered next to his chair as Josh helped to get Audrey situated.
Once Donna took her seat and the food was distributed, Edith made a point of filling Josh's plate.
"You need to eat," She told him as she placed a second piece of lasagna on his plate. "You're practically skin and bones."
"Ma, I'm fine." Josh attempted to retain his calm, though Donna could see that his jaw was clenched.
"Why is Bubbe helping you, Daddy?" Audrey asked as she happily ate the first few bites of her dinner.
"Well, Shortcake, that's what parents do for their kids." Josh attempted to brush it off.
Audrey giggled, holding a fork full of peas. "But you're not a little girl."
"Audrey Lyman." Donna's voice, while certainly not at a high volume, was of a warning tone. Audrey wasn't quite sure what she'd said, but she was smart enough to know when she shouldn't press a topic.
The four sat in silence for a moment before Edith put her fork down. "I think I should go," she announced.
"What?" Josh was taken aback.
"Go where, Bubbe?" Audrey asked with concern.
"To Florida, dear."
"But… why?" Audrey's eyes were widening as she looked around the table nervously.
"I should check on my condo and such. I'll leave tomorrow," she stated. "Clearly you need some… space."
"Mother." Josh clenched his jaw.
"Well, I just think…" Edith was oblivious to Josh's subtle request to postpone the conversation.
"Can this conversation wait?" Josh broke in, giving her a pointed look and then glancing towards Audrey.
Edith pursed her lips a bit, but she did see Josh's point and dropped the topic for the time being.
Dinner passed somewhat awkwardly, but Edith stayed for a cup of tea and a little bit of TV at Audrey's request. Donna folded a load of laundry and Audrey colored, while Josh flipped through a few documents from his parole officer and stepped out to take a call from Toby.
"Bedtime, Sweet Pea," Donna announced, clicking off the TV as Audrey gathered her toys to put away.
"Daddy, are you going to read me a story and tuck me in?" Audrey looked hopefully towards Josh.
"Of course, Shortcake. Donna and brush your teeth. I'll be up in a minute. I'm just going to talk to Bubbe."
"Night Night, Bubbe," Audrey called from the bottom of the steps. "Come on, Lucy."
Donna grabbed a small stack of folded clothing and followed Audrey up the stairs, bidding Edith goodnight as well.
Josh leaned forward from his spot on the couch and rest his arms on his knees, gathering his thoughts for a moment.
"What are you doing, Ma? Why are you running to Florida?" Josh had always been direct, and Edith could tell that hadn't changed, but she didn't appreciate her son's approach in that particular moment.
"I'm clearly not needed here anymore," Edith stated.
"Oh, come on." Josh erupted in frustration. The roller coaster ride he'd been on clearly wasn't over yet, and his emotions were swinging wildly. "The last thing I need is the Martyr act from you today."
"Well aren't you one to talk?! Running off in the middle of the night and locking yourself away from your family for the better part of a year for God knows what political deal you made? And you're sitting here telling me I'm over reacting? Do you have any idea how many nights of sleep I've lost over you, Joshua? From the first nights when you were a colicky baby, to nursing you through Roseola and the flu and how many ear infections? The nights after we lost Joanie… I couldn't close my eyes without knowing you were within arm's reach! And then you grew up and moved out but I didn't worry any less. And then I lost your father. And I got the call I didn't even know I was afraid of. You'd been shot in the chest. And now this? How would you feel, Joshua? If this was Audrey, tell me how you'd feel!"
Josh was stunned in to a wide eyed silence. His normally passive aggressive mother had just laid it all on the line.
"Mom, I'm sorry." His voice was soft, and he felt a pang in his chest as he thought of all he'd been through.
"I know that you are. But you don't need to apologize to me, son. You need to make it up to the two of them." she pointed up the stairs, where Josh knew Donna was getting Audrey ready for bed. "And I just need a little time to regroup. I need to process all of this, and I really should check on the condo. I want to just take a few days to breathe and play cards and not worry perpetually. And now that I know you're back, and I can see with my own eyes that you're okay, I can finally do that."
Josh nodded his head once. "Okay. You've made the arrangements?"
"I have. I'll leave tomorrow after breakfast. I'll catch the shuttle from the resort outside of town to the airport."
"Alright. Well, I hope you find what you need," he offered genuinely, standing up and crossing the room to hug his mother.
"Likewise," Edith stated, squeezing him close. "I love you, son. Now, go upstairs and be with your family." She gave him a soft smile and made her way to the guest house for the night.
Josh quickly made his way up the stairs and joined Donna and Audrey for the bedtime routine.
He read The Rainbow Fish with all of the enthusiasm that he had and kissed Audrey's forehead when she fell asleep, noticing that Donna's hand had entwined with his midway through the story.
He didn't have it all figured out, but he knew that his mother was right about one thing. He was with his family.