Hello...
This is my first time in this fanfiction world. Please, send me your most raw critics and tell me if I should continue doing this or this is just not my calling.
This story takes place sometime after what happened in S03E20, but not immediate after nor long after. I always picture in what way we'll meet Shaun and Lea again in season 4. So, if I have any power, this is what would happen in S04E01, Shea scenes only. I'm not good at medical stuff and I don't really understand what the other characters will go through. I don't want to touch Melendez... because I am still grieving and am still in denial.
My initial plan is just doing one shots of Shea post S03E20, but MAYBE, I will explore some of the other characters next time I'm inspired. It's been always my dream to have Lea interact with Morgan, Claire, Audrey, Marcus, and Alex.
That's why, your reviews will be much appreciated.
Who wanted to wake up before 8 on a beautiful lazy Sunday, especially when there was no work to do or any prior appointment? Well, definitely not Lea. She was still asleep or should've still been sleeping, but of course, she was not anymore. The cause was no further than the knocking at her door. It had been quite persistent for a couple of minutes now. Oh, and gradually getting louder, too. Forcing its way through the pillow and irritating her straight to full consciousness.
By the sounds of the knocking, full of confidence with a very accurate amount of strength from the knuckles that kept on hitting the cheap wood in uniform rhythms—on a purpose, as if there's the best form of knocking, Lea knew that this was definitely one of his. Shaun Murphy's best form of knocking... her patience out of existence.
"Lea!" Shaun called her with his usual tone that would've melted her heart right away.
Not today.
Lea sat up on her bed, looked at the floor, inhaling, then gave a long hard stare to her door, exhaling; still listening to all the rustles Shaun was making just the other side of that door. She didn't want to see him. Not after yesterday. This vexation she was feeling made her question her sanity for dating Shaun. This time, more than usual.
Sometimes, she couldn't help herself but thought that maybe this was a mistake. She had always known before that their relationship, their romantic relationship, wouldn't work out well. She was impatient, and so was he. When she needed more, he didn't. When she needed just a tiny little, he went absolutely overboard. Like, unnecessarily so overboard. He absolutely drove her into frustration.
Unlike how clueless she was the first time they were starting to live together, this time, she anticipated just enough no to be blindsided by the whiplash of her own feelings. But, still... One time, she couldn't get enough of her Shaunnie; other times, she couldn't control how much she wanted to induce arterial circulatory collapse or plainly crush his neck. Clearly, those other times weighed on the good times. All in all, it's still within what she had anticipated before, so she wasn't shocked, or even hurt. Just tired.
She wasn't sure which one is worse.
"Lea. Please... open the door..?!" Shaun asked very nicely and his knocking became bolder, Lea heard her at least two of her neighbors opening their door.
"Shit," Lea muttered to herself, got up, and moved to the door. There's no way she'd let Shaun generate any more damage than had already been done. Especially not when he didn't even realize he was doing it.
Lea was taking deep breaths along the way to the door, making sure she was at her best-calmed self before she pulled her door open, but not all the way. It was just enough for him to see her full body, her expression that was filled with unhappiness. Just in case he would try barging in, she held the door with her foot... Apparently, he couldn't.
Shaun stood in front of her with that innocent and shy, cutie smile she always loved about him—it softened his eyes that made her so attracted to him the first time they had met—and his hands were full with two food boxes.
Tipping her head toward the boxes, "Let me guess, two dozen of doughnuts?" her voice full of skepticism.
"No." Shaun chuckled at how wrong she was, "It's breakfast set. For two," he was very pleased with himself.
"I made pancakes. Three stacks for each of us. Chocolate chips for me and strawberries for you. I made the strawberry jam myself. It has some of the big chunks of strawberries. I also brought fresh strawberries. Your favorites!"
Loosening her hold on her door, Lea challenged, "Oh... do I like it that way? How do you figure?"
Shaun didn't falter, he always had data to back him up, "You always order strawberry pancakes every time we go to have pancakes and you always choose the strawberry jams with bigger strawberry chunks in it every time we shop. The strawberry jams that I made will taste more like syrups with chunks of strawberries and it will go well with the pancakes. You can also put the fresh strawberry slices-"
"Okay! Fair enough, but it doesn't mean that it was my fav-"
"I also made fresh English muffins, hash-browns, and bacon for you," he said it like it was his hidden extra ammunition, going for the kill, "I tried to make eggs benedict, but I wasted almost a dozen of eggs and lots of butter already with no successful result. It was more complicated than I thought, I need more time to practice making that dish, so I made a sunny side egg instead. The egg yolk should still be runny."
"Oh, wow, Shaun..." he thought she was so impressed she was about to let him in, but she clearly wasn't, "okay... I'll take just one that is for me."
Lea put out her hand to receive the box without opening the door for him, and of course, he didn't comply.
Shaun was a little confused and slightly dreaded, "I haven't had my breakfast yet."
"Not my problem, Shaun," Lea sighed.
"I don't want to eat my breakfast out here," he replied, gesturing the outside. Before Lea could repeat her last response, "...alone."
"Look, Shaunnie-"
"I am sorry," it didn't even surprise Lea he'd utter apology like that. In fact, about time, "Lea, I'm really sorry."
Lea's next-door neighbor walked behind Shaun with a garbage bag in her hand, looking at their direction her whole trip to the trash can. It bothered Lea a bit because she had been known as the gossip with a horrible personality.
"Sorry for what, Shaun?" she crossed her arms but her foot still held the door, "For bringing this very thoughtful breakfast set?"
"For a lot of things." Shaun had been improving at picking up cues from her, from people, "I made you mad, and I don't want you to stay mad at me. It makes me feel unhappy."
"I'll bet," Lea shifted to lean on the door frame, "but I also bet that you don't even know why I'm mad."
Treading carefully here, "No... I know why you are mad, and I already made amends on that front," no, he actually didn't, but Lea let him went on, "I told your manager to cancel your leasing termination because you are still committed to it and have interest in renewing it after it's due three months from now."
Lea closed her eyes, "It was your termination, Shaun, over my apartment, I never requested it," she gritted them out through her teeth, really holding herself from going off.
When she opened her eyes, that neighbor was standing by the can and really watching them. Watching Shaun with a little extra interest. Noticing it as a negative concern, Lea finally opened her door reluctantly for Shaun.
Shaun happily entered her place and walked straight to the round dining table for two, put the boxes on it, "Are you not mad anymore?" his hands rubbed against each other, hopeful but not entirely.
Lea replied, "No, I'm still super mad at you, Shaun," leaning against the now-closed door, arms still crossed.
Shaun inhaled and exhaled a few times, trying to understand and come up with something. From outsiders, he would seem a agitating, like he was spacing out. Someone else would be slightly freaked out looking at him like this. However, Lea was already accustomed to this Shaun. Additionally, this is nothing; her instinct said he was okay. She'd know if he was freaking out and panicking for real.
The rapid breathing eased. Shaun looked at her straight into her eyes. Smiling. Not in a goofy way.
Okay, she still wasn't used to that. Not in an uncomfortable way, but she sometimes felt overwhelmed by the intense stare. So full of love. So steady, so unlike her.
And that smile, that was the handsome and sexy smile. Not the cutie smile she was so used to.
Looking satisfied and proud, "I love you, Lea" Shaun declared. It was almost like he was so confident he knew what the problem was, how to solve it, and that sentence was it... Almost.
Because, then, he turned unsure, "I think I don't really understand what I've done wrong that made you so mad yesterday. You stormed out of our... my apartment. Crying... and you didn't even say goodbye. That's why... please, tell me so I can fix this. Tell me what else I can do so you can feel better... and, not be mad at me anymore."
Lea sighed, defeated, "You know I love you, too, Shaun," but still not satisfied, "but,-"
"I hate your but. Your but is always bad," Lea unexpectedly laughed at Shaun's honest non-sarcastic-but-should-totally-be-sarcastic remark.
Lea continued with an assuring smile, "Okay, no but."
God, she really does love him. That feeling took charge in her brain overflowing her hard-shells about the whole thing. This is not good.
"Shaun... if I don't love you so much, you'd be on the curb by now. Really..."
Getting the curb reference, Shaun understood, "I'm glad you don't want to kick me to the curb yet," trying to move closer to Lea, "but, I also really want you to stop being mad at me. What should I do? I already brought breakfast. I was hoping we could talk over breakfast."
Lea pushed herself off the door and just walked into Shaun. Grabbing his cheeks, went for his neck, and kissed the heck out of him. Delivering three long smooches just to satisfy her sudden urge to do so and stopping before they got raunchy. When she pulled away, Shaun clearly wanted more. Well, he was not alone as she did, too, but they needed to talk more.
"Okay, let's talk, Shaun. Like a quite proper mature couple. Over breakfast. About what they're fighting about. What we're fighting about," she smiled proudly, "It's a really great idea, Shaun."
"Yes!"
Lea went for the boxes, opening each of them, while Shaun grabbed the plates, glasses, and cutleries from the cabinets for her. They work as a team, totally in sync. She arranged their food onto their plates, and he opened her fridge to get orange juice and milk he knew she had.
For a second, he was distracted by the existence of eight fresh green apples in there. He remembered he had eaten her last apple the last time he was here. That was two days ago.
Ohhh, He was loving this very much. He was so missing living together with her very much. Had been regretting his decision to kick her out of the apartment ever since.
Lea saw Shaun taking one apple out, smiled, and told him, "did you bring your peeling knife? I threw the peeler yesterday, the plastic grip's melted."
"No, I didn't. I'm not going to peel it, then," Shaun said, then, before closing the fridge, "do you also want one?"
"No, thanks," she sat on the table, everything's ready, "but get me water, please, Shaun. I don't think I'm into orange juice today."
Shaun took the orange juice pitcher back into the fridge, "No prob," and brought the mineral bottle to Lea and sat across from her.
They smiled at each other, began to eat their breakfast, and so their so-called chilled fight also began.
"So, I do get the logical reasoning, Shaun, for me to move back in with you, but-"
"But you don't want to do it."
"I do, I do want to move back in, but-"
"But... Not now or anytime soon."
Lea stared at her very cute yet exasperating boyfriend who kept cutting her off just because he thought he knew all the right answers. She inhaled and exhaled, thinking of a different approach.
"Shaun, you gotta understand why I don't want to do it too soon."
"I think I understand why you don't want to move back in too soon. It's because our relationship is relatively new and you're afraid it'll disrupt our honeymoon phase. Because living together as boyfriend and girlfriend is different than the times we were living together as just friends. We need to acclimate ourselves with our boyfriend and girlfriend dynamic, and then we can advance to the next level by moving in together as boyfriend and girlfriend."
Lea gave several small nods to all that. She knew he was reiterating what she had been explaining yesterday, but she wasn't sure he truly did understand.
Waiting for more elaboration that wasn't coming, Lea responded, "Yeah, so I hope you can really understand that, Shaun. The same way I understand that it is indeed a logical and an easier way for the both of us if I just move back in. But sometimes, the right thing or the logical thing isn't..." she was still looking for the word for it... but nothing came up.
"I understand."
Lea knew she hadn't even finished her words and he cut her off again, but she'd take it.
"But, I still don't agree, and I don't like it."
"Shaun-"
"Being honest," his tone went up a bit, "...is what you like me for," Shaun stopped eating and took a deep breath, focusing more on whatever he was about to say next.
Lea nodded, encouraging him to go on.
"I don't like it that we have to live separately now after we have become boyfriend and girlfriend. I still don't understand what would be the problem if we live together now."
"Shaun-"
"But you already told me you don't want to move back into the apartment, and... I am fine with that now."
"Shaun-"
"I have to be honest, that's why I'm telling you all of this," Shaun sparked a resolved smile, "I want to make you feel good without lying, and without making me feel bad, so I'll compromise... if you let me sleep over here at least three days a week."
I guess we're negotiating now... one-sidedly. Again.
"And you sleepover at the apartment at least two days a week."
Lea just let out a big sigh, gulping down her water until its empty.
"Do you not want that, too?"
Lea didn't even want to respond. She had no idea what to say, anyway. She could just agree with him because he seemed "fine" now. Agreeing with him would make everything seem also fine.
But the problem will always remain, Lea. Get a grip! She just looked at him. They were staring at each other. Shaun was waiting, and Lea was... recalibrating?
"Lea?"
"Yes, Shaun?"
"Do you not want me to sleep over?"
"No?"
Shaun went silent. Lea felt bad watching him looking so dejected and even more confused like that, but she also could tell clearly that his brain was still turning.
"Okay. I understand," Lea wanted to laugh because clearly he still didn't get anything, "Don't kick me to the curb just yet. We will find something to compromise. We always do," and Shaun continued eating, but Lea froze.
What Shaun had just said seemed to catch Lea off guard. The once again 'curb' reference really bothered her, and the 'compromise' thing seemed to halt her thoughts. She heard both dismay and optimism in those sentences. It didn't sit well with her, but also somehow almost gave her clarity. It was just she couldn't quite catch it.
Lea looked over the food Shaun had prepared for them both. She didn't fancy pancakes so much, but if it was the only option present, she'd prefer strawberry pancake. This strawberry jam was really delicious—she didn't have to pour maple syrup over her pancakes that would totally overshadow the strawberries.
Next, she watched her boyfriend tackling those pancakes. He really enjoyed pancakes. He knew what he liked and didn't like, and he just went for it. He chose pancakes as his favorite food since the beginning of time, and he stuck with it. Commit to it. Gave his everything devouring it.
Don't forget the classic American breakfast that was still untouched on the other plate, except for the eggs. She'd prefer omelets than sunny sides, but that thing looked so good. Shaun was so proud of it didn't hurt, either. So, while the backup set was still totally unnecessary, but having a choice from the beginning was nice, too. Thinking at what time he had woken up made her heart ache...or was it flutter?
Finally, she saw his fear. His fear of her leaving him, getting tired of him because he still thought he couldn't make her happy. He couldn't make her more, according to his confession at Vera a week ago. The fear that totally mirrored hers. Her fear to hurt him again and again cause it seemed inevitable with her. The same exact fear that shouldn't have existed anymore, because they should have nothing to fear. Because they always compromise.
No matter how much or how many times they drove each other crazy, and how difficult it had been, they seemed to always find their way back to each other again as if it was the only way. The fact was, there were many ways they could've picked. Having choices were always nice, but making the right choice was always better. Every time.
And that right choice had already been made. It had been made on that terrifying and gratifying day at the same time, outside the brewery pub. At the same time she was praying to God that she hadn't been too late and she hadn't made the biggest mistake she would ever make.
That this man, across from her, was it for her. The only man that could annoy her to no end and still delivered the things she needed. The things she didn't even know she needed. The man who always made her realized the simple little important things. The man who always gave her choices without pressing her to choose or ended up making the wrong one. Because with this man, you only chose one thing. Love. Compassion. All the good things.
They had been okay before, more than okay, in fact. They had always been more. Happier. Better. Diving headfirst into fights and making up right after, finding those compromises without compromising their emotions. So, they would always be okay. They were okay.
The fact was she knew him and he knew her. The other things that was still unknown shouldn't and wouldn't matter. They'd be honest to themselves and each other, and they would still be more than okay.
"You're right, Shaun," Lea started, her voice became so soft and full of urgency, "We always compromise, don't we?"
"Yes."
Lea made that small nods, "I love you, Shaun Murphy."
"I love you, too, Lea," Shaun grinned, he got giddy for some seconds there.
"I want to move in together with you, Shaun."
"But you-"
"Nuh-uh. Don't. Say. Anything. It's my turn, Shaun. You've been cutting me off. Conversation is a two-way street."
"Oh..."
"Yeah, oh..."
Lea moved her chair closer to Shaun, so they were sitting side by side. She took his hand in hers, gave it a squeeze with just a little pressure. For Shaun, it was enough, because it didn't bother him. In fact, he loved her touch. He loved seeing their hands intertwined.
"Shaun, the problem was never about me not wanting to move in with you," she put their hands on her thigh, and leaned her head on his shoulder, "or that we are still on our honeymoon phase, cause there's no such a thing. Not with us."
Shaun didn't really get the honeymoon phase wasn't such a thing reference, because Lea was the one who had brought it up. He was a little confused, but stayed silent, though, because he knew when she had finished her talk, she'd let him know.
"I had doubts about us being a couple before, you know that... but I don't anymore," she continued, "but, now, precisely because there's no more doubt and that I love you so much, I want to do more things together even more. Not the sleeping-together, watching movies together, go on road trips together, going to work together, waking up together. These things are a given, but the most important thing for me Shaun is that we'd stay honest to and with each other. Always. Like, making sure that both of us are okay with every decision we make. Especially for the big, life decisions or even just the simple things. That we will always know what each other's intentions are. That we will never make a decision for each other. Instead, we make them together, with each other, for the both of us."
They both went silent for a few seconds until Shaun concluded, "You want me to ask permission first before doing couple activities?"
"Not quite. But it would be nice if you didn't just go to this apartment's manager and kicking me out behind my back," Lea looked at Shaun, making sure he got it, "It would be nice knowing that was the thing you were about to do. It would've been nice if we discussed it, like this, before I had to yell and snap at you like last night."
"Yes, you were very scary," Lea silent-laughed, "and then you were crying. It confused me."
"I know," Lea kissed his hand, "and this is just a tip for the future that if I do that, maybe you should refrain from annoying me or to disturb my sleep the morning after. Just give me space and time."
Shaun nodded.
"But... this is nice, too," Lea gestured at their breakfast, "but maybe, snap a photo of this first and sent it to me before you come over, okay?" Shaun nodded, "That being said, there will be no coming over because I am moving back in to our apartment."
"Yes," Shaun swing his hands happily, bringing her hand along.
"Not now, or today, or this week, though."
"Why?"
"Because today is Sunday, tomorrow is Monday, and we're super busy at work. The hospital is being overhauled considering everything that happened,"
"I understand," this time Lea believed that Shaun really did get it. Because he truly did.
Shaun gave a little squeeze to their intertwined hands while still looking straight ahead, "I want to kiss you, Lea," and Lea smiled, "I want you to kiss me, too, Shaun."
Shaun turned his head to Lea, grabbed her cheek, and letting go of her hand while grabbing her neck on the other side. He pulled her face closer, tilting his head. When they were less than an inch away, he opened his mouth and devoured her.
Lea's hand went for the back of his hair, gripped it softly and urgently. Her other hand reached to the back of her head for his hand. She held his hand, led it down, intertwining their hands.
Slowly, she got up, without pulling away from their kiss. He wouldn't let her, anyway. So, she pulled him and started to walk backward. She was leading him to her bed.
Noticing what was happening and the direction they were going at, Shaun let go of her hand. He grabbed her waist and effectively gluing him to her. Her hands circled to the back of his neck, to his hair, playing with it. Her feet were elevated as he lifted her up. The movement automatically brought her legs locked around his waist. Stopping their track to the bed and their kiss, to catch a breath.
Staring deeply into his blue eyes, Lea held his jaws. Caressing each side gently. Then, she slowly went for another long kiss.
This time, he was the one leading them to the bed.
end.
If I have typos or deadly grammar errors, please forgive me. If I seem to have no clue in doing this whole fanfic thing, please forgive me, too.
About the title, it's not so much a title for this particular story, but more like what I had in my head when I started having idea to write this fanfic. I still don't have an apt title for the story.
Don't forget the reviews..!.. if you want...
