Chapter 7 - Firsts

Ana's POV

"Mmmm," I moaned as Christian assaulted my neck with kisses and pinched my nipples through my thin school blouse.

I reached up to untuck his shirt and ran my hands over his chiseled abs.

He ground his erection into my sex, and I whimpered at the sudden rush of pleasure.

"Fuck Ana," he moaned and nibbled my ear.

Boldly, I started to unbutton his shirt, and I realized I had never touched his bare chest before. The thought of running my hands all over his broad chest and clawing at his back while he made love to me turned me on.

I wanted to forget all about waiting and just tell him to fuck me. Why didn't I want to have sex with him again?

I finally undid all the buttons on his shirt, and Christian lifted up my skirt and grabbed my butt. I moaned into his mouth and ran one of my hands along his peck.

Immediately, the mood shifted. Christian jolted away from me and bolted off the couch, storming off somewhere in my apartment.

What the hell just happened?

Nervously, I bit my lip and went running after him.

When I found him, he was sitting on the floor with his knees scrunched up to his chest. He had his face buried in his hands and he looked like he was crying. I'd never seen Christian cry before. Even when he woke up from that nightmare. Not a single tear. Who hurt this poor boy?

Cautiously, I sat next to him and leaned my head against his shoulder. He tensed up a bit but remained silent.

I knew I needed to push him to tell me what was going on, so I quietly asked, "Did I do something wrong, Christian?"

He immediately lifted his head, and I could see the teardrops falling down his pain-stricken face.

He sniffled and wiped a tear away. "You didn't do anything wrong, baby. It's all my fault. I'm 50 shades of fucked up."

Hearing him say that was like a stab in the heart. "You're not fucked up, Christian," I insisted, putting my hand in his. "I know what you went through as a child must have been terrible, but look at who you've become. You're amazing, Christian – the best and most caring boyfriend ever. And that's why I love you."

He didn't respond and continued to just sit there, staring into space. "Tell me," I tried to coax him, "I want to understand."

I used my thumb to wipe a tear that was falling down his face and pulled his head towards me so that we were facing eye to eye.

Firmly, I stated, "I promise you anything you say to me won't change how I feel about you." I gave him a lingering kiss on the cheek and continued, "I love you so much, Christian."

He stared into my eyes and his lip started to tremble. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak, "My birth mother was a prostitute."

There was a long pause in his speech, and I waited for him to gather his thoughts and continue.

"Her pimp, he, he, he used to beat me and abuse me. I was just a kid."

The tears started to fall harder, and I put my arm around him to pull him closer to me.

"He, he used to burn me with his cigarettes. I, I have scars all over my chest and back. I, I, developed haphephobia. I never let anyone touch me. It, it brings back the pain and it brings back the memories, and I just can't Ana." His sobs got even louder.

"You've let me touch you before," I thought out loud.

"You've never touched my bare chest before. I think that's what triggered the memory. I'm usually not comfortable with anyone's touch, but it was different with you. I didn't feel the pain; I felt warmth and love. But when you touched my bare chest, I freaked out," he relayed.

My heart broke for the little boy inside of him who was abused and rejected.

"Where was your mother when all this was happening?" I asked, genuinely curious. I knew I shouldn't push him so far with the questioning, but my overeager mind was dying to know more about him.

"She was addicted to drugs. She didn't care about me," he said somberly. "Sometimes she would forget to feed me. I remember being hungry and finding a bag of frozen peas. That was all I had to eat."

I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes, and I didn't know what to say to him to make this situation better.

"You're so strong, Christian," I said, hoping to make him feel better.

"I'm not strong, Ana," he spit out, "All I do is fuck shit up. I'm a disappointment to my family. And now I'm getting you involved in all my fucked up shit. You shouldn't be dealing with my problems."

I ran my fingers through his hair and replied, "You're my problem now, Christian. It's you and me, right?"

He looked at me incredulously and I went on, "You're the strongest person I know. You've been through so much, and you're still standing. You bring so much love and happiness into my life, Christian. You're far from a disappointment."

"I'm not who you think I am, Ana," he said, pulling further away from me.

I didn't allow him to move much further from me and latched onto his arm. I waited for him to elaborate.

Eventually, he went on, "Before I met you I would get into fights a lot. I was angry. I was drinking too much. I felt like I didn't belong in my family. My fucking perfect brother Elliot was going to Yale and here I was getting expelled from schools for fighting. I felt like a failure. My parents were so disappointed in me. They probably still are. I, I, I just let them down."

I wrapped both of my arms around him and tried to soothe him, "Well that's not the Christian I know. The Christian I know is kind, compassionate, loving, attentive, and beautiful. And I love him. And your parents love you too Christian. Sure, you made some mistakes, but we all do. That doesn't make you a lesser person. Your parents are so proud of you, Christian. I'm so proud of you too."

At the sound of my words, he melted into my arms and nuzzled his body against my embrace. "I thought you'd run," he said so softly it was barely audible.

I ran my fingers through his unruly locks and asked, "Why'd you think I'd run?"

"I'm 50 shades, baby," he admitted.

"I'm not going anywhere," I declared firmly, "I'll always be here for you."

Christian had no response and continued to stare blankly at anywhere but me.

"Look at me, Christian," I insisted. He didn't move.

"Look at me, Christian, please," I pleaded again, as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Christian, please look at me," I cried, tugging on his arm.

He finally turned his head towards me, and I grabbed his face with both of my hands.

The tears were flowing down my cheeks more rapidly now. "I love you, Christian. So much. Please don't close off from me. I promise I won't touch you anymore. I'm so sorry you had to go through that." I barely choked those last few words out.

Christian surprised me by pulling me on his lap. "I want you to be able to touch me. You can touch me. I just… You caught me by surprise today. No one has touched me there for a long time," he said, rubbing circles on my back.

I crumbled in his embrace and nestled my head in the crook of his neck.

"I love you so much, Ana. You saved me."

I stared into his eyes and saw the sincerity in his words. At that moment, I did what felt the most right and the most natural. I crashed my lips against his.

The kiss was hot and heavy, full of passion and emotion. I pulled and tugged his hair, and he moaned into my mouth. I was highly aroused and could feel my panties getting increasingly soaked.

I grinded on top of his already hard manhood and he moaned, "Fuck, Ana."

When we broke for air, I looked him in the eye, and pleaded, "Make love to me, Christian."

He looked hesitant, but I persisted, "Please, Christian. Make love to me."

That seemed to unleash the beast, and Christian picked me up and carried me to my bedroom.

He lightly tossed me onto the bed and quickly took off his shirt. I bit my lip in anticipation as Christian unbuckled his belt.

I started to unbutton my blouse, but Christian interrupted, "I want to do that, baby."

I felt a gush of wetness flow to my panties and nodded in agreement. When he stepped out of his pants, I was aghast. His bulge was huge. How the hell was that going to fit?

With my open-mouthed face, Christian sensed my trepidation. "Don't worry, baby," he said while climbing onto the bed with me.

His lips latched onto my already swollen ones, and he carefully undid all the buttons on my shirt. Thank God I wore cute lingerie today!

"Fuck Ana," he groaned while pushing one of my bra cups down to suck on my nipple.

Unconsciously, I bucked up because of the pleasure, and he gave the same treatment to the other nipple. Fuck! I thought I would cum if he kept doing that.

"Oh, Christian," was all I could manage to get out.

He then shifted his attention to my sex and nimbly unzipped my skirt. I shimmied out of it, and he tossed it somewhere on the floor.

"Christian, please," I begged, needing some kind of release or stimulation.

He rested his forehead against mine and asked the unspoken question, "Ana, have you, have you?"

I shook my head no and croaked out, "Have you?"

He shook his head no, and I felt a wash of happiness rush over me. Both of our firsts. Hopefully our last too.

He carefully removed my panties, and when he rubbed his finger over my clit, I couldn't help but scream.

"I love you so much, Ana," he moaned breathlessly into my mouth while playing with my sex.

Slowly, he used two fingers to penetrate me, and I thought I was seeing stars. He curled his fingers inside of me and hit my g-spot.

"Ahhh, fuck," I cried out.

He kissed me to subdue my screams and whispered, "I know, baby. Let go."

I started to relax as he coaxed an orgasm out of me. It wasn't too long before I felt a rush of ecstasy run through my body. He rubbed my clit to intensify the orgasm and all I could do was robotically moan his name.

Wanting to reciprocate, I rubbed his erection through his boxer briefs, and he let out the sexiest groan I've ever heard.

I flipped us over on the bed so that I would be on top of him. I was careful to avoid his no-go zones, and I licked and kissed his chiseled abs.

I pulled the boxers down his body, and his erection sprung up right before my face. Fuck, this was really big.

I planted my hand at the base of his cock and licked from the base to the tip, loving the sound of Christian's moans.

I took the tip into my mouth and swirled my tongue around it. Looks like those lessons from Kate were paying off right about now.

I then tried to take as much of Christian's cock into my mouth, and since I didn't have a gag reflex, it was quite easy.

I bobbed my head up and down his erection and was surprised when he stopped me.

"Ana, baby, fuck. I don't want to cum in your mouth," he groaned, lifting me up and flipping our positions yet again.

I spread my legs in anticipation for him, and I was too far gone to think about anything else right now.

Christian hovered over me and positioned his manhood right at my entrance.

"Fuck Ana," he exclaimed, "Do you have a condom?"

"I'm on birth control," I murmured, "I want to feel you Christian. Please."

He nuzzled his head against mine and whispered, "I want you to be able to touch me, baby. But do you think you could…" his words trailed off.

"I won't touch you, Christian. I promise," I replied, wanting him to be as comfortable as possible.

He gave me a look of gratitude, and I kissed his forehead.

He lined up his erection to my sex again and slowly started to push in. "I'm so sorry, baby. This might hurt," he murmured.

"Keep going, Christian," I insisted.

He pushed into me a little more and I felt so full. Fuck it hut too. I did my best to hide the look of pain on my face, but Christian was too in tune with my emotions to fool him.

He kissed all over my face and asked, "Do you need me to stop, baby?"

I shook my head no, wanting him and needing him to go on.

"Are you in all the way?" I asked, feeling more stretched out than ever.

"Barely halfway," he replied, toying with my clit to give me some sort of stimulation and pleasure.

I had to bite my lip hard to hide my screams of pain when Christian fully sheathed himself inside of me.

"Fuck, Ana," he moaned, "Are you okay. Can I move?"

All I could feel right now was pain, so I replied, "Can you wait a little. I just need to adjust."

He nodded his head and stilled his body inside of me. He kissed all over my neck and pinched my nipples to help me focus on the pleasure instead of the pain.

After a while, the pain started to subside, and I began to feel pleasure run through my veins.

"Move, Christian," I spit out, unable to form any other coherent words.

Slowly he started to pump in and out of me. Unable to wrap my arms around him to claw at his back, I latched my hands onto his biceps as he deliciously drove in and out of me.

"I love you, Ana," he moaned into my ear after every thrust.

All I could do was gasp, scream, and cry out in pleasure. I felt something starting to build up in the pit of my stomach and realized I was almost at the edge.

"Harder, Christian," I begged, "Fuck!"

He let out an almost animalistic grunt, and his thrusts got harder. I grabbed the silk sheets under me and screamed, "I, I think I'm going to cum."

"Let go, baby," he mumbled into my hair, "I'm almost there."

I closed my eyes, and I was in heaven. The orgasm raked through my whole body, and I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Christian thrusts started to get sloppy, and he grunted into my ear. I could feel his cum disperse inside of me and felt warmth in between my thighs.

Exhausted, I closed my eyes and mumbled, "Mmmm, love you."

I felt the duvet being pulled over me and felt Christian snuggling beside me.

"I love you, baby. Forever," he whispered into my ear. "Sleep now."

He wrapped his arm around my waist, and I fell into a deep sleep with a grin plastered on my face. I dreamt of Christian and I growing up together, starting a family together, and loving each other every day of our lives.

Christian's POV

I couldn't sleep. I was afraid I'd wake up and realize this all was a dream. This felt too perfect. Ana, my angel, still wanted me despite all my issues. She loved me. And she wanted me.

I was still in shock, and I couldn't stop staring at her out of fear she might disappear at any moment. Listening to her heart beating and her soft breathing was putting me at ease.

I couldn't fucking believe I just made love to her. She was perfect. Her body was fucking irresistible, and her little gasps and moans drove me crazy. I never wanted to let her go.

Was it possible to want to marry her already? I wanted to make her mine forever. I wanted to be able to call her mine and shout it out to the whole world.

I knew we were young. People were going to say that it was just infatuation, but we knew better than that. What we shared was so real, so pure. No one was ever going to take that away from us.

Ana's body was wrapped like a vine against mine. I wished I could have let her touch me wherever she wanted to, but I didn't know how I would react.

Carefully, I took her hand and placed it on my bare chest. I felt a slight tinge of pain, and the memories came back momentarily. I had to remind myself that this was Ana. Ana's touch meant everything to me, and I needed to get over my fear for her.

I had to hold her hand against me for a few moments before my heart rate started to decrease and my body started to calm down. The pain started to subside, and I started to feel love and warmth. I could only hope that I would react this way when Ana was awake.

I wanted her to be able to touch me freely while we were making love. I wanted her to have all of me. She's given me so much, and I wanted to make sure that I was reciprocating.

Ana was in deep sleep now, so I rushed to her bathroom to get a washcloth to clean her up a bit. I ran warm water on a small washcloth and went back to the bedroom.

I gently wiped away the remnants of our lovemaking between her thighs. She stirred a little but didn't wake up.

I put the washcloth away and came back to bed. I wrapped myself around her and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"I'll love you forever," I whispered into her ear and fell asleep right beside my angel.

Ana's POV

When I woke up, it was pitch black outside and it was raining hard. Christian was holding on tightly to me even in his sleep. I smiled, remembering what just transpired between us. I'd never felt so loved, so beautiful, or so cherished in my life.

I looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table and it read 12:45 am. Fuck did I really sleep for that long!

I heard my stomach start to grumble and realized that we hadn't eaten since lunch. I was really hungry, but I didn't want to leave Christian here alone. I didn't want a repeat of that nightmare. I never wanted him to have to relive those horrible memories in his dreams.

I pushed the duvet down and realized that we were both completely naked. I could feel a blush starting to settle on my cheeks. I took the time to admire his super toned body. I wanted to run my hands along his chest, but I stopped myself. I didn't know how he would react in his sleep. Again, I was so scared that it would bring those memories back.

I took a closer look at his chest and saw scars and burns scattered all over him. I wanted to cry for the little boy who had to endure this torture. I felt the familiar sting of tears starting to form in my eyes. I wanted to kill the man who did this to him. Ray taught me how to shoot, you know.

I then heard my stomach grumble again. I needed to get some food. Christian was probably starving too, so I decided it was best to wake him up.

I shook his arm, and he started to stir. When he opened his eyes, I saw a smirk form on his face and he grabbed my waist to position me on top of him.

I giggled at the sudden movement while he tried to kiss me.

"I'm hungry, Christian," I said while trying to avoid his kisses.

He huffed and plopped back on the bed. I laughed at his playfulness and jumped out of bed to put on some clothes.

Christian had left some clothes over here before, so I decided to put on his dress shirt. Guys like it when girls wear their clothes, right?

Christian also hopped out of bed and spotted some of his clothes in my closet. He emerged wearing only a pair of sweats, and I found myself enjoying the view of his body.

"My eyes are up here," he joked.

"Shut up, Grey," I laughed.

He walked up behind me and put his hands on my waist. "You look so sexy in my shirt," he said softly in my ear.

"Stop distracting me," I chastised him, "I'm hungry."

Our gourmet dinner for tonight was a pint of Ben & Jerry's vanilla ice cream, some double-stuffed Oreos, a bag of salt and vinegar chips, and root beer.

I was too lazy to cook.

When we were done eating I suggested, "Shower?" and Christian's eyes lit up.

We both rushed to my bathroom and got the water running. It didn't take long for both of us to get naked as we were wearing very little clothing already.

Christian checked the temperature of the water to make sure it was warm and we both got in.

The hot water felt so good on my skin, and Christian's intense gaze on me made it even hotter in here.

Christian took some soap and rubbed it all over my body. I couldn't help but moan at his hands touching every inch of me.

When he was done with the soap, he spun me around so my back was facing him.

He put some shampoo in his hand and started to massage my scalp. I could feel his erection against my butt, and I boldly ground my ass against him.

He mumbled, "God, Ana. I want to fuck you, right now."

"Then fuck me," I moaned breathlessly.

"You're not sore?" he questioned.

"No. Please fuck me, Christian," I begged.

That was all the encouragement he needed because he suddenly pushed me against the shower wall, lifted my leg up, and thrust into me.

"Mmmmm," I moaned at his sudden intrusion.

He steadied inside of me, letting me accommodate his length.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked.

This new position felt so good and so new. I could only shake my head to get him to move.

He continued to thrust rhythmically in and out of me as the water was beating down on us.

When I screamed, the sound was amplified by the acoustics in the bathroom, and it seemed so much louder than before.

Christian wrapped one of his hands around my waist to rub my clit, and when he did, I knew I'm about to reach my peak.

There was nothing to grab onto in this shower for leverage, but Christian was holding me upright, supporting all my weight. He started thrusting harder and my body went limp. I thought I was in heaven. I felt my body start to spasm, and my mind went blank.

"Oh, Christian," I managed to let out.

It took him a few more thrusts before he emptied himself inside of me.

I didn't think I could move my body on my own. I felt like jello. Christian turned the water off and wrapped me up in a towel. Christian wrapped another towel around his waist and used another one to dry my hair.

My body melted into his, and I was now completely depending on him for support. He really fucked me good.

Thank God for Christian because he dressed me in my pajamas and carried me back to the bed. I felt sated, like I was in paradise.

I then felt a rush of tiredness run throughout my whole body. My sex was throbbing but in a good way. I knew I would definitely be sore by tomorrow, but that would just remind me of Christian and where he's been.

I closed my eyes and let sleep take over my body for the second time that day. The last thing I remembered was Christian climbing into bed with me.

Christian's POV

It was 9 in the morning, and Anastasia was still sound asleep. Damn, I must have fucked her really good last night.

I got out of bed and put on the shirt I left here a few weeks ago. I went downstairs to order UberEats for food. Ana would no doubt be famished when she woke up. We didn't have much for dinner last night.

The delivery guy arrived 30 minutes later with a bag full of delicious-smelling breakfast foods. I ordered a ton of stuff – pancakes, french toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, avocado toast, hash browns, fruit, and pastries from a local cafe. I hoped Ana was hungry.

I put all the food on a tray and brought it upstairs for Ana and me to eat in bed. As I was walking upstairs, I realized how much of a romantic cliche this was. Breakfast in bed. I never thought I'd be that romantic guy who was all about hearts and flowers, but I guess I was now.

When I reached Ana's bedroom, she was still sound asleep. She looked so beautiful. The sunlight from the window was partially shining on her face. She looked like an angel, and she was glowing.

I hated to wake her up, but I didn't want the food to get cold. And I didn't want to burn this building down by fucking around with the microwave.

"Ana, Ana, baby," I said softly while running my thumb across her cheek.

She slowly opened her eyes, having to adjust to the light.

When she saw me she flashed me a bright smile, and I gave her a good morning kiss – the first of many.

"Morning, baby," I said with a grin on my face, "I brought you breakfast in bed."

She looked at the spread in front of her and licked her lips. "You're the sweetest," she exclaimed, "I'm so hungry, and this smells amazing."

I crawled under the covers with her, and we devoured our breakfast. And maybe each other after…