Happy Easter! Don't have any candy for ya, but here's this instead. Not as good as chocolate, but still quite delicious.
The bathroom door was locked, its occupant preparing himself for the upcoming trial. Mercury eyed his shirtless body down, knowing very well that he was about to bed an unsuspecting woman and assert his masculinity. This was an all-too familiar process to him. His hair was just messy enough to make a woman want to comb it (not that he'd ever let them). He had a bit of that stubble going on; an excellent touch that women couldn't resist. He was the perfect mixture of 'Charming' and 'Doesn't give a shit'.
"Look at yourself," Merc smirked at himself, eyeing every part of himself, "You're an Adonis, a work of art. Nobody can hold a candle to you because you're a winner. You're gonna win today, because you're a 5-star man. A 5-star man always gets the girl. And you're gonna get the girl in that bed of yours. Go out there and win. You'll show them you're a winner. Make it work, Mercury."
He ran a sensual finger down through the crease of his abs, and winked at his reflection.
"Make it work."
"I still can't believe you're smitten with that dolt, Pyrrha."
Nikos was blushing heavily as she sat with Weiss in her room. Lately, she had been feeling the need to get closer to Jaune, but was unsure of how to not be so direct with her behavior. Her main worry was scaring him off and ruining what they already had as friends. Weiss felt like the best person to talk to about this. She had been the object of Jaune's affection for a while, and Pyrrha wanted to know just what the boy saw in her. She had invited the Ice Queen to her room, and the visitor had made herself comfortable on the floor beside her bed.
"He isn't a dolt," Pyrrha answered, "Just a bit awkward, that's all. And sweet. Have you seen him in those pajamas of his, the footie ones?"
"The ones that make him look like a dork?" Weiss answered sardonically.
"The ones that make him look adorable," Pyrrha corrected with a smile, "I guess I see him differently than everyone else."
"I'll give you that one," Weiss said in contemplation, "If you really want him to know how you feel, you should just let him know. Guys like him are slow to the point. Just say t to his face, and gauge his reaction. Knowing him, he'd probably faint in shock if he heard a girl liked him."
"Faint?" A look of worry appeared on Pyrrha's face, "You really don't think he'd do that, do you?"
Weiss laughed playful at her in disbelief. "Wow, you really care about him."
"I can't help it! I just want him to be happy. And safe."
Little did the two girls know that they had an eavesdropper. Just outside the door, Mercury had been listening in on them as he prepared to engage in the first step of the MERC System. Jaune had given him his target of Weiss Schnee, and the others quickly agreed with him. The dork had told Merc that she was a nigh-surmountable task, her cold gaze freezing the hearts of men in an instant.
But if someone could shatter her icy heart, it was a 5-star man.
"Hello, ladies," Mercury announced as he stepped into the room, "Don't mind me. Just coming in to get my weights. You two are looking great, by the way. Is that a new tiara you have there, Weiss?"
"No," Schnee answered bluntly, "Now can you go? We're discussing something private here."
"Oh, I get it, I get it," Mercury nodded, smiling, "You're talking about a guy. I can tell. I know when women are feeling lustful."
Weiss and Pyrrha both gave him the dirtiest of looks, and turned back to each other. The latter didn't want that slime ball knowing she had a thing for Jaune, so it was time to resort to pronouns. "So, do you think I should ask him to watch a movie with me and some friends? I could sit beside him and share popcorn with him."
"No, not with friends," Weiss said, raising a finger, "Just you, and you alone."
"B-but I don't want to make him to feel uncomfortable!"
"Is he uncomfortable when you two train together?"
"Not that I can tell."
"Then there's nothing to worry about."
Merc stood there, analyzing the situation as the girls ignored him. Step M had failed, shot down before it could even begin. This one was tough. He had to take it up a level. Time for Step E.
Picking up a weight in each hand, he feigned an intense workout session. Mercury grunted loudly with each flex, making sure Schnee heard him. After the sixth grunt she glared over at him.
"Do you mind?" she snapped, "I thought you were leaving, anyways."
"Nah," Merc grinned, cracking his neck, "Right here is as good a place as any. These are 25 pound weights, by the way. I can bench-press even more in case you were wondering."
"I wasn't."
"You sure about that?"
"Very."
Arc was right: this girl was tough.
It was time for his trump card.
Dropping his weights, he ripped off his shirt and threw it at the girls. He grinned with satisfaction as their jaws dropped, looking at him with confusion.
"What the heck are you doing?" Weiss asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Are you impressed?"
"Should I be?"
"Of course!"
"By what should we be impressed, exactly?" Pyrrha asked in the most indifferent tone of voice.
"By what I'm presenting to you," Mercury replied, showcasing his abs and six-pack with his hands, "You can touch them, if you want. I don't mind."
"Get lost, creep," Weiss ordered, "Or we'll make you leave."
"And how would you do that, exactly?"
Standing up, Weiss dusted off her skirt and approached Mercury. She looked him over, nodding to herself. Feeling the taste of victory, Mercury spread his arms wide allowing her to explore whatever part of him she desired.
And then she thrust her knee into his groin.
"Well, at least she touched you there," Ren said, handing Mercury an ice pack, "Just not in the way you wanted, that's all."
Sun was more than amused by Mercury's failure. He knew it would end like this; seeing Black lying prone on the couch with his hand on his bruised crotch made it all the more hilarious. "So, you have enough detergent for all our clothes Merc?"
"Won't need it," Mercury winced, lifting himself up, "Didn't lose."
"She kneed you in the nuts, dude. That's not a win by any standards."
"Clearly," Merc put the ice pack down his pants, shivering at its touch, "She is a lesbian. It's the only logical explanation."
Sun sighed, shaking his head. "I wonder how comfortable you are on that ridiculously high horse of yours."
Walking away, Mercury looked over his shoulder at the guys. "Consider that a mulligan. Next girl I see, I'm taking to bed." Turning forward, he saw Ruby bounding down the steps and grinned. The booty was literally coming to him now. "Showtime."
Sun and Ren saw her too, and sighed a breath of relief. Ruby was gullible, but not that gullible to be seduced by Merc's ridiculous system. There was no way they'd be doing laundry this week.
Sliding up to Ruby before she could go out the front door, Mercury put his arm out in front of her. He propped himself up on the archway, making sure the girl couldn't escape. "Hey there, Rubes. What're you up to?"
"Oh, hey Merc! Not much. Just going outside, that's all."
"Really? Sure you'd rather not spend some time inside? Wouldn't want to get that nice dress of yours all muddy."
"Oh, I don't mind! I have a spare."
Not even fazed by the compliment. She was a dense one, this girl.
"Are you sure?" Merc asked, "It's awfully wet outside."
"It's fun to play out in the rain though. Jumping in puddles is the best!"
Mercury went into seduction mode. He grabbed his shirt collar and ripped it down, exposing his chest to Ruby. "How about we go upstairs and I… change your mind?"
Blinking twice, Ruby cocked her head at him. "Hmm… Nope!"
Before a stunned Mercury could reply, Ruby ducked under his arm and ran out the door into the rain. Black stood there scratching his head. "Huh… That's not supposed to happen."
"What's not supposed to happen, buddy?"
The furious voice came from behind Merc. He slowly spun around to see Yang cracking her knuckles and burning a hole through his head with her eyes. "Uh, you see-
"I was just walking down to stop Ruby from going out and getting sick," Yang growled, "But then what do I see? I see you trying to seduce and do unspeakable things to my little sister. You think I'm just going to let that slide?"
"We can settle this easily," Merc said, ripping his shirt down all the way, "I'll just let you have a piece of a 5-star man instead of her."
For some reason Mercury thought that would work. But then again, he was still locked into seduction mode, not common sense mode.
A nice, solid right hook knocked him back into that mode. And also knocked him flat-out cold.
Standing over Black's body, Yang looked over at Ren and Sun. "Might want to get him some ice."
Sun pointed towards his pants. "He's already got some."
"Oh. And here I thought he just whizzed himself."
As Yang ran outside to catch Ruby, Sun and Ren walked over and hoisted Merc up. They carried the so called 5-star man up to his room, where he could rest in preparation of doing their chores when he woke up.
"You think we should have had him try and go after Cinder?" Sun asked.
"I'd rather be carrying an unconscious body right now than a dead one."
"Good point."