Part 11

Seven of Nine strode briskly and purposefully down the corridor after the computer had informed her of Captain Janeway's current location. Inhaling deeply, she entered Cargo Bay 2, and right away her eyes sought her out. There she was, sitting on the nearest bulkhead, her head reclined back. The look on her face tore at Seven's heart as she stepped closer and cleared her throat, announcing her presence.

Kathryn slowly turned her head toward her. "Oh, it's you," she said unevenly. She had desperately wanted a moment just like this….the two of them alone….and now that they were here, she could not control the feelings of animosity towards the blonde.

Seven eyed her for a mere moment, and without saying a word, took a few steps even closer. "Why are you in here?" she softly asked. She couldn't help but wonder why of all the places on the Enterprise, she would come to Cargo Bay 2.

"Oh, I don't know. What do you even care?" Janeway snarled, twisting haphazardly as she began to climb down from where she was perched.

On instinct, Seven reached forward to help balance the unsteady woman, only to have her hands slapped away.

"Don't," she hissed.

"I was just trying to assist you."

"I'm fine," Kathryn huffed, pulling down on her uniform as soon as she balanced herself.

"Yeah," Seven breathed sarcastically. "I can see that."

Janeway rubbed at her face, feeling the effects of the alcohol she had consumed. "Ugh," she muttered as she slightly stumbled back.

"I have a hypospray," Seven offered, holding up the device. "May I?" she asked, gesturing to the other woman.

Janeway's eyes hardened as she pulled in a few breaths. "Why?" she asked, her face a mixture of sorrow and disdain.

Seven knew she was not referring to the hypospray. "I realize that I may have misjudged the situation," she admitted. "I did what I thought was right, but I see that was not the case. And for that, all I can say is that I am truly sorry."

Kathryn turned away, unable to look at her right now. Her heart felt as if it had been torpedoed into a million pieces, and she felt completely lost. She swallowed and made a face as the blonde took a step towards her.

Her own heart breaking, Seven tried to ignore it as she continued to try to help the older woman. She moved in closer, holding out a steady hand and the hypospray. "Let me," she rasped, holding up the device.

Janeway finally conceded with a slight nod.

"Do you have preference on which side?" Seven gently asked.

"Does it even matter?" Kathryn commented sharply. She then kinked her head to the side and allowed Seven to insert the device to her skin. Seven was so close, she couldn't help but breathe her in. In fact, it was the closest she had been to this woman in years, and although she internally chastised herself for even thinking like that, she felt her own body betray her as it desperately longed to gravitate even closer to her.

Janeway was thankful once she felt the serum fill her system, and it didn't take long for her to feel the effects and get her bearings about her. It was only then that she realized just how close she was to Seven. Now, with clear eyes, she found herself gazing up at Seven, and the way she was looking at her completely threw her off, and she immediately took a few steps back.

"Damn it," she huffed, annoyed that regardless of how angry she was, this woman could still bring out these feelings in her. She didn't like how out of control that made her feel.

"Captain?"

"Seven," she growled. "You betrayed me in the worst possible way. How can we possibly ever come back from this?"

Surprised at the outburst, Seven firmed her jaw and quickly rested her hands behind her back.

"Come back?" Seven questioned firmly. "Who said we would, or even want to come back?" she quipped nonchalantly.

"We have a daughter, I think that requires us to be able to reach some sort of agreement."

"Does it?" Seven's voiced remained calm and poised, and it was so Borg like it pissed the Captain off even more.

"I'm her mother. I have a right to be in her life," Kathryn fired. "She has the right to know me, too."

Seven paused as she pondered that. "She deserves a mother that will be there for her, not one that will decide later that it's too much, or one that prioritizes her command over everything else. We both know that your command will always come first." Her eyes flashed as she leveled a challenging glare at the older woman. "What she doesn't deserve, and what I will never allow, is for you or anyone else to ever tell her that she was a mistake. I can't risk letting you do that to her, Kathryn," she heaved as tears filled her eyes. "That little girl is my entire world, and the instant that I found out I was pregnant with her, I vowed that I would protect her and keep her safe no matter what," she cried, her voice thick with emotion.

Taken aback, Kathryn flinched and her eyes momentarily went wide before she sharply narrowed them back in on the former Borg. "You actually think so little of me, that I would do that to her?" she asked incredulously. "I would do anything for her," she breathed. "Hell, Seven, I would do anything for you, too," she admitted.

Seven raised her chin. "Those are nice words, but your history indicates otherwise," she stated evenly.

Livid, Janeway snarled as she took a forceful step towards her. "I came after you time and time again. I risked both my ship and my entire crew for you, I put my command and my career, hell, even my life on the line for you more times than I can count. So don't you dare say I never did anything for you."

Seven knew she was right, this woman did risk everything for her. Her eyes softened as she exhaled. "You are correct. You did so much for me, you rescued me, helped me gain my humanity. I actually believed that I was special to you," she acknowledged, then took a shaky breath. "But," she began, and her tone dropped an octave and softened even more. "Just as quickly and easily as you gave me all that, you took it all away. You were the only person that I trusted, that I believed in, and it took you all of what….maybe five minutes…to throw me away. Even before that night, you distanced yourself from me." Her voice broke as she tried to ward off the tears that seemed caught in her throat. "You didn't even want to be my friend anymore," she choked out, hurt and vulnerability in her features.

Kathryn inhaled a deep breath, trying to ignore the pain she felt in her chest as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't know what to do, Seven. You've really put me in a corner here," she said, her voice now rough. "All these years, you didn't once think that I had a right to know about her? My god, I've missed so much of her life already," she cried, her voice shaking with emotion as tears glossed over her eyes. "And I can never get that back."

Seven's entire core ached at the raw pain radiating off the other woman, acutely aware of all that Selene's other mother had missed out on. "I wanted to tell you. Honestly, I planned to, many times," she told her. "Not long after she was born I was going to write you and tell you about her. From the moment she was born, I saw so much of you in her. I still do." It pained her to tell Kathryn this, but she knew she had to be honest. "She has your nose, your ears, your…."

Kathryn was now sobbing as she felt the pain deep in her chest. This was too much; she couldn't bear to hear another word. She quickly threw a hand up to cut her off. "Then why? Why didn't you?" she fired heatedly. "You knew how to get in touch with me." The remorse she saw in Seven's eyes made her blood burn with fury. "Don't give me that look," she said flatly.

Seven blinked away her tears and continued. "I had sat down to write it, then I saw an image of you in Starfleet's social media. You looked so happy, and they said you were about to get married," she admitted. "I deemed that there was no point in disrupting your life with a child."

"No point? Are you serious? You're telling me you decided to keep this life altering information from me because of some stupid gossip rag?" Kathryn groaned, clearly irritated. "I can't believe this." She ran a hand through her hair and groaned again. "I am so disappointed in you, Seven." She shook her head as she glared at the blonde. "I had to come all the way across space to find you in order for you to even tell me. I would still be in the dark if I hadn't come here," she heaved, then added as an afterthought. "I put my career on the line for you…..yet again, and you couldn't even give me the benefit of telling me the truth before now," she voiced loudly, anger and sorrow very evident in her features. "Tell me, Seven, if I hadn't met her in the conservatory, would you have still kept her from me?"

"Kathryn…." Seven softly tried.

"No!" Janeway interjected, her tone even more firm. "You should have pulled me aside at that party and told me then. You owed me that!"

A myriad of expressions flashed across Seven's face, none of which were pleasant, before she finally dipped her head, and Janeway steeled herself for what was about to come.

"You are absolutely right," the former Borg's voice quivered. "If I'm being honest, I was too scared of what you might do," she confessed.

Surprise lined the older woman's forehead. "Scared? You? Please! I've seen you single handedly march into every battle, big or small, without so much as a flinch."

"That was before. Before I held her in my arms. The first moment I held her and looked at her, everything changed for me." Seven couldn't contain the lonely tear that slipped down her cheek. "I was terrified that you would view her as a mistake and force me to terminate, or that you would take her away from me. That you would view me as too flawed and unfit to be her mother, and honestly, I don't how I would ever survive if I lost her," she choked out, then managed to clear her throat. "I was scared to trust you, how could I, when it was so easy for you to throw me away?"

The words pierced right through Janeway, dissolving her anger. Her shoulders slumped. She knew she had hurt Seven, but she could now see that the hurt she had inflicted ran much deeper than she ever could have imagined. And it absolutely wrecked her to see firsthand how badly she treated her. She had come here ready and willing to repair what she had done, but the damage was much more extensive than she could comprehend.

"Seven," she said, her voice coarse with the sensations of hurt, anger, and guilt consuming her body. "I wish you could have trusted in me….in us."

"But there is no us. You told me to forget. That was what you wanted, what you even commanded me to do."

Captain Kathryn Janeway had commanded ships to unchartered areas of space, had gone head to head with countless species, not to mention the Borg Queen. But this….this was so messed up that not even she knew what to do or say. She was physically exhausted and emotionally drained, and for the first time in her adult life, she had no answer to that. Seven was right, she had commanded her to forget….forget them….forget that night…all of it. Something hit her and the corner of her mouth somewhat lifted.

"Well, if my memory serves, I recall you telling me that you have an eidetic memory, and that you would never forget."

It took a moment before Seven finally acknowledged what she had said. "No, I didn't forget. I couldn't. I also couldn't forget that haunted look on your face before I left your ready room, or even after, or every single time we had a conversation after that night."

"You have no idea what that was doing to me," Janeway admitted. "Or how many times I wanted to tell you that I made a…." Her voice trailed off and her eyes hardened. "You were with Chakotay," she accused, bile rising in her throat at the memory of watching them together.

Blinking Seven was thrown off by that comment. "I didn't know that you even cared," she said softly, still feeling a little confused by that.

"I did," she growled, then as if something had hit her, Janeway's face twisted in determination. "How did you know she was mine and not his?" she asked through gritted teeth.

Seven closed her eyes as if reining in her emotions, and she gathered a breath before answering. "Like I told you, I never copulated with him," she exhaled. "In fact, there was only one person it could be….the only person I had been intimate with…..the only person I gave my body to," she told her honestly.

Kathryn struggled to catch her breath hearing that, and she had to suck up the tears that were threatening to spill. "Oh Seven, if I had only known," her voice trembled as she felt the weight of it all began to recede, and all that she wanted was to start anew, right here and right now. She stepped closer and moved to take Seven's hands in her own, hoping she could convince her to feel the same. But before she could close the distance…..

"Floyd to Captain Janeway," her com badge chirped.

Oh my god! At all times for that to go off, Kathryn thought, her nostrils flaring as she irritably tapped her badge. "Janeway here," she grouched.

"Ma'am." Seven heard him swallow before he could finish. "I apologize for the interruption, but we have been hailed by Starfleet Command….well, about nine times in the last hour. I've tried to stall, but they insist on talking to you."

"Understood, I will transport over. Give me five minutes."

"Aye aye, Captain."

Seven's implant rose as she gazed at the smaller woman. "Is everything all right?"

"Like I said, I've risked everything to come here," Janeway responded, drawing in a sharp breath as she rubbed at her brow. "As I was saying….I desperately wanted to tell you how I fe…"

Her com badge chirped again, making Janeway groan. She clenched her fists before tapping the badge. "What?" she fired.

"They just called again, Captain." Commander Floyd's voice broke through. "I don't believe you have five minutes."

Janeway remained poised, but Seven could see that she wanted to scream. "Fine, I'm on my way." Once again she tapped the badge, feeling her heart plummet into her gut. "I have to go," she said, but it actually took her a minute to take that first step. She began to leave the cargo bay, then swiveled back. "We are not finished here," she voiced.

"I concur, Captain."

Her heart heavy, Kathryn looked at Seven, acutely aware that she would likely not see her again for some time. "Please take care of our little girl," she told her. "And Seven, I give you my word that I would never take her away from you." She swallowed and dipped her head to the side so she could take one more look at this woman. "Commander," she finally voiced, then exited the room with a strut that only Captain Janeway could pull off.

Seven stood near the bulkhead full of melancholy and regret, but she didn't have time to dwell on it. She was due on the surface for more negotiations. By the time she returned to the Enterprise, Janeway's ship had broken orbit, and was now on the way back to Starfleet headquarters, where she would likely receive some sort of reprimand.

Back at her computer, her heart skipped a beat as she noticed the alert in her inbox. Sitting down at the desk, she took a breath before clicking it open to read what Kathryn had written to her.

Seven,

Sometimes we question things in life….why are we put in certain situations and end up where we end up? The fact is, I have done that a lot in my life, more so after receiving this latest news. Do you believe in fate? I certainly never did, at least that's what I always told myself. Now, I'm not so sure. I do believe that you were sent to me, Seven. Yes, you came into my life in the craziest way possible, but even back then I was drawn to you.

In the beginning, I twisted everything in order to make it fit into my own rules….Starfleet's rules. It made it easier for me to cope, at least that's what I tried to tell myself. But I was wrong….oh so wrong. I never realized how much I really did need you.

Then I lied to you, not just to you but to myself as well. I was so blinded my own needs and wants, that I couldn't see how badly I hurt you. I'd give anything to go back….back before I withdrew from you. Yes, you were right, I did do that. I pulled away and pushed you away. It was the only way I could deal with my feelings for you. I convinced myself that I was doing right by you and my command.

Yet deep down, I always knew what you were to me. It took some planet in the middle of the Delta Quadrant to bring it out in me, but the truth is it was always there. I don't want to take away anything from that night, because that was the best night of my entire life. I should have held onto it…..and you….with everything in me.

I am ashamed that I let fear and uncertainty keep me from what I truly wanted….which is YOU. It has been you for a very long time. My biggest regret is commanding you to walk away from me. I have replayed that scenario in my head so many times, and if I could, I'd say to hell with the damned prime directive and go back and do it differently.

I understand that there are some things in life that are inevitable. Things will happen and I am powerless and cannot control those things, but I will vow right here and now to always tell you the truth.

And that very first truth is I will never take Selene away from you, ever. She is yours just as much as you are hers. I just hope you will let me in on that as well. I only got to see just a little glimpse of her, and I already love her so much.

I will always be here for you and her. Please, just give me a chance Seven, that's all I ask.

I have to go, I am being debriefed and reprimanded for basically confiscating a Starfleet vessel. As I write this, I am banned from space.

Please be safe out there. I will be patiently waiting for your response….well, as patiently as I can. I know that I have not kept many of the promises I made to you, and I'm asking you to please let me start now.

Remember when I once told you I wanted to take you to meet my family? Well, I still want that so much. Indiana will wait for you, as will I.

Tell Selene I am thinking of her, and I hope she keeps smiling that adorable smile, the very one that reminds me so much of her mother. She is so beautiful Seven, she is perfect in every way. Please give her a hug for me.

All my love,

Kathryn

Seven was shaking as tears fell down her face. She had wanted this for so long, and her heart broke once again. She thought she had it all figured out, but this just told her she had nothing at all figured out. She knew deep down what she wanted. She just knew it would also take her much longer than she wanted to achieve it. After all, she was still a million light years from her..….and from Indiana.