CH.10 Kelso

"Borderline,

Feels like I'm going to lose my mind,

You keep on pushing my love,

Over the Borderline,"

For some reason that she never realized before, it occurred to Jackie that the teenager in her passenger's seat was just that- a kid. Her cool eyes slowly looked over to Little Jackie, as she sang passionately to whatever techno-pop whatchamacallit that was currently playing on the radio. Unable to stand another lyric being uttered, Jackie lowered down the volume, announcing, "Okay, new game plan! Try to expand your musical horizons to Diana Ross & The Supremes or even ABBA!"

Colette's jaw almost fell off as she blinked, "What? The Supremes? ABBA? Their songs are old. Besides, I want to listen to Borderline."

Jackie rolled her eyes, pressing down on the brake as she pulled up to a red light, "I don't even recognize it. As far as I'm concerned, it's a Pop catastrophe."

Colette turned up the volume, saying proudly, "Disco was a catastrophe; Pop is amazing."

Jackie couldn't believe her ears as she turned down the volume once more, "Disco was beautiful! Now you take back-"

Colette turned up the volume, growing upset, "You call my music names, then I call your music names- that's how it works."

Jackie refused to listen to her, turning off the radio, "Well, whatever this is, I don't like it."

"Madonna."

Jackie's head whizzed around, "What?"

Colette crisply responded, "Madonna. I'm listening to Madonna. Y'know, she has a couple of really good songs out. Like Holiday is my other favorite."

Jackie stared at her as if she was a completely different person, "Excuse me?"

Colette continued as though Jackie had said nothing, "I'm thinking about buying a bluejeaned jacket, fingerless gloves, some leg warmers and probably some really long beads- just like how she has it. Oh-oh, I also want to change my hair like this-" Jackie watched in total horror as Colette lifted up her hair, smiling into the rearview mirror, "I'll have to cut it, and dye it blond like hers, but it'll look so cool."

Jackie couldn't believe her ears, "Blue-jean jackets?! Gloves?! Leg warmers?! Little Jackie, what has gotten into you?!"

"Well it's all the rage! I mean," Colette tried to explain, "it's cool! And I wanna be like her!"

Jackie slammed on the brakes in the middle of the street. Colette almost flew into the dashboard, but Jackie grabbed her shoulder and gave her a half-hearted shake, "You are not Little Madonna or Donna 2! You are Little Jackie!"

Colette groaned, slamming herself back against her seat like a toddler, "Stop calling me that already! I'm not Little Jackie, okay?! I am not you. I'm Colette Ripley! And I like Duran Duran, I like Madonna, and I love MTV-"

"That musical television station?"

Colette narrowed her eyes, tiny prickles of dissatisfaction peppering her neck as she calmly explained, "It's called MTV, not the magical, musical TV station."

Jackie noticed the hints of anger in Colette's tone. She pulled back, asking her, "Little Jackie, why're you so upset?"

The corners of the teen's mouth twitched as she gave the former cheerleader the cold shoulder, huffing, "You don't pay any attention, do you?"

"Little Jackie-"

"Call me that one more time, and I'm leaving." Was the girl's cold response.

But Jackie didn't listen, "….Litt-"

"That is it!" Colette angrily spat through her gritted teeth. She immediately unbuckled her seatbelt, and hopped out of the powder blue Mustang, slamming the door as she exited. Jackie frantically went after her, "Little Jackie, you come back here right this instant!"

A couple of vehicles approached Jackie's, which was still in the middle of the street. Jackie hollered at them, "Oh, go around!" They did so, one man flipping off the former cheerleader. Jackie shouted at the car as it retreated down the street, "Real mature!"

She then followed Colette down a sidewalk of tiny stores, Colette picking up speed after passing each "open" sign from a different store.

Jackie chased after her, and eventually gained enough speed to catch up to her and grab her arm forcefully. Angry that her vehicle was still parked in the street and that Colette was upset for some "unknown" reason, Jackie shouted at her in front of the customers of the tiny stores.

"What the hell has gotten into you!?"

Colette pulled her arm back, pointing at her, "I thought you were different! I thought you changed! But no, yer still the same propped up princess, so goddamn shallow that I have to arrange your pictures in order of cuteness! You're still the same girl who leaves a child at a jail because you forgot to pick her up! You're still-"

"What has brought all this on?!"

Colette pointed at herself with her thumb, "I'm NOT Little Jackie! I'm Colette! I don't know how many times I have to say it before it registers but it's the truth! And you are so wrapped up in me taking your identity that you had me make an idiot of myself in front of Harold-"

Jackie interrupted, "Well I was good at picking up boys-"

"You are obsessed with me liking things you like instead of me liking things I like-"

Jackie folded her arms across her chest, "Trust me, ten years from now, no one will know who Madonna is."

"And now you're controlling what I wear?!"

Jackie threw up her arms, "Leg warmers are hideous!"

"It doesn't matter!" Colette screamed, "Because it's me, and it's what I want! So please, stop telling me what to do, what to say, and what to like! And another thing, I don't want your identity! I have one of my own, and yeah it's not the greatest, but it's mine!" Softly Colette shrugged, "Look, maybe you should pick up your friend without me. My house isn't that far off from here- I can walk."

Blinking, Jackie refused to swallow the hard lump that was forming in her throat, "So…that's it?"

Colette took in a deep breath, explaining, "I like you a lot Jackie, but you're trying to turn me into someone I'm not. And overall I've been a good sport about it today, but now it's a little too much, y'know?"

Stepping back, Jackie heard them. The voices of her past, starting with Michael: "Damn Jackie! You're changing everything about me here! No more dirty magazines?! No more playing with dogs in the park?! No more Prank Day?! It's like I can't breathe!"

And then Steven, "Jackie, you want these things from me that I just can't give you. It's too much. You're just gonna have to accept what you see here."

Even Fez, one lonely, angry night, "Dammit Woman! I give you gifts! I give you my attention! I give you my fashion tips! I give you the love of Fez and still you find flaws with me! What the hell do you want?! My blood?! Because you are sucking me dry like da daughter of Dracula!"

The older woman stepped back, swallowing hard, "You're right. I've been trying so hard to make you into my mirror image…I guess I forgot that the world already had one Jackie Burkhart." Colette noticed the glassiness of her older friends of eyes. She asked her, "Are you alright?"

Jackie quickly wiped away a pesky tear that escaped her, "Yup! I'll take you home, Little Jack-, I mean…I'll just take you home."

Together they walked back to the Mustang in silence. There was a ticket on the windshield, but Jackie only crumpled it up and tossed it inside her car. They drove in silence, Colette speaking every once in a while to say, "turn here" or "take a left there."

The more they drove, the more Jackie realized that she was driving straight into Steven's old neighborhood. And when Colette said the sentence, "This is it", Jackie almost hit the floor. It was right next to her old boyfriend's house. Colette unbuckled her seat, and was seconds away from exiting when Jackie blurted, "No."

Colette turned her head, "What?"

Jackie continued to go on all at once, "You can't go back there. It's filthy, it's dirty, it's full of dead dreams and rat poop. You can't go back there, Steven- I won't let you."

Colette's eyes shifted, "I'm 'Steven' now?"

Taking in a deep breath, Jackie looked passed Colette and straight at the house, "Give me another chance. I need to give you some sense of worth that way you push forward and get out of this place."

"It's my home."

Jackie looked Colette in the eye fiercely, "But you're better than this! I see it! And I know Little, uh, well…I know I'm not the best role model, but I guess I wish I had a second chance that way I wouldn't have screwed up my life the way I did. But, I can't go back; not with a time machine, and not by using you. But I can help you from making the same mistakes, or just plain bad ones."

Colette gave Jackie a look, "I don't understand-"

"What are you going to do with your life?" Jackie demanded.

"I dunno," Colette shrugged, "Maybe get a job-"

"No, you are going to college." Jackie corrected, saying, "It's something I wish I took more seriously, and it's something you must consider."

Colette laughed bitterly, "College? Me? Are you kidding? I'm not worth all that trouble-" She then pointed at the direction of the school, "Hell I can't even get a 100 on a report! The best I get is a stupid 99-"

"Yes, you are worth the trouble."

"No, I'm not." Colette muttered, turning away from the other woman in the vehicle. Colette then climbed out of the Mustang, gently pushing the door shut. Jackie thought about going after her, but when the screen door opened and she saw what she assumed was one of Colette's brothers opening the door for her, she didn't.

She then waited a few extra minutes, waiting for an eleven year old Colette to come busting through the screen door and running toward the car, just like when she first met Colette at the Big Brothers/ Big Sisters Building. But it didn't happen.

Jackie checked her watch. It was going to be one o'clock. She banged the steering wheel, trying not to scream. She honestly thought she was so close to reaching Colette! She could've helped her…

With burning eyes, the ex-cheerleader immediately backed out of the dirt driveway.

:::::::

She pulled up in front of the Greyhound bus station. When she couldn't see a trace of her ex, she moved into the parking lot. Frustrated, she didn't even check her surroundings as she piled out of her car and slammed the door shut. She entered the station, pushing out all her memories of Little Jackie. If Little Jackie didn't want her help, than fine. She wasn't going to waste any more time thinking about it than she had to.

"Jackie!"

She stopped, suddenly aware she was walking around in the station without any apparent destination. And who was calling her name?

"Jackie, over here! By the vending machine!"

She turned around, seeing her first love, with his arm stuck in the flap of the vending machine. Before she could help herself, Jackie slipped out a high pitched, "Michael!" She marched right up to him, her nerves tightening, "What the hell are you doing?!"

Kelso looked up at her, trying to explain, "Well, you were taking so long that I got hungry! So, I bought this Snickers, but it got stuck. So, I thought I'd get it unstuck with my hand…but I'm now I'm stuck."

Jackie shook her head at him, "I cannot believe you are some little girl's role model." As soon as she said it, she thought of Little Jackie. She murmured to herself, "I can't believe I was one, and I blew it."

Kelso crammed his head to get a better look at her, "What? What're you sayin'?"

"Nothing." Jackie grumbled, squatting down to get a better look at his arm. It was lodged inside the vending machine all the way up to his shoulder. She rolled her eyes, "All this for a Snickers?"

Kelso explained, "When you're hungry, you'll do anything."

Jackie thought back to that one time Donna tried a yogurt only diet with her. Jackie warned her it was going to be tough, but "high-and-mighty" Donna replied, "If you can do it, how tough can it be?"

The lumberjack only lasted two days before she got real plastered on Tequila and hijacked a Dunkin' Donuts just outside town. Afterwards, Donna claimed to have blacked out during the whole ordeal. Jackie herself found it so amusing that she paid back the Donut shop just to say she did it and hold it over Donna's head. And the rest of the gang didn't let Miss "high-and-nighty" live it down for weeks. Jackie breezed through her days while Donna grumbled that her life couldn't get worse- and then Eric pulled her pants down on Valentine's Day in front of the guys. She went from "Drunk n' Go-Nuts Donna" to "Granny Panties" overnight. Jackie supposed life could get worse.

Kelso noticed his ex-girlfriend was smiling and couldn't help but laugh, "Are you thinking about Drunk n' Go-Nuts Donna, too?!"

Jackie tried to wipe away her smile, shushing him, "Michael, we need to focus on the topic at hand, er, arm."

Kelso muscled his shoulder awkwardly, telling her confidently, "I've been in worse scrapes than this! I just need a sec…I need…hold up." He worked his arm around, swiveling it counterclockwise until his hand grabbed a Snickers. He then smiled, "Got it!"

"Michael!" Jackie scolded, "I thought you were working on getting your arm out-"

Kelso soon popped out his arm from the vending machine, grinning, "Yeah, and step one was: Retrieve Snickers." He proudly waved the chocolate bar in front of her face, "Score!" She resisted the urge to roll her eyes as he immediately unwrapped it and took a big bite out of it. With a mouthful of chocolate, he grabbed his bags and shrugged, "We goin' now or what?"

As they walked through the cars in the parking lot, Jackie had to ask him, "What's this I hear about you and Brooke? Trouble in Paradise?"

They reached her car, Jackie unlocking it as Kelso piled his luggage in the backseat. He couldn't help but groan, "Paradise? Never even saw it. Instead I'm being talked down to!"

Both slid into their respective seats, with Jackie in the driver's seat and him riding shotgun. She then turned her head while she buckled up, "Talked down to?"

Kelso nodded, slamming his door shut, "Yeah! It's sorta like what you used to do with me, remember? All the do this, and don't do that stuff; but last night Brooke went too far!"

"Mm?"

Kelso sat silently next to Jackie, the vehicle unmoving until he sighed, "I lost Betsy at the Night Club."

Jackie's eyes popped out, "You did what?!"

Kelso groaned, "I know it looks bad; but Betsy's school had this whole 'Career Day' thing, y'know? Sorta like what we had back in the day! So, I talked to Vince, and convinced him that a 'Take your daughter to work day' would be great-"

"Michael," Jackie interrupted, "You work at a strip club! How was this a good idea?"

Kelso nodded, acknowledging, "Okay, so my plan had a few kinks-"

"A few?!"

Kelso glared at her, "Great! Now you sound like Brooke!"

Jackie tried to calm down, "Okay, okay- finish your story."

"Alright, so anyway, I took Betsy with me to work. But, I'm not a complete hopeless mess! I made sure she stayed outside with me, working a bouncer detail."

Jackie's head tilted, her eyes squinting as she thought out loud, "Weren't you promoted to 'Don't Touch That' guy?"

Kelso sighed, "Yeah, but I goofed."

Jackie stared him down judgingly, "You touched a stripper, didn't you? You cheated on Brooke, the mother of your child-"

"No!" Kelso shouted defensively, "Nu-uh! I touched a hoagie! And it was Vince's. And I may have eaten said hoagie before I knew it was Vince's; hence explaining my current demotion."

Jackie smacked Kelso's shoulder, "Seriously?"

Kelso yelped, "Hey! It's not my fault! I can't control myself! Besides, I put down on my resume that I would eat anything, so it should've been obvious not to leave any unattended food close to my proximity."

Finally she asked him, "And Betsy?"

"I found her in the back with the strippers. They were teaching her how to put on her makeup."

Jackie's mouth hung open, "She's five! And she's supposed to do that with me, as I am her Godmother! And she was supposed to be at least eleven when I introduce her to lip gloss! But now that's all tainted as she learned from the strippers…" She folded her arms across her chest, grumbling, "Who're like Sam…"

Kelso screeched, "How do you think I feel? I saw my little girl practicing pole dancing and no father should see that! And when she told her teachers, they asked me what kind of occupation I had that includes poles! I had to tell them I was a firefighter! Now, in two weeks, they want me to teach their kids about fire prevention! Can you imagine? Me?! On fire prevention? If it was causing fires, then maybe I'll know a thing or two…."

"Like that time you set my house on fire?" She screeched.

He threw his hands up, "You caught me! I set your house on fire! I set the Police Academy on fire! I set the Forman's garage on fire! Okay, I'm guilty! Now what?"

She angrily pointed at him, "Maybe we should set you on fire!"

He laughed darkly, "Ha! Too late! I did that when I tested the firecracker suit last fall!"

Jackie tried to remain angry, but her last sentence came out with a hint of amusement, "You actually tested that stupid, old thing?"

When he nodded, he expected to be mentored about his behavior. Perhaps she would lecture him about the firecracker suit thing. Or she would go on about how bringing a child to a strip club was the worst idea in the world, something he figured out after he lost Betsy. But she only stared at him for a soft pause. Then she let herself smile, her eyes half-rolling and half- blinking. Seeing her gentler exposition toward him eased him enough to break out his classic Michael Kelso smile.

She reached over, giving him a hug, "Same old Michael."

His arms reached around her shoulders, chuckling, "Same old Jackie." When they pulled apart, she sighed, "I've missed you so much, but until this second I never realized how much. Just like life, huh? You never really know how much someone means to you until they're gone." Before Kelso could say another word, she broke down crying, "I ran off Little Jackie!"

Kelso's eyes bulged out of his head, his body stiffening as he yelped, "What's going on?! Who's Little Jackie? Why are you crying?! Don't cry, 'cause when you cry-" His big, brown eyes started tearing up, "I get to balling!"

Jackie tried to wipe away her tears before they started to ruin her makeup. She hiccupped, "Remember when we used to talk about our tiny Michaels and little Jackie's?"

Kelso nodded, his face red, his eyes puffed as he wheezed out, "Yeah?" His eyes popped out of his skull as he jumped back, "Holy crap, yer pregnant!" Instinctively he raised his hands, "I didn't touch her…this time."

Jackie narrowed her eyes, dabbing them with a hanky she kept on hand, "Settle down, Tiger. I am not with child."

Kelso let out a huge sigh of relief. Jackie swatted his shoulder lightly, "Try not to look so relieved! And what did you have to worry about anyway? We haven't, um, had relations in over five years."

Kelso rubbed the back of his head, shrugging, "Yeah, after Betsy I've been a little jumpy about past relationships, like I'm sure you understand."

Jackie nodded, "Yeah, but back to Little Jackie-"

"Little what?"

"Little Jackie! She's my, well was, like…sort of…my friend?"

Kelso gave her a short look, "Your friend? But didn't we all make some weird pact never to replace one another-"

Jackie waved her hands, explaining, "No Michael, she's not replacing anybody! She's a sweet kid who's a little rough around the edges and comes from a bad home-"

Kelso commented, "Sounds like Hyde."

Jackie shook her head, so ever persistent to prove her point, "But she can be a bit shy and awkward. You should've seen her at the mall! She's under the impression everyone's better than her-"

Kelso pressed his index and middle finger to his chin, saying out loud, "Now it's Eric."

She continued to shake her head, ever so persistent, "And this morning she was singing some random pop song. I take it she's a music lover, I mean, she knew about the musical TV station. Y'know, the one with all the singing and dancing celebrities-"

Kelso's lips broke into a smile, "Singing and dancing? MTV? That's classic Fez! Well, minus the sneaking in closets bit."

Jackie concluded proudly, "But she's an all-around good kid. Now, I know she may have a bit of an imagination, like when she thought she saw Donna at the Forman's earlier today, but a good kid. And yes, she's also a little impulsive, but I can't hold that against her-"

Kelso fist pumped the air, "Imagination and impulsive? Man, can I relate!"

She narrowed her eyes, "No you cannot. She's impulsive about life decisions, like wanting a dead-end job with Todd-"

He thought for a moment before saying quietly, "I'm impulsive about life decisions."

She almost laughed, "You? You're kidding. Okay then, name one."

His brown eyes looked down, concentrating on the dashboard so hard that one could literally see the wheels turning in his head. Finally he spoke, a much more serious tone than she had heard come from him in a long while, "At the Forman's 25th Anniversary party, when I asked you to marry me. And, you turned me down."

Her beautiful face tightened, her eyes locking on him as never before. The corners of her mouth twitched, almost as if she wanted to say something but her thick tongue couldn't make its mind up as to what it wanted to say in the first place. Then her nose wrinkled slightly, causing Kelso to fallback on his boyish charm in a desperate attempt to salvage the conversation.

"So," he offered lamely, "What were you saying about Little Jackie?"

Concentrating on his strained voice, she shrugged, "She got upset; said I was trying too hard to turn her into me. Crazy, right?" She didn't expect him to say anything, but then again Michael was always full of surprises.

"This is gonna sound profound coming from me, but it seems to me that Little Jackie is everyone else instead of Jackie."

She didn't know how to respond to that, so she just didn't say anything. She only turned away from him and looked out her window. He did the same, peering out his window to the Greyhound Bus Station.

He watched handfuls of travelers, each piling into their selected bus, getting ready to go back home, or to leave it. It wasn't too long ago Donna was there, ready to leave for college in Madison.

"I'll figure college out later, all I know is that I want to stay here with you."

He felt tiny prickles pour down his shoulders. That was the worst decision Donna ever made, bless her heart. She stayed behind, tried to make the wedding go through for a marriage she was unsure of in the first place. But she did it for Eric. She did it for love. And then, a few months later, Eric leaves her at the altar during the wedding rehearsal. Donna was never the same. Kelso thought back, recollecting the first time he saw "blond Donna." He knew right there and then, it was the beginning of the end. That blond hair may have gotten her discounted clothes and free jelly donuts, but it changed the very reasons Eric tripped over himself to love her. But was the problem really blond hair or a broken heart? And the more Kelso thought about it, the more unsettled the pit of his stomach squeezed. He could just see them, together, side by side, nose to nose, the pair of them…Eric and Donna. Both overwhelmingly unhappy of how life turned out to be. Donna would complain in a drunken stupor that Eric was "spineless" and just let people "push him around." Meanwhile Eric would be sitting in a corner somewhere in his sweater vest, scratching his balding head while his boney fingers desperately rolled a joint to free him to another time. Finally, winded and tired, Donna would pull out her platinum locks of hair, ashamed of her mere reflection. All that makeup pounded on her face, that slinky purse over her shoulder, and a skirt two inches two short. Eric would then look up at her, unable to distinguish between the girl he once loved and the manicured monster he created in her. He would weakly say, "I love you." And she would respond likewise. They would close out the day staring at one another, in shock of what they did to one another…

His head started to hurt as the balding man in his mind that was supposed to be Eric morphed into him. A seventeen year old version of himself, with Pam Macy in one arm and Laurie in the other. The manicured monster morphed slowly from Donna to a sixteen year old little girl with brunette hair, a cheerleading outfit, and a hurt expression etched in her delicate face. In his mind, he could see her confusion, looking at him with the other women, asking pitifully, "Michael…why?" The blond girls by his side were drunk and high, giggling immensely. He let their soft voices trickle into his ears as he smiled stupidly at the cheerleader, "I love you, Jackie."

Hurt, the brunette took two steps back, shaking her head, crying. And what he noticed was that she never reciprocated his love back.

Finally Kelso tore his eyes away from the Greyhound Station and toward Jackie. It was a shame that she grew up so much, and she didn't even know it. When she felt her eyes on her, she asked him, her eyes smearing the steering wheel, "Do you ever think about how it used to be? Fez standing behind the couch, being extra pervy; Steven in his chair, watching TV and commenting on how stupid we were; me on your lap as we giggled over how cute we were; and Eric and Donna on the couch, talking or something."

He didn't verbally respond. He only reached to her small hand, enveloping it in his. When she looked at him sharply, he smiled weakly at her, "I'll always love you Jackie, you know that right?"

She nodded slowly.

He continued, images of Donna agreeing to stay with Eric at the bus terminal filling his head, "That night, when I asked you to marry me, for real, and you turned me down…look, you have to know that you made the right decision." Her eyes were getting foggy again. He scooted closer to her, hugging her tightly, "I have Brooke and Betsy now, but if you ever need anything, just call me up, okay?"

She wrapped her thin arms around him, burying her face in his chest which got his T-shirt wet with tears. She then admitted, "I'm scared."

He looked down at her, curious, "Of what?"

She replied somberly, her hands clinging onto his shoulders, "That it's all over. That there's nothing more. And I'm frozen in the '70s while the world moves on."

The lyrics in the very beginning belong to Madonna's "Borderline" (1984). I don't own it nor do I claim to. Also, "Holiday" is another one of hers. And in case anyone is wondering, I also don't own MTV. Bummer, right?