Somewhat Strange. You've been warned.

CH.4 Fez

Fez looked at Hyde, "Are you sure who are not confusing 'whiny' with 'bossy'? Donna was very bossy. Like…I remember her always bossing Eric around everywhere- and he enjoyed bein' on da short leash."

Jackie turned to a disturbed Mrs. Forman as she gave Laurie and Fez their plates, "Please disregard that last statement."

Red rolled his eyes, asking the ceiling, "Just once I would like a kid free morning. Just once, Lord. Why can't you give me that one last request?"

Fez interrupted him, lost in his own thoughts, "In fact…I bet I can even guess what Eric and Donna are up to now…."

Fez's thoughts:

Eric, with a thick mustache and wearing tight purple pants and a tight purple shirt that exposed his hairy chest paced around in a dark room. Finally, he stopped pacing the cold tile floor and took a seat in one of the many rows of chairs in front of the black door.

The clock kept ticking, each second pounding into Eric's slippery heart.

Finally, after what felt like a grueling eternity, a man dressed all in white stepped out of the back door, pulling off his surgeons mask.

"Mr. Pinciotti?" He asked after a long, tension filled minute. Eric leapt up from his seat, practically shaking as he asked, "Yes! I mean, Yes! I meant, is she okay?!"

The man in the white suit nodded, "You're partner is fine health. You may see her if you lik-"

The man wasn't even finished when Eric bulldozed his way passed him and straight inside the back nothingness of the door when-

Fez's thoughts are interrupted.

Colette interrupted skeptically, "Mr. Pinciotti? Why would he take her name?"

Fez attempted to explain, "Be-cause Eric is the boy and-"

Jackie interrupted him, "One would think that unless you actually met them."

Laurie, eating her mother's cooking, snickered, "Or saw them."

Colette thought out loud, "Were they like, deformed or something because I don't seem to remember them the same way everyone else seems to."

Hyde, with a softened expression, told her, "Look, this is how we used to make fun of them. I mean, I've known Forman and Donna since they were little girls." Laurie patted his back, laughing, "Good one, stoner." Hyde continued, ignoring Kitty and Red's harsh glances, "Forman was a good guy, but he wasn't exactly the most masculine man in the room."

Fez added with a chuckle, "Even if da room was full of girls."

"What do you mean my baby wasn't masculine?" Kitty gasped, "All because he wore shower sandals and loved ABBA's 'Dancing Queen', now everybody's a critic!"

"ABBA?" Repeated Fez, "He loved ABBA?! He never told me! Him, me and Jackie could've shared a record collection!"

"You mean to tell me that boy was still scared of touching the bottom of a bathtub, Kitty?! You told me he grew out of it!" Red barked.

Laurie only laughed, "What a loser." While Kitty's face deepened in worry, quickly realizing she said a bit too much information about Eric to the wrong group of people. All she could do was scoot her chair back, whispering, "Oh dear."

Hyde explained further, "He was so damn sensitive and emotional, though. It was like living with a whiny soap opera."

Laurie agreed, "He was such a girl." She picked up her voice slightly to continue with her impersonation of Eric, "I want everyone to love me because I'm mommy's favorite! I get a free car just because I'm the boy in the family! I have to kiss Donna's ass today because I'm so spineless! Boo-hoo me and my sad life! Let me just run away to Africa because I can!" She then lowered her voice to mutter darkly, "I can't believe he just blows off everybody to go to another country." She then asked out loud, "Seriously? Who does that?!"

Hyde made a face, reminding her, "Didn't you do that? You took off to Canada in the 'Drunken Express'."

Laurie pointed her pinky at him, "Hey, I was finding myself. But Eric?" Laurie slouched in her seat, muttering, "He had everything his stupid, little world would want right here in this puke-hole." She then mumbled under her breath, "What's his excuse?"

Fez raised a hand, trying to draw back in their attention, "Which brings me back to my story, now, let uth listen to Fez."

Back in Fez's thoughts:

Eric ran into a room that looked surprisingly like a hospital quarters. And there, resting on the bed, was Donna. With flaming red hair, and glossy brown eyes-

Fez's thoughts again being interrupted:

"Brown eyes?" Jackie spat, "She had blue eyes, Fez!"

Kitty stood behind Laurie, who continued to eat, announced, "Really? I was convinced Donna had green eyes." She turned to her husband, asking seriously, "Don't redheads have green eyes?"

Hyde looked up at her, "No Mrs. Forman, Jackie's right, Donna had blue eyes."

Red eyed him suspiciously, "And how do you know this with so much accuracy?"

Hyde admitted without feeling, "Back in the day I had a thing for her."

Laurie looked at him, "Had a thing? You were in love with her!"

Kitty blinked, absolutely stunned, "Love?! With Donna?!"

"I was a stupid kid then," Hyde explained before gesturing at Jackie, "I even thought I was in love with her."

Red rolled his eyes at Hyde, "You're a stupid kid now."

Fez then eyed Jackie, "And how did you know her eye color, Ms. Corrector of Fez's story?"

Jackie turned around, hissing at him, "Because I lived with her, you idiot! Or did you forget the nine and a half months I was a permanent resident of the Pinciotti's?"

Colette raised her eyebrows at Jackie, "You lived with her?"

Hyde, on the other hand, told Jackie, "Look babe, if you stayed there for only nine and half months, then you weren't a permanent resident."

Jackie narrowed her eyed at him, "Oh, you be quiet you thinker!"

Kitty told a shrugging Red, "I could've sworn she had green eyes…"

Fez shouted, "LISTEN!"

They all stopped talking and turned to him forcefully.

Fez sucked in his breath, continuing, "Anywho, as I wath saying before…"

Back in Fez's thoughts…

Eric ran into a room that looked surprisingly like a hospital quarters. And there, resting on the bed, was Donna. With flaming red hair, and glossy blue, possibly green but there also stood a good chance at being brown, eyes.

Eric ran to her side, rubbing his thick mustache against the crook of her neck-

Another interruption

Jackie folded her arms across her chest, telling Fez, "Eric? With a mustache? Yeah, like that could happen, and another thing…take him out of that ridiculous purple outfit and his fake furry chest! You act as though we've never met these people!"

Hyde agreed, "Yeah, Fez. What're you tryin' to do? Give us nightmares?"

Fez huffed, "Fine! Have it your way! Now shut it and let me finish!"

Back in Fez; thoughts:

Eric kissed the crook of Donna's neck with his soft, shaven chin before pulling away. Only to have Donna stare at him in disbelief, "Why're you naked?"

Eric looked down in horror, "Wha-?"

He was indeed in his birthday suit. He tried to cover himself with a nearby lamp, squealing, "Ohmygod!"

And Donna sat up, whispering harshly, "Shut up! You're gonna wake the-"

Another interruption:

"Eeew!" Jackie cried, "A naked Eric?"

Fez crossed his arms smartly, "You said you wanted him out of his purple, kick-ass get up."

Red pointed at the foreigner, "You cloth my son or so help me god, I'll nail you in a crate and personally ship you off to whatever backwards civilization wouldn't have you!"

Fez groaned, "FINE!"

Back in Fez's thoughts:

And Donna sat up, whispering harshly, "Shut up! You're gonna wake the-"

It was too late, a loud, piercing cry pierced their ear drums. Eric looked down momentarily, relieved and puzzled as to how he was wearing brown pants and a sweater vest, but he didn't care.

He immediately ran to Donna's side, asking her, "Do you want me to get the baby?"

Donna gave him a sheepish smile, "Yeah, about that…you mean babies."

Eric's eyes lit up, "Twins?!"

Another cry was heard…and then another.

Eric turned to the tiny white crib next to Donna with a puzzled expression, "Three cries?"

"Yeah," Donna nodded slowly, "Triplets….lots of pain from my end."

Eric just blinked in shock, "Tri-tri-tri-pletssssssssssssssssssss?"

All three babies continued crying their hearts out as Eric blandly turned to Donna, "So, do you want them so you can mother them and stuff? Since, you're like the girl and everything."

"Me?" Donna scoffed, "No, not me. I delivered them- I'm done."

"Done?" Eric repeated slowly, "But-but Donna, you can't be done! You're the mom, you're the chick! You need to nurse them!"

Donna only smiled at him, "I'm the chick, Mr. Pinciotti? No, I don't think so. Maybe you should look again."

Eric blinked, and within a quick instant, he and Donna switched places. He was in the hospital bed of the white room, in a hospital gown while she was in a pant suit by his bed, her hair rolled up into a neat bun with '60s style glasses on the bridge of her nose. She winked at him, "Do me a favor and take care of the kids, babe."

Eric looked around the room wildly before trying to get up, "Me?! Donna, they're hungry! They want their mother!"

Eric got up from the bed and walked over to the crib, taking out a random baby and showing it to her, saying, "See this? It wants momma!"

But then, the baby turned its head at Eric, and with outstretched arms said, "Mom-ma."

Eric stared at the kid in horror as Donna went over to them, nodding, "I know they do, and their mother is right here." She gently pushed the baby into Eric's arms, smiling, "Do me a favor, and when you get home tonight, clean up the kitchen. The house looks a mess." She then turned on her heel and exited the room. Eric was in shock. He then shook his head, snapping back into reality and set the baby down next to his siblings in the crib before trying to run back to Donna, panting, "Wait! Donna!" But, as he was about to go out the door, a nurse came in, trying to push him back into bed.

"What?! No!" He shouted as the nurse wrapped the blankets around him, saying, "Your dominant spouse will be waiting for you at home to make her a sandwich, because we all really know who wears the pants in this relationship."

Eric cried out in pain, "NOOOOOOOO!"

End of Fez's thoughts:

"And, I think I will give him boobs." Fez finished, everyone watching him with gaping eyes and open mouthed jaws. Finally Hyde choked out, "Um…that was…extreme."

Colette bit her lower lip, saying, "So…what?"

Jackie turned away from Fez, "I have no comment on that scary yet possible outcome."

Laurie only smiled, "I have plenty."

Kitty kept blinking hysterically before she said, "Okay…someone has a very overactive imagination!"

Red only looked at Fez in disgust, "I don't want you to step foot in my house again, got it?"

Fez pouted, stabbing his fork into his eggs, "It was just a story of how Eric and Donna ended up, jeez. Everyone is so uptight."

Hyde stood up, his chair squeaking as he pushed it aside, "As much as I would love to hear Laurie's version of things-"

The blond woman narrowed her eyes at her foster brother, spitting, "I don't have a version, loser. Hell, I don't even care about them."

Hyde rubbed his belly indifferently, "Whatever. All I know is that I have to go into work in a bit." As he made his way to the sliding doors to exit, he turned back to everyone at the table, "I have a long day of telling my only two employees how to run the record store. Then I have an appointment…"

Everyone stared at him, expecting a sarcastic remark which he then granted when he smirked, "To play darts at Charlie's."

The second he was gone, Jackie mumbled under her breath, "Darts. So damn typical." She then sat up, pointing at the exit he just took, telling everyone, "This was always his problem! Steven was nothing more than some sort of attractive, underachieving oaf!"

Fez smiled, showing off his teeth, "I know, isn't the man great?"

Jackie then stood up, turning to Colette, "C'mon Lil' Jackie. We'll go shop at the mall to cure us from thinking about Steven."

Colette looked up at her, shrugging, "I was fine."

Jackie tugged at her arm, shaking her head, "No you weren't. Let's go!"

Jackie then pulled Colette outside the sliding doors, with the younger girl groaning, "I was drinking orange juice!"

As soon as they left, Red turned to face Fez who was pleasantly sipping a glass of milk. There was a quiet, tense moment with Red glaring at Fez but the foreigner didn't notice a thing. Both Kitty and Laurie stared at their husbands respectively until Red finally shouted at him, "Get the hell out of my house."

Fez agreed, "Okay, as soon as I finish breakfast."