The event just seemed so anti-climactic. The initial reunion had been as sweet as ever, but the rest of the afternoon had been dampened both literally and metaphorically by the rain. It was so much quieter than she thought it would be. Everyone was sleeping soundly after the trials of their latest adventure. She couldn't blame them. They were humans, with human limitations and bodies that could only do so much. That is… except for Zane.
He sat in front of the window of his room, staring at the downpour, his legs crossed, his eyes blank, and his mind heavy. Pixal had been lingering in the doorway for a while now. Her eyes too, attached to the water on the other side of the glass. It fell so lightly but accumulated so quickly. So random, yet so constant. It's like it had the power to sedate the world. It was this strange ritual that all of humanity shared of staying inside for the rain's sake. As if it would break the sanctity of the water to disturb it's fall to the earth. It was a spell that the rain cast on all those who could hear it, but it was a dreary and melancholy spell to say the least.
"Do you like the rain?" Zane asked. Pixal could see his eyes shift on the glass of the window pain, meeting her own.
"I'm not sure," she sighed, moving into the room. "Some people say that rain is regenerative. That it can be a symbol of rebirth." Pixal sat next to him on the floor, their eyes still communing through the window. "It's like a sort of reset button. But it's impossible to know what for."
Zane thought for a moment, his eyes straying towards the ground. "I think it's mainly a time of reflection. Your feelings about it just depend on what it is you have to reflect on."
Pixal could sense the conflict in his mind. She slid her fingers into his hand, lightly griping them. "Are you okay?"
Zane turned to her, their eyes now meeting as he took her other hand. "Pixal... I love you."
She could feel herself smile at the words as he spoke. "I love you too."
"No," Zane shook his head, his eyes beginning to water. "No, you don't. You don't know what I've done. You don't know who I am. I hardly know who I am anymore."
"Zane," Pixal placed a hand on his cheek, guiding his eyes back to hers. "I know who you are." her eyes were firm as she spoke, but her tone was far from convincing him. His hand gripped her wrist, lowering it as tears began to fall.
"No, this is so much worse than anything else before. My hands have done so much wrong, and it's never going away!" She could feel him trembling now. "You don't understand how much pain I've caused. How many families I've separated, how long-"
"Zane," Pixal stopped him. "I understand. I know what it's like." Zane took a few deep breaths, looking at her again. "But I know who you are. And I still love you."
Zane began shaking his head again. "But you'll never know what I did. How terrible it was. I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve you. You shouldn't want me."
"Zane, I know." Pixal stressed, her own eyes beginning to water now. "I know what it's like to have created an army that destroys everything it comes across. I know what it's like to watch the aftermath in horror knowing that it's all because of an action you took. I know what it's like for everyone around you to tell you that it's not your fault because someone worse is to blame. That you weren't yourself. That you weren't in control. That you're somehow the victim of a situation where countless people were irreversibly harmed, and you came out unscathed. And I know what it's like to ignore all of the rational thoughts in your head, because you think that if you had maybe just fought back a little harder, focused a little more, shaken off this person, this evil being that had control of you, that maybe then you could have stopped it." Tears ran down both their cheeks now, their grip on each other tightened.
"And I know what it's like to look someone you love in the eyes and feel so utterly inadequate. I know how hard it can be to allow them to love you back. I know how long it can take to be comfortable with yourself again. Trust me. I get it."
Zane's mind had understandably shifted at this point from his own troubles to that of his companion's. Why had he never noticed before? "Pixal, I-"
"And I'm not here to tell you to ignore it all, or that it doesn't matter." She stopped him. "Because it does matter. What happened matters a lot to a lot of people, and it should to you too. But you can't let it define you. You can't let it become your core. Because that's not who you are." She smiled through the tears, her eyes lighting up. "I know you! I've been you! I lived in your head for years, and I know what you are and are not capable of. Zane was not the one who betrayed his friends. There was no way he ever could have. That was the monster who took over his body." Pixal leaned forward, shifting herself onto her knees. "So, no matter what it was that the ice emperor did… I love you."
Zane could feel himself crumble from her words, a smile sneaking on to his face. "Thank you," he breathed, hurriedly trying to clear the tears from his eyes.
She wrapped her arms around him, cradling his head on her shoulder, heavy breaths running through the both of them.
"And nothing will ever change that."