Day 13/30

Another day, another morning of waking up to the smell of Ozpin's coffee.

Qrow was really getting sick of that smell.

Things had been different since Ironwood's arrival for the two men, but not in a good kind of way. The general had really left his mark on Ozpin, hurting him so bad that he had been too sore to move from his chair for the past couple of days. Luckily for the headmaster, Ironwood hadn't broken any bones. Unluckily for Qrow, Ozpin acted like he had. And like any recovering patient in a hospital would do, he spent his healing time doing one thing: watching shitty TV series.

"We will return to 'All My Faunus' after these commercial messages…"

As the video player flipped to an ad for female freshness, Qrow forcefully banged his forehead into the wall. A lightly bandaged Ozpin looked at the drunk confusingly, unsure as to why his van-mate was so distressed. "Is something bothering you? You seem distressed."

"Distressed?!" Qrow shouted, "Ozpin, all you've been doing since Ironwood left was marathon this goddamn soap opera! For God's sake watch something else! I can't stand that stupid theme music anymore!"

"I would, but I need to know if Lilac finds out that Copper is cheating on her with Silky."

"And how long will that take?"

"Hm… Considering the pace this show is going at, I would say perhaps twenty episodes. Give or take five or six filler ones."

Branwen wasn't having one bit of that. Stomping over to Ozpin, he ripped the laptop from his hands, slammed it shut, and placed it in their empty minifridge.

"…Well that was not very nice," Ozpin said, adjusting his glasses.

"I'll give it back to you once you agree to watch something else!"

Ozpin took a moment to ponder that, tapping his finger on his lip in thought. "How about that one video you mentioned with the young ladies and the cup? That sounds intriguing."

"That was one of the things I said we should never watch," Qrow groaned, "If you wanna watch that shit then be my guest. Just do it when I'm nowhere near you."

"I suppose I'll just watch the cameras again…" Sighing, the Headmaster spun around to face his wall of screens. It wasn't that he felt the housemates were no longer entertaining; it was far from that. It was more the fact that he would rather catch up on his stories than watch Sun flip through television stations or Ruby play with Zwei. Thankfully things were about to get interesting for not just Ozpin but Qrow as well when they heard a surprise knock on their door. The two men looked at each other, not sure if they were hearing things or not. Once the person outside knocked again, Ozpin looked to Qrow.

"…Won't even get up for that, will ya?"

"I'm not the one already standing, Mr. Branwen."

Mocking Ozpin under his breath, Qrow opened the door and was greeted by Lie Ren. The JNPR member was holding a piece of notebook paper in his hand, scribble on with blue ink.

"Ren, right?" Qrow asked, scratching his head, "You need something kid?"

"Is Ozpin there?"

"Aren't I good enough for ya?"

"No, not at all. It's just that we're out of food."

"…Come again?"

"We are out of food," Ren repeated, slower this time, "It seems that Nora raided the pantry late last night without me knowing, and now I have nearly nothing left to cook. No flour, no condiments, no vegetables... It's all on this list actually."

Branwen took the paper from Ren, reading it over quickly. "There's a lot of things on here… Looks pretty expensive."

"Well, there are sixteen of us living in there. I'm surprised we had enough food to last us 13 days."

"Uh huh… So what are we supposed to do about this?"

"I assumed Ozpin would go out and resupply for us," Ren shrugged, "He was never too clear about a situation like this."

"He's not clear about a lot of things," Qrow glared at Ozpin behind him, who was pretending to be asleep. "Look, kid. Why don't you go back to the home for now and we'll get this sorted out for ya. Sound good?"

"I see nothing wrong with that. If you need any clarification for certain things on the list, just call that phone number written on the bottom. Please don't be too long. I don't know how long I can hold off everyone's stomach."

Once Qrow closed the door shut on Ren, he turned around slowly to Ozpin. He could tell the older man was doing his best to ignore him, but that sure as hell wasn't going to happen. "So Oz… Did you plan on letting these kids starve, or just resort to cannibalism?"

"They do say dog is an appropriate dish in certain cultures."

"No! They are not eating Zwei! We're driving to the supermarket and-

"We currently have no gas in our tank."

"Dammit, Ozpin! We're getting them food, one way or another!"

After a brief silence, Ozpin flipped the wall of screens off. Standing up for the first time in 72 hours, he walked over to the fridge and pulled out his now frosted laptop.

"If you put your stupid show on, I swear to God…"

"Not this time, Mr. Branwen. I'm just sending an email."

"To who?"

"Our ride."

Staring at the few ingredients he had left, Ren sighed and placed them on the counter as he tried to think of a dish he could make out of a bottle of water, turkey gravy, blue cheese, bread, and an open pack of fruit snacks that could hold off 16 people for a few hours or so. He felt like he was on death row when he told the rest of the house there would be no breakfast today; even Zwei was barring his teeth at him. Ren couldn't bring himself to put the blame on Nora, however. It wasn't her fault that she was an impulsive eater.

Okay, maybe it was her fault. But she was the yin to his yang, the power to his flower (or flour, whichever one Jaune said it was). He'd never be able to forgive himself for doing such a thing.

But he could make her help him cook and not be able to taste test anything as punishment.

"But Rennnn!" Nora cried, latched around his leg, "I neeed to taste it! That's, like, my mission when we cook together! What am I going to do instead?!"

"Measuring," Ren said, handing her a cup, "Fill this to the ¾ mark and pour the gravy mix inside."

"I can't even taste the powder?"

"Nora, do you really think you deserve to taste the powder after what you did last night?"

"No… I'm sorry, Ren. I just had the midnight cravings again… I couldn't help myself." Nora's droopy face perked up when Ren placed his hand on the top of her head. He smiled at her to uplift her spirits a bit more.

"You know that I can't be mad at you just being yourself, right?"

Gripping his leg a little bit tighter, Nora's face beamed as she poked his nose with her free hand. "…Boop!"

"Good to see you understand," Ren helped Nora to her feet as she released him, "Now, I'm going to go look up something I could make with what we have here. I'm trusting you won't taste anything."

Valkyrie saluted the chef. "Aye-aye, Captain!"

The moment the door closed behind Ren, Nora's stomach growled at her. Oh, this was bad! Her own body was taunting her! How could she fight herself?!

"Okay Nora, focus!" the girl told herself, "Don't focus on eating! Focus on making food I'll eat later! Delicious food! To be eaten later! Not now! ...Oh God I'm hungry again!"

Letting out a frustrated yell, Nora slapped herself across the face.

"No! Must. Not. Eat. Food!"

Okay, okay. That seemed to do the trick. Grabbing the cup Ren had shown her, she poured both the water and gravy mix into it. "There! I did it!"

But it wasn't enough. Nora needed Ren to know she was sorry. She had to do more than this. But what could she do?

And then she caught sight of the instructions on the back of the gravy packet.

"Cook on medium heat till boil… So that must mean if I put it on high heat it'll cook twice as fast!"

Rushing over to the stove, Nora put the gravy cup in place and flipped the burner on to high. She grinned widely as the blue flame made the mix bubble. "Ooh… I wonder what'll happen if I set it to extra high?"

There was a reason Ren only let Nora taste test his food.

Take one guess as to what that reason is.

About fifteen minutes passed, and the heat was already taking its toll on Qrow. He and Ozpin sat on the side of the dirt road that led away from the penthouse, watching the hill for a vehicle to ride into sight. For whatever reason, Ozpin was acting completely healed and was unfazed by the sun's rays beaming on his black suit. He stood tall, still holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

"So, how much longer did you say they'd be?" Qrow groaned, laying back on the pale brown dirt as he unfolded Ren's list for probably the 100th time.

"Soon, Mr. Branwen. I'm also surprised at how long it is taking them to arrive. They are quite the speedy driver. Perhaps he became lost…"

"Oh, well that's promising. Still won't tell me who it is, will you?"

"I will only say that you know them."

"…If it's Port I'm not going. He smells like salami."

"And you smell like alcohol."

"I would smell like that if I had any!"

As much as Qrow wanted to rant about his lack of booze, he was interrupted by perhaps the most annoying car horn of all time coming from the forest. As the driver honked it again, Branwen realized that only one man on this planet would ever willingly drive a car with a horn like that installed in it. "Oh no… Oh God no... Why couldn't it have just been Port?"

"If I had told you who it was earlier, then you wouldn't have been so willing to join me," Ozpin said as their ride skidded to a stop before them. Not only did the car make obnoxious sounds, it also looked obnoxious. Painted bright green with a small trailer latched behind it, the tiny smart car fit the loud and brash personality of its driver.

"Professor Bartholomew Ooobleck, present and reporting for duty!" the eccentric teacher announced as he opened the car door for Ozpin and Qrow, "Please fasten your seat belts upon entering. This ride may become quite jarring!"