Part 19

Kathryn had just sat down after reading and putting Selene to bed. It really didn't take long, just three pages before she was out.

She could finally take a moment to herself and relax with a whiskey sour. She thought about Seven, and what her life must have been like with Selene as a baby and all the things she must have had to endure as a single parent. If she had only known, if Seven had only told her, then she would have been right there in sharing the duties.

Kathryn sighed as she rubbed a hand to her brow, knowing all she had to do was give in to her desire to be with the one person she loved and ignore the protocols of what the command structure entailed.

That was then and this was now, and now she was exhausted just after one day, one day in which she about messed it up permanently.

"Oh, I hope not," she muttered softly to an empty room.

She knew Seven was angry, and she had every right to be. She had promised to look after their little girl, and in one single moment of her putting Starfleet first, she about lost her. Oh how it all seems to come back around.

She rested her head back against the sofa and stared up at the ceiling, hoping Seven would just get back so she could tell her how sorry she was. She also had the whole Admiral thing weighing on her, not only that, but she was worried about Seven's next assignment and where would that leave them.

Kathryn closed her eyes and sighed when she heard a knock on the door. She blinked and narrowed in on it for a moment. Had Seven forgotten her key? She quickly placed her drink down on the coffee table. and went to the door.

"Seven?" she hollered out.

"It's me," the recognizable gruff voice broke through, and Kathryn blinked, then took a step back, but only for a moment as she then proceeded to open the door.

"Chakotay?" she greeted with surprise, even though she knew it was him. 'What are you doing here?"

He smiled as he threw his arms around her. "Kathryn," he exhaled. "I haven't seen you in so long," he uttered as he drew back to look down at her.

Yeah because I been avoiding you, she thought. "Oh yeah, um how long has it been?" she asked, knowing full well how long it was.

"Since, um, well since Voyager came home." He knew that, and he also knew that she knew that. "So what are you doing here?" he asked lightly, although deep in his heart he knew exact why she was there.

"I think you know."

He chuckled softly and nodded. "So, are you going to let me in?"

Kathryn twisted her lips in thought and shifted her weight as she finally moved out of the way so he could come inside. She shut the door then turned, seeing his boyish expression, one that she hadn't seen on him in a really long time. "Is Seven here?" he asked, looking around.

"She's not," she said candidly, licking her teeth as she tilted her head. "Was there something else?"

"Oh wow," he swallowed. "You're not happy with me, are you?"

"And what gave you that idea?"

He sighed, knowing why that was. "I understand, but the truth is, I did tell her to tell you as soon as she found out."

"Did you now?" she questioned, but it was more of a statement.

"I did, and if I were you, I'd be angry too."

"So why in the hell didn't you tell me?" she fired.

He exhaled slowly as he shook his head. "Was it really my place to do that?"

Kathryn ran a hand harshly over her face and stepped around him. Picking up her half whiskey sour, she poured the remains of it down her throat. "I lost years of her life," she edged out of her tight lips. Facing away from him, she gazed at a photo of Seven and Selene sitting on a shelf.

"I know," he paused as he let her have a moment. "But now you know, and well, from the looks of things, being here and all, I say you now have the rest of her life," he breathed. "That's got to count for something."

She spun back around and leveled a glare at him. "You're right it does, and I will not let any of them go." Her eyes bored into his, as if telling him that he better just stay on the sideline this time.

A tiny smile split his lips. "That's good to hear. Honestly, I am glad." He now held out a small bag, one in which Kathryn hadn't noticed until now. "I brought this over for Selene." He looked up the stairs then back to the older woman. "I'm guessing she is asleep."

"She is."

The former commander only nodded. "I figured, it is pretty late."

"It is …isn't it?" Kathryn said with an edge to her tone. "So does this happen often, you come a calling this late?" she goaded.

He reared his head back, pinning her with a look, then took a second to gather himself. "Kathryn, what are you trying to say?" he asked calmly.

"You know exactly what I am saying. So, do you?"

He shook his head. "No," he said flatly. "Also, I don't like you accusing me of that, and I am pretty sure Seven wouldn't either." His forehead scrunched. "Kathryn, what is going on here?"

She knew she was acting like a fool and she needed to stop, so she stepped around him once more and went to the kitchen and replicated another drink. "Do you want one?" she offered, but he sensed she was still managing her frustration.

He quickly shook his head. "No, in fact I can't stay. I have date." He knew he didn't need to tell her this, but given the way she was acting, he decided to give her this.

"Oh," she said, as she took a sip of her whiskey then closed her eyes and sighed at the way she was behaving. "I'm sorry," she finally said. "I don't know why I…" she trailed off and groaned.

He took pity on her and came closer. "Because you are still mad at me for not telling you about Selene, and that I got to see her grow up, all the things you missed out on."

He was right she was angry about that, but she was also angry at him for taking Seven away from her. Well, technically she threw Seven away, but right now she would rather blame him.

She took another swallow of whiskey and closed her eyes to balance herself, and even took in a few slow breaths. "Tell me one thing?" she asked him her eyes never leaving his.

"What?"

"Do you still love her?"

He absorbed this, opened his mouth and then stopped, then tried again. "I do," he started, but then quickly held a hand up for her to stop whatever rant she was about to unleash. "But it is not like that. Besides, even if I did love her in the way that you are thinking, she could never love me, not in the way, the way she loves you," he husked. "Kathryn, it has always been you."

For some reason hearing that fall from his lips made something stir inside of her, as she realized that she was being an idiot yet again. Emotions ran deep, and she had to slide her glass across the counter as she laid a hand to her forehead. "I don't know what to do," she breathed as a lonely tear ran down her cheek.

He blinked, and was perplexed at seeing this, and even though he didn't understand it he came to her side. "Kathryn, what is it?" he asked, his voice a little stressed. "What's going on?"

She raised her head and looked at him. "She has this outstanding career now, and I ….well don't. I'm going to hold her back," she choked. "How do I live each day without her or Selene?" she muttered, feeling the effects from the alcohol. "Plus this is practically through the works of the Stellar Drive institute. So that means…." she trailed off; she knew she was being irrational and very jealous.

Chakotay's brow furrowed in thought. He knew he had never seen this woman like this; if he had it had been a really long time. "Kathryn," he began. "What are you worried about…really?"

"What do you think?" she huffed. "I'm going to lose them …yet again."

He slowly nodded as he tried to take this entire thing in and tried to understand what she was getting at. Then a tiny grin spilt his lips in thought. "Kathryn, I guess it is time you put up…or shut up," he teased.

She shot him a look, as if daring him to continue. He just chuckled softly and patted her on the shoulder. "I think it is time I got to my date, and you dear friend, need to do what you should have done years ago….and by years ago I mean while we were on Voyager." He turned to leave then swiveled back. "Give me regards to Seven, and Selene." Then just like that he was gone.

Kathryn stared at the closed door for a long time, so long that her feet began to hurt as she stood there against the kitchen counter. She then glanced at her drink, then at the photo of Seven and Selene. It actually took that long for her to finally figure out what he was trying to tell her.

Her heart accelerated as did the breathing in her chest. Sweat beaded on her brow as her anxiety rose. "Oh god," she gulped as nerves ran around her. She never ever felt so much tension in her body ever.

"I don't know why you're so worried," she relayed to the empty room. "I mean what's the worst that could happen?"

….

Quietly, Seven opened the door to her apartment, and right away she noticed that Kathryn was on the sofa, and by the looks of it she was dead asleep. She knew it was late, but she didn't know that this woman would have waited up for her.

As she got closer to the older woman she could see how the stress of the day had taken a toll on the Captain. Seven's heart ached as she wished she had some way to make this easier, but she knew what she had to do, and was ready for it.

Then her heart warmed as she gazed lovingly at this woman and she slouched down beside the couch so she was just inches from Kathryn's face. "Beautiful," she rasped.

Kathryn must have sensed her and heard her voice, because she blinked her eyes open. She stared at the former Borg for a moment, trying to register if she was awake or still dreaming.

"Hey," Seven said softly as she reached out to run her fingers lightly along Kathryn's cheek. "Sorry if I woke you."

"I waited up," she muttered with haziness, then began to scoot up. "I guess I dozed off."

Seven nodded and looked to the spot beside her. "Do you want some company?" she asked, not really knowing what to expect. "Or would you…." she trailed off with a shrug.

Kathryn didn't even hesitate. "Yes, please." She even moved to make more room.

But what Seven did next completely threw Kathryn off as the younger woman didn't take the spot next to her, but instead positioned herself in behind her. Once Kathryn understood, she found herself leaning forward.

Seven wrapped her arms tightly around Kathryn as she slid them back down on the couch. The older woman's head and shoulders were now supported by Seven's arms and chest.

Seven needed this, and so she nuzzled the auburn hair, hugging this woman as close as she could. For several moments, they snuggled together in silence, and Kathryn welcomed it, and was so thankful she wasn't getting reamed out.

After a few minutes, Kathryn raised her head. "Darling," she said quietly, with the greatest of care. "Are we okay?" she asked, her voice thick with sleep. "I mean, I am so sorry about today…I shouldn't have…."

She was rendered mute as a slender finger was pressed to her lips. "I know, and I was angry about it at the time, but she is safe. Besides, I have everything I have ever wanted, so I am letting you off the hook this time." Her eyes twinkled softly, truth behind every word.

"There will not be another time," Kathryn told her, and in her heart she deeply wondered about that, knowing if Seven left she would never get a chance.

Seven pondered on that, and seeing the look Kathryn was giving her tore at her heart. "You are worried," she stated.

Kathryn hated that Seven could read her so easily. "How can I not be?"

Seven inhaled slowly. "You got news?" she inquired.

Kathryn nodded, but her eyes never left Seven's. "I know you have news as well."

Seven closed her eyes for a brief second and then she nodded. "I do."

Kathryn swallowed. "You've been reinstated."

Seven reached around then and found Kathryn's hand, lacing their fingers together. "I have," she began, but got cut off with the loud groan that erupted from Kathryn's throat.

The older woman even went to pull away, but Seven wouldn't let her. "Listen, please."

Kathryn sucked in a ragged breath and finally relented. "Okay," she breathed.

"I have not only been reinstated, but I have finally been offered my very first command," she told her and Kathryn picked up on how bleak she sounded. She knew if this was any other instance, there be nothing but excitement.

"When are you due out?" Kathryn managed to barely say, getting choked up.

Seven just gazed into her eyes, her facial features unchanged. "I did not give them an answer. Honestly, I was ready to tell them no."

Kathryn's eyes went wide, and this time she actually managed to pull away from the other woman so she could stand up. "What?" she snapped, as she pulled in a deep breath.

Seven swung her legs around and off the couch as she looked up at the Captain. "But I have yet to do so; I wanted to discuss it all with you first," she informed as she stood up as well. "Icheb gave me some things to think about."

"Icheb?" Kathryn repeated, giving her a look.

"He had been reassigned to me, to the Peregrine."

"Oh, okay," she said, but didn't give Seven anything else. She crossed her arms, keeping her gaze well away from the former Drone.

"It's not okay," Seven responded firmly. "I cannot accept this position."

Kathryn turned, her eyes determined, yet they had a little glimmer of sadness in them. "Why not, Seven? I mean, you've come so far and….this is…."

"Why not?" Seven interrupted. "I think you know why I cannot do this."

Kathryn felt that knot returning to her chest as tears stained her eyes. "I can't let you do this." She tried to stand tall, but was wavering.

Seven sucked in a breath as she searched deep within her to find the words. "You have no other choice. I can't go on and pretend that being away from you is okay, because it isn't. I no longer want to go explore the universe without you. I am also tired of dreaming of you, when now I can actually wake up with you next to me." Seven now stepped closer, her eyes soft and sincere. "I will not allow you to miss any more time with your daughter, or keep her from you." She dipped her head. "Please don't make me…don't tell me it'll be a mistake."

"Seven," Kathryn husked. "Never will I use that word again." She gazed up at Seven for a long moment, trying to gather her courage. "The truth is, I never want to be apart from you again. Remember I told you that I'd just find you and bring you home?" She now reached out and laced both their hands together. "But that being said, I can't let you give up on all that you have worked for ….just for me."

Seven quickly shook her head. "Not for you, for us."

Kathryn just pulled Seven in closer. "I love you Seven, and god I hope this is what you want."

"It is what I want…like I said, I don't care about some command."

Kathryn slightly smiled as she drew up one of Seven's knuckles and placed a tender kiss to it. "I just want you to know that what I am about to do has nothing to do with you getting that command. I mean, yeah, it's a little sooner than I'd like, but at the same time, it is long overdue. In fact, I should have done this the very moment you came to see me in my ready room. I often think about how different our lives would have been if I had."

Seven's eyes narrowed with uncertainty as she shook her head. "I don't understand."

"Maybe if I do this…you will." She then slid down on one knee, but kept hold of Seven's hand. "So," she blew out a nervous breath.

"What are you attempting?" Seven asked, even though deep within herself she had an idea, and moisture began to fill her eyes.

Kathryn looked up at her, face full of love. "I wanted to ask you something."

Seven felt the loud pounding of her heart and she shook her head. "No," she whispered.

"Uh no?" Kathryn now felt her world beginning to spiral out of control, like a certain lost ship being catapulted through space.

Seven now slid down on her knees so she was now back to eye level with the woman she loved. "Only because this is something I wanted to do," she smiled.

Kathryn exhaled. "Yeah, well I beat you to it. And like I said, it's something I should have done a long time ago."

Seven held her smile. "You've yet to ask me, Captain," she toyed.

Kathryn never let her eyes leave Seven's. "So, Commander….no let me rephrase that, Captain. My Seven of Nine, the mother of my daughter and the woman that has always owned my heart. Will you marry me?"