Johnny was in Sam's room, he had stayed there after he had talked with Sam and she had gone to him. He had remained there under her blankets that smelled like her to try to remain calm, head snapping up when he heard footsteps, eyes widening when he saw Dean coming into the room.
"Hey kid." Dean said, a bit awkwardly, shifting in place. "Can we talk?"
Johnny nodded, sitting up a bit straighter, head poking out with the blanket pushed back. "Of course," he said. "What about?"
Dean moved his jaw from side to side as he entered the room completely, going to sit at the edge of the bed, just staring at the kid for a few moments.
He could pick Sam out mostly, the shape of his face, the slight tilt of the edge of his nose, even the dimples that he could see a hint of.
The kid, Johnny he corrected himself, was staring up at him expectantly, head tilted slightly to the side. The look he had on his face was identical to the one Sam used to have when she was younger and expected him to have all the answers to the universe.
He wasn't sure if that made all of this easier or worse.
Johnny shifted slightly as the time went on and Dean didn't say anything, just stared at him. He tugged at the blanket and moved it around himself to get a bit more comfortable as he waited.
"I owe you an apology." Dean started, already uncomfortable. He was never good at this but he was going to swallow down whatever discomfort he was feeling. For his sisters sake.
For his nephews sake.
"Since, literally the second you were born, I was...a crap uncle. I shot at you, I punched you, I tried to hurt you." Dean said, staring at a spot between them on the bed, it was easier to look at that than look at him. "And even after that...once I brought you here….I wasn't any better, I was worse. And-"
"It's because of Lucifer." Johnny said. Dean chanced a glance up, seeing Johnny nodding. "I get it, it's because of him."
"Yes." Dean said simply. "Because of him, but also because of me."
Dean took in a deep breath to steel himself. "I looked at you and I saw Lucifer, that's all I saw and that's all I wanted to see. I never wanted, or tried, to actually see past that, to see you. But I should have. And I..."
He looked down at his hands, they were shaking hard so he curled them to try to steady them. "I know as hell I don't deserve a second chance at this, at all of this. But...I'd really like to start over again." Dean finished, rather lamely he felt but he finished nonetheless. "If you'd be willing to."
Johnny nodded eagerly, almost falling forward from how hard he moved. "Yes," he quickly said. "Yes. I'd like that. I want that."
Dean nodded and swallowed hard, staring at the kid, at his nephew, nodding once more.
"Alright." he said, clearing his throat. "So, John Winchester." it was still weird to call him by their dads name but he ignored it. He held his hand out to the kid who took it in his. "I'm your uncle Dean."
A mixture of emotions caused over Johnny's face, too quickly for him to decipher, and before he could even think about stopping himself Dean let go of his hand to reach out and wrap his arms around him. He felt the kid give a shaky breath before he returned the hug.
"I'm sorry." Dean whispered, holding onto his nephew tightly to him. Sam was right, his angelic parentage meant nothing, he wsa Sam's kid, that was all that mattered. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Johnny told him, hugging him tighter. "It's okay uncle, it's okay. I forgive you."
He really is a Sam kid. Only Sams kid would be like this, would be this forgiving.
"You shouldn't be. You shouldn't forgive me this easily." Dean told him, the words choking him but managing to get out. "You shouldn't."
"But I am." Johnny said, a smile clear in his voice. "I am. It's okay. I just want this, I want mom and I want you. I want...I want a family."
"Well you got it kiddo." Dean said, his voice rougher as he felt tears prickling his eyes. "You got it."
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