Chapter 4 (Very OOC.)
Adrien scrambled to get up, Ladybug reaching a hand toward him. He shied away unwillingly. Adrien winced, the look on her face a stab to his heart. "I'm-I'm sorry, I, I can't-"
"No, Adrien, wait-" He couldn't bear this, the look of shocked hurt on His Lady's face, that he caused, it was his fault he couldn't understand he needed to get away-
"I'm-I'm sorry! Plagg claws out!" The moment his transformation was complete, Chat Noir took off toward the Agreste Manor. He-he needed time to think, to absorb, to process this.
He slipped in easily through the back, through the one window he always kept open. He landed on his feet, but unlike before, there was no jubilation in the move. "Plagg, claws off." Chat murmured quietly. The kwami spun out, a sad look on their face. They were worried for their chosen. Adrien sat on the couch and leaned on his knees, a blank look on his face.
"For kwamis sake, you could've made a move kid! What happened?" The kwami stopped whining, watching their chosen collapse on the couch. They floated over, adopting a softer tone, "Hey kid, what's eating at you? I thought this is great, the reveal you wanted!" They floated above Adrien, confused. This was what he wanted, right? Why was he so sad now?
"I-I did, I wanted to know, but," Adrien looked up. Pure despair drifted in his emerald green eyes, "How can I say I love her when Ladybug's Marinette?" The words, once spoken aloud, seemed to wake something in their chosen. He got off the couch, his blank expression replaced by anguish. Adrien started pacing around the room. Plagg just floated, listening to their chosen spill it all. Hopefully he would reveal why he somehow wasn't excited to know Ladybug's identity. Plagg brightened a bit, struck by a thought. They could finally see Tikki again! And they were sure that Adrien needed this. He always hid his emotions behind a brick wall, only something as big as this could break it.
"She's-she's Ladybug, and-and Marinette! Ladybug, who amazing and wonderful and smart and gorgeous, and Marinette, who's sweet and honest and nice and-and they're the same person! She's the same person Plagg!" His hands shook as he poured his heart out to his kwami. "I can't confess to her, knowing, knowing that she'll reject me! I-I don't deserve her, I-I can't-I'm nothing without her, I-I don't want to be left behind again." Adrien whispered shakily. There. He said it. Marinette was a good friend, Ladybug his best friend. He thought, if he confessed to Ladybug and she didn't accept, he'd only lose one friend and still have another. But, no. Now-now if he confessed, he'd lose one friend instead, the same person.
He didn't want someone else to leave him. He didn't want to be left behind again. The dam burst. Adrien collapsed on the couch, sobbing silently. At least he now knew how Marinette felt when Chloe told him about her crush on him…Mon dieu, he'd turned down the love of his life! But she still, she somehow still liked both sides of him. He wasn't worthy of her. He didn't deserve her.
So that was why he wasn't excited. Plagg wrapped around Adrien's neck, nuzzling him and purring sadly. Oh kid…
"Tikki, spots off." Marinette murmured. The kwami spun out of the earrings with a sad look. "Do you, do you think we should go after him? I still can't believe that I was right." Marinette asked, handing Tikki a cookie and watching the black flying speck get smaller and smaller. "He-he doesn't seem very happy." She crossed her arms, digging her hot pink nails into her sides. Tikki finished off the cookie and moved to settle in the crook of Marinette's arm.
"This wasn't anything you did. I think this was just surprising to him. He didn't consider the possibility of Marinette and Ladybug being one and the same until the last moment, while you suspected for a while. The shock seems to have been more than he could handle."
"But-but why? Is it-is it so strange to consider that-that weird, awkward, clumsy-" Tikki flew up and closed her mouth. They looked at her with deep-set old eyes, ones that held millennia of experience. Marinette took a deep breath, closing her eyes. She was spiraling. Self-deprecation wasn't going to help her or her partner. She needed to find her partner and help him. Marinette shared a nod with Tikki. They both knew what she had to do. "Tikki, spots on."
The moment her transformation sparkles died, Ladybug zipped off to the Agreste Manor. Thoughts whirled like butterflies in her head. She had to fix this, end this big mess of things. But she thought he'd be happy. They could reveal to each other, now that Ladybug knew who he was, and he could finally have his curiosity satisfied on who she was. So why was Adrien unhappy? Ladybug couldn't figure it out. She-she was sure that it wasn't because of her. Tikki had denied that claim. So-was it because he, didn't know what to think? Ladybug stopped, clutching the side of a chimney. Was Adrien having as much trouble with this as she originally did? She had first denied it, when Alya brought up the picture of Adrien as Chat Noir, and then had to spend a half-hour trying to figure it out only last Thursday. Was Adrien having the same doubts? Did he-did Adrien not see how Marinette and Ladybug were the same person?
And suddenly, she was here. Absently, Ladybug noticed that this was the same roof that she and Chat had shared cookies on Thursday. Ladybug squared her shoulders, lips curling into a sad smile. If that was true, if Adrien couldn't see how she was one and the same, then that was his issue. Her mission: help her kitty in whatever way she could. She could do this. She can.
Adrien and Plagg dozed. Well, Adrien tried to. Daylight streamed in through the windows, bright and sunny. He saw none of it. He was numb, hands rubbing over his ring in an automatic motion. His dam had burst, and he was left behind to pick up the bricked pieces. Eyes red, tears dried on his cheeks, face too warm from sobbing; he couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't sleep. Whenever he tried to, it all came rushing back. The shocked hurt on Ladybug's face as he moved away from her. Marinette's happy smile after she gave him cookies. Ladybug's fond, amused smile as he ran after her. Each memory pricked his heart. Adrien shifted to the side. He had failed her, His Lady, Marinette, all because he was too scared of being rejected. Fear curled in his stomach, thick and cold and uncomfortable. How could he show himself now?
Knock! Knock! Adrien groaned quietly. "Leave me alone!" He yelled. "Just-just leave me alone."
"You know I can't do that, mon minou." Adrien gasped, eyes flying open. No, no she couldn't be here, nononono she couldn't see him like this! But she landed on the floor, reeled her yoyo in, and started walking toward him. She was here, looking so scared and tired and he did that to her. He was the worst person ever.
Before he could do anything, she sat down. Unconsciously, he moved closer to her, laying his head in her lap. She hummed quietly, the sound vibrating through his bones. A tentative touch on his head, then he felt her hand gliding over his locks. A distressed purr bubbled out of him. She was too kind, too amazing and she was Marinette and Marinette was Ladybug. A fragile silence pooled around them, his soft purrs blending into it.
"You're so amazing." Adrien broke it. He felt her hand stop. "I-I can't believe it that-that you are just so amazing, both sides of you, and-and I can't. I'm nothing next to you. Why do you even care about me?"
He felt her shift slightly. He could just imagine her unhappy frown. "Chaton, you're-you're everything to me. I liked you as both you and Chat. You're my very best friend. I-I was stunned when I figured it out." She laughed hollowly. "Adrien, my crush and friend, is Chat Noir, my pun-loving partner? I-once I realized, I was ecstatic. So-so, why is it different for you?"
"I'm nothing without you." Adrien said scratchily. His throat hurt. He got up slowly, not looking at Ladybug. "I-thought that if I confessed to you, and-I'd only lose one friend, yo-you, and not Marinette. But-but you're Marinette and Ladybug so I-I lose the same person! And I-I now I know, and you know and please, please don't leave me!" There. He said it.
Her voice broke. "Kitty, was that-was that what you were worried about? You're my Chat Noir, the other half of us, of me." She smiled, her eyes still worrying. "The sun would be nothing without the moon. They're partners. You're my soul mate, and I need you. I will always care about you. I-I love you."