I don't own That '70s Show.

I don't own anything, I really don't.

CH3. Red

Red, on the hand, took the most understanding tone, "I know. But give her time. And give Eric time. They'll come back." His voice switched to his regular gruffness as his eyes settled on Jackie as he remarked, "They always do weather we want them to or not."

After a deep pause, Colette asked Red rather shyly, "Mr. Forman? Do you think that's what happened to your son and his girlfriend?"

Red thought back to Kitty's detailed story before sighing, "No."

Everyone mumbled their approval of his statement before he told them in a firm voice, "I have an idea of my own based off of the current behavior I've seen from Eric. He is our son, and his not speaking to us is different than anything those other kids can do, even Donna. It is immature, thoughtless, and rude. And if he wants time away to act like a victim instead of standing up like a real man, then he can be the victim."

Everyone mumbled their own thoughts of his statement before he told them in a firm voice, "I have an idea of my own."

Everyone groaned for the inevitable.

Red's Thoughts:

In a long, vacant, school hallway, a young, skinny man sloshed his mop on the blue tile floor. He thought of all his missed opportunities, his stupidity, his now wasted future and how he let his idol-his father-down by never going to college. All his dreams of being a teacher were dashed away in cloud of smoke. His only consolation was that he still did have a job at a school, like he always wanted. But, the horrible part was that he was a-

The bell rang and thousands of kids flooded the once empty corridor. One kid, just to be mean, purposefully spilt a cherry Slurpee on the floor the skinny man just cleaned. With a sigh, the skinny man went over to his little cleaning cart and tried to pull out a big, yellow "caution" sign but he couldn't.

"Ugh!" He groaned, trying to lift it while most kids who passed him pointed and giggled at him. And then he managed to jostle it out of his cart, he only got in two steps before he heard:

"Eric?"

He let go of the sign immediately and it fell, clanging to the floor.

All the kids who passed him were now roaring with laughter.

A tall, redheaded woman rushed to his aid and lifted the sign, saying a little out of breath, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to distract you."

The skinny man now known to be Eric Forman shook his head, lying, "You-you, um…ya didn't distract me! I was just…it was just heavy."

She gave him a slight smile before asking, "Where do you want it?"

He gestured at the site of the cherry Slurpee incident.

Without hesitation she went over and opened the sign by it, and it stood upright. He felt a twinge of jealousy, all the other times he had done the same task; that damn sign fell at least three times before he could get it to stand. She did it in one minute, maybe less, on the first try.

"So," Eric started weakly, scanning her very attractive body which was in a business like attire, "Business or pleasure?"

"Huh?" She looked at him as if he grew another head.

He pointed at her clothes, everything from her baby blue business jacket and matching skirt, all the way down to her closed-toed high heels.

"Oh." She nodded, looking down at her clothes as she explained, "I had an interview today for a position at a hospital."

Eric was impressed, "Nurse? Like my mother?"

Donna shook her head, seemingly embarrassed, "Uh-no. Right now I'm still in training and I haven't gotten my PH.D or even a Master's for god's sake, but I am going to school to be a doctor. The position was just to be in the hospital and get used to the drill around there, it's mainly at the front desk and stuff."

Doctor? She was going to be a doctor and he was-

"That's good." He nodded, trying not to feel envy. She then awkwardly asked, "So…you work here?"

Eric folded his arms across his chest, forcing out a smile, "Yeah. It's great. You know how much I love kids."

In the distance, a chubby boy shouted at Eric, "Quit jawin' and clean up the red drink on the floor, Fuck-Up!"

Eric pretended not to hear the kid as he continued, "And they love me."

"You're a teacher?" She asked shakily.

"No." He said in a toneless voice.

"Oh, so yer like, still in school to be one?" She asked hopefully.

"No." He said in the same somber expression as before.

"But you're still in college?" She asked, more desperate than hopeful this time.

"No."

Donna finally forced herself to look at him in his regular clothes and wearing a dark blue apron with many pockets. He was a custodian alright; she just didn't want to believe her High School Sweetheart had fell off the peak he always stood on back in his youth.

He seemed to read her thoughts as he coldly acknowledged, "Yes. I'm a janitor."

For some reason it embarrassed her more than him and she shyly looked away. The second she did, a seven year old girl with a deep Brooklyn accent came up to her, saying, "Hey Donna. We goin' home now?"

Eric stared at the child who bore absolutely no resemblance to Donna Pinciotti. The girl had wild, black hair what was tied up in a loose bun, her skin was a shade of golden-brown and her dark eyes were always scanning everyone, as if she expected someone to suddenly rush out and take her.

Eric turned toward Donna, very surprised, "You adopted?"

Donna placed an arm around the girl, saying, "Sorta."

The girl enlightened him, "She married my dad. He's a Biochemist."

Eric almost hit the floor in shock as he managed to blubber out, "You're married?"

Donna proudly showed off her golden band, "Yup. Only two years though. We're planning on having a baby after I'm through with school." She then looked down at the girl, "Ready to go, Chelsea?"

The girl nodded, "Yeah, let's leave dis dump."

Donna shot Eric a worried smile as she ushered her step-daughter out of the school building. And all Eric could do was stand helplessly in the middle of the hallway while all the kids walked passed him and to their next class.

End of Red's Thoughts

Colette blinked her eyes away from Mr. Forman, concentrating on the floor while everyone braced themselves for Mrs. Forman's reaction.

All Kitty did was give Red a nasty look as she bitterly retorted, "Janitor? You made my baby a janitor?"

Red raised his hands in defense, "I only call it like I see it, Kitty."

The sliding door of the kitchen opened and in came Laurie and Fez, both looking worn out and ready for blood.

Hyde's aviators slid an inch off the brim of his nose as he sucked in a breath, taking in the sight of them, "Whoa."

Kitty stood up, her voice drench in concern, "My goodness! Were you two in a fight?"

"Yes." Fez panted, taking a seat on one of the bar stools by the counter as he finished, "With each other."

Laurie growled, "Me and this idiot have been arguing all damn day long!"

Colette pointed at the blond woman, turning to Jackie, "That's…."

"Laurie." Jackie explained, "Eric's older sister. And that mocha-coca mess over there-" Jackie sighed, gesturing at Fez, "is none other than-"

"Fez!" Fez announced himself proudly.

But for some reason this Fez didn't seem at all like the guy she remembered. His eyes were blood shot, his clothes were faded, his hair was a mess, and he had the faint odor of bananas for some reason. Colette couldn't help the words that fell out of her mouth, "What happened?"

Laurie snapped at Colette, "I happened and who the hell are you?!"

Jackie pointed at Colette, confidently bragging, "Lil Jackie."

Laurie snickered, "And what does that make you? Big Jackie?"

Jackie narrowed her eyes at her, "Well, I'd rather be Big Jackie than Big Bitch!"

Laurie took her mother's seat at the table, laughing, "Don't insult Fez, midget."

At that Fez pointed at Laurie, saying darkly, "You have insulted Fez. You have insulted Fez with your vulgar presence and you know what is worse?"

Hyde guessed, "That you're referring to yourself in third person?"

Fez shook his head, saying dramatically, "That you are using Fez's friends to get to him!"

Red took the opportunity to take a sip of coffee. Until Laurie snickered, "Oh, quit yer cryin'! I'll sleep with you tonight."

Hearing that Red spit out his drink and Fez jumped up, his old swagger crawling back into his sullen form as he happily clapped, "Aye! Yes! You can use Jackie and other friends of Fez to make fun of me any day of da week!"

Jackie rolled her eyes at Fez sarcastically, "Gee, thanks a lot, Fez."

Hyde's mouth moved to one side bitterly as he retorted, "Way to stick to yer pals."

Fez, not detecting their bitter sarcasm, nodded toward Jackie, "You are welcome, Jackie." And then to Hyde, "You too."

And then Kitty asked her daughter, "Laurie, honey-"

Laurie rolled her eyes, letting out a loud groan, "What is it now?"

Jackie hissed at the older girl, "That's your mother, show some respect you ungrateful brat!"

Laurie pointed at Kitty, explaining to Jackie, "My mother only calls me 'honey' when she wants something from me!"

Hyde thought out loud, "She calls me 'honey' and 'sweetie' all the time."

Laurie snarled at him, "Those are her pet name for you and Eric apparently, orphan! They are only reserved for her-" She picked up her voice and it sounded disturbingly like Kitty's, "-little boys who are too young and weak to help themselves!" She then snarled at Hyde, "Which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Like, how old are you Hyde? 46?"

Hyde narrowed his eyes behind his aviators, answering blandly, "24."

Laurie dismissed him with a wave of her hand, "Well with that beer belly and your caveman beard, you look passed 40."

Before Hyde could utter an insult, Jackie found her mouth angrily spewing at Laurie, "Why don't you just go crawl back from the hell fire you erupted from and leave him alone?"

For the first time since Colette was in that house, she sensed something between Jackie and Hyde- as did everyone else. Both Red and Kitty turned to Jackie, absolutely surprised while a stunned Hyde didn't say a word at all. What was worse- Laurie did. She pulled out a toothy, hungry twisted grin and chuckled, "My-my-my…it appears our little cheerleader from Christmas Once Upon High School's over, still harbors feelings for the burnout stoner from way back when, huh?"

Colette turned to Jackie, seeing her face turn from a light shade of pink to flaming red. Jackie hotly denied at Laurie, "I do not! It's just…we're all friends here except for you so-so….YOU GO AWAY!"

Jackie knew how feeble that sounded, and it was probably music to Laurie's ears to hear how weak her voice bounced in her throat in embarrassment, but she didn't care. As long as she kept a straight upper lip, it didn't matter what shade of crimson her face was, she'd blame it on anger not love.

Laurie smartly turned away from her, cackling, "My parents live here. What're you gonna do, Midget?"

And her answer came from a crisp Kitty, "We'll throw you out, that's what. Now, stop being such a loud-mouthed snarky pants before I stop washing yours and Fez's clothes."

Laurie's face fell.

Not the laundry! She hated doing laundry and she always pawned off her mother to clean hers and Fez's clothing.

Red scrunched up his nose, smacking his morning paper against the table, "Dammit, Kitty! Do you mean to tell me my socks have been swimming around in the same water with the foreigner's unmentionables?"

Fez smiled at the bald man, "Just think, Red…your shirt was probably soakin' inside my undies."

Hyde smirked at his old friend, "Fez, you're looking to get your ass kicked, aren't you?"

Red groaned at the mere thought of it, "GAH!" He then turned to Laurie, "You! You learn how to wash your clothes and this idiot's at the apartment washing machines or next time-" He turned to Fez, his brown eyes bubbling in pools of fury as he threatened, "My foot will probably be soaking inside your ass, got it?!"

Fez gulped, nodding, "Yeth. Yes, I do."

Only Laurie seemed indifferent as she sighed, "Whatever."

Hyde couldn't help the small smirk that cracked on his face- Ah, the sweet taste of Justice.

And while Kitty turned around to prepare breakfast plates for Laurie and Fez, she moved out of the way for Fez to see the new occupant.

"Holy crap!" He gasped, "Have we not learned out lesson?"

Jackie and Hyde turned to him, Jackie rolling her eyes, "What's wrong, Fez?"

Fez pointed to a tomboyish Colette, "Her! Fist we tried to replace my beloved Kelso and Edic with that Randy and everything was all sucky and soupy. And when our true heroes came back to us on New Years, did we not vow to never replace them with good looking, pansies again?"

Hyde remembered what Fez was talking about. They all still hung out with Randy, and only took that stupid vow because Fez demanded it once Forman and Kelso came back home. So, the six of them vowed never to replace the others again. And yes, he still occasionally hung out with his Grooves manager, but not as much as he used to. He still liked Randy, but sometimes the guy was a little too feminine and perfect and happy and positive. It was irritating to be around total goodness all day. Every once in a while, a fella needs a total psychotic to snap at him and rile him up. Like Laurie, and come to think of it, even Jackie would fit the bill.

He nodded boringly, "Yes. We did take a vow of stupidity, so what?"

Fez gestured at Colette, "Then why are we in presence of Donna 2?"

Hyde looked over at Colette, raising an eyebrow, "Who? Her? No Fez, she's a puppy. Jackie's little experiment to feel good about herself or something."

"And besides," Jackie cut in, "She's Lil' Jackie, not Donna 2."

"My name is Colette." Colette threw in, but she was drowned out by Fez's remark, "Really?! Because, she reminds me of Donna."

Laurie stared at the girl as if she just realized she was there before saying to everyone in an amused tone, "Let's find out if she really is like that bossy, redheaded giant." She then leaned in at Colette, smiling one of those smiles, "So…gotta boyfriend?"

Everyone paused, including Red and Kitty, to hear Colette's answer. She was technically a stranger to them, even Jackie, and they viewed this as an opportunity to get to know her a little better.

Colette noticed everyone looking at her, waiting for her response. She twisted in her seat before admitting, "No, no I don't."

Laurie cut in with, "Do ya want one?"

"No, I really wanna focus on school-"

"You can't get one, can you?"

Hotly Colette remarked, "I could if I wanted, but I don't so I didn't!"

She didn't know why, but she could feel herself sweating up a storm as Laurie pushed further, "Got any friends?"

"A few."

"Any of 'em boys?"

"Maybe-"

"Find any of them cute?"

For some reason she was feeling anger more than embarrassment and shook her head firmly at Laurie, "No. I don't."

"Live around any of your buddies?"

"No."

"Are you an only child?"

"No."

"Are you close with your dad?"

"No."

"Pants or a skirt?"

Colette looked Laurie in the eye, saying deliberately, "Pants in the relationship, a skirt with a matching top for my wardrobe."

Laurie paused, seeming to like her answer before asking her final question, "Do you want to get married and settled down or would you rather travel the world?"

Colette smirked, wanting so much to outsmart the blond woman in front of her, "Why do I have to limit myself to one or the other? I'll travel the world and pick up my groom while doing it."

Laurie leaned back in her seat, announcing to everyone, "There you have it! Donna or Jackie, you decide. Let's hear the verdict."

Jackie rolled her eyes, "Enough of this crap, Lil Jackie is Lil Jackie and not Donna 2."

Colette sank in her seat, groaning, "What is wrong with everyone? Like, I don't have a voice or anything?! My. Name. Is. Col-ette!"

"Personally, she reminds me of Jackie." Hyde commented. Jackie nodded at him, "Thank You!" Hyde then continued, "Lil Jackie's a bit on the whiny side."

Jackie's face hit the ground, while Colette complained, "Me?! Whiny?! Never in my life has anyone said anything like that to me! Take it back."

Fez looked at Hyde, "Are you sure who are not confusing 'whiny' with 'bossy'? Donna was very bossy. Like…I remember her always bossing Eric around everywhere- and he enjoyed bein' on the short leash."

Jackie turned to a disturbed Mrs. Forman as she gave Laurie and Fez their plates, "Please disregard that last statement."

Red rolled his eyes, asking the ceiling, "Just once I would like a kid free morning. Just once, Lord. Why can't you give me that one last request?"

Fez interrupted him, lost in his own thoughts, "In fact…I bet I can even guess what Eric and Donna are up to now…."

And the beat the goes on... (I've been listening to Sonny & Cher a lot lately. Well, this song in particular.)

Drums keep pounding a rythm...rhythm? rhythm (?) to the beat.

Ladi, da-di, dee.

Ladi, da-di, da.