Cold. It's the only thing she can feel. The rest of her body is numb. The screaming and sobbing has exhausted her. The newlywed sits alone in the hospital's chapel with her head hanging down low.
A familiar grunt pulls her from her own dark thoughts.
"Antony" she wipes the tears off her cheeks.
"Can I sit?" Antony asks her in a softer than usual manner.
Eddie reaches down and removes her hat from the seat next to her. Still in her uniform. She hasn't been home to change yet. Inside her hat is a picture of her husband. It brings more tears to her eyes just looking at it.
"Erin told me I'd find you in here, and she also said you wanted to be left alone, but I had to tell you" the detective rambles without revealing much information.
Eddie looks up at him "Tell me what?"
"We caught the guy. The one who gave Jacob Miller the bomb to plant in your patrol car and the one who built the bomb at the storage unit" Antony tells her, watching with sympathetic eyes as the young cop closes her weary eyes over "I tracked him down, he was a devout follower of Lila Moore. I think the two of them might've had a thing going. The vow she made at her trial to finish what she started with you and Jamie, it looks like this guy took her seriously and when she died, he tried to turn it into an act of revenge"
Eddie nods along. Eyes focused on the ground. It's unclear whether she's really listening to what Antony is telling her.
"Excuse me"
Eddie and Antony turn to see a woman in her mid-fifties stood behind them. Very professional looking. A medical badge hangs on a lanyard around her neck.
"You can see him now" the doctor tells Eddie with a look of understanding.
Eddie's eyes spring full of fresh tears. She doesn't move. Frozen with too many emotions swirling around inside her. A part of her, a selfish and guilt ridden part, is unsure if she wants to. It could all prove to be too much for her.
She feels a pressure on her hand. It's Antony's hand squeezing hers. It gives her a sense of reassurance and comfort that she desperately needs right now.
/
Eddie stares through the window. Teary blue eyes just taking in the sight. Pale skin, almost as white as the sheets covering the lower half of his body, covered in tiny scratches from the debris. Burn marks from the…
Eddie brings her hand up to cover her mouth. The thought of her husband in that inferno. All alone. In so much pain. It knocks her sick.
"We can go in now" the doctor says kindly, gesturing to the door.
After a deep exhale, Eddie allows the doctor to guide her into the room. Slowly she approaches him. As she gets closer, she notices a loose strand of hair on his forehead.
A small smile crosses her lips as the fond memories play through her mind. Jamie used to get so annoyed by the untameable piece of hair. Eddie used to love it, because it gave her an excuse to ruffle her hand through his hair. It's always been so soft.
Gently she cards her fingers through her husband's hair. The loose strand smoothed out.
Heavy eye lids flutter open. At first there's confusion. Bleary eyes looking for a focus point. Then a weak goofy smile. It looks like he found his focus point!
"Ed" Jamie croaks out, as if he'd just woken up next to her in bed, as if all is right with the world just by looking at her.
Eddie smiles back at him. Eyes full of love and relief. For a moment back at the storage unit she thought she had lost him. The radio went dead. The general consensus amongst the people around her was that he was dead too.
When they carried Jamie out and announced he was alive, she's never known such a euphoric release of emotions in all her life. It was an amazing feeling wrapped up in truly horrific circumstances.
"I thought I'd lost you" she whispers, gently pressing her forehead into his.
With a smirk he replies "No retreat, no surrender, remember?"
Eddie laughs, leaning in closer, closing the gap between their lips.
"I wish you'd been a little quicker to retreat from that building" his wife adds with a hint of sarcasm.
Jamie takes a hold of her hand. Fingers lacing together. It was terrifying being inside that hell fire and he can imagine it must have been just as scary for Eddie on the outside.
A tender knock at the door grabs the couple's attention.
"Is there room for a few more?" Erin questions her sister in-law.
Eddie nods with a smile "Always"
Erin enters, leaving the door left open behind her. Next to follow her in is Henry, Sean and lastly, Frank.
"Hey, look who's awake" Henry comments with a grin.
"Only just" Eddie points out, watching the adorable moment between brother and sister, as Erin plants a delicate kiss on his cheek.
"Where's Danny?" Jamie quietly questions his sister.
"Last time I spoke to him, he said he was just finishing up with his case" Erin replies, then looks to the rest of her family.
"Antony told me they arrested the guy who made both of the bombs" Eddie announces, glancing to her husband for a reaction and her sister in-law for further details.
Jamie let's out a small sigh "Is Danny putting the fear of God in someone again?"
The family laugh at Jamie's joke. There is an argument to be had over whether it's good or bad timing to raise such a question, however the fact Jamie is still around to make those kind of jokes is more important to the Reagans than the timing.
Jamie catches his dad's eye. The Commissioner stands near the end of his bed. Hands deep in his pockets. It's so no one can see the slight tremble in his hands. Those giant fists only ever shake when he's really frightened. That kind of fright level is only reached when one of his children are in danger or seriously injured. Any parent will understand that.
"Hey dad, you know when we spoke on the phone, before I went on patrol and you talked to me about taking some time off?" Jamie queries, attempting to lighten the heavy burden of worry he can see stretched across his father's broad shoulders.
Frank offers a small smile, knowing where his son is going with this "I do"
"I think I'll take you up on that offer now" his youngest son responds.
The Commissioner nods. Face not revealing much of the emotional turmoil, that's been eating him up inside, since he found out his baby boy was trapped inside a burning building.
"Hey, sorry I'm-" Danny stops dead in the doorway, eyes fixated on Jamie, a smile threatens his lips "Kid, you're awake"
The brothers stare at one another. Both happy the other is there for different reasons. One almost lost another brother. One almost joined another brother.
"I need a coffee" Erin cuts through the awkward silence descending on the room.
"Me too" Sean adds, thankful his Aunt Erin spoke up first.
The room is quickly cleared out of most of the Reagans. Apart from the one bed ridden one of course. Eddie is the last to get up and leave – aware the brothers need a moment alone.
As Eddie walks past her brother in-law, she catches his gaze. The pair smile at one another. The only two Reagans to have spoken to Jamie whilst he was trapped. Both comforted one another when they thought all hope was lost.
Once Eddie leaves, Danny walks over to Jamie's bedside.
The older Reagan exhales deeply "You gave us all quite a scare, kid"
"Yeah, I scared myself pretty good too" Jamie remarks in a light-hearted way.
Danny let's out a light chuckle as he sits down on the edge of the bed. All at once his throat dries up. The words he wants to say just won't come out.
"Danny, I thought I was going to die in there" Jamie admits, his eyes tearing up like his brother's "So what I said, at least whatever you heard…"
"I heard you and you don't have to thank me for being your big brother. I-" Danny starts to say.
The younger Reagan shakes his head "-Danny, I meant what I said. I guess that was just my way of saying it without actually saying it, y'know?"
Jamie watches the emotions pooling in his big brother's eyes. It's always remained an unspoken thing between them. Even when they fight, deep down they both know how the other truly feels. It's silently constant. There's normally no need to say it out loud. Normally.
"C'mere" Danny mumbles as he pulls Jamie in for a hug "I love you, baby brother"
A fond smirk forces its way across his mouth "I love you too"
Although not a common occurrence, Jamie allows the hug to last longer than any other hug the Reagan boys have shared. Why?
For the simple fact that Danny needs it. Danny needs the physical reassurance. Here in his arms he can hold his little brother close. Safe and sound. Far away from the roar of the flames.
"Okay, Danny, don't go all soft on me" Jamie speaks up, already anticipating the reaction he'll receive for his comment.
Finally, Danny releases his brother, just so he can look at him in disbelief as he retorts "Me go all soft? If you think I'm being soft now, then you're clearly forgetting what you were like when you were stuck on those monkey bars"
The bed ridden sergeant scoffs "That's different. I was eight and those monkey bars were really high up"
"They were not that high up!" Danny argues.
Jamie shoots his brother a playful look "You're seriously gonna argue with me, when I'm in a hospital bed, covered in first and second degree burns?"