Chapter Five

Kakyoin was usually good at pretending he was doing better than he actually was. After all, he had spent most of his life like that, pushing himself in school so that he had no reason to upset his parents, and really, he enjoyed having something to focus on. That was the same reason he liked to do art and play video games. They were things that distracted him, and he was really good at both, which made him feel like he was less useless.

But he also used to actually enjoy doing those things. Had gotten used to the idea of spending time by himself as opposed to going over to friends' houses or making weekend plans like the other kids at school. Now he knew what having friends, real friends, was like, and he couldn't be bothered to care about anything.

Honestly, he almost felt bad for Jotaro. The other young man seemed just as awkward as Kakyoin felt. He wished it wasn't like that. They'd had such an easy camaraderie on the road, in fact, even during their first battle, Kakyoin had had an instant respect for Jotaro, and that hadn't changed, only grew, actually. But he also knew that the other young man didn't exactly feel comfortable around other people in awkward situations, and Kakyoin was presenting probably one of the most awkward situations imaginable. And though his friend was trying, Kakyoin could see him getting exasperated, giving up on trying to get Kakyoin to talk just like his parents had. Part of Kakyoin wished Jotaro would just go home, but another part of him felt that maybe he didn't really want to be alone. Honestly, he really didn't know what he wanted.

It was raining that day, and so they were staying inside. His mother had gone back to work, now that Jotaro was here. Apparently, she hadn't wanted Kakyoin to be alone. He was trying to read a book, but it was difficult. He preferred being outside these days, the inside feeling too oppressive a lot of the time.

Jotaro was poking around at his video games until he finally turned on the gaming system and plugged in a cartridge. Kakyoin watched him out of the corner of his eye.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm bored," Jotaro said with a shrug, picking up a controller. He glanced at Kakyoin from under the brim of his hat. "You don't mind, do you?"

Kakyoin pressed his lips together and shook his head, turning back to his book. It would keep the silence from being oppressive. He bit his lip though, at the thought of Jotaro being bored. Of course he was. He hadn't asked to babysit his invalid friend.

He listened to Jotaro mashing buttons on the controller for a few minutes, making annoyed sounds under his breath before he glanced up at the screen, watching him play one of Kakyoin's fighting games. And, honestly, doing a really bad job of it.

After about the fifth poor attempt, Kakyoin couldn't stay quiet another minute. "You know there's a trick to that. If you just keep your thumb on the red button there, and don't lift off the toggle when you move, you'll have a lot more range of motion."

Jotaro glanced up at him, eyebrow raised. "Yeah?"

Kakyoin nodded.

Jotaro shrugged and went back to the game, tensing and grunting in concentration as he tried out the advice and still failed.

Kakyoin was sitting up, swinging his feet over the side of his bed, his book set aside. "No, not like that. Keep your thumb positioned in the center of the X and slide it."

Jotaro's character died again and he turned to Kakyoin with his eyes narrowed, holding out the controller. "Show me."

Kakyoin was slightly surprised. Jotaro wasn't usually the kind of guy to ask for help with anything. "I—I don't know if I'm really in the mood."

Jotaro reached out and grabbed the second controller from beside the game consol. "Come on, it's more fun with two people. And you can show me the trick to winning this damn game."

Kakyoin swallowed hard as he glanced at the second controller. It was hardly ever put to use aside from that one time he'd tried to teach his dad to play a racing game. Or…when he would sometimes pit himself against Hierophant. They'd pretty much always come to a draw, but Jotaro was right—it was more fun to play with another person, even if it was technically part of yourself.

He sighed and finally reached out to take the controller, shifting so that he was sitting cross-legged on the floor beside Jotaro. "Okay, I guess there's nothing better to do."

He thought he saw a small smile turn up one corner of Jotaro's mouth and had a sudden suspicion the other young man had just hustled him, but he supposed he would endure.

And when they started playing, he had to admit that he was having a better time than he'd had in days. After he showed Jotaro a couple tricks, he was able to do well enough to keep up with Kakyoin—if he went easy on him. Jotaro was a quick learner anyway, and he got better and better the longer they played until he was almost a match for him.

And then he saw a flicker of something out of the corner of his eye, and when he glanced over, he saw Star Platinum's hands on top of Jotaro's aiding in speed and precision as Jotaro pressed the buttons.

"What are you doing?" Kakyoin demanded, hurt flooding through him before he could stop it. His distraction allowed Jotaro to land a punch to his avatar that ended the game before Jotaro whipped around, a somewhat guilty expression on his face as he realized Kakyoin had seen what he was doing.

"You think that's fair?" Kakyoin demanded, his voice shaking along with his body. It was as he had suspected all along, Jotaro didn't really care any more than he wanted to be here. Kakyoin didn't know why he was surprised. Every 'friendship' he'd ever had had ended up the same way. He'd just thought that Jotaro, of all people, would know not to use his Stand around Kakyoin after everything.

"Fair? I mean, yeah," Jotaro said. "Look, you're really good at this game, I was just trying to be a decent opponent so you didn't feel like you had to hold back for me."

Kakyoin clenched his hands into fists. "You seriously don't see my problem with this?"

Jotaro sighed and hunched over. "Yeah, Kakyoin, I get it. And I'm sorry, I shouldn't have used Star Platinum. I actually—"

He cut himself off, biting his lip and turning away, looking ashamed.

Kakyoin climbed to his feet, staring down at the other boy. "You what, Jotaro?" he asked flatly.

"Nothing," Jotaro mumbled.

Fury rose in Kakyoin. "Don't lie to me!"

Jotaro still didn't look at him as his shoulders slumped while he muttered, "I wasn't even really sure you would be able to see Star anymore, okay?"

Kakyoin felt like Jotaro had punched a hole in his gut just like Dio had. He could feel the blood drain from his face.

"Well, I can," he bit out finally when he could breathe again. "Just because I don't have a Stand anymore, doesn't mean I'm completely stupid!" He stormed out of the room, as Jotaro called to him, rising to his feet. Kakyoin ignored him. Jotaro had already proven how insensitive he was to Kakyoin's situation. He went all the way to the front door before he turned around and faced Jotaro who was still standing in the doorway to his bedroom.

"Tomorrow, you can go back home. You don't need to stay here and be burdened with babysitting me anymore."

"Kakyoin…"

Kakyoin yanked the door open and stepped out into the rain, slamming the door behind him. He didn't even bother to grab his shoes before he left, simply striding off through the wet grass, past the backyard where Jotaro would find him too easily, and toward the park across the street at the back of the house.

No one else was there due to the weather and he went to one of his favorite spots beside the pond, and slumped onto the wet ground at the base of a willow tree. The feathery branches shielded him slightly from the cold rain as he watched the droplets dance on top of the water, breaking his reflection as he stared at himself.

The scars over his eyes were like permanent tears, telling of a hurt that went so deep it would never go away. Kakyoin wrapped his arms around his drawn-up knees, his feet already numb from the cold ground and his jeans soaked through. He hurt even more now knowing that when Jotaro left tomorrow, he would have lost one of the last friends he'd had.

A warm raindrop slid down his cheek, followed by another, and he realized they were tears. He angrily scrubbed them away. He was done crying.

His eyes still blurred though and he glared angrily at his reflection in the water.

He blinked.

In his reflection a familiar shape hovered over his shoulder. The hair prickled on the back of Kakyoin's neck and he gasped.

"H-Hierophant?" he whispered hesitantly, hopefully.

He scrambled to his feet, looking over his shoulder, but nothing was there. He turned back to his reflection in the water.

"Hierophant Green," he called hopefully.

There was a ripple in the water and he saw his Stand again, whispy and wavering, broken by the raindrops, but there over his shoulder.

Kakyoin spun around again, but still Hierophant was not there.

"Hierophant Green!" he shouted, spinning around but his Stand didn't appear.

Breathing heavily with insane hope, Kakyoin staggered into the pond, wading up past his knees to his thighs and then his hips until he was surrounded by the water.

"Hierophant Green!" he shouted, then spun in a circle, looking to see if his Stand would appear.

Nothing.

"Hierophant!" Kakyoin cried again, lunging through the water. "Please!" More tears pooled in his eyes. Was it really just some cruel illusion? No, it couldn't be! He'd felt something, he wasn't hallucinating. He wasn't going crazy.

Was he?

No. He'd thought the same as a kid when he found out he could see Hierophant and no one else could. This was no different. He was positive his Stand was still there, he just didn't know how. Or where he was now.

"Hierophant!" he screamed again, desperate this time as he spun around, not caring that he was soaked through with freezing water.

Then something sharp dug into his foot, and he cried out in shock, stumbling. His other foot slipped between two rocks on the bottom of the pond and as Kakyoin pivoted to try and free himself, his ankle got stuck and twisted.

He cried out as pain shot up his leg and he stumbled, falling completely into the water. He flailed and rose, spitting water and coughing. The twisting was hurting his still healing wound, and no matter how much he tugged at his leg, he couldn't free it.

Kakyoin finally stopped, floating with his head barely above the water as he panted sharply. It wouldn't do to panic. Someone would be by eventually, wouldn't they? Even as he through that the rain only picked up, spattering his face and nearly drowning him anyway as if he hadn't already done a good enough job of that himself.

He'd been stupid. He was crazy. Diving into a freezing pond to find his Stand. What the hell had he been thinking? Hierophant Green had been destroyed, he was never coming back.

And at this point, Kakyoin wasn't sure he was either.

He honestly felt like just giving up.

Maybe it would be easier if he did.

Jotaro wanted to kick his own ass for his stupid decision. He should have known better than to use Star Platinum while playing the game, and he really should have known better than to say anything about Kakyoin not being able to see him. He'd just assumed that if Kakyoin didn't have a Stand anymore, he couldn't see others anymore either, but maybe that wasn't the case. Maybe someone could still see Stands even if theirs had been destroyed. There just weren't that many Stand users who survived the destruction of their Stand.

Kakyoin was more than justified in his anger, and Jotaro couldn't blame him for storming out, but the comment about going home stung him.

"You don't need to stay here and be burdened with babysitting me anymore." Is that what Kakyoin thought Jotaro was doing there? He hoped that was just the anger talking, otherwise he would have to kick his friend's ass when he was feeling better. He may have been bad at expressing it, but he'd come because he cared and actually wanted to help the other young man get through this. Be someone who could actually understand what Kakyoin had gone through. But…if Kakyoin didn't want him around, maybe it was better he left.

But no, Jotaro realized. Leaving would only solidify Kakyoin's apparent opinion about him. He had to make it up to his friend, get him to talk. Apologize. Normally Jotaro hated apologizing and he was really crap at it, but right now that was all he wanted to do. Find Kakyoin and apologize.

He gave his friend a few minutes to cool off, actually expecting him to come back soon considering he had gone outside without shoes or a coat or anything in the rain. He'd already be soaked by now.

But as the minutes dragged on, Jotaro began to get a little worried. After all, Kakyoin was barely recovered and he didn't need to freeze out in the rain. Damn, he was sounding too much like his mother.

He went to the back door and opened it up, glancing around the garden but was surprised to not find Kakyoin there. He grabbed his own shoes and tugged his coat around him, pulling his hat low as he stepped outside but Kakyoin really wasn't there.

Star Platinum appeared, also looking around, seeming worried.

"You see him?" Jotaro asked his Stand.

Star Platinum turned in the direction of the park, eyes focusing, then turned hurriedly back to Jotaro with an alarmed expression.

Jotaro felt a pit form in his stomach as he started off at a run toward the park, his feet splashing through puddles as Star Platinum hovered at his back.

"Kakyoin!" he shouted as he reached the park, looking around. Star Platinum pointed toward the pond and Jotaro's eyes flew open in horror as he saw Kakyoin's head and shoulders barely floating above the water, pale and terribly lifeless.

"Kakyoin!" he cried again and surged forward, throwing off his coat and shoes as he waded into the pond without a second thought, reaching his friend and grabbing him under the arms to get him farther above the water.

Kakyoin's eyes fluttered and he groaned, giving Jotaro some relief. He sighed, shaking his head. "Good grief, what the hell do you think you're doing? You better not have been trying to drown yourself."

As he said it, he wished he'd bitten his tongue. Had Kakyoin been trying to drown himself? Jotaro felt his face go white. Had he really hurt his friend that badly?

But Kakyoin glanced up at him with a sad expression, lips trembling. "I—I thought…I thought I saw him. Hierophant."

Jotaro sagged. Okay, well, crazy was better than suicidal. He could deal with his friend hallucinating. He was still glad he'd gotten there when he did though.

"Come on, let's get out of here," he said quietly and began to pull Kakyoin to shore.

There was resistance though and Kakyoin's eyes flew wide, as he made a sound of pain.

"What's wrong?" Jotaro demanded.

"M-my foot's caught," Kakyoin said, sounding so defeated.

"Star Platinum," Jotaro called and his Stand appeared and sank under the water. After a second Kakyoin gasped and started to float upward, leaving Jotaro to haul him toward the wet grass.

He slogged onto the shore and carefully set Kakyoin down. The other young man was shivering, his red hair dark and plastered to his head, the long forelock dripping down his chin. Jotaro grabbed his coat, which was damp, but still dryer than Kakyoin and wrapped it around the shuddering shoulders.

"You okay?" he asked as he bent to inspect the ankle. It was bleeding and looked pretty bad. Not broken, but probably would swell up.

Kakyoin just sat there shivering, holding himself tightly as he hunched over. "I really did see him," he whispered.

Jotaro didn't argue, simply held out a hand to Kakyoin. "Come on, you need to get dry. Let's go back home."

Kakyoin made no move to take his hand and Jotaro crouched down, resigned. "Kakyoin. I'm really sorry for what I did earlier—what I said." He bit his lip and glanced up at Star Platinum who was still hovering nearby. "Look, I wouldn't have come if I didn't want to, okay? You know no one makes me do anything, right?"

Kakyoin glanced up at him out of the corner of his eye. Jotaro squirmed slightly but continued. "I came because you're my friend, all right? Because I genuinely wanted to help you through this."

Kakyoin curled tighter around himself, but his face was lined with pain, worrying Jotaro. He reached out and grabbed Kakyoin's shoulder. "Kakyoin? Hey, you all right?"

He glanced down and saw a bit of blood seeping through Kakyoin's shirt as well. He reached out and grabbed one of Kakyoin's arms, pulling it away from his stomach and lifted his shirt to see the bandages were obviously sodden, but it also looked like Kakyoin had ripped a few of his stitches.

"Damn it," Jotaro cursed, grabbing Kakyoin's arms. "Can you stand?"

Kakyoin didn't so much stand as allow Jotaro to pull him to his feet.

"I really saw him," Kakyoin murmured again.

Jotaro was really worried now, as his friend seemed to be delirious. He tugged Kakyoin forward, but the redhead nearly collapsed with a small cry as he put weight on his injured leg.

Jotaro simply hauled the other boy into his arms, not wanting to delay getting him warm and dry any longer than he had to.

Why had this day seemed to just go from bad to worse?