Author's note: I just realized that I've been neglecting to respond to reviews, although I've been reading them. Oops. I must still have some exam hangover; sorry about that, guys! Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this chapter. Please review, and I'll try to actually get back to you :P

Guest: Yup, poor Snape is on guard duty in this one. It was fun to write. (Sorry, Snape.) Regarding the validity of the "dark wizards can't cast a Patronus" thing, I don't remember if it comes up in the actual books, but I remember reading an interview with JK Rowling where she mentioned it. I think she said they can't do it because the spell guards against forces that the dark wizards employ.

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I referenced pages 44-45 and 71-73 of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban while writing this.

A Fresh Start in Hell, Take Two

This is ridiculous, Severus thought, resisting the urge to scratch at the collar of his robes, which were itchy and nothing like what he would usually wear—which was, unfortunately, the whole point. I have better things to do than watch Potter eat ice cream.

The other Order members were no doubt thrilled to spend a day trailing Potter through Diagon Alley. Severus was not. In fact, the idea of walking away and leaving Wonder Boy to fend for himself held much appeal, except that there would be hell to pay if anything did happen to him and Severus hadn't been where he was supposed to be.

Potter had been in Diagon Alley for over a week, and this was already Severus's third shift. The boy seemed to have a routine: He would eat breakfast at the inn, and then go wander about the shops. He typically did his homework sitting outside of Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour, ingesting sickening amounts of sugar. Severus hoped that he wouldn't get back a Potions essay sticky with the melted confection. That would just be plain disgusting.

A few days ago, Potter had made a detour to Quality Quidditch Supplies. There was a crowd of excited witches and wizards standing outside the front display. Severus had already seen the sign as he was passing through earlier. There was a new broomstick out, supposed to be the fastest in the world, or some other claim like that. Severus couldn't bring himself to care; his dislike for all things broomsticks and Quidditch was still going strong. But the boy was fascinated by the broom and went out of his way to gaze longingly at it in the subsequent days.

To Severus's relief, Potter also displayed some practical sense and purchased supplies for the next school year. Severus was most interested in following Potter to the apothecary, of course, but the trip to Flourish and Blotts also proved entertaining.

"Hogwarts?" Severus—who had wandered in behind the boy and was pretending to browse the arithmancy section—heard the manager ask breathlessly.

"Yes. I need-"

"Get out of the way."

Behind the bookshop's window sat a large iron cage, which held about a hundred copies of The Monster Book of Monsters. Torn pages were flying everywhere as the books grappled with each other, locked in furious wrestling matches and snapping aggressively.

Rubeus Hagrid was the new Care of Magical Creatures professor. Unlike the appointment of Remus Lupin, Hagrid's new position didn't cause Severus's blood pressure to rise, it merely caused him to roll his eyes and sigh with resignation. While there was no question that Hagrid loved his magical creatures and would be eager to share with the students, there was also no question, in the Potions professor's mind, that the gamekeeper would be a rotten professor. Meaning well didn't count for much; when the rubber hit the road, the children were probably going to be losing limbs right, left, and sideways.

"Hang on," Potter hastily stopped the manager. "I've already got one of those."

"Have you?" The man sounded enormously relieved. "Thank heavens for that, I've been bitten five times already this morning-"

Severus turned as a loud ripping noise rent the air. Two of the Monster Books had seized a third and were pulling it apart. Care of Magical Creatures, he mused, looked like it was shaping up to be more dangerous than Potions. At least he, despite hating the students, didn't assign a dangerous textbook, although killing off the reprobates before the term even started was a fun idea to entertain.

"Stop it! Stop it!" the manager cried, poking his walking stick through the bars and knocking the books apart. "I'm never stocking them again, never! It's been bedlam! I thought we'd seen the worst when we bought two hundred copies of The Invisible Book of Invisibility—cost a fortune, and we never found them."

Severus grit his teeth to keep himself from laughing. People with no foresight really could be very amusing.

"Well, is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Yes." Severus turned back to the arithmancy books, pulling out one at random to look at the back cover. "I need Unfogging the Future, by Cassandra Vablatsky."

He froze.

"Ah, starting Divination, are you?" The sound of retreating footsteps.

Sybill Trelawney was still the Divination professor. Severus did not care what electives Potter took; it did, however, make him feel strange to think that Potter would be studying with the woman who had produced the prophecy. Thinking about it tugged at his guilty conscience, for some reason.

Annoyed with himself, he replaced the book and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was not a useful line of thinking. He turned his attention back to the other side of the store.

"Let's see now… Intermediate Transfiguration…"

It was another ten minutes before the boy walked out of Flourish and Blotts, scatterbrained and bumping into people. Severus followed him back to The Leaky Cauldron, where he pretended to read the newspaper for the next two hours, before handing off the next shift to Nymphadora Tonks.

The start of the new school year approached quickly, and Potter was soon enough collected by the Weasleys and deposited on the Hogwarts Express. Remus Lupin was coming directly from muggle London and would also be on the train. With any luck, the train would spontaneously combust on its way to the castle.

Unfortunately, the trouble that did come didn't involve a permanent delay. Severus was in Dumbledore's office with the other Heads of House when a small owl pecked at the window.

Dumbledore retrieved the note from the bird. "From Remus," he said as he returned to his desk.

Severus sneered automatically, earning him a look of disapproval from his Gryffindor counterpart.

"It appears that Dementors searched the train, and Harry reacted poorly."

All those children and Potter was the one who caused a fuss. Typical.

"Is he all right?" Minerva asked.

"It seems he passed out," Dumbledore replied, "but is relatively unharmed."

"Pity," remarked Severus, and Minerva shot him another dirty look.

"I can get Poppy to look over him before the Feast—I must speak with Granger about her Time Turner anyway—but I'll need somebody to cover the Sorting for me."

Dumbledore turned to the Potions Master. "Severus-"

"No."

"I'll do it," Filius, thankfully, volunteered.

"I want to know why there were Dementors on the Hogwarts Express," Pomona spoke up, the corners of her mouth turning down.

Dumbledore sighed. "Rest assured, my dear, I did not give permission for that; but Dementors are not easy to control."

"They shouldn't be here at all," said Filius indignantly, as though everybody in the room didn't already share the same opinion. "Is there really no way to change the Minister's mind?"

Severus didn't listen to Dumbledore's reply. This conversation had been had many times over, and the upshot of the matter was that this year was going to be dreadful.

Of course, the school year was always dreadful. That was nothing new.

"Welcome!" said the Headmaster, the candlelight shimmering on his beard. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think I best get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast.

"As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the Dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry of Magic business."

There was a pause. Severus sensed his colleagues bristling at this announcement, despite having already discussed the issue in length and being used to the idea.

"They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds, and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave school without permission. Dementors are not fooled by ticks or disguises—or even Invisibility Cloaks."

Severus made a mental note to ask Dumbledore about the Invisibility Cloak comment. He would probably need a drink first, though.

"It is not in the nature of a Dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the Perfects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs foul of the Dementors."

There was another pause. Then, "On a happier note, I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year: Firstly, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."

There was some scattered, rather unenthusiastic applause. Severus couldn't stop himself from fixing Lupin with a venomous look. He had been trying to ignore Lupin all evening, and despite the man's cool politeness and fact that he looked as though he'd been living in a bus shelter for the past ten years, Severus hoped that Peeves dropped a very large rock on the werewolf's head.

"As to our second new appointment, well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs. However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties."

Since being removed from the Board of Gonvernors, Lucius was less informed about the inner workings of Hogwarts, but that didn't mean he was any less opinionated; he would probably have some choice words on the matter of Hagrid's appointment, and he would probably share these with Severus.

The applause was much bigger for Hagrid, and once it had died down, Dumbledore gave a smile. "Well, I think that's everything of importance," he said. "Let the feast begin!"

The golden plates and goblets before them filled suddenly with food and drink. Severus pushed steamed carrots around his plate, intermittently glancing over at the Slytherin table and glaring at all the non-Slytherins who accidentally caught his eye.

This is hell: welcome back.