Author's Note. As always I don't own Stargate or any of the lines from the show, only my OC.

Chapter Nine

After Kawalsky had been sedated and was resting Hammond called a meeting. As he walked in followed by Kennedy Jack and Sam snapped to attention. "As you were people." And they sat back down. "In light of the day's events, Colonel Kennedy has chosen to make certain recommendations to my superiors that I want to share with all of you. Colonel Kennedy?" He gestured for the man to step forward.

"I know that many of you have served with Major Kawalsky, so please forgive me if what I am about to suggest appears in any way…callous. But I believe surgical removal of the parasite may be a mistake." he stated without any remorse a normal human should feel.

"General, this is a waste of time Kawalsky does not have." Jack was seething.

"Dr. Warner, what are Major Kawalsky's chances of surviving the procedure?" Kennedy said smugly.

Doctor Warner looked like he wanted nothing more then to refrain from answering his question. "Ten…twelve percent at most."

"And the parasite? It is an intelligent being after all, isn't it, Colonel? I believe I first read that in your report."

The doctor sighed. "The parasite itself would not survive the procedure."

"So, we're faced with destroying one life in the hopeless attempt to save another. You see the ethical dilemma?" Kennedy said like this would put an end to all arguments.

"I really don't." My face was burning in rage. I couldn't believe he was suggesting what I think he was suggesting. And so help me if he did.

"My team and I are completely prepared to perform the procedure, sir. We'll do our best." The doctor insisted.

"Of course you will, Doctor." Kennedy dismissed him. "Please don't misunderstand. We all wish the invading parasite in Major Kawalsky's body could be safely removed. But the facts are the facts. If we proceed with this operation, Major Kawalsky will have died in vain."

I jumped to my feet, ready to pummel this guy, but Jack grabbed my arm and shook his head. Slowly I sat back down.

Kennedy just smirked and continued on his little tirade. "Think about what we could learn. These infant Goa'ulds; if they're so young, so fragile in their larval state that they require a, uh…a, uh…I'm sorry what was it you called yourself again?" he asked Teal'c.

"Jaffa." Teal'c answered. Seriously? Kennedy had just been in a briefing with Teal'c. Had he not been paying attention? It seemed like he was trying to purposely exert his superiority by making others answer questions that he obviously knew the answer to.

"So what? Incubator?" He outright insulted Teal'c like it was nothing. "How is it that they're so intelligent?"

"A Goa'uld is born with all the knowledge of all Goa'ulds that came before it." Teal'c explained.

"Genetic memory." Daniel translated through gritted teeth.

"All the knowledge of the Goa'ulds. I just want you all to think on that before we just throw it away." Kennedy ordered.

Jack's face grew contemplative, like he was actually considering it. "I've thought about it. You thought about it?" He glanced at me and I nodded. Jack then looked around the table at the rest of our team. "I think we've all thought about it." Even Teal'c and Hammond nodded in agreement. Jack turned his accusing gaze in Kennedy. "Any more thinking to be done?" He demanded.

"Colonel." Hammond warned him. But for once it didn't sound like he was reprimanding Jack.

"Imagine if we could convince this Goa'uld to share that knowledge." Kennedy pondered.

I scoffed. "Have you met these guys?!" Pausing. "Oh that right, you haven't. We are nothing to them." Kennedy pointed a finger at me, warning me to keep quiet. A warning I had not intention of following.

"What if we just studied it?" Kennedy leaned against his hands braced on the table. His face showed that he knew he was pulling at strings now. "How much could we learn from that? What if we just faced up to the fact of Major Kawalsky's slim chances of survival and realize that the greatest enemy mankind may ever face has just been delivered right to our doorstep?" Hammond's eye's narrowed dangerously and he pulled his lips up in a snarl at the Colonel. Kennedy had just crossed a line, but he continue regardless. "Even if we let it return through the Stargate as a gesture of good faith, how much could we…?"

"Just what kind of an officer are you, Colonel?" Hammond roared enraged as he shot out of his seat and pinned the Colonel with his gaze.

Kennedy stuttered. "Sir…?"

"As long as there is a snowball's chance in hell that my officer will come out of this procedure alive, we'll go ahead with it."

"With all due respect, General, I should take this to my superiors." Kennedy ironically said this without any of the respect he claimed.

"Well" Hammond smiled in a way that was not at all humorous. "I'll probably just call the President and get approval right from the horse's mouth. But sure, you go right ahead, Colonel. Talk to your superiors. In the meantime people, let's get the job done." He then abruptly left the room. Leaving a flabbergasted Kennedy in his wake.

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After the meeting Jack and I went to the infirmary. In the far corner Kawalsky was strapped to a bed.

"Hey." I said sofly while knocking on the side of the infirmary's wall. Kawalsky open his eyes to look at us. "How are you?"

He weakly raised his arm and waved us closer. "It hurts to speak." He weased and coughed. "Whats going on?"

"There getting ready for the procedure. " Jack answered taking the seat next to Kawalsky's cot. As there was not other chair I stood close behind Jack.

"It's about time." Then Kawalsky took a deep breath and looked at me sadly. "Kid, I never apologized for hurting you earlier. I'm sorry. I just want to say that if I don't..."

I cut him off. "Don't talk like that, please. You're gong to make it. And there is nothing to forgive."

"Give me your hands." Kawalsky reached for us and I put my hand in his, and Jack placed his over top of ours. "If this doesn't work..."

A tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek. I clenched my teeth to keep a sob from escaping and shook my head. No, he's gonna be fine.

"Hey come on. This is gonna be a cake walk." Jack squeezed our connected hands.

Kawalsky let out a snort. "Will you guys let me finish? If this doesn't work I want to be cremated. I don't want any of that think let inside me. You'll make sure right?"

"We will." I assured him.

Kawalsky took another deep breath, it seemed like it was getting harder and harder for him. "I want you both to know that it was a honor to fight with you." Tears were flowing freely down my face now. "Hey Kid."

I quickly brushed the tears away with my free hand. "Yeah?"

"No matter what happens with me, I don't want to give up on Skaara and Sha're. You're strong," he glanced at Jack. "you all are. I believe in you guys."

I smiled down at him. "Thank you."

"Listen," Jack began gravely. "I gotta ask you something, and it's not easy for me." he choked up a bit at the end.

"We're friends." Kawalsky eyed Jack warily.

"If you don't make it, can I have you stereo?"

With a look that spoke that Jack had just lost his mind Kawalsky stared at him for a minute. The he burst out laughing which quickly devolved into a coughing fit. "Oh, hey." he tried to steady his breathing. "It hurts to laugh." he chuckled.

Doctor Warner walked into the infirmary. "We ready for him."

"See you when this is all over." Jack patted our joined hands and stood up, backing away from the bed.

"You okay?" I asked.

Kawalsky smiled. "Never better."

Leaning down I kissed him on the cheek. Kawalsky smirked. "So this is what it takes to get kissed by a beautiful woman? I should have done this years ago." He laughed, but I could hear the fear behind it.

Jack pulled me into for a hug, which I gladly accepted. "See you soon." I said as they wheeled him out of the room.

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I was the first to make it to the observation room above the surgical suite where they were going to bring Kawalsky after they had finished prepping him. I stood at the far wall near the glass window chewing on my nails. It was an old nervous habit that I had though I had killed years ago. Funny how life brings back things you though long buried.

"Miss Clark?" A voice questioned behind me and I jumped. Turning I saw Hammond standing in the door way.

"General?"

"I had a feeling I would find you here." He came to stand beside me. "With everything going on I haven't had the chance to talk with you personally."

"It's okay sir, I understand." I paused, unsure if I wanted to continue. "Sir, I wanted to thank you for standing up for me the other day, and for standing up for Kawalsky."

"Don't mention it, it's all part of command." He stated modestly. "How are you holding up with all this?"

The typical lie of always being fine automatically began to slip out. "I'm fin..." Stopping myself I settled for the truth, taking a deep breath before I continued. "Those of us who went on the first Abydos mission together are like family. Feretti's still in the hospital. Daniel lost his wife. My fiance. Our home. All within a day. And now Kaw... Jack, Daniel and I, we can't lose any more of our family"

Hammond smiled warmly. "I understand. If you need anything."

"Thank you sir."

By now the doctors had wheeled in Kawalsky and were setting up for the surgery. A few minutes later Sam, Jack, Teal'c and Daniel climbed up the steps and joined us in the conversation room. The latter of which gave me a concerned glance and looked like he wanted to ask me something, I just shook my head and sat beside him.

Doctor Warner entered in full surgical gear and addressed Hammond. "I've held back on the use of anesthetic until it can be administered to both patient and creature simultaneously." he approached Kawalsky and leaned down so he was at eye level with him. "Major Kawalsky, we're going to begin the operation. Are you ready?"

"I wanna say something." He said loudly. "General Hammond, sir?"

Hammond spoke into a mic that feed hi voice into the surgical suite. "I'm here, son."

"If this doesn't work…I want you to give the order. I want to wake up as me or not at all."

Jack stiffened and fixed his gaze on his hands.

Hammond hesitated for a moment before letting out a sigh. "You have my word, son."

Doctor Warner raised a large syringe and placed it over the spot where Kawalsky's spine connected with his skull. In a precise moment he slid the needle into between the bones. "Alright. Injecting anesthetic. Start the clock." A nurse flipped a switch on a large digital timer and bold red letters began ticking off the seconds. "I'm making the first incision."

I cringed and looked away. Daniel put his arm around my shoulder and let my lean into him as we prepared to be there for the long hull.

An hour later and Doctor Warner was still fast at work. "I'm separating the primary ganglia attaching the parasite to the spinal cord…now. It's coming away more easily than I'd hoped. Must be the anesthetic."

"At least it's going well." Sam said.

"That's fantastic. If we can reverse what's happened to the major, then there's still a chance for Sha're." Daniel said hopefully.

"And Skaara." I added.

"Let's hope." Sam was sympathetic. Daniel missed the nervous glance she gave him.

"The ganglia are still constricting…periodically. Obviously there still seems to be some sign of life in this symbiote. I don't know how. Scissors." Warner pulled back from the operation table in shock, but he quickly composed himself. "There are thin filaments extending up and into the brain. I'm going to sever them." No sooner had he begun cutting did Kawalsky's body start convulsing violently. "Hold him still!" he shouted.

"Oh my God!" I gasped. Daniel gripped my hand.

"What's happening?" Hammond barked into the mic.

As Kawalsky became still again Warner backed away from the table with his arms raised. "I don't know, sir, I don't think it was anything I did. I'd like to proceed."

"How much longer?" Hammond asked.

"Almost there. Almost. Large clamp?" On the large screen a digital image of the Goa'uld was shown being cut in half, then slowly being pulled away from Kawalsky's spine. "I'm taking it out…now." He lifted a dangling, limp worm away from Kawalsky and slipped into a basin that a nurse held up. "I think we did it. Close for me."

"Well done, everyone." Hammond congratulated them.

"Yes!" Sam cheered. While Daniel and I crushed each other in hug.

"It's over, it's going to be okay, Everything's going to be fine." Daniel kept whispering over and over.

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Daniel, Jack, Warner and I stood around Kawalsky's bed. Slowly he began to peel open his eyes.

"That's right, Dorothy." Jack said patting him on the arm. "It was all a dream."

"Can you move your fingers?" Warner asked and Kawalsky groggily waved. "And toes." And Kawalsky wiggled his toes, leaving us all grinning from ear to ear. "Congratulations , Major. You've already exceeded my wildest expectations."

"Thirsty." Kawalsky croaked, waving at his throat. There was a plastic cup by his bed half full of water and I handed it to him. He immediately drained the whole thing, causing him to cough.

Jack took the cup from him, laughing joyously. "Easy, big fella. You're not drinking for two any more."

"I made it?" He asked.

"See? I told you. Piece of cake." Jack handed him another cup of water. This one he drank more slowly.

"Anyway. Uh…Colonel Kennedy's probably going to want to take it with him. So, if you wanna see it once before..?" Daniel said awkwardly.

"You're not talking about that thing in my head, are you?" Kawalsky looked at Daniel like he was nuts.

"Daniel thinks it's fascinating." I explained rolling eye at him.

"No! I just thought you might wanna see it."

Kawalsky shook his head. "Noooo, thanks."

Sam then came running into the infirmary. "Hey, I just heard. They're shipping Teal'c out to Langley. Kennedy's taking him with him." She said angrily.

"What for?" Daniel demanded .

"'Study.' That's Kennedy's word." Sam spat.

"I should have punched him when I had the chance!" I growled and started for the door.

Jack stepped into my path, "I'll handle this." Spinning on his heel the stormed out.

Kawalsky grabbed Sam's arm as she passed to follow Jack. "Listen, in case the Colonel can't talk them out of it. I'd like a minute alone with Teal'c before they ship him out. He helped get me through this. I got to thank him."

Sam patted his hand. "Okay, I think that can be arranged. Come on guys, let's let him get some rest."

I took a deep breath to calm down. Once I was sure I wasn't gonna go pummel a certain Colonel I turned to Kawalsky and took his hand. "Feel better soon. You still have P3... P3..." I couldn't remember that dang designation. "That planet to go explore." He smiled and squeezed my hand. Daniel took my other hand, leading me out of the infirmary.

"See you later." Kawalsky called out just before we turned the corner.

"Goodbye!" I shouted back.

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"Where you off to now?" I asked Daniel. "I'm probably going to work on some translations the malps have picked up from off-world." He ended with a yawn. The dark circles I had noticed under his eyes had, if anything, doubled.

"When did you last sleep?"

He chuckled humorlessly. "I don't know."

"You should go get some rest, you wont be any good half dead."

A pained expression took over his face. "I've tried to sleep. But every time I close my eyes I see..." He stopped in his tracks with his dejected eyes cast down to floor.

"Me to." I said rubbing his arm. The last times I had slept I'd woken up in a cold sweat screaming, images of Skaara and Sha're locked in a never ending replay. "It's not gonna get any easier, is it?"

"Probably not." He paused tugging on my messy ponytail like he used to when we were little. "You know if you ever want to talk."

Smiling I turned to leave. "Thanks. The same goes for you to." Then I whirled around and jabbed my finger in his direction. "Go. To. Sleep. Now!"

Laughing he held his hands up in surrender. "You know, in a normal older brother younger sister relationship our roles would be reversed." Narrowing my eyes I glared at him and again pointed in the general direction of his quarters. "Alright, alright. Goodnight."

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Lost, again. After leaving Daniel to, hopefully get some rest I had traveled down a corridor I had thought led to my room. Five turns later I came around the corner only to find the entrance to the infirmary at the end of the hall.

But where the two guards were supposed to be stationed outside the doors, they now laid in a heap unconscious. "Oh my God." Running to them I feel to my knees next to the first one and felt his pulse. It was faint but there. But as I felt the second's, hoping against hope that the unnatural angle of his neck was just a trick of the eye, I felt nothing. From inside the room a pained groan called my attention. On my way to the doors I slammed my hand down on the emergency alarm setting off the sirens and flashing lights.

Slowly I pushed open the swinging doors, unsure of what I would find. Inside Teal'c was struggling to stand, bracing himself on one of the cots. "Teal'c? What happened?" I shouted running to help him.

"The Goa'uld within has won." he growled.

My blood ran cold. "No, that's not possible. How?"

"It deceived us."

"Emergency in the control room. Repeat emergency in the control room." A voice called over the loud speakers.

"Come on." I grunted pulling Teal'c to his feet. "We have to stop him."

Wordlessly we ran through the halls, somehow managing to reach the control room. There was the faint sound of the gate spinning. "He has activated the Stargate. I will attempt to stop him from going through it." Teal'c was already headed to the gate room.

"Go. " I yelled over my shoulder, running up a flight of stairs. "I'll try to shut the gate down from control room." The control room was dark with the blast doors down and was equipment overturned and scattered across the floor. Frantically I began typing on the control computer. A flash-bar popped up indicating that the gate was dialing a very familiar set of coordinates.

"What's going on?" Jack asked racing down the stairs from the briefing room with Hammond.

"Kawalsky, the Goa'uld set the coordinates for Chulack." I answered while trying to get the computer to revoke the dialing command. Another alarm went off and flashing red words appeared on the screen. Two minutes until auto-destruct. "Guys." my voice went shrill.

Hammond stared in shock at the screen. "He set the auto-destruct on the fail-safe device."

"How did it know the code?" I asked Hammond as he pushed me aside.

"I don't know. But I need two ranking officers to override it and that's- you Colonel." He and Jack began typing in their override codes.

"Alright that did it." Jack finished putting in the last of his code and the destruct warning disappeared from the screens. "Erin open the blast doors."

I hit the release and the blast doors slid up to reveal Teal'c and Kawalsky fighting it out one the ramp leading to the gate. Kawalsky had Teal'c by the throat and pushed him face first through the event horizon. Teal'c jerked back causing Kawalsky to tumble off him and he fell to the ground. Teal'c then grabbed a handful of Kawalsky's clothes and hulled him up. He glared at Teal'c and clawed at Teal'c's hands. Heaving himself forward Teal'c shoved the back of Kawalsky's head through the gate.

Jack shouted into the mic. "Teal'c hold him there! Shut it down." He pointed his at me, then brought his hand swiftly down. "Now!"

Flipping open the plastic cover I slammed the emergency disengage, shutting the gate off. Kawalsky's eyes flew wide in shock, dulling as the light left them and he fell from Teal'c grasp to the ground, dead.

My heart pounded as I tried to comprehend what I was seeing, but my mind didn't want to accept it. The illogical part of my brain denied it. No. He's fine, when I get down there he will be fine. This is a dream, this is a dream, this is a dream.

The rational part of my brain came to one conclusion, he was gone. "Dammit!" Seemingly of it's own accord, my fist plowed through the glass screen of the unlucky computer in front of me. Looking down at my injury, I didn't even feel it. Not even when the jagged shards of glass caught my skin as I pulled it out of the hole I created.

Numbly I walked out of the control room, brushing past Hammond when he moved to help me. I was dimly aware the Jack followed me into the gate room. Kawalsky's eyes stared upward from his still body. Falling to my knees beside him I reached out with a shaking hand and closed his eyes for the last time.

"He was your friend." Teal'c's deep voice was full of sadness.

Jack knelt next to me, tears streaming down his cheeks as he covered his mouth with his hand to hold in a sob. A hissing sound came from Kawalsky's body. From where the gate had sheared off the back of his head a small grub like creature fell out and shriveled up.

Jack tore his gaze from the body and stood, his face devoid of emotion. "My friend died on the table."

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I winced as the doctor wrapped gauze around my hand. The full realization of what had just happened hit me like a tone of bricks.

There was a skidding sound just as the door of the infirmary flew open and Daniel burst through. "My God, Erin!" He grabbed my shoulders. Then seeing my wrapped hand pulled it closer, running his fingers over the bandages. "I just heard. Are you alright?" Tugging gently my hand. "What happened?" The fact that he had asked me a question registered somewhere in the back of my brain. Daniel gently took my face in his hands, trying to get me to look at him. "Erin talk to me."

Oh how I wanted to, but the message just wasn't translating to my mouth.

"She's been like that since they brought her in, Dr. Jackson." The doctor who had treated me said coming to stand by Daniel. She placed a hand on his arm, squeezing softy. "It could be a few minutes before she comes out of it, or a few days." She shown a light into my eyes and marked the result on a clip board. "Has anything else happened recently that could have caused this reaction."

Daniel sighed and glanced at the floor sadly. "Yeah, to much."

"She doesn't seem to be the only one." The doctor observed. "The best thing to do now would be the wait with her, it probably wouldn't be a good idea for her to wake up alone." Sliding her clipboard into a slot by my bed, she turned to leave.

"I never got you name." Daniel asked, almost as an afterthought.

"Dr. Fraiser." She called over her shoulder, then pausing at the doorway she looked back at Daniel. "Take care of yourselves." And with that she left.

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After about half an hour Daniel had climbed up on the bed beside me. Sliding an arm around my waist he leaned my body again his side, tucking my head under his chin.

Everything flashed through my mind. Sha're's terrified gaze as she was dragged from the dungeon on Chulak. Skaara screaming my name as he to was ripped away. Sha're's hollow eyes when Apophis ordered Teal'c to kill us. Skaara's face just before he attacked Jack and I. Feeling like my heart had just been ripped out and handed to me as the gate shut down, realizing that Skaara was gone. Kawalsky's eyes when I pushed the disengage and killed him.

"I killed him." I whispered, finding the nerves in my mouth.

Daniel, who I guess had been dozing off, jerked like he'd been shocked. "What did you say?"

"My fault. I killed him." I choked on the words. Sliding forward I braced my elbows on my knees and let out a sob.

Daniel's arms tightened around me. "No." He said rubbing my back soothingly. "That was the Goa'uld, not you. There was nothing you could have done."

My horrified gaze met his. "Maybe but I'm the one who pushed the button. I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life."

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Jack was the first to arrived in the gate room for our first mission. Steeling myself and pushing everything down I walked up the ramp, stopping beside him.

"Hey, you ready for this?" Jack asked.

"I'll live." I answered. "You?" One would not see it immediately, but ever since Kaw... since then, Jack carried himself like he had a great weight bearing down on his shoulders.

"I'll live." He replied, repeating my answer with an attempt at a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

We stood a few minutes in silence, nothing could be said and nothing needed to be said.

Then that silence was broken with Sam and Daniel rushing in. Daniel was desperately trying to put his helmet in place.

"I was just telling Daniel..." Sam stopped. Having enough she slapped Daniel's hands out of the way and snapped his helmet for him.

"Well...What." Jack playfully snapped, calling Sam's attention back to what she had just said.

Sam pursued her lips, thinking for a moment. "Sorry sir. I was just saying the fact that Kawalsky knew the code for the auto-destruct proves that there is hope for Skaara and Sha're."

"How?" I asked surprised.

Sam squeezed my shoulder, "Only Kawalsky could have known that code. So..."

"Something of the host must survive." I added, finishing her thought.

She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"Colonel O'Neill." Hammond boomed happily, striding in. "Is SG-1 ready to move out?"

Jack smiled, giving him a small salute. "We are sir."

Hammond nodded. "Good, then you have a go for a standard recon mission to P3-575."

The left blast door leading to the hallway slid open and Teal'c walked through. He looked a little weird in a military uniform, a helmet in one hand and his staff in the other. "Reporting as ordered." Punctuating his sentence with by sharply snapping his staff on the ground.

Jack leaned over and softly clapped him on the back in a gentle reminder. "Sir, its sir." Waving his hand at Hammond.

Teal'c only quirked his right brow and stood at full attention before the General. "Sir."

Hammond smiled up at him. "Welcome aboard son." To which Teal'c bowed to him slightly before joining us on the ramp.

"The malp reports conditions on the planet are favorable." Sam said as we all stopped just in front of the event horizon.

"I like favorable." Reaching into my vest I pulled out a ball cap similar to Jack's and straightened it on my head.

He smirked at my display of imitation before turning back to the gate. "Well."

As one we stepped through. Our adventure had just begun.

Author's note: Whew, this episode was so much longer than I had expected, but I hope you all like how it turned out. Kawalsky 's death always had a huge impact on me when I first watched the show, so I wanted to make it have a bigger impact on the characters. That's why I made Erin be the one to push the button. In future episodes this is really going to begin to eat at her. My original outline for this story has been whittled down a lot and I'll be jumping over a lot of the first season. But if there is an episode you absolutely want to see done, or if you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them. I hope you all review. Stay tuned for more. Peace out. :)