Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Beta'd by UmbreonGurl, drowsyivy, and animemoms.
I normally don't do ANs at the beginning of chapters, but this is something really important: Huge shout out to Sublimey for the new cover art of this fic, please shower her in love and compliments!
"I will bleed for better reasons this year."
— Unknown
"He's a Hatake, but he doesn't know it," Kime sighs when Mari comes to tuck her into bed. "And he's very sad. Haha, are all the people who live below so sad? And he didn't bring his partner with him. Why didn't any of them do that?"
Ah yes, her child of a thousand questions. In days before it had been "Haha, do birds fly because they eat bugs, and do we not fly because we eat bread, and do wolves come in packs because we love each other lots, and if so why don't birds come in packs?"
And for a long while it has been "Haha, will Chichi come back soon?"
Those had been the hardest days.
For the both of them.
The hardest for everyone involved.
She will never shatter so again, having once broken upon those fault lines.
"I have not found everyone who lives below quite as sad as Senju Tobirama, no." She brushes Kime's hair away just enough to press a kiss to her daughter's forehead. "And I am hardly sure he has a partner." In fact, she is almost certain he doesn't.
This makes Hokime sit up and make for the door before she catches her wayward daughter. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Hafta hug." Ah yes, there's that same mulish scowl that would grace Kiyo's face in his rare moments of unhappy irritation. Unfortunately perhaps for her, Kime had inherited her propensity towards irritation over small things and petty inconveniences. Her Kime is a stormy one, so attached to justice and truth and bright shining things.
Her mother would tell her that this is just the logical way of things. In a way, this is her karma, her balance to bear, even if she does not think of her child as a burden.
"How he going to be happy if he doesn't get hugs." Kime pauses and thinks over this, and as if coming to some terribly grand conclusion, settles on, "That must be it." She nods to herself quite assuredly. "He's super sad because he doesn't get hugs."
Mari, very privately, doubts that Senju Tobirama's problem is a lack of hugs. He is a man of blood. Men of blood with heavy hearts and unclean hands can not be settled for with hugs.
"It is late," is what she settles on. "Surely hugs for Senju Tobirama can wait til the morning."
"But he's not asleep yet." Kime tugs at her sleeve. "Haha, you know he's not asleep yet."
And indeed, despite the late hour, Senju Tobirama seems to still be quite awake. He smells of sweat and regret and something like guilt, though guilty for what, she can't imagine. He is quite awake, worrying by the sound of his pacing along the floor.
What an interesting combination.
Was the man always such a worrier?
"He is trying to fall asleep, Kime-chan." Do you understand that he may not love you like so many other people in your life love you? "And even if he isn't you are." She tucks Kime in firmly to forestall any arguments. "I will know if you get out of bed."
"But Haha."
"I will make Takamaru sit on you." Across the room, Takamaru's ear flicks with agreement and pleased interest.
He is always enthused for sitting, expecially because Kime has such interesting reactions to getting sat on.
"That's unfair!" Kime huffs and crosses her arms. "Haha, you can't make Takamaru sit on me."
She masks a smile with the downward tilt of her lips. "And why not? Is Takamaru not my partner?"
"It just isn't fair." Kime turns crossly to face the wall, though her pout is visible in the straightness of her spine. "When I get a partner I will make them sit on you, Haha. I will grow so big that you will have to listen to me instead."
She can barely contain her laughter at this, but somehow she manages it. "I'm sure you will, my little terror."
Thank Okami for her small indulgences.
Thank Okami for her daughter.
When she slides the door closed behind her, all laughter leaves her.
On the morrow she will sign a treaty.
Soon, this house of ghosts will be exchanged for another.
Soon, the land of her clan will return to wilderness as Okami's Villa is abandoned.
Soon, and it is to be at her decree.
"Mari?" It is Koza, leaning against the opposite wall.
In the darkness, his face is cast in shadow, but they do not need eyes for understanding to pass between them.
After all, sight is but lesser to the other more telling senses.
"You mean we are to move?" It's Haruko-baa's quavery voice that rises above the murmur of the congregation after she has signed the treaty. "We are to move below?"
And as soon as she says this, all words from the pack cease. It had been a tumultuous gathering before, all gatherings really are. But when faced with the sudden and terrifying reality of what the arrival of the outsiders had meant?
There is silence, like a candle gutted by the wind.
The lack, it howls.
And she can offer them nothing more in this silence than "yes."
And as soon as she says so, the square roars back to life.
"But we are so close to harvest time."
"But we are comfortable here."
"It is one thing to have pity—"
"It is another to live with—"
She waits out the noise, waits out the chill, waits until they have voiced all the concerns they have.
It is the way of the pack.
The strength of the pack is the wolf.
The strength of the wolf is the pack.
This is the law of the forest, old and as true as the sky.
The wolf that keeps it shall prosper. The wolf that breaks it must die. Her mind finishes the rhyme for her.
Daughter. Sister. Mother. Queen.
She is well loved, and here in this villa, she has power, but she wagers it now — power and love.
"I ask this of you not because I have much love for them." No, she has no love for them at all. The shinobi who live below are not her people.
They do not share the same customs.
She loves them not at all.
"But because the world is changing." The world is changing. "I am sure you have heard of Konoha." She takes a breath. "The Uchiha and the Senju have stopped fighting. Other clans — the Akimichi, the Yamanaka, the Nara, and the Hyuga have joined them."
She does not often deal in fear.
She does not prefer to frighten when she could explain instead.
But she is frightened.
She is frightened of what will happen if they do not move, and she is frightened of what will happen if they do move.
The future sways like a heat wave. It is up to her to grasp it.
"And now, they have turned their attention to us."
They came with words of peace this time.
But how long before talk of peace turns to the flames of war?
How long can we tarry, holding to what can never be again?
This world has changed. We must change with it to survive.
And that is the crux of the matter is it not? They all must make sacrifices to survive. Okami-sama will understand. Even he had made sacrifices to survive.
Even a god would understand.
"But surely, that need not involve us?" Taiki's voice rises above the rest. "It has always worked before." The pack watches her. Koza watches her.
Haruko-baa watches her.
Taiki watches her, his hands on his daughter's shoulders, his eldest girl, a child of eleven.
It had. It had always worked before.
"They have never stood united before." Their peace was a thing unnoticed by the larger world until now. But now that they have come here, they will not turn away. Now that they have seen, they will not forget. She'd seen how Senju Tobirama's red eyes had watched them in their daily lives, the rawness, the envy that bled from him like a skewered pig. "You know how busy they'd been, enough that they would not notice us."
"Okami-sama will not abandon us." Asari throws her shoulders back. "He will defend this villa to the end. We should not abandon him."
"This is where Yasuka-sama built the den for the pack." It is Haruko-baa who speaks now, a frown tugging at her quivering lips. "Surely it is all we need?" She is not...unacquainted with their history, not unaware of Yasuka, of the wolf queen who had built it all.
She is not unaware of the destruction she takes into her own hands.
These are her thoughts, given voices, given form and names. These are her words, spoken by others, out into the world now like she'd feared whilst lighting candles.
They'd been hers, but now that they come from other people's hearts, she can hardly bear to hear them.
Kiyo, this will be a hard road to walk indeed.
"He will not abandon us should we choose to walk this path." It's Koza who steps forward. "Sister, he will not leave us simply because we choose to change."
"But how do you know?"
Mari sees the fear, sees the pain and confusion reflected in Asari's eyes.
"Speaker, how do you know? Okami-sama has not spoken in an age."
The last time their god had spoken to a Speaker had been during her grandmother's reign.
An age. An age and still the long years pass.
Okami-sama had been silent for a long time.
"Because I know his values." Koza steps down to take Asari's hands. "I am confident of his love." Come walk with me, Sister. "Okami-sama and Yasuka will not abandon us, no matter how far we go."
If you do not have the faith, keep faith with me.
"We will go after the harvest." This, in its own way, steadies some of the concern.
There are still some months until the harvest is finished.
There are still some months of time before they must all contemplate change again.
Those months pass all too soon.
All too quickly, she is sitting once more at the kitchen table with Koza on one side and Haruko-baa across from them.
"Is it safe to go?" The older woman asks her. "Is it safe to leave here?"
"Is it safe to stay?" Mari turns the question around, holding their fears up to the light. "We've grown content here, but the fire mountain is never safe." And indeed it isn't.
The land here is fertile, the den is well dug and well lived in, and here they have everything, but that same rich earth bears the ashes of a thousand trees, bears the grief and guilt of a god, bears the death of a mortal woman so beloved that the mountain itself wept red tears.
No, life on the fire mountain has never been safe.
She fears that her people had grown complacent with the years of peace, with the years of rich harvests and quiet days, when the mountain sleeps and the river flows downwards. She fears they no longer wish to face the storm, with how long they have lived in the eye.
Haruko-baa regards her for a long time with pitch black eyes, wrinkles deepening around her lips and chin. "When you were born, the Speaker foretold that you would be a great queen."
The greatest queen we have seen since Yasuka, forged from ash and fire.
"And when you picked up Okami's sword from the shrine, I thought that that proved it, that you would be the great queen that the speaker had foretold." It is not a smile exactly, that graces Haruko-baa's face. "But I see that your greatest journey is now. Once more we will build." A papery hand squeezes hers once. "Once more we will build."
You will be a great queen one day, Mari.
But has she not already been a queen? She is still a young woman, even though she rarely feels so. Centuries could not weigh heavier than the fatigue on her shoulders, but she has long been queen.
"You are already a great queen." Koza remarks when Haruko-baa is further down the path. "You are my sister, and you are my queen."
She laughs at this, spirit suddenly lighter. "I shall fear the day you criticize me, Koza." She pats the curve of his jaw, kisses his cheek, as familial affection suggests fondly that she do. "You have always had a golden tongue."
"Bah," he makes a face at this. "The only things golden in this villa are the wheat and the sunlight."
"And your tongue." But she sees that further teasing will only disgruntle him further, so she changes tact. "But enough of these heavy discussions for the morning, how goes your courtship of Kiji?"
"I am not." Koza bristles as though suddenly struck with desire to become a hedgehog. "I am not in any manner courting Kiji."
"You visit so often, I half wonder when we can expect him to come to dinner."
Koza might deny it all he likes, but she has seen how her brother lingers near the potter's workshop, even on the days where he had nothing to pick up there, has seen his steps lighten and his whistling brighten, especially in this recent year when there had been few moments of brightness to be had between the five of them in this rattling, empty house.
She expects the love her brother has for Kiji the potter.
"And how do you know it is not my interest in Yuzuko that makes me visit there?"
"Yuzu?" She almost has to laugh at this again. "Have you spoken two words to Yuzu all these months that you've thrown clay with Kiji?"
"Well, maybe I have."
"Don't tell me that your sudden interest in artistry is because of an infatuation with the potter's sister and not the man himself, Koza."
"Well, maybe it is."
"You call her Yuzuko, brother mine," she pauses to let the words settle a bit further. "But you call Kijihara merely Kiji." And beyond anything else, that is how she knows. "My heart is not so frail as all that these days, Koza. You may tell me of your delight as well, you know."
"This year has been hard." Koza clasps his hands together tightly. "I thought perhaps it was—"
"Too soon?" She barks a laugh at this. "It will not drive me to tears because one of us is happy." She leans up a little bit, standing on the tips of her toes, to squeeze his cheeks together. "Bring Kiji to dinner. And if you truly do speak to her, ask Yuzu to come too. This house has been missing its cheer long enough."
She misses the hand that would hold hers, misses his smiles, and quieter words, even misses his stony affronted silences that she'd never thought she'd miss every time they'd fought, which was often.
But she does not begrudge Koza of his happiness.
Kozashi is the one who leads everyone out of the villa carrying what they could — seeds, cuttings from their trees and vineyards, furniture, family heirlooms.
She stays behind. One final choice awaits her.
When her clan leaves here, no one will ever be able to move into their sacred grounds again. In so many ways, this villa will always belong to them.
"Haha, I will miss you." Hokime clings to her leg. "I will miss you forever and ever and ever."
Mari leans down to ruffle her hair. "I will be along in a moment. So you will not have to miss me forever and ever and ever."
Kime frowns stubbornly. "Then I will miss you for as long as you are gone."
"I will make this as quick as I can." She crouches down so they are eye to eye. "Stay close to Koza-ji, alright?" Stay safe. Stay safe my little wolf.
She trusts Koza, trusts the pack, trusts Shumaru.
They will be alright.
But still, she watches until they have rounded the bend, listens for the fade of their footsteps, their breaths, Kime's sniffling, waits until all she hears is the wind whistling through the bare branches of spring, Takamaru's breathing, and the steady hum that she'd always associated with Okami-sama.
She walks through the empty streets then, passes through places she recalls people being, suddenly more than just her own house filling with ghosts.
There — the pottery workshop where Kijihara had thrown clay, there — the porch stoop where Asari would sit smoking, there — the open patch of land where Taiki's daughters would play, there — the yard where Haruko-baa would be when she'd grill food over an open fire, there — the bend of the river where she'd kissed Kiyo for the first time, there — the lover's lane, there — her elder brother teaching her to throw knives, there — the graves of her family, there — Okami's shrine emptied of its statues, there— the outline of a man in white with the sunlight bleaching his hair walking up the dusty path to sit with her under the sweet scent of wisteria.
All these ghosts, they howl so loud.
She looks about this place, one more time.
A home.
A pack.
A promise of prosperity.
Yasuka-sama had built this place for her children, and her children's children, throughout the long years, a line unbroken until it got to her.
You will be a great queen, forged from ash and fire.
"Are you ready, boy?" she asks Takamaru.
She feels more than hears his word of affirmation.
This is not destruction, she thinks. This is a beginning.
She makes one hand sign and sets the entire villa ablaze.
The fire burns white, then blue, then at last red, and the woman who walks out of the ashes is different than the one who started walking.
"Falling in love with a god
is not a death sentence.
The story is only a tragedy
if the god loves you back."
— Unknown
A.N. Gratuitous Rebirth Imagery? Yes. But in other news, yes, Hokime is adorable and cute from all perspectives and Mari is certified A Queen.
I've got several chapters of the Regularly Scheduled Fanfiction queued up and mostly done, (barring a few scenes that still keep bugging me) so there should be some signs of life for like, Bloodless, Sunfall, Moonrise, and Ashen in perhaps the next few weeks. I am tentatively hopeful! I go through the beta process now, instead of just throwing chapters out there with many many spelling and grammar mistakes, so the polishing of the words might take a bit, but it's getting there.
It's getting there, and I am deeply grateful to everyone who make these chapters possible, to my betas and readers, thank you so very much.
~Tavina