Been a while since I've said how much thanks I owe to all you following this story. Still can't believe we're almost to 200 followers!

You guys fucking rock. Seriously. I wouldn't have gone this far with this silly story if not for all of you.

"Hey, lookin' good there Em!"

Wearing a shiny green bikini and jeans, Emerald groaned at Roman's voice as she scooped out yet another branch from the backyard pool. Last night's storm had put a number on the paradise-like bathing area, blowing debris and water all around the artificial rocky outcrops. She had pulled out some very odd things from the pool with her long net, including a half-drowned squirrel that didn't take too kindly to having its life saved by her. That just went to show why Emerald never did good things for anyone; nobody's ever grateful enough to reward her for it.

Yeah, she knew it was just a stupid rodent. The mangy thing still didn't need to bite her on the hand and run before she could snap its neck.

Besides, the only reason she was cleaning the pool was so she could have it to herself. Nobody else had used it yet, so it was probably best to claim it now before it was too late. Well, if Cinder wanted to use it Emerald would obviously let her. Emerald always wondered how she would look in a bikini…

"Missed a spot," Roman said from atop one of the highest rocks, pointing at a cluster of leaves floating in the dead center of the pool. He propped open a folding chair, sitting down with a martini glass in his hand.

"Can't you see that I'm ignoring you?" Emerald said, continuing her work, "Get away from me."

"Ooh, a threat. What are you going to do, shove that pole up my ass?"

"Only if you keep talking."

Great. Now that Roman had showed up, Emerald should probably drown him so her claim couldn't be stolen. Then again, drowning Roman would be something she wouldn't mind doing regardless.

Torchwick sipped from his glass, smacking his lips loudly. "Still mad about last night? I didn't snore on purpose."

"Hell yes you did. You never do that when Neo is in the room."

"Well that's because when she's in the room we're always busy…"

"And about that," Emerald raised the pole menacingly at Roman, ready to throw it at him like a spear, "I don't care if you two are consenting adults. When you're in a room with other people you're not supposed to get all touchy-feely with someone! Its common decency!"

"Hey, we've never actually done it with you around. Neo's just grabby. Who am I to stop her?"

"…I hate you so much." Unable to look at the crime boss anymore, Emerald went back to cleaning the pool until she realized that he was holding a martini glass. She turned back around in curiosity. "Where the hell did you get that drink?"

"Oh, this?" Roman held up the glass, "Made it myself. Not that hard."

"Out of what? Didn't you and the others drink all of that alcohol a few nights ago?"

"I found a substitute."

"What?"

"Mouthwash."

"…You can't be serious."

"Yes-indeed. This concoction here is 25% lemon juice, 25% olive juice, and 50% pure mouthwash for the kick. I call it Roman's Minty Sunrise."

"You realize it's deadly to drink mouthwash, don't you?"

"Yeah, and I huff glue too. Hasn't killed me yet. Guess I'm just really tolerant to toxins. Or I'm immortal. I like to lean towards the latter. Gotta stay optimistic, you know?"

"…On second thought, just keep drinking. If you keel over, I'll put you out of your misery."

"Can't kill what won't die, my child."

Rolling her eyes, Emerald went back to work. For good this time.

"Doesn't mean I won't try..."

In comparison to the pool, the front lawn was in even worse shape. It was a literal mud hole, soggy and squishy like a Scottish bog. Adam's doghouse had been completely demolished by a toppled tree, its pink walls broken and scattered. It was a good thing Ruby and the Lieutenant had gone out to rescue him, or otherwise the bull would have had more than a coma to worry about.

Ren and Nora were collecting the remains of their project after letting Zwei out to use the bathroom. Ruby's sneezing had turned into a full on cold, and she was stuck in bed eating soup and cookies (not the best food to eat while sick, but Yang couldn't deny her begging sister). Nora had jumped at the opportunity to take the dog outside, but for all the wrong reasons.

"GRAHH!"

Covered in mud and leaves, Nora arose from a giant mud puddle like a zombie from its grave. She growled and clawed at an indifferent Ren, who shook his head at her. "You just washed that outfit yesterday, Nora."

"I'm not Nora…" the mud monster grunted, "I'm the Sludge Sloth! Give me brains! And bamboo!"

"Sloths don't eat bamboo. Pandas do."

"Then I'm a panda sloth!"

"A what-

"Ooh! Ren, Ren!"

"Yes, Nora?" Ren sighed; here we go again. He didn't mind Nora's ramblings. In fact, he secretly enjoyed them. Just not when they busy doing something like this.

"Imagine how cute a baby panda sloth would be! That would be super-duper adorable!"

"Hm. I guess that would be true."

"Hey, Ren?"

"Yes?"

A big muddy hand swiped him across the nose as two big blue eyes glistened at him from within the filth.

"Boop."

Ren wiped his face off, smiling. "Couldn't resist, could you?"

"Nope."

Setting down a handful of pink planks, Ren noticed something had gone missing. "Um… Have you seen Zwei at all?"

"Yup!"

"Where, exactly?"

"Over there," Nora pointed to the woods with her dripping filthy hand.

"He ran away?!"

"Ah, relax!" Valkyrie grinned, sloshing her feet as she stepped out of the puddle, "Ruby told me he's really, really, really smart! He'll be back in no time!"

"If you say so… Where are you going?"

"The pool. I think my costume's getting crusty."

"Any luck yet?"

Qrow plopped down on the floor of the RV, wiping his sweaty brow after trying to push open the van door. "Nah. That tree's got us pinned in good. Not that you've been any help."

Ozpin sipped his cold coffee as he flipped to another camera feed. "Like I told you already, Mr. Branwen. We each have our own tasks to attend to."

"Then I'm busting through the window," Qrow snapped back, grabbing a book to chuck at the glass, "I can't take this anymore!"

"No! You cannot break that window!"

"And why the hell not?"

"The owner will most likely not appreciate the vehicle sustaining damage."

The dusty crow looked at the Headmaster in astonishment. He gestured to the many computer panels and power boxes around them. "Is this a rental van? Is all of this stuff rented from someone?!"

"You are half right. The technology is mine, the van is not"

"So, let me get this straight then: The Headmaster of the prestigious Beacon Academy can afford to construct a luxury penthouse for 16 people, complete with an outdoor pool and indoor theater, and own all of this high-end tech, but can't afford his own van?"

"We reached our budget when I suggested getting this van," Ozpin answered, "There was only one other option."

"How did you rent this if you were out of cash?"

"…I never said it was rented."

"You hesitated. Why did you hesitate?"

"I happened to come across this van deep in these woods while the penthouse was being constructed. The owner was in the middle of a difficult battle with a Deathstalker, so I took the liberty to move his van far away to safety… Without him knowing."

"…You stole this."

"I like to call it borrowing without one's permission-

"Goddammit Oz!" Qrow threw his arms up in frustration, pacing back and forth, "What do you think the owner's going to do to you once he finds out?!"

"That is assuming the owner is still alive."

"Jesus Christ – Wait!" Before Ozpin became the victim of Qrow's scolding, the man dashed over to the front window as he spotted a fluffy black and white shape among the trees outside. "Zwei! It's Zwei!"

"Ms. Rose's dog?" Ozpin quickly joined Qrow at the window, nearly planting his face on it, "Why is he out here?"

"Don't know, don't care," Qrow started tapping his fist on the glass to catch the Corgi's attention, "He's our way outta here."

"How, exactly? He is just a canine."

"He's a super-intelligent one that can go get help. Look, he sees us!"

Zwei had turned his head to the van, smiling at the two crazy men frantically waving at him. The two of them were gesturing in the direction of the house, with Qrow writing the word 'help' on the windshield. Comprehending their situation, the Corgi barked once and made his way back to the house, bounding over rocks and logs on his tubby legs.

"You think he understood us?" Ozpin asked.

"Hell, I hope so. That dog is our only hope right now."