A/N: Hope everyone is continuing to stay well and safe during these uncertain times. Thanks to everyone for their support as I update my works here. I am not religious, I just like the quote.

Chapter Eleven: A Time To Mourn

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..." ~Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 4 NIV

Severus internally sighed and every word in the English language failed as Lily sobbed. He just said nothing. Her body rocked with each sob. His chest damped with the continuous tears that poured out. He rubbed her back with one hand put the other on the back of her head and tried to keep her damp hair out of her face. As he gently kissed the top of her head, he choked. A lump caught in his throat. This was not the Lily he wanted to see. He had seen her cry before, but not like this. As she caught each sob, she let out a faint whimper like a dog in pain. It was such a pained cry that he had to choke back the dampness starting to grow in his own eyes.

It took a few minutes before she calmed down enough for him to hand her a handkerchief to blow her nose. She clutched it tight as light sobs continued to emerge from her. She did not move from his embrace. It took him a moment to realize she had stopped crying. He glanced down to see her eyes were shut. He lightly shook her as his breath caught, "Lily?" She barely opened her eyes with a light moan and closed them back. He just held her for another couple of minutes before laying down with her. Her chest rose and fell with her deep breathing and he pulled the covers to her shoulders. The clock across the room was the only other sound in the room. Nearly 7:30PM. His empty stomach churned as Madam Pomfrey came into the room.

"Good, she's sleeping." She handed Severus clean Slytherin robes and looked back at Lily with almost pity. With a heavy sigh, she shook her head. "Here, so you can change. There's some food for you as well if you would like." He thanked her and for a moment he thought her eyes appeared damp as he headed for the bathroom to change. Despite not feeling that hungry, he managed some of the food they had provided him. He decided to read one of the books on the shelf for a while.

Lily stirred and put the back of her hands to her eyes with a small stretch before turning onto her back. After a moment, she put her arms down and opened her eyes a little. After a brief glance of confusion, her eyes locked with Severus's. He gave her a sheepish smile.

"Feeling any better?"

She stifled a yawn, her face still pale and splotchy. With an attempted tiny smile, she shrugged. He walked over and laid down beside of her. Her eyes were still bloodshot, and her eyelids were low, threatening to close again. Her cheeks were flushed and suddenly became crimson as she put her head down.

"This is so embarrassing." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"What is?"

"Everything today. I'm sorry."

"Don't" He cut her off before she could continue, "Don't you apologize for any of this."

"Not that, for you having to see me like this. I think you had to see almost every bodily fluid of mine today. I'm sorry about that."

He scoffed slightly, "Please. None of that was your fault."

She gave a tiny corner smile and pushed a strand of his hair from his face. She beckoned him closer with her finger. He leaned in and she kissed his cheek. "I don't want to kiss your lips since, you know, been vomiting and all."

"I don't think you are contagious." He whispered.

"No," she smiled a little bigger, "More that it may be gross." She closed her eyes again, "Night, Sev."

He watched her drift back to sleep. Once she was sleeping soundly, he closed his own heavy eyes.

0o0o0

Severus woke up to Lily curled up beside him. His arm was underneath of her and he debated how to get it out from under her without waking her up. He slowly moved her and slid his arm out. She stirred but didn't wake. His arm did not have any feeling. It moved like rubber, as if it did not have any bones anymore. He made a fist with his hand several times and moved his arm around a little to try and gain the feeling back.

He suddenly imagined being in a bedroom with her, waking up every day by her side. A smile creep up on the corner of his mouth. He could live with that. He got off the bed as slowly and quietly as he possibly could. She was sound asleep and after yesterday, he wanted her to rest.

He went to the bathroom and came back to her still deep in sleep. He scratched a note on some parchment and set it on the bed beside of her so she wouldn't wonder where he had gone when and if she awoke before he got back. He sighed as he watched her sleeping. If only he had woken up next to her in the shack after a long night of love making instead of in the hospital wing. He had hopes though, small hopes that things would stay okay between them now.

Severus left the hospital wing and went down to his dorm. Avery and Rosier were already up. Mulciber and Travers were still in bed.

"Snape. We were wondering where you'd gone." Avery said. "You look terrible."

"Yeah, what a shock." He mocked.

"We know you fucked the mudblood and got her pregnant."

"Don't call her that!" Severus snapped as he gathered his books for the day.

"We heard someone called out the Illegitimate Curse and caused an abortion." Rosier said.

"You know who it was?" Severus asked through gritted teeth.

"We didn't do it. We weren't even aware of it until we were headed back. It was quick news." Avery stated.

"Pettigrew was tellin' everyone about it. Said you and Lily were fucking when it happened." Rosier spoke with a sneer on his lips.

"Figures he'd exaggerate to that extent."

"Were you fuckin' her again?"

"No." He said matter-of-factly. "Potter and Black attacked us while we, uh, talked." He could feel the heat rise a little in his face. "Made a crowd gather and a couple people were spoutin' off things at us as well and someone else, not them, shot that curse and I want to know who." He slammed the drawer closed.

"We've been wonderin' the same thing." Travers chimed in, now up and making his bed. "Maybe a younger one of us?"

Severus didn't dare mention that he didn't want to be a Death Eater anymore. He knew what they would think, but he didn't care. Lily was more important right now.

"I don't know who it did, but whoever did it will pay."

"Wait, why do you care? You can't tell me you wanted to have a baby with a mudblood?"

Severus clenched his fists at that.

"You wanted a baby with her? Shit, it was you. You got her pregnant." Avery gaped at him.

"No, but that wasn't anyone's concern-it was between us-and it was not someone else's decision to make! Whether or not we had one was our decision. Mine and Lily's." Severus sucked in air and no longer cared if people knew he had gotten Lily pregnant.

"Did you all not learn anything from those stupid health lessons Pomfrey put us through our first couple of years here?"

Severus glared at Avery. "Well, under a mix of love and lust potion we weren't thinking about the consequences." He turned to the door.

"Where are you going now?"

"Back to the mudblood probably. She's probably so upset." Mulciber said, faking tears with his finger.

"It's for the best you know." Rosier said.

Severus turned at the open doorway. "Best for who? The school? You all? Or Lily and I? If you dare say Lily, you will regret it because the person who did this has put her through hell. I don't have time for anti-muggleborn rants!"

He left the dorm and headed back through the common room. Everyone was staring at him and he tugged at his collar but ignored the sneers and raised eyebrows as he exited the room. He hurried back to the hospital wing.

Lily was still sleeping to his relief. He could see Madam Pomfrey scratching on parchment in her office nearby. With a sigh of relief seeing her within eyeshot of Lily, he went to his first class and sat down next to Avery. Avery looked uncomfortable.

"What now?" Severus snapped.

"What are you thinking?"

He raised his forehead, "We weren't."

Avery frowned. "It was stupid of you. Thankfully that's gone."

"You mean the baby?"

"She was barely pregnant, right?"

"Yes, but if she had stayed pregnant, it would have become a baby."

"Well, it wasn't even anything close to a baby yet anyway and you still stay with that girl?"

Severus got out his book, saying nothing.

"I thought you wanted to be a Death Eater? You can't do that and be with her?"

Severus still said nothing.

"You can't tell me you actually want her? I mean, yeah, she's good looking and all. She's got a nice rack on her and is cute, so I don't blame you for wanting to fuck her, but there are plenty of nice-breasted, adorable figured young ladies out there who aren't useless in blood."

Severus started to snap back at Avery but was interrupted.

"Morning. Turn to page 289 and read it over. Write down your responses and we will discuss in thirty minutes." The professor spoke up, ending his conversation.
Severus started to work, but his mind was too cluttered to concentrate. He glanced over at Lily's empty seat. He realized he wasn't the only one. He saw James Potter looking at it uneasily. He almost looked guilt-ridden though Severus wasn't sure why since it wasn't him who cast that curse.

He made it through the first class and approached the Professor. "I was wondering if I could pick up the assignment for Lily?"

"You want to take her assignment?"

Severus realized the word must not have gotten around to all the teachers that it was him who fathered the child that Lily Evans carried. "Yes, sir. She asked me to get her work."

"Just tell her to do the questions we did today and not worry about anything else. Sad someone did that to her, but that's why you don't fool around this young."

"Are you blaming her for what happened?" Anger flashed across his eyes.

"No, not at all. That's a banned spell and regardless of foolishness on the part of young lads and lasses, it was not to be used ever."

Severus pondered what to say that wouldn't be wrong to a Professor. "The real fool was not Lily." He turned at that and walked out of the room.

0o0o0

Lily woke up to an empty room. She sighed and turned onto her back. She felt a paper crinkle and reached under her back and pulled out a piece of parchment. It was Severus's handwriting.

Lily
-Went down to my dorm to gather my school things. Be back in a few minutes. Didn't want you to worry where I'd gone. If you are too exhausted and I don't want to wake you-I went on to our classes. Get some rest and try to get something in your stomach if you can.
Love,
Sev

A tiny smile twitched at her mouth. She was still exhausted and suddenly realized that she did not feel sick like most mornings as she rolled off the bed. As much as she hated all the nausea and vomiting, her heart gripped, and throat clenched at the realization that it was all over.

Her legs were like rubber as she walked to the bathroom. She crawled back into the bed and thought about the events of yesterday, racking her lethargic mind of who might have sent that curse. So many thoughts went through her mind, yet no one seemed plausible at all. Lily touched her abdomen and choked back tears.

Lily really wished she could speak to her mother face to face. She wanted her mother right now. She needed her mother. Mums always know what to do. However, Lily knew that even if her mother knew, nothing would stop the pain she felt right now and that her mother could not help her except to give extra support. No one could help her.

There was an emptiness now deep down inside of her. All she could think about before was that they were too young for this and that she didn't want a baby and was not ready for one. She mourned for the potential that would never happen because someone took that chance from them. She was never going to feel the baby kick inside of her now. She was never going to know what it would have been. She was never going to see what it would end up looking like and she pushed those thoughts out of her mind quickly.

She looked out the windows on the other side of the room. The sun was shining, glaring over the beds closest to it and she saw a bird on the window's ledge chirping. The beautiful day was almost taunting her.

"How can the world be so happy when I am so miserable?" She thought to herself.

She gripped her sheets tight with her fists and tears slid down her face. Madam Pomfrey was not around so she let herself have a small cry. After last night, she was too exhausted to cry much.

Lily awoke later to a clang. She realized she had fallen asleep. A elderly lady with a small hunchback was staring at her. She gasped in surprise.

The woman didn't appear fazed by her reaction and pointed a wand to her bed. Before she could think of what the lady wanted, her sheets and pillowcase were gone. New sheets appeared on the bed. The new sheets were cold. It served as a reminder to her that she was in the hospital wing instead of her dorm. Her sheets were not stiff and sterile. She wanted to go back to sleep, hoping she would wake up in her dorm and discover that all this had just been a horrible nightmare.

As the lady left the room, the healer walked in. "You are finally awake, I see."

Lily said nothing.

"How are you feeling?"

Lily shrugged.

Madam Pomfrey looked sympathetic. "Physically. Are you still nauseous?"

Lily shook her head. "Not really."

"No vomiting or diarrhoea?"

"A little of the latter."

"That's common."

"I thought she said it would stop."

"The intensity of it does, but it usually takes about 24 hours for your body to feel better." She put her wand on Lily's forehead. "No fever. No signs of infection?"

Lily shook her head and curled up tighter in the blankets.

"How about we try and get some food in your stomach?"

"I'm not hungry." She mumbled.

"You need to try and get some food in your stomach. You won't get your strength up lying here. I am sure you want to get back to your dorm and your friends and to your classes as soon as you can."

Lily's eyes grew wider. "Back to her dorm?" The thought made her uneasy. The whole school likely knew about what had happened and that she had been pregnant. They likely knew Severus was the father of it and she did not have any doubt that Peter was probably spewing his own version right now.

"I'm going to have some chicken soup brought to you, okay? I need you to try and get it down."

Lily watched her walk away and into her office. A minute later, the soup arrived. She was not the least bit hungry but ate a few bites of it anyway.

Severus came in as she was eating. "You are up-and eating-that's good."

Lily frowned. "I'm not hungry. She's making me eat some of it though." Lily sighed as he sat on the bed. "How were your classes?"

Severus shrugged. "Okay." He handed Lily her school things. "The Professors sent the work they want you to finish."

Lily took the books and items for her classes. "Thanks. Maybe it will help me get my mind on something else."

"There's a bunch of gifts for you in Pomfrey's office. They are checking them of course since they don't know who did this to you."

Lily smiled a little, "Really?"

"Words gotten out, but you appear to have a lot of support." He cocked his head slightly with a tiny grin. She tucked a lock of her hair back behind her ear with a brief smile. "I'm going to go grab a bite of lunch. I will see you this evening after classes." Severus leaned in and kissed her forehead.

Lily smiled. "Okay."

She watched him leave and opened a book. She did not really feel like doing any work but wanted to think about something else.

Severus stayed with her that evening but went to his dorm for the night. It was the same routine for Thursday and Friday. Severus barely spoke to his dormmates, cutting off any discussion they tried to have with him about the situation or about being a Death Eater.

Over the next two days Lily ate a little better, but mostly did work and slept. She tried her best to get her mind on anything that did not involve thinking about what had happened to her. On Saturday, Severus spent most of the day with her in the wing. It was bittersweet because while she was happy to get out of the hospital wing Sunday, she dreaded going to her dorm again.

Her friends had left her some gifts and so had a several others in the school. Everything sent to her had to be checked before she could see it though because no one knew who had cursed her and they were concerned the same person could try to harm her again. It was the other reason they had kept her in the wing for so long, to keep her safe until they learned more about what had happened.

19 February

Lily strolled up the stairs to her dorm step by step, hoping to procrastinate the inevitable for as long as she could, not wanting to enter the portrait. After standing outside of the portrait for several minutes, the fat lady grew annoyed that she was not saying the password. She finally took a deep breath and went inside. Everyone turned to look at her, making her uneasiness with the situation even worse. She knew she seemed rather forlorn, but she was not in any mood to care how she appeared. What she was worried about was the reaction to the situation and how people would treat her.

"Lily." Mary came up to her and gave her a hug. "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell us you were pregnant?"

Lily shrugged with her arms across her chest. "Why would I?"

"Because we are your friends and that's important news. It explains your vomiting and mood swings."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore." Her eyes developed tears again.

"I heard and we are sorry."

Lily scoffed. "Are you really?"

"You know, Lily, as bad as it seems, it's all for the best. I mean, now you don't have that burden on you anymore. You don't have to worry about having a child with the crazy Death Eater wannabe."

Lily's lower lip quivered and anger surge through her body. "You are trying to say it's a good thing? Someone used a dark curse on me that could have permanently damaged my fertility forever and you think that is good!"

"No-I just meant-"

"With Severus, right? That I won't be having a child with Severus? That's what I should be happy about?"

Mary said nothing, but the silence in the room told her all she needed to know.

"Well, that's not the worry. I didn't care and maybe I would even go out with him."

"You'd what?" Niamh, another roommate of hers, asked. "Have you gone mad?"

"No." She turned on her heel and started up to her dorm.

"Going out with someone like that? You must be. Lily-he-he's evil!" Veronica spoke up, all her roommates following her up the stairs.

Lily stopped and turned. "No. He's not evil. He was never evil." She paused. "He was just torn. Can you blame him? I don't."

"You don't blame him? You've gone mad. He wants to be one of them. You know what his friends did to Mary McDonald?" Mary cried.

Lily stopped again on her journey up. "I know what they did. Severus was not involved in that. He's not going to be a Death Eater."

"And how do you know that for sure?" Veronica, a fellow student, asked.

Lily stopped as she reached for the handle to her dorm. "I know."

"Bet he would say anything just to get you to sleep with him again."

Lily turned. If looks could kill, they would all be in the process of dying. "Well, I've already done it once. I would certainly not be opposed to doing it again. We had a rather good time the first time around."

Melody's eyes grew wide. "You've got to be joking."

"I'm not."

"How did he get you to bed with him? You were dating James. Why would you sleep with him when you had-"

"Someone better?" She finished for Melody.

Mary and the other three said nothing.

"Well, yes. I mean, look at him."

Lily scoffed again. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"We never desired to be Death Eaters!" Elizabeth cried out in exasperation.

"No, but judging him on his house and his wealth isn't much better than people judging me or Niamh on our blood status now, is it?" Lily glared at Elizabeth for a moment. "I'm tired. I want to be alone and to rest." She opened the door to the dorm.

"He always did like you. We all knew it." Mary spoke up.

"So what?" Lily snapped.

"How did he get you to sleep with him when you two weren't even on speaking terms?"

"Ask Peter. He can tell you everything you need to know-if he'll actually tell the truth." Lily slammed the bedroom door shut and locked it. She let out a deep breath and looked at the empty dorm. Slowly, she walked over to her bed and collapsed face down on it. Tears welled up in her throat. She didn't know what would happen now.

It was a rough night and she didn't really sleep at all. Her roommates left her alone. When they tried to talk to her, she would shut them down. She did not want to hear anything they had to say right now. Nothing they could say would make her feel better.

She made her bed the next morning and laid on it, not up for going to her classes.

"Aren't you coming?" Elizabeth asked her.

Lily shook her head.

"You can't hide up here forever. You can't change anything and you-" Melody started to say.

"Don't-don't you dare say to just get over it."

"Look, we are sorry this happened. We understand." Niamh said.

Lily looked up and glared at Niamh. "No, no, you don't understand! Don't pretend you understand! You don't know anything! You don't have any idea what it's like!" Tears swelled up in her eyes. "You've never had this happen to you or anyone you know! You don't-You don't-just go!"

She lay back down and sniffed. They looked at each other and left her alone. Lily knew they were right though. She could not stay up here forever and hide like a hermit. Sooner or later she would have to face everyone again.

An hour later, there was a knock at her door. "I said I want to be left alone!" She yelled, thinking it was her roommates trying to pry her out of the bed.

The door opened. Lily choked at the sight of McGonagall, realizing she had just yelled at a teacher. She could be cheeky with them, but she never yelled.

"Oh, sorry." Lily mumbled. "I thought you were my roommates."

McGonagall looked grave. "The headmaster would like to speak with you."

Lily gulped at that and sat up. "W-Why?"

"We need to discuss the situation."

Lily's throat suddenly went dry. She got off the bed in her wrinkled robes and followed McGonagall down the stairs and out of the tower. It was silent.

"What about Severus?" Lily asked, the question nagging her.

"Mr. Snape will be joining us."

Lily choked. She waited at the Gargoyle while McGonagall went up and saw Severus approach a moment later.

0o0o0

Severus was in class when Mr. Filch came into the room. "Professor Dumbledore would like to see Mr. Snape."

Severus choked. He heard some "oohs" and snickers as he gathered his things and left the room.

"You are to stay by the gargoyle until they let you up." Mr. Filch was grinning. "You naughty teenagers get yourselves into all sorts of trouble. In my day, they would have hung you both upside by your toes until you passed out."

Severus cringed slightly but said nothing and as he arrived at the Gargoyle, he saw Lily standing there.

"Ms. Evans and Mr. Snape, follow me." McGonagall said.

Lily and Severus followed her up and went into the office. At the sight of Sirius, James and Peter, they gulped. James caught their gazes and glanced at the ground. Sirius turned away from them. Peter was twiddling his fingers and staring at the floor. Lily and Severus looked at each other. The tension could have been cut with a knife as the room fell silent.

A/N: To any reader: When Lily and Severus are on the train the first time, were James and Sirius already in the cabin or did they join them later? I no longer have my HP books and can't find a consistent answer online.