Author's Note: I don't own Stargate, only my OC's.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Making Up for Lost Time

"Airen!"

By Gods his voice sounded just the same. There he stood. He looked nearly the same as when I'd last seen him. His dreads were maybe a little shorter, he looked a little broader and five o'clock shadow was present when before he was always clean shaven.

Skaara rushed to me and was in a crushing hug. My arms were limp at my sides. His hand cradled the back of my head and he held me like I was going to disappear if he let go. Feeling returned to my limbs and I touched his shoulder. A part of me wanted to wrap myself around him, hold on a never let go of his warmth. And yet most of me felt encased in ice, my limbs felt stiff

Over his shoulder Cassie stood with tears running down her cheeks. Skaara let me go just enough for Cassie to join our embrace. The ice around my body thawed just enough for my hand to reach out and caress her face, her beautiful nearly grown face. I even had to reach up as she was almost half a head taller than I was.

We'd gained an audience of SGC personal as well as Dani and Janet, presumably having escorted Skaara and Cassie down to me.

Eventually Cassia and Skaara let go, though Skaara kept an arm around by back.

"I'm taking her home."

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It was dark by the time we pulled into the drive way. Home looked very, very different.

On the outside the small condo that I had shared with Cassie looked virtually untouched. On the inside…

"Well," Cassie hung awkwardly between Skaara and I, "I have to get up early for practice tomorrow. I should get to bed."

"I will see you in the morning." Skaara hugged her tightly.

"Goodnight Cassandra." Intensively I went to hug her as well. My sudden step towards her made her frown. The ice numbing my limbs quickly returned making my arms drop to my sides. I broke through the numbness just enough to raise my arms and give her hand a small squeeze.

She hesitated, a furrowing her brows. I didn't expect her to come rushing into my arms or for her to allow me to rock her to sleep as I did when she was little. However, the small squeeze she gave my hand in return gave me some hope. After letting go of my hand she closed her bedroom door and I saw the light from underneath the door jam turn off.

Skaara went back outside to the car. He insisted on bringing in my bags himself. It was only a few bags with some clothes and books that had been pulled out of SGC storage. While I waited for him I wondered about what used to be my home.

There was little left of me within the surrounding walls. The few paintings and pictures that I had hung over the two years I'd lived here had been replaced. Even most of the furniture was different. Harder edges and silver metal replaced the crocheted blankets and oak seats that I remembered. It wasn't inherently bad. Just… alien.

Cassie's school bag and lacrosse equipment littered the kitchen table and living room. Skaara had obviously lived here for many years. Egyptian statues sat upon glass bookshelves and plaques of hieroglyphs hung upon the walls. Some had been mine, but most were ones that I didn't recognize.

And there, in a bright corner were two picture frames lovingly placed beside lit candles. Two pictures of women long lost, but not forgotten. Discoloration marked the glass table, begetting the dozens of candles that had been lit in this very place in memory of the two lost souls. My picture stood next to Sha're's.

Gingerly I picked up the silver frame holding my sister-in-law's glowing face. Her smile just a beautiful as I remembered from when her eyes were still her own. Her death was one of the few mission reports I had been allowed to read in its entirety. Only a few months after I'd been put into stasis she had finally, finally been found. Amunet had made Teal'c kill her to save my brother.

Tears welled in my eyes.

A sudden hand on my shoulder made me jump with a gasp. Skaara held his hands out as one would to placate a scared deer.

"I'm sorry." I apologized.

"It is alright." Skaara gently took the frame from my fingers and sat it down.

"No its not. I just," I knew almost a dozen languages and there wasn't a word in any of them to express exactly what I wanted. With a gulp I continued, "I am truly sorry," I brushed my hand over Sha're's picture, "about…"

"I know," he pulled me into his arms.

Where Skaara radiated a pleasant heat, I felt only cold. My body a still statue made of ice that refused to mold against him like I used to.

A dog's bark interrupted us.

I felt a true smile pull at my lips, one of the first since I had awoken. Siberia, the husky puppy Jack had given Cassie her first week on earth hobbled down the hallway. She was definitely no longer a puppy. The dog was almost the size of a wolf now. Her white and tan fur beautifully marked her body and around her muzzle was the first tell-tale grey wisps. Her legs didn't carry her as smoothly either, arthritis having taken away the fluid motions of her youth.

"Hey girl!" I smiled, kneeling down and holding my hand out to sniff.

Siberia gave my fingertips a cautious lick before pattering away, uninterested.

"I guess I shouldn't have expected her to remember me."

"Perhaps it will be better in the morning," Gently he pulled me towards our, no, his bedroom.

Once inside he pulled down the comforter on the bed. I noticed the intricate patterns and crochet colors from the cloths that had covered his bed on Abydos. The threads were calling me to run me fingers over them. Reaching out I almost let myself touch it but at the last second I scooped up a clearly earth made felt blanket from the bench at the end of the bed.

Now that we were alone the amount that had changed truly hit me. Just as my brother had changed, so had Skaara. Where had both been young when we'd met on Abydos. However, where I had been frozen he had continued on living. The lingering traces of boyhood in his face were all gone. Even his frame was bulkier, begetting many hours of army training and hard missions. As he turned around and flipped on the bedside lamp his dreads fell over his shoulder. For a moment I saw the old slit scar on the back of his neck from Klorel peeking out from above his shirt collar. It wasn't the only scar I'd glimpsed. A burn mark on his arm, or perhaps it was a knife wound. Skaara truly wasn't a boy any more. He was a soldier with scars that each told a story.

And perhaps his story was meant to stay divided from my own.

"I think I'm going to stay in the guest room." I clutched the blanket I'd been holding tighter.

Skaara frowned, "You don't have to."

I shook my head, "I don't want to make you uncomfortable." The last thing I wanted was for him to thing he needed to stay with me out of some sense of obligation.

He approached where I stood. Oh god's even the way he moved was different. His gait was smooth and disciplined.

"You wont…" he reached for me.

Without thinking I took a step back and his fingers retracted into a tight ball.

"I'm sorry," I shut my eyes tight, taking a deep and steading breath. "I think I just need some time," I gulped. Look at the walls, look out the window, look at the floor, look anywhere except for him. "I know its been years for you, even if it seems like a few days to me. I don't expect it to be like it was." I went to the door and looked over my shoulder just before stepping through, "Goodnight."

Skaara kept his head down. Moonlight from the window washed over him, making him into a somber specter as he turned out the light. "Goodnight." His reply was so quiet I barely heard it when I shut the door.

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After a yet another round of physicals at the SGC Skaara drove the two of us to Jack's house. While the General spent most of his time in DC nowadays, he still kept his old house. General Jack O'Neill. Now that was something I never thought I'd live to see. Jack at a desk job. The Jack I knew would have rather retired than sit behind a desk. He hated his formal monkey suit as he'd always called it, always preferring a pair of BDUs. Muddy and scorched BDUs if he could get his hands on them.

Jack opened the door with a big goofy grin and trapped me in a bear hug. "I missed you."

After he finally let me breath I got a good look at him. His hair was completely grey, bordering on white in a few places. He was a bit rounder around the middle but still in amazing shape. He looked every bit an Air Force General who ordered rather than followed orders.

"Teal'c!" I embraced my favorite big Jaffa. He hadn't aged a day of course. In fact he appeared completely unchanged except for one small thing I just now noticed upon his head, "Wow, you have hair."

"Indeed I do Erin Clarke." He bowed slightly with his hands clasped behind his back, "It brings me joy to see you again my friend."

"Thank you. Although I didn't expect you to be here tonight."

Teal'c quirked his eyebrow, "The Jaffa council has adjourned for the moment. It was indeed good timing. However, undomesticated equines could not have kept me from seeing you after your awakening."

"You always had a way with words." My thoughts then went to one of my other close Jaffa friends, "How is Kalen?"

"He sends his regards and regrets as the rebuilding of Chulak has taken most of his time."

"Wow, I never thought I'd live to see the day that the two of you could return to Chulak."

"Nor did I my friend."

"The Free Jaffa Nation." I tilted my head considering, "Has a nice ring to it."

"Indeed it does." Teal'c's expression darkened for a moment.

"Teal'c what is it?"

"There is still much work to be done. Many Jaffa, myself included did not think far beyond attaining freedom."

"What is wrong?"

Teal'c glanced across the room at Jack. Perhaps he was not supposed to be devulding this information to me, "It does not go well on Dakara. I can only hope that our newly born democracy can steer us down the right path."

Jack passed by with a handful of fresh beers. Teal'c plucked two and handed me one while he kept the other for himself, "I should not be troubling you Erin Clark. This is an evening of celebration." Bowing slightly in that way of his he excused himself.

Daniel, Janet, Skaara and a dark haired woman busied themselves with the huge display of food Jack had bought for the occasion. At one point the Daniel had been about to eat a mini sandwich only for the woman to snatch it and pop it into her mouth instead. My brother glared at her and threw his arms up in defeat. Both of them wore bone shaped bracelets on their left wrists. Huh? I wondered what that was about.

I had been about to ask Dani to introduce me to the woman when Cassandra arrived on her own in her car. She was still in her sports uniform when she plopped down on one of Jack's couches.

Now seemed as good a time as ever for the two of us to talk. "How was your day Cassie?" I asked taking a seat on the couch's armrest.

Cassie opened her mouth to respond, then closed it. Then opened her mouth again. And closed it. "I…sorry this is weird." She let out a nervous laugh.

"It really is." I agreed, "So…"

"I think I'll get some food." Cassie jumped up and made a bee line for the sandwiches. Teal'c nearly had all of them piled high on his paper plate. Then with a raised eyebrow plucked one off his plate and sat it on Cassie's with a smirk.

As the night continued there was something called a skype call from Sam. She couldn't make it as she was now stationed at Area 51. Hammond had also called. He talked about his grand-girls who were now in high school.

The reunions were nice. They really were. Yet in a way they felt… empty. I was watching my life happen to someone else. The familiar and yet foreign faces of my friends and family began to swim in my vision. I had to get out.

Without a destination in mind I took off into the rest of Jack's empty house.

Janet later found me sitting alone in Jack's kitchen, "You know the party out there is for you." She announced while joining me at Jack's bar style counter.

I put down my beer, "Yeah I know. I just needed to get away for a bit."

"Alright. So how are you."

"I'm ok."

Janet clearly wasn't buying anything I was selling, "No you're not." She stated mater-of-factly.

"Yes I am." I said indignantly and with no small amount of denial.

"If you were totally ok I would be calling in a shrink to have your head looked at pronto." She tapped my forehead to which I raise an eyebrow.

I shrugged, "Maybe you should."

"It's on the schedule for next week." Janet said with a knowing look.

I clutched my hand to my chest in mock hurt, "Thanks for the for the vote of confidence in sanity."

"You're welcome." Janet smirked good naturedly and clinked her beer against mine.

After a few minutes of companionable silence Janet spoke up, "It's alright you know." She continues at seeing my confusion, "To feel disconnected. Normal in fact."

"Well my disconnection feels more like an off switch has been flipped on my life." I admitted with another swig of beer.

"

"So what is your prognosis."

"I'm not a psychiatrist."

"I rolled my eyes at her."

"Ok Ok. First off get back to doing what you love."

"What I love is the SGC."

"So do that."

"My security clearance…"

"You still have it. Sure you wont be galivanting trough the gate anytime soon but there is still plenty to do while you work your way back up to SG team ready."

"Like what?" I threw playfully back with a challenge.

"Well, Daniel has a new bit of tech that I know for a fact he'd be delighted to have some help in figuring out."

"Ok so get back to the job. I can do that." I leaned back against the counter, "Anything else?"

"Yes." Janet grasped my hand in hers, "Let the people who care about you care for you."

"Um." I squirmed uncomfortably.

"when they say they love you, just accept it."

"Janet. It's been six years."

"Yes, and in those six years I've barely had a moments peace without one of your team members asking for an update on you. Even if it was just to ask how the flowers in your isolation room were fairing."

"I was brought flowers. Wait," I held up a hand, "let me guess, Sam."

"Teal'c actually." Janet said through a sip of her drink and a smirk.

"He really is a big teddy bear."

"He really is, just don't tell him that." Janet agreed conspiratorially. "But I mean it," she continued gently grasping my forearm, "just let people love you and be there for you."

"Thank you." I hugged her tight.

Soon enough the get together winded down and it was time to head home.

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"Cassandra called. She is staying the night with Dan-yell." Skaara announced after he hung up his cell phone. On a side note. How did cell phones get so small?

Skaara's English was so good now it would be hard to discern that he'd never even heard the language until about a decade ago. However, the way his accent drew out Dani's name in that familiar way of his tugged at my heart strings.

As we entered the bedroom I tossed my purse and jacket on the bed bench, "Cassie can barely look at me."

"It will just take some time." Skaara tried to be comforting while pulling down the comforter.

"Just yesterday I was tucking her into bed. And now she's taller than me." I stared at my fiddling hands in my lap.

Skaara knelt down beside and took my hand in his, "But now she has you back. It was all she could talk about for weeks after the tech came in from Atlantis."

"And if they hadn't found Dr. Weir in that stasis pod I'd still be for all intents and purposes be dead."

"You weren't dead."

"I was no better than dead." Grabbing a blanket off the end of the bed, I turned slightly towards the door, "I should be getting to sleep. Goodnight." Ducking my head I tried to slip out as quickly as possible.

"Please don't sleep in the guest room again." Skaara came around the bed and made to wrap me up in his arms.

More than anything I wanted to give in. It didn't feel right to want what I wanted from him. After all this time I didn't know where that left us. I placed my palm against his chest stopping him. "I told you I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You aren't."

"Look I understand if you…"

"There's has been no one else."

His sudden declaration gave me pause. "Skaara, you know I wouldn't have wanted you to put your life on hold for me." Gods the thought of him waiting on the chance that I'd wake up… he deserved so much better than some poor girl lost out of time.

"What? Like you didn't for me?"

I shook my head, "That was different."

"Was it? I was far more lost than you ever were," he settle his warm palms on my shoulders, "I had been forced to do horrible things, some even to you. Yet you were forgiving…"

"There was nothing to forgive…"

"You were patient with me and fought for me. Do you know why I didn't return to Abydos?"

I shook my head.

"Because every planet I traveled to, every new technology and culture SG-1 and I encountered could have had the means to bring you back. Back to me."

A wetness fell upon my cheeks and he quickly brushed it away.

"There had been, no will there ever be anyone else."

I sighed and leaned my forehead on his chest, "Six years is a very long time."

"Six years, five months and three days." Skaara quickly rattled off, "Not that anyone was counting."

I blinked rapidly, wow he knew those figures by heart. Slowly I started to feel the ice that had seemingly encased my heart and body beginning to melt, "Really? No one was counting?" I said with a giggle.

My cheeks heated up with embarrassment. I didn't giggle, ever. Skaara however looked at me as if I'd just sung the most elegant aria. And then I couldn't feel the embarrassment anymore.

Suddenly serious Skaara continued, "If it has changed for you, even though it would break my heart, I will step away."

Clutching my blanket closer to my chest I took a deep breath, "If you stepped away from me now," I paused, then meeting his gaze, "I don't think I could stand it."

Pressing his face into my hair he spoke in a soft voice, his native Abydonian sounding like a lullaby, "Fate saw fit to take you from me. Now that I have you back, I swear on my life I am never letting you go again." He pulled back and gazed into my eyes with a fiery intensity that melted the rest of the ice numbing my body.

I finally felt his fingertips brushing my cheeks and the other hand tangled in my short hair. Where my palm had been on his chest to push him away, I now gripped his shirt. Anchoring myself.

And then he spoke very, very deliberately, "I. Don't. Want. You. To sleep in the guest room tonight."

The first true spark of happiness since I woke up bloomed in my chest, "I'm ok with that." I bit my lip and leaned into his hand.

Skaara paused only for a second, seeking permission. Then he dove forward and pulled my face to his.

The blanket I'd holding slipped through my fingertips and fell forgotten on the floor.