Chapter Six: New Year, New Changes

Lily entered the library and gazed over the room until her eyes met the back of Severus's head with his long, black hair curtaining his face. His face was buried in a book as well. She let out a relieved breath. She walked over to him and touched his shoulder. He jumped up and pulled out his wand so fast, it startled her too. She gasped as he turned to her, his wand pointed at her chest. As soon as his eyes met hers, he relaxed and put his wand down.

"Sorry." He mumbled. "I thought you were-never mind."

Lily rubbed her sore arm. "It's okay. Can't be too careful, right?" She cleared her throat and looked at him uneasily. "Who did you think I was?"

He put his wand away and sat back down. "No one." He turned to face her. "What are you doing here?"

She sat down beside him. "I have something to tell you." She took out her wand. "Muffliato."

Severus shut the open potions book he had been reading at that word and turned to her. "Did you find something else out?"

"Not really, but Peter and Sirius know what we said earlier. They must have overheard us when we were talking. I think they knows we did something."

"I know. We spoke."

Lily's eyes widened. "Are you okay?" They had looked all right, but that didn't mean anything as to whether they had a duel.

"I'm fine. Black attempted to try a few things at first, but he was too angry and Pettigrew was too stupid and kept missing. Then Sprout showed up shortly into our conversation so they were unable to hex me or curse me."

"You certainly didn't do any lasting harm to them."

"Don't tell me I need to be nice to them."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "No, I kind of wish you would have. Hexed them, that is."

Severus turned to her in shock. "What?"

"Well, they deserve it. I know at least Peter did it. He asked me where I was last night because I wasn't with James."

"What did you tell him?"

"I was in my bed." She shrugged.

Severus grinned. "Well, that is true. You were in your bed."

"I asked him if I was supposed to be with James and he got a little defensive." She sighed, feeling a little awkward as she realized how easy it was to talk to him. She thought after the split it would not be so easy, but they were good friends once so it shouldn't have surprised her. Now it seemed more uncomfortable not talking to him. In a way, she kind of missed his company and did not realize it until this morning.

"Doesn't surprise me. He accused me of doing it, of being with you."

Lily's breath caught. "What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I tried to make it seem like you were just talking to me about it, not that I was the one who did anything to you, but I think he knows I did it regardless." Severus sucked in air. " It doesn't matter though. If he accuses us-"

"We can accuse him too."

Severus nodded. "Let's just hope he doesn't get away with it like Potter always does."

She sighed, struggling in her thoughts of what to say and rubbed her sore arm.

Severus noticed she was rubbing and holding her arm a lot. "Did you do something to your arm?"

"I'm fine." She sighed softly. "Black came into the room while I talked to James and demanded we talk. I didn't want to."

"I thought you said they knew-I thought he must have talked to you."

"He did. He stopped me at the stairs as I left and demanded we talk right then and started getting angry. He got rather aggressive. Remus showed up. I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't. Probably me cursing me into a stupor."

"What do you mean aggressive?"

"He grabbed hold of me. Got angry." Lily grabbed her arm, rubbing it unconsciously again.

Severus noticed this and his eyes became slits and he clicked his tongue to calm himself at the realization. "Did he hurt you?" The spite in his voice was clear.

Lily nodded once. "Nothing serious. Just a bruise."

"Let me see."

Lily rolled up her sleeve to her shoulder. The imprints of Sirius's grip were still visible and the skin where he held her was bruising already.

Anger boiled inside of him. "Son of a bitch!"

"He wouldn't let go of me." Lily said softly and pulled her sleeve back down. "Accused me of cheating, which I did."

"No, Peter caused you to cheat. They just want to save their own skin! I'll fucking kill them." Severus started to get up.

Lily grabbed his arm and looked at him. "Don't. Don't do anything."

"If that arse thinks he can harm you-"

"I know, but don't touch him. They could expel you. We are already in hot water as it is considering what we did together."

"Like Potter and Black haven't already done what we did? Please."

"Oh, they have. They just weren't under love potions. Besides, you and I-you know the scandal that will come out if anyone learns-I mean, it's not that I don't like you or anything" The heat began to rise in her face. "But between what happened before between us and your friends and my ex-boyfriend and his friends-"

"Did you break it off with Potter already?" Severus was surprised at that.

"Well, no, not yet."

"You are going to?"

"Honestly, I probably will. I am sure it will go over just so well when I tell him what we did and I can't keep a secret like that."

"Why not? Just pretend you don't know what you are doing when you and him-" Severus knew he sounded bitter and he couldn't even say the words because just the thought of James and her doing what they had done made him feel disgusted.

Lily noticed how uncomfortable Severus was and noticed that he could not even finish the sentence. "And that's why I am breaking it off with James soon. He wouldn't be able to stand it either, that I did sleep with you."

"I'm not your boyfriend. We weren't even supposed to do what we did, and we wouldn't have if not under that potion."

Lily sighed softly. "I still think I need to tell James what happened."

"If he finds out I was the one you did it with-"

"If I can help it, I will leave out who it was with, but I need to be honest with him." She huffed slightly and put her hand on her forehead. "I am just concerned that Peter will twist it and that will make James choose between his best pals and his girlfriend. One of us would be lying. I don't see him thinking his friends would be lying. I hate making him choose."

"That's not your fault. Peter brought it upon himself and he was the one who tried to screw around with his best pal's love life," Saying that made Severus cringe. "I mean, it's not his place to get you or him to move to that level. He attempted it and screwed it all up on his own."

"Black and Pettigrew will regret this."

"I loathe Black, but I'm not sure he is involved in the potion. I think he overhead the conversation or some of it between us, but when I was talking about the potion, he was so confused. Pettigrew knew what I meant, but Black didn't seem to have any idea what I was saying."

She furrowed her brow. "Seriously?"

"Maybe he did, but as much as I want him in trouble, I think this is one thing he didn't do for a change."

"At least next time we do it, it can be our own choice."

Severus raised an eyebrow and gave Lily a sly grin. "Next time we do it?"

Lily blushed. "You know what I mean-when we-you know-sleep together-"

"When we sleep together?"

"That's not what I mean. When either of us does."

"Together?"

Lily knew her face was getting redder. "No, but whenever we do it again."

"When we do it again?"

Lily huffed. "It's not funny. You are putting words in my mouth."

"It is a little." He turned to his book again and opened it. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you liked doing that with me and are thinking of doing it with me again-Freudian slip-up?"

Lily looked away. "This is bad. I have no idea what he'll say to James. That's what bothers me. I know he will do his damn hardest to turn the blame on me to get it off himself."

"So you aren't going to tell Potter what he did to you then?"

"I am. Not today though. We are already on the edge from our argument earlier. I'll have to tell him though before I break it off so he understands why I must do it. I just don't want to accuse you of anything or admit it was you. I'll have to tread my words carefully." She sighed. "The thing is, I don't think he'll believe me. I really think that he would believe anything Pettigrew says over anything I say."

"So, you went out with a dickhead who would take his friend's word over yours?"

"He's not a dickhead. He just can't distrust his friends."

Severus's eyes were accusing. "What about you? Are you not his friend?"

"I'm his girlfriend." She said softly.

"And that means what? You are still a friend, aren't you?"

"I guess, but I'm not the same."

"If you can't trust each other, why be boyfriend and girlfriend?"

Lily shrugged. "Because he asked, and it seemed like a good idea at the time with us heads and all."

"Seemed? Sounds like you aren't so sure yourself."

Lily didn't know how she felt. The past 24 hours had been like a whirlwind and everything was changing so fast. "We talked a short bit ago, like I said. He admitted to me that he did still hex you. He didn't deny it."

Severus realized she was not going to answer him on his last statement. He was starting to think maybe it was not all bad if she broke it off with Potter, but he knew that did not mean she would be interested in him instead. "At least you believe me."

"I never didn't-I mean, I did believe you before. I just wanted to speak to him."

"So, he knows we were talking."

"I won't deny that. I just don't plan on telling him it was you I slept with last night under the potion."

Severus raised an eyebrow again. "Don't you think he will guess?"

"He might, but I am not going to admit to anything or give an indication that I was with you. I don't want him or Sirius and Peter going after you and trying to hurt you."

"Don't worry about me. I can hold my own."

Unconsciously, she put her hand over his and he looked down and swallowed hard. He was tempted to remove it, yet he wanted to take her hand and reassure her that everything would be fine, but that would be a lie. He didn't know if it would be fine. He didn't know what the next minute would hold for them, let alone the next several days and even months. Instead he stroked her hand with his thumb. She smiled at him. Even if the entire situation had them in a dizzying haze, things were not so bad right now.

A week later

"I don't know what your problem is!" James yelled.

"My problem?" Lily accused. "No, this is not my problem. You won't listen to me-"

"You are acting so weird. You are hiding something from me. Where do you keep running off to, huh? Sirius tells me he has been seeing you with Severus and thinks you two are getting too close."

Lily huffed, blowing a lock of her hair that had fallen down out of her face. "What does he have to do with our discussion?"

"Are you his new pal again? He hangs out with the wannabe Death Eaters and you know what they want to do to people like you?"

"I am aware of the people in his house, but we were discussing the love potion-"

"That's what he said before he called you a, a-you-know-what." James interrupted.

"I told you already, he is sorry and I don't think he will do it again. I mean, you all were embarrassing him-"

James looked absolutely furious. "I didn't make him say anything!"

"No, he accepts full responsibility for that."

James paced the floor. Lily looked at the fireplace, gathering up her courage to break it off with him. She wished she could tell him why, but knew that she could not do without accusing Peter.

"James?"

"What now?"

"I don't think we are working right now."

"What do you mean?"

"Us, together, it's just-not working." She sank a little inside.

James's eyes pierced hers hard. "What are you saying? Are you-are you breaking it off?"

"I think we need to go separate ways."

"But you are becoming buddy-buddy with old Snivellus, huh?"

"And?"

James scoffed. "You are breaking it off with me for him?"

"No." She glared into his eyes. "I am breaking it off because you and I can't work now."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I have been trying to tell you."

"Did you cheat on me?" His eyes were slits, daring her to admit it.

Lily sighed. "I know you aren't going to believe me, but I promise that every word I say is the truth."

"Why would you think I wouldn't believe you?"

"Because telling you the truth involves accusing your friend of causing me to do something wrong to you."

"What? Who?"

Lily huffed in aggravation. How many times did she have to tell him this? "Peter."

"Peter? Peter did something to you?" He laughed in a way that told Lily he would not believe her.

"Yes." She spoke with an air of confidence. "That's what I've been trying to tell you, but you keep shutting me down when I try-"

"You really believe little Peter gave you a lust lotion? Or are you just trying to turn the blame on him? That's what he says you are doing!"

Lily's eyes widened and she bore them into James so hard, James relented a little.

"So, you are saying you would take Peter's word over mine." Lily scoffed. "Severus was right."

The last line seemed to set James off. "Well, Sniv-Snape was wrong, I won't take his word over yours."

"You already are. You keep saying I cheated."

"You told me Peter caused you to cheat using a love potion, right? Okay, fine. I'm listening. What is this whole truth? I'm all ears."

Lily raised her forehead and was taken aback, unsure if he was serious or was mocking her. "Why should I believe you? How do I know you won't turn this on me? Because that's what it sounds like you want to do."

"So you believe Snivellus is more honest than I am?"

"No, but at least he believes me."

James's face grew red and he clenched his fists, "What the hell is wrong with you, saying Severus is more trustworthy than I am?!"

She huffed, "I didn't say that. I'm not trying to make you choose between Peter and I. I am telling you what I know he did to me. What he tried to do to us. Don't you get it."

"You are though. Peter says one thing and you say another and I don't know who to believe."

"No, James. I know I'm telling you the truth. He wanted us to sleep together. He screwed up. He admitted it to me. James, he tried to hurt me when he thought I'd tell you. Don't you get it? Peter is not a good person. He's dangerous."

James folded his arms across his chest. "I've known him for years, Lily. He hardly even does anything unless we are with me."

"But you haven't noticed he seems to enjoy doing more cruel pranks than you all? The curses he tries to do to others?"

James frowned, but said nothing.

She looked at the fire again and took some deep breaths so as to not say something she may regret later. She listened to the crackling of the flames and turned to James. It took her a moment to say anything at all. "Fine." Lily sat down.

James glanced down at her, "So are we over? Just like that."

She looked at her hands. "Do you trust me?"

"Lily, you are asking me to accuse one of my best friends of trying to hurt you and that he tried to give me and you a lust potion."

"Well, I'm not backing down on the truth, so you just have to either."

"What's going on?" Sirius asked as he entered the common room.

Lily's stomach boiled as she heard Sirius's voice. "James and I are having a private conversation."

"Is that so?" Sirius stood beside James and Lily rolled her eyes. "Talking about the fact that she cheated on you, James? Peter told me what happened. He told me who it was with too. What the hell were you thinking doing it with Snivellus?"

Lily was ready to explode and sucked in air hard and clenched her fists. James turned to Sirius and looked back at Lily in disgust.

"I didn't say-" Lily started, ready to go off on Sirius and considered pulling out her wand and hexing him on the spot.

"You did cheat on me with Snivellus!" He interrupted Lily.

"I didn't say who it was and I didn't cheat. You can't cheat when you are under a potion or spell."

"So who was it? Was it Snivellus or Peter who made you cheat?" James asked in disgust.

Lily scoffed in shock. "I told you several times already that Peter did it."

"You are saying Peter gave you and some other random guy a love potion and you slept with that guy?" Sirius asked. "Do you expect us to believe that?"

James didn't say anything. Lily waited for a response. "You don't believe me?" Lily's words caught on her tongue, but before she could get any words out, Sirius scoffed.

"Move on from her James. She cheats once, she'll do it again."

Lily was nearly yelling now. "I said I wouldn't do that! You are turning this on me when this is your friend's fault. He is the one who screwed up, not me!"

"Funny how you became his new pal overnight though, isn't it?" Sirius spat out with venom.

James interrupted, looking disgusted, as if he smelled a skunk's spray. "You let the greasy bastard put his nasty little dick inside of you!"

Lily's stomach churned. She was terrified of them finding out about Severus. She did not want him to be threatened or harmed. Severus was not their scapegoat and she would be damned before she allowed them to make him that. She also almost wanted to punch them in the face for how they were speaking about Severus. "I didn't say anything about Severus-"

"My god, Lily. Him? You let him touch you like that? Put himself in you? And I kissed you since." James shivered in disgust. "You let him take your virginity? You and I were together. We had plans. That was mine to take, not his!"

Lily's eyes turned to slits. "Yours to take? My virginity doesn't belong to you or anyone except myself. So what if some other guy made me lose it? Was that your goal? You thought it belonged to you?"

"Well-I-we were-I thought I would be-your first."

She scoffed. "I wouldn't have been yours."

"No, but it's different. I am a guy. I am supposed to be more experienced to lead you-"

"I don't need to be led."

"I just meant-you know."

"No, I don't know." She clicked her tongue. "You know what, forget it. You clearly don't believe me so I am done talking to you." She started to walk away from both of them, but stopped after a few steps and turned back to James. "And yes, we are done. We are not dating anymore. The only way that will ever change is when you start to realize that I was your friend too." She turned on her heel and stormed out of the portrait, not looking back and not caring.