Day 4/30

"Why do I feel that you're lying to me?"

Sun gave Mercury a look of disbelief. The Faunus had received a text from the assassin to meet in their room, having some secret he needed to share with him. He was hesitant at first, but curiosity got the better of him. Now having heard what Mercury had to say, he was feeling like he should have just stayed in the lounge on the couch.

"I'm serious, man!" Black exclaimed, "I woke up that morning, and I saw them together on the floor! If I my head wasn't pounding like a bitch, I would've snapped a picture of it!"

"Dude, Blake is not a lesbian."

"Then what was she doin' all nice and cozy with Yang?"

"They were tired. Girls are allowed to sleep together and not get it on, you know."

"Let's agree to disagree about that. Takes away from the imagination."

"So are we done here? I've got a lot of other things I'd rather do than listen to you perv on my friends."

"Not yet. Gotta tell you the plan."

"The plan? What plan?"

Mercury clapped his hands together, rubbing them maniacally. "Here's the deal. Now, we all know the shit Adam puts everyone through in trying to get Blake. Right?"

Sun had no choice but to nod. Taurus's lust for the cat was ridiculous.

"So what we gotta do is make him at least think Blake is after the other team."

"That's dumb."

"Shut up. This is for the good of everyone. What I need you to do is talk to Blake. Tell her to make fake moves on Yang whenever Adam is around."

"No way! I'm not telling her to do that! It's creepy!"

"Better you doing it than me. I have my own part to play."

Sun folded his arms. "Really now?"

"While you get Blake and Yang to lust over each other, I'm going to point Adam in the direction of someone else. Someone far, far away from here." Black pulled out his laptop and brought up a bookmarked tab, showing it to Sun.

"…A dating website. You're putting Adam-freaking-Taurus on a dating website."

"There's someone out there for everybody, Wukong."

"Then why not let his Lieutenant have him? He already follows him like a stray mutt."

"I already talked with that goon about this. He said as long as we stop him from going after Blake and better his own weird-ass intentions, he's cool with it."

Rubbing his temples, Sun tried to comprehend this crazy plan. "There's no way this'll work. I'm telling you that right now, Merc. This is a waste of time."

"You'll see, Wukong. Mark my words. Now, are you in?"

The monkey weighed his options. Either try to get Adam to shut up by making his friend play lesbian, or let the madman be. Both were quite terrible options, but one was clearly worse.

"…Let me go find Blake."

"I knew you'd see it my way. Operation: Matador is a go."

Sun found Blake with the rest of her team in the game room, the four girls playing the same racing game Mercury had received his bruised eye from. He was really hoping Blake would be alone for this, but then again he was probably going to get smacked regardless. He approached the girls as they finished their latest race.

"Woo-hoo!" Ruby cheered, throwing her hands up, "I win! I win!"

"You knocked me into the guardrail!" Weiss snapped at Rose, "I demand a rematch!"

"At least she didn't cheat," Yang shrugged when she finally noticed Sun watching. "Hey, Monkey Man. You wanna join us?"

"Uh, nah. Maybe another time." He could feel Blake smiling at him, and could already feel the sting of the slap he would be getting soon.

"Then what's up?" Blake asked, "You have something to ask us?"

Deep breath, Sun.

"I need you to act lesbian for Yang."

*WHAM!*

Yeah, that came out real well. Sun kind of wished Yang would have used an open hand instead of a closed one.

"Who told you to say that, Sun?" Blake narrowed her eyes at him, going into predator mode, "Because I know you aren't dumb enough to say that with a straight face."

Rubbing his cheek, Sun got off the floor and sat on the arm of the couch by Ruby. "Look, I know how it sounds but I think it'll get Adam off your back. Mercury said he saw you and Yang-

Blake's hand immediately smothered his mouth. "We were drunk. The floor was cold. That's all there is to it."

"Wait, I don't get it," Ruby looked at her teammates, "What happened after we left?"

"Can you and Weiss excuse us, Ruby?" Yang asked her sister, glaring at Sun, "Go check on Zwei. He probably needs to go outside."

"Message received, sis."

Once Ruby and Weiss were gone, Sun tapped Blake's hand for permission to speak. He cleared his throat as she removed her grip. "If it sounds like I'm being creepy, then I'm sorry. But we're all sick of Adam, aren't we? Think about it. We have to spend 26 more days with him trying to get you Blake. Shouldn't we get rid of the problem before it gets worse?"

Blake and Yang shared a look. Last night had been pretty bad Adam-wise, as he had stood over Blake's bed for over an hour just staring blankly at her. If Yang hadn't woken up to use the bathroom, he would have been there all night and not in the hall where he belonged.

"Why does it have to be us though?" Yang asked, pointing at herself and Blake, "Why not her and you instead?"

The two Faunus blushed immediately before Sun objected. "Because he's afraid of you, not me Yang. And you two are always together anyways. It would make him feel like he has literally no chance if Blake's with a girl. In theory."

The girls turned away from him, whispering things. Just as quickly they turned back.

"We'll do it," Blake said sternly, "But you have to do something for us."

"Sure, whatever. Just as long as you guys are in on this. What do I gotta do?"

"Oh no, we're not going to tell you. Not until we need you to do it. That'll spoil the surprise."

Sun gulped nervously. Whatever it was they had planned, he had a feeling he wouldn't like it. "It won't hurt, will it?"

"We'll see. Now, what exactly do me and my 'girlfriend' have to do?"

"So, have you heard the news?"

"Heard what?" Adam took his attention away from his notebook and gave it to his Lieutenant, "It better be good. I'm quite busy right now with my plans to get Blake back. Do you think she would like it if I serenaded her? Or is it not physical enough?"

"You might want to put a hold on that, boss," the Lieutenant put an endearing hand on his shoulder, "She's moved on."

"Stop touching me. And you're lying. She has only eyes for me. She cannot leave me."

"About that. I've heard from the others she is playing with her own team, if you get what I'm saying."

"No. No, I don't."

"She's, uh, not exactly after our kind."

"What, she wants humans now?"

"Certain humans. As in girls."

"... Are you snorting dust again?"

Having been eavesdropping from outside the room, Mercury made his entrance with laptop in hand. "Hey-hey, Adam! What's going on, buddy?"

"Is this some sort of joke?" Adam glared at Black as he pulled up a chair beside the Lieutenant.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Mercury grinned slyly, "But I couldn't help but overhear you guys' conversation. Your boy's right, Taurus. Blake's getting' her freak on with Xiao Long. I saw it with my own eyes the other night."

"Weren't you drunk off your ass the other night?"

"That's beside the point," Mercury replied, opening the dating website, "I figured that we should start trying to find you another woman who would actually want to get it on with you. You follow me?"

"No. I need no one besides Blake."

"He's funny, ain't he?" Mercury elbowed the Lieutenant's side, prompting him to get out his camera. "Now, we're going to take your picture for this site. You're bound to get some sort of match on here."

"I'm not going to use it."

The Lieutenant took aim at his boss. "Come on, boss. Give me a smile!"

*CLICK!*

Mercury and the Lieutenant immediately looked at Adam's new profile pic. It wasn't exactly the most charismatic headshot, but it would do.

"He's not smiling."

"Don't worry about it," Black muttered, "Alright Adam, we need you to answer a couple questions. Just be honest about 'em, got it?"

"Make it quick," the Faunus spat back.

"Question 1: What do you look for in a woman?"

"Black hair."

"Didn't see that coming," Mercury groaned, typing it in, "Anything else?"

"She must be obedient and never leave me."

"I'm not putting that in."

"Why not?"

"Because no woman will even want to meet you if they read that! "

"I don't see a problem," the Lieutenant shrugged, "Some people like to be treated like garbage. It's not that bad, really."

"Fine. Alright, next question. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?"

"Waging revolutions as a shadow of the night."

"…I'll put club hopping."

"I don't even know what that means-

"Okay, give me a brief description of how you see yourself."

"Why do you need that?"

Mercury was just about ready to give up on the guy. "Look, it's for the goddamn profile. Just say something."

"Fine," Adam exasperated, quickly putting something together, "I am all, yet I am nothing. I am a God, but also a man. My wrath equals my compassion, yet one exceeds the other. I am a warrior at heart, and a beast in mind. I will show you respect if you worship at my feet. Now be my woman, or I will make you my woman."

Silence. Mercury still wasn't quite sure he had just heard that, while the Lieutenant was practically drooling from underneath his mask.

"Will that do?" Adam asked impatiently, "I am in the middle of something."

"Uh, yeah. Sure. I'll just email you your account password later. Remember to check it often."

"Please leave."

Receiving a thumbs up from the Lieutenant as he hastily left the room, Mercury realized that he should have just made shit up from the get go.

Later that night, Sun and Mercury regrouped within their room so the former could see Adam's new profile. Pyrrha and Jaune were present, and the guys filled them in on their scheme.

"Well, this explains why Yang and Blake were holding hands earlier," Pyrrha remarked as she read over Adam's profile, "But this information here doesn't seem too… accurate."

"That's because it isn't. His answers were stupid."

"Then how will this find him a suitable partner if it's just lies?"

"There's someone out there for everyone. Even freaks like him."

"As long as he's away from Blake, I'm fine with it," Sun added, "It'll make life easier for her, me, and everyone else here."

After thinking hard over his words, Jaune decided to speak up anyways. "So what exactly do Yang and Blake have to do? Like, how far are they taking this?"

Pyrrha bopped him on the temple with her palm. "Must you ask that?"

"I was just curious…"

"Holy shit!" Mercury shouted, pointing at the screen, "Some chick already messaged him!"

In disbelief, the other roommates crowded around the glowing screen to see it with their own eyes. There certainly was a message for Adam. But then they saw the name behind it.

"Sexy_Chainsaw#069," Jaune read slowly, "What a weird username."

Sun realized Mercury was right. There certainly was someone out there for everybody.