Leo's POV

'Duh?' I asked. 'Bad Boy Supreme here?'

I winked at Thalia; even though I knew if Cal were here, she'd kill both of us.

'Is that your final answer?' Frank asked.

'Yes, sensei.' I said, making a mock-respectful bow.

Frank scowled. 'I dare you to make a mockery of an Olympian god of your choice; and get them so angry, they come here and slap you.'

'So in a nutshell,' Hazel said. 'you're asking him to commit suicide?'

'I like your plan.' Nik said. 'Can you get Percy's dad here; it'll be a happy reunion.'

'I could also get drowned in my bathtub.' I said.

'I vote Dionysus.' Percy said.

'Dionysus is the god of madness, right?' I asked. 'I want the ladies crazy for me; not me being crazy for the ladies.'

'You're already crazy.' Piper said. 'You won't tell the difference.'

'I say Aphrodite.' Thalia said.

'I also say Aphrodite.' Nik said.

'I thought you said Poseidon.' Annabeth said.

'It's a past tense.' Nik said.

'Aphrodite would be pretty good; considering she's harmless' I said.

'You just started, didn't ya?' Nik asked.

'Ooh, my name's Aphrodite and whatever!' I said in a girly voice. 'A-f-r-i— ugh! Spelling's too hard for my brain. Wait; do I even have a brain?'

'Leo—'

'I like wearing glittery glitter dresses, cheating on my husband and whatever; because— duh— being a side chick is a full time job and whatever.' I continued.

'You obviously want to fall in love with a lug wrench.' Percy said.

'When I was two, I thought everything was supposed to be in pink and whatever.' I said. 'I heart, heart, heart, PINK!'

'You're asking for it.' Annabeth muttered.

'My favorite song is Barbie Girl because it describes me so so weller and whatever!' I said. 'Lemme sing with my absolutely horrible voice that sounds like Annabeth and Percy kissing and whatever.'

'We do not sound that terrible.' Percy and Annabeth said unanimously.

'I a Barbie girl!' I sang. 'And what ever!

I'm so amazing

What rhymes with amazing?'

'You're murdering my ears.' Thalia said.

'I'll help you with that.' Nik came closer to her and covered her ears.

'My gods, I'm so dumb.

I hook up with guys for fun.

Something something

I don't know the words.'

'You sound a lot more like Apollo.' Percy said.

'Welcome to my fashion show and whatever!' I yelled. 'Today's theme is— whatever!'

I started cat-walking down the sidewalk in invisible heels when I felt something go straight through my chest.

I opened my eyes and saw… the most beautiful lamppost I've never seen.

'Who is that?' I asked, pointing at the lamppost.

'It—'

'She!' I corrected. 'She's the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on.'

'She might be gender neutral.' Will Solace muttered.

But I paid no attention to their taunts.

Lilly (the name I gave to the lamppost) seemed to be saying; Come to me, hot stuff.

'You know my name?' I asked.

Yeah, Lilly said. Do you want me; or do you need me?

'You're so beautiful.'

You're too handsome.

I walked towards her.

'Dude!' Percy called. 'Get back here!'

I instantly took offence to this. Percy was trying to separate me from Lilly?

'What did you just say?' I asked.

'You're acting crazy.' Annabeth said. 'Stop.'

'Hades yeah I'm crazy.' I said. 'Crazy in love with… Lilly.'

'You took the taunting thing too far.' Jason said. 'You told too much truth.'

'You're just jealous!' I yelled. 'Me and Lilly are meant to be!'

'And what about your girlfriend?' Jason asked.

I was confused. 'What girlfriend?'

'Calypso?' Percy asked.

'Isn't that a type of Jamaican music?' I asked.

'She's a girl.' Annabeth said. 'The one you died for.'

My gaze turned to Lilly. 'Yeah. I'd die for her.'

'That's it.' Piper said.

'I love you, Lilly!'

I ran to Lilly and kissed her.

Next I felt a slap that sent me landing on Thalia and Nik.

'I may not be able to do much myself,' Aphrodite said. 'But that doesn't mean I'm not a good goddess.'

The goddess turned to Jason. 'You will pay. And simultaneously, you will be rewarded.'

Piper's mom disappeared in a puff of pink smoke and designer perfume.

In her place stood Calypso; her beautiful eyes sparkling with bloody murder.

'Better than me, eh?' Cal asked

'Oh no.' I gulped, getting up.

'Five. Four—'

'You will pay for this, Leonadias!' Calypso said running after me.

'I'll help you tie him up.' Thalia said.

'I'll help you send him to Zimbabwe.' Nik said.