Chapter Four
Kakyoin didn't know what Mr. Joestar had told his parents, but there was no mention of where he had been for the past few months at all. In fact, his mom and dad seemed to be trying to make everything as normal as possible. Except that his mom was staying home from work to care for him, making sure he stayed in bed for a few days, gently changing his bandages and making sure he took his medicine, even though he could tell that she wanted to balk every time she saw the healing scar across his stomach. Kakyoin hated seeing it too. Every time he did it hurt him, it tore open the emotional scars that had been left by Hierophant's disappearance. Which was the problem. He could talk about losing Avdol and Iggy to his parents if he even had the words for that, and perhaps they would consider it explanation enough for his behavior, but they'd always thought that Hierophant was imaginary, and there was no way he could explain what it felt like to lose a piece of his soul.
He spent most of the first week in bed, sleeping, until he couldn't stand that anymore. After that, his wound was healed enough for him to get around anyway, at least as much as he wanted to.
The first day he got up for any length of time he simply looked around his room. It was bizarre, but everything was where he had remembered it being. He poked around his desk and was disturbed to find his notes about where to find Jotaro that he only vaguely remembered making under Dio's influence. He quickly threw those in the trash, not wanting to see them.
He tried playing video games, but even that didn't hold the appeal it used to. Maybe because the last time he'd played it had been against a psychotic Stand user who had shoved his soul in a doll.
It didn't matter anyway, nothing was going to distract him.
He was constantly looking out of the corner of his eye to see if Hierophant was there, like he'd been for years. The spot beside Kakyoin's bookshelf had always been his favorite place to stand when Kakyoin was a kid. He'd known he could always look over there after having a nightmare and Hierophant would be glowing lightly, watching over him, and Kakyoin had been soothed back to sleep.
Now the nightmares that still made him wake up screaming, scaring his parents nearly to death, could not be so easily soothed. Because his protector was no longer there. Kakyoin knew he'd failed his own Stand, gotten Hierophant destroyed because of his overconfidence. It would have been one thing if he'd died; then it all would have been a noble sacrifice. But now he was left as nothing but a shell. If Stands were manifestations of one's warrior spirit, then it was no wonder Kakyoin felt like he had no life left in him.
That he was completely useless.
He watched his parents tip-toe around him, heard them talking in hushed tones when they thought he couldn't hear. He knew they were worried, but he didn't have the energy to put on a display for them. They could never understand what was really wrong with him. That every day, the more his body healed, he would wake up and try to manifest his Stand and when Hierophant didn't appear, the more his soul died away.
He just didn't know what to do anymore. The only thing he was certain of was that he wished he'd died back in Cairo. At least then, maybe his life could have meant something. Now he felt like he meant nothing at all.
Jotaro was doing his best to adjust to normal life again. His injuries completely healed within a week, and that made him restless. School was out of session right now, so he didn't even have that to distract him. And though the thought of the mediocrity of school after everything didn't really have any appeal, at least it was normal.
If he were being honest, Jotaro missed his friends. He'd never really had any before the mission, and he had to admit that it had been nice. He wondered how Polnareff and Kakyoin were settling back down in normality. Knowing Polnareff, he was probably already wooing every girl in his hometown, getting pity points from his injuries. Jotaro shook his head at the thought.
Kakyoin on the other hand…Jotaro hoped the other boy was okay. There was a constant nagging worry he felt about Kakyoin. He still didn't know what it was, it was just something about the way the other boy looked when they'd parted ways. He'd been so lifeless, as if he could fade away at any moment. Jotaro thought about writing him, or maybe paying a visit as he didn't live too far away, but he wondered if he would be welcome, and really, what was he going to be able to say to make it better anyway? It wasn't like he was good with words, or feelings for that matter, and he'd never really had a friend to practice on.
He had mostly taken to spending his time practicing his new skills with Star Platinum. His Stand seemed to enjoy the newfound powers and Jotaro had gotten up to one second of frozen time, over twice as long as he's been able to use during his fight with Dio.
One day when he'd come into the kitchen from taking a walk, he heard his mom and the old man talking.
"I don't really want to let him go again yet, but…" his mother said with a sigh.
"I think it would be a good thing."
Jotaro stopped, frowning. Were they talking about him? Where the hell was he supposed to be going? Back to New York with the old man? He wasn't sure he wanted to do that.
"And I could hardly tell her no, she sounded so worried," his mom said. "I know how I'd feel in that position."
Jotaro stepped into the kitchen. "What's going on?" he asked suspiciously.
"Jotaro, there you are!" his mother said, smiling at him. "We were just talking about you."
"Yeah, so what?" Jotaro asked, growing slightly worried.
His grandfather at least seemed to want to get to the point and put him out of his misery. "Kakyoin's mother called."
Jotaro's stomach knotted instantly, dread settling in his gut. "Did something happen to Kakyoin?"
"No, honey, he's just…" his mother began and turned to Joseph helplessly.
"He's still not doing too well, Jotaro," the old man said honestly. "His mother called to ask if you could go stay with them for a while. She says she thinks it might help if he has a friend around, and a friend who understands what he went through…" He shrugged. "Who really understands…."
Jotaro nodded. "Okay, I'll go."
His mother smiled and strode over to kiss him on the cheek. "I hate to lose you again so soon, Jotaro, but I want you to go help your friend. He seemed like such a sweet boy, and it seems he needs you more than I do right now."
Sounds like it, Jotaro thought worriedly and he turned to go pack a bag.
The train pulled into the station and Jotaro slung his bag over his shoulder as he got off. He took the bus as close as he could to Kakyoin's place and walked the rest of the way.
He found himself growing more and more anxious the further he went. He didn't know whether Kakyoin even knew he was coming, or if he was welcome. He also worried about what condition he would find his friend in. After all, someone had to be pretty desperate to call in a guy they didn't even know to help their son.
He took a deep breath, bracing himself and tugging his hat more firmly into place before he rang the doorbell.
It was opened in only a few seconds by a woman he instantly knew had to be Kakyoin's mother as she had the same hair and eyes.
"You must be Jotaro," she said, giving him a genuine smile as she opened the door further and stepped aside to let him in.
"Yeah," Jotaro replied and cleared his throat. "Um, that's me."
"I'm Noriaki's mother," she said as if he couldn't tell. "Thank you so much for coming. When I spoke to your grandfather, he said you two had become good friends. Please, can I get you something to drink?"
Jotaro allowed her to take his bag and pour him a cup of tea before he could protest. He glanced around, but there was no sign of the other young man.
"Jotaro, do you mind sharing Noriaki's room? We don't have a guest room, but if you don't want to, we can always make up a bed for you somewhere else…he…he does have nightmares, so I'd understand…"
"It's okay, we shared a hospital room," Jotaro said. "I know about the nightmares."
Her lips pressed tightly together and Jotaro could see the strain in her face. He should have suspected Kakyoin was still having nightmares—sometimes he woke up in a cold sweat too still. And really, he'd dealt with his friend's nightmares in the hospital, he could here. He was probably more equipped to deal with these particular nightmares than Kakyoin's parents were too, considering their topic.
Kakyoin's mother set her own cup down on the counter, undrunk. "Jotaro, I…I may not know much about what happened, and I don't mind if Noriaki never shares it with me, if he feels he has to keep it to himself, but my son is hurting and I don't know why." Her lip trembled and Jotaro shifted uncomfortably, not liking to see people get emotional. She pulled herself together quickly though and smiled at him, reaching across the counter to settle her hand on top of his. "I'm just so glad to see that Noriaki has made some friends. I hate to say it but he's never really had any before—well, aside from his little imaginary green friend he had as a child, but don't tell him I told you that."
Jotaro's breath caught in his throat and his jaw tightened. Was she talking about Hierophant? Jotaro knew how frightening it had been when Star Platinum had manifested—he'd thought he was possessed, after all. But Kakyoin had gotten his Stand as a kid, and seeing something no one else could, having no one believe him…that had to have been rough.
He forced a small smile. "I won't tell him. Where is Kakyoin, anyway?"
She glanced out the window. "He's out in the garden. You should go let him know you're here."
Jotaro nodded and headed out the back door.
Their house was small but it had a nice garden with even a small koi pond. Jotaro could also see a pretty big park across the street from where he was standing.
He also spotted Kakyoin. The young man was sitting on a bench underneath a tree, bent over his lap. His back was turned toward Jotaro, but the dark-haired boy could already see something different in Kakyoin's stance than what he was used to.
He approached slowly, but didn't soften his footsteps so Kakyoin would hear him. He still didn't turn around though, and Jotaro stopped a second, hands in his pockets, as he glanced over Kakyoin's shoulder.
Kakyoin had a sketchbook in his lap and was drawing the scenery from where he was sitting, capturing the park across the street. Jotaro had almost forgotten Kakyoin liked to draw, but he'd seen him do it on occasion while they were traveling, sometimes while they were relaxing in their hotel at night. He was really good, but there was something more deliberate about his lines now, more accurate and precise, but with less life in them.
There was also something diminished about his friend. Kakyoin had a naturally slight build, but he was bordering on gaunt now, and he looked strange and out of place in a baggy grey sweater and ripped jeans instead of his school uniform.
"Hello, Jotaro."
Jotaro was a little surprised that Kakyoin had spoken to him. He stepped around the bench and leaned his back against the trunk of the tree so he could face Kakyoin. "Hey. I wasn't sure you knew I was coming."
"Mom told me," Kakyoin said, voice emotionless. He still sketched, instead of looking up at Jotaro. "You didn't have to come."
Jotaro didn't know whether that was acknowledgement of Kakyoin not wanting him there, or not feeling like he deserved to have a friend care for him. Either way, Jotaro had no idea how to reply. He wanted to curse both Kakyoin's mom and his own for setting him up like this. How the hell was he supposed to help his friend when he wasn't even good at processing his own emotions?
"So how are you doing?" he asked lamely.
Kakyoin's hand tightened on his pencil and his jaw clenched. "My wound is healing well," was all he said.
Okay, Jotaro supposed this was how it was going to be. He bit back a sigh, and moved to sit down on the bench beside his friend, pulling out a cigarette and sticking it between his teeth to light it. He blew a smoke ring and looked down to study Kakyoin's picture again.
"That's pretty good," he commented.
"It's okay," Kakyoin murmured, his pencil pressing even harder as he over-shaded a previously whispy cloud. "How is your mother?"
"She's good," Jotaro said, glad of the change of subject. He reached into his coat and pulled out a letter. "Got this from Polnareff yesterday too. He's back in France and seems to be doing good. Thought you might like to read it."
Kakyoin dropped his pencil and took the letter, unfolding it slowly. Their silence turned almost companionable and for a second Jotaro thought that maybe not that much had changed after all. Maybe Kakyoin was just a world different from the boy his parents had known.
But he'd only read half the letter before his hands started to tremble, and he handed it back to Jotaro quickly. He gathered his sketchbook and tin of pencils, standing up stiffly, before Jotaro could ask what was wrong.
"It's almost dinner time. My mother will probably be calling us soon. We should go wash up."
He was heading back into the house before Jotaro had even stood up, and he hurried after his friend, quickly stamping out his cigarette.
Alright, maybe Kakyoin wasn't back to normal after all.
Dinner wasn't as bad as he had expected. Kakyoin's mother was a really good cook, and Jotaro found his father to be a pleasant, normal working man. He chatted to Jotaro about a number of things and didn't seem to mind that the young man gave mostly monosyllabic answers.
Kakyoin on the other hand said virtually nothing during the meal and hardly ate anything either. Jotaro began to see why he had grown so gaunt, if this was how he ate on a normal basis now.
Jotaro didn't even mind going to bed early, though he made sure to ask Kakyoin if it was okay he shared his room, just in case.
The only reply he got was Kakyoin's self-conscious shrug as a look of anxiety crossed his face.
"I don't care about the nightmares," Jotaro told him.
Kakyoin's shoulders slumped a little and a slightly grateful look replaced the anxious one. "Okay."
Glad that was settled, Jotaro went to get ready for bed and crawled into the futon Kakyoin's mother had set up for him by the bookshelves on one side of Kakyoin's room.
The redheaded boy was already in bed when Jotaro had finished brushing his teeth and changing, and he watched Kakyoin for a long time before he laid down tiredly and called Star Platinum out to keep a watch over his friend again.
Kakyoin pretended to be asleep, but he was really just curled up in bed with his eyes closed. He didn't know how he felt about Jotaro being here. Part of him was grateful that he had someone who really understood what he was going through, but he also couldn't help but feel that Jotaro had come out of some obligation. After all, Kakyoin still couldn't really believe that they were still friends. He was sure Jotaro didn't have lonely, awkward, quiet friends like Kakyoin. He'd seen all the girls who flocked around Jotaro at his school. Girls had never done that to Kakyoin, in fact he was lucky if they did ignore him. Any time he'd plucked up the courage to talk to a girl he secretly liked, they'd always looked at him like he had two heads and then everyone else would abuse him for the rest of the week for daring to think he was good enough to talk to anyone else.
So, yeah, despite everything they had gone through, Kakyoin had a hard time believing Jotaro still wanted to be friends. Especially since he was even more of an awkward loser than he had been. Now there was nothing that made him special. He had no Stand power, and, worse, he couldn't seem to get over the loss.
Wetness filled his eyes and he squeezed them tighter, refusing to cry. He would die if Jotaro heard him, and he was so mad at how hard it seemed to be to keep his emotions in check these days. Thus, why he'd resolved to stop feeling anything.
He felt a prickle on the back of his neck and turned, starting slightly as he saw Star Platinum sitting at the head of Jotaro's bed, in the corner of the bookshelf.
Right where Hierophant used to sit when Kakyoin would wake up from nightmares.
His hands clenched suddenly and he bit the inside of his cheek to bleeding before he swiftly turned back over and was no longer able to stop the tears from slipping down his cheeks, muffling a hitched sob into his pillow.
How cruel was it that even though he was no longer a Stand user, he could still see other people's Stands? He was sure Jotaro meant well, but seeing Star Platinum there just made Kakyoin ache worse.
He curled in his bed and tried to push all the pain away, willing the hole in his chest to get smaller, when, in reality, it only seemed to grow bigger by the day.