Hey everyone! Almost at 300 followers, and closer to 200 favorites! That's some good shit right there. Love you all.

Also, PSA time.

So I'm going to be working for the next 4 days straight, which means I'll probably be too tired to write up another chapter once I get home. Not only that, but I'll be on vacation for four days afterward and I probably won't be writing then either.

This may be the last chapter I have up for about a week or so, unless I can get one out this Sunday after I'm done packing and shit. Its extra long to compensate for the potential lack of updates, so I hope y'all enjoy it.

"STOPLIGHT! STOPLIGHT!"

Oobleck's car skidded to a stop moments before speeding into traffic, forcing Qrow's face into the headrest in front of him. He was pretty much unfazed by his nose being crushed since this was only the fifth time it had happened. He had feared the worst when seeing Oobleck behind the wheel of a vehicle, but had never expected it to be this extreme. Seriously, they had probably caught some air a few times going over a couple hills while weaving through traffic.

"I'm going to sue the hell outta you in about seventeen days, Bart," Qrow growled, attempting to push his nose back into place. The eccentric driver turned around in his seat and put a scolding finger in Branwen's face.

"Do you not remember the first thing I said to you?" Oobleck's voice was at its usual near-impossible-to-understand speed, "Fasten your seatbelts! That is the #1 rule when riding in a motorized vehicle! It guarantees your safety and will better protect you in the case of an accident!"

"I am wearing it you idiot!" Qrow tugged on his seatbelt to show him, "You're just a terrible driver!"

"That is a ludicrous statement! I finished my driving test with a perfect score in approximately 10.987 seconds, which is only 1/20 the time it took any other to do so!"

"And they actually passed you? Who the hell was your driving instructor?!"

"That would be me," Ozpin interjected, "Professor Oobleck passed with flying colors, if I may say so."

Qrow wanted to strangle both men sitting in front of him right now. He wished he could argue with Ozpin about his obviously non-existent driving instructor credentials. But there was no more fight left in him right now. Being eleven days sober didn't help much either. Instead, he sighed loudly and lied down on the seat beside him. Hopefully they'd be at the grocery store soon, or he would smother himself in the coffee stained leather to escape this pain.

"Oh, I quite enjoy this song," Ozpin said excitedly, "May I turn up the volume Oobleck?"

"Do as you please! The louder the better!"

The light turned green just as the girl on the radio started singing about something called a 'Hollaback Girl', and Oobleck's sudden acceleration pulled Qrow into his seat. There was no point in complaining anymore, as Ozpin and Bart were too busy shouting out lyrics to even acknowledge his suffering.

And then Qrow heard the thump.

Not just any kind of thump. That kind of thump.

Oz and Oobleck went silent, freezing up as they heard three more thumps behind them. The car immediately began to slow down and Qrow sat up to glare at the two men. "…What was that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ozpin lied, his hand shaking as he sipped from his mug, "Do you, Oobleck?"

"Not a thing," Bart said, sipping his own flask, "I definitely did not just hit a pedestrian riding his bike beside us."

Qrow looked out the window and spotted a cyclist struggling to his feet in the middle of the road, throwing his fist at their car. Before Qrow could tell Oobleck to turn around the cyclist went from 0 to 100 and drew a gun from his backpack, aiming it in their direction.

"Today has become quite interesting, hasn't it?" Ozpin asked, seemingly unfazed by their current predicament even as a bullet ricocheted off their trailer.

"DRIVE! DRIVE!" Qrow pounded on Oobleck's seat, "I take it all back! Drive as fast as possible!"

"Understood!" Oobleck nodded, a dramatic gleam in his glasses, "Fasten your seatbelts, this is going to be-

"JUST DRIVE!"

Much to Ren's disappointment, there were very little recipes online that featured gravy and fruit snacks as ingredients. Burying his head in his hands, he wondered why Nora couldn't have left carrots and broth out of her snack instead. Closing his laptop, he felt his stomach growl and knew just how everybody else in the house felt right now.

"Hey Ren!"

Ren perked up at Nora's voice; not because he always did, but because she was at his room and not in the kitchen where she should be right now.

"Nora? What are you doing here? I told you to measure out that cup."

"Oh, that. Yup. I did that. Perfectly, I may add! Yup, I did that perfectly! You find a recipe yet?"

Ren recognized the tone in her voice. She wasn't telling him something. "No, unfortunately. Is there something else you want to say to me?"

"Something else? Oh no, no, no, no… Nope! Nothing at all."

If that didn't make it obvious to Ren that Nora was hiding something then nothing would.

"I see. Then why did you come up here?"

"I just missed ya, silly!" Nora waved him off, walking out of sight, "And yeah, um… Not that you should worry about or anything- Because why should you need to do that? - but you wouldn't happen to know where the fire extinguisher is at would ya?"

Any fears that Ren might have been having just came true at the sound of the smoke alarm going off downstairs.

"… Look under the sink. Bottom right drawer. Don't forget to pull the pin this time."

"Thanks Ren!"

Apparently law enforcement was lazy today, as not one cop car ended up chasing Ozpin, Qrow and Oobleck after their blatant hit and run. The trio had finally arrived at the grocery store, with the only casualty being Qrow's stomach. After he emptied his breakfast behind a bush, he and Ozpin left Bart with his car so they could go and shop. The driver agreed to meet them once Ozpin gave him the signal.

Qrow didn't know what said signal was supposed to be, but he figured it probably wasn't going to be subtle.

Needing two carts for the mountain of food and other assorted things the housemates needed, Qrow and Ozpin split up, tearing the list in half and picking up their respective items. It was Qrow's idea to do this, just so he could go sneak outside and over to the booze store just across the street for himself. He downed three bottles of whiskey in record time, and was still able to pick up his portion of the list before running into Ozpin who barely had a fourth of his own.

"Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me," Qrow slurred, hitting Ozpin's cart with his own, "Have you never been out shopping before?"

"Not in some time," Ozpin said, cocking his head as he tried to read Ren's handwriting, "Not to mention I know not what some of these things on the list are, or even find other ones."

"Did ya call the kid and ask him?"

"Yes, but Cinder answered the phone instead and told me to go fornicate myself, to put it lightly."

"Gimme that list," Qrow ripped the paper away from the confused Headmaster, "What things don't ya recognize?"

"The ones with a small red X by them."

Qrow counted 27 red marks; over half the list. Of course.

"Wait, you don't know what tampons are?"

"Why should I? I've never used them before."

He had a point. "Fine. Follow me and we'll get the rest of this damn list. And don't run off."

"I'm not a child, Mr. Branwen."

"I know. That's what makes it even worse."

It didn't take long for Qrow to find everything Ozpin hadn't; being in his natural drunken state made things go a bit easier, as it helped block out the Headmaster's voice. After a minor altercation involving a cucumber and another male shopper (that's probably best not to talk about), the two men found themselves at the checkout line. The cashier seemed none too excited to scan their mountain of groceries, and was even more annoyed by the smell of alcohol on Qrow's breath as he tried to flirt with her.

"So, you just doing this job part time?" he crooned, leaning on the side of the counter, "Must be hard for an angel like you to be outta Heaven so long."

"Qrow, please," Ozpin said, unwrapping a candy bar he definitely didn't plan on paying for, "Do not flirt with the young lady. She might not be of age."

"Would you both please stop what you're doing!" the cashier snapped, "Don't make me call my manager!"

"Fine," Qrow grumbled, rolling his eyes, "Rather not get in anymore trouble today anyways."

"So," the young lady said, scanning their last item, "Your total is $1,596.83. Will that be cash or credit?"

Qrow felt his wallet die in his pocket. He looked wide eyed at Ozpin, chocolate all over his mouth. "…What? It was coffee flavored."

"Did you even hear that number Oz?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well I sure as hell don't have enough for that!"

"Not to worry," Ozpin said, tossing a small lit firecracker to Qrow, "Throw this."

Branwen stared at the explosive in disbelief. "What the hell is this?!"

"You ask too many questions, Mr. Branwen."

Reaching into his pocket, Ozpin pulled out even more small firecrackers and smoke bombs, having lit the fuses when Qrow wasn't looking. He tossed them into the air and onto the counter before rushing past Qrow and pushing both carts toward the front door.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Qrow shouted, and with good reason:

This was goddamn robbery!

Not having much choice, Qrow sprinted after Ozpin who was already halfway across the parking lot. As the cashier called for security, Qrow heard Oobleck's obnoxious car horn calling for him and Ozpin. Apparently the sound of people screaming was 'the signal'. The hatch to Oobleck's trailer was wide open, and the perfect fit for two shopping carts. How convenient.

"Get in, lads!" Oobleck urged, honking his horn as Ozpin entered the trailer along with the carts, "Don't forget to buckle up!"

"Stop repeating yourself!" Qrow screamed as he dove into the tiny car right as it sped off from the store. It was only now that he realized just why Ozpin had chosen Oobleck for this job.

"Look at it this way," Jaune grinned optimistically, observing the damage to the kitchen with Ren and Nora, "At least the house didn't burn down."

"Thanks to you," Ren said, "It was a good thing you were nearby, or otherwise that flame would've spread much further than just the stove."

For once, Nora wasn't the most positive person in the room. She was staring to her side, eyes focused on the floor and unnaturally quiet. Her disappointment in herself hadn't passed by Ren, and he put his arm around her shoulder in comfort.

"It's not your fault, Nora," he said, "I'm glad you wanted to help me out so badly. It's just… Kitchens aren't built for people like you. You're not the delicate type."

"I know that," Nora sighed, "But I'm trying to be, you know? I just want to be more than just the taste tester."

Ren smiled, squeezing her towards him. "Then we'll work on that, one step at a time. Together. And I'll cook you something special once Ozpin comes back with our food. How's that sound?"

That subtle hug lifted Nora's spirits tenfold. Grinning ear to ear once again, she spanked her best bud on the behind. "Just amazing!"

"Not sure you should reward someone for starting a fire, but whatever," Jaune said to himself as he walked away. At least those firefighter skills he pretended to have as a child finally became useful. He couldn't imagine anyone having as crazy a day as he had already had…

"Finally," Cinder stretched her arms up high, soothing her aching muscles as she sat delicately down on the couch, "That ape put down the remote for once."

Flipping through the channels until she found her stories, Cinder smirked as the opening credits to 'All My Faunus' began to play. Her happiness wouldn't last very long, as a knock at the door interrupted her solace before it could even begin. Groaning, she stood back up to see who could possibly want to bother her now.

"Oh, it's just you," Cinder sneered at a panting Qrow, two full grocery carts at his side, "Ren mentioned you would be here. Is that everything?"

"Yeah..." Qrow coughed, wiping his sweaty forehead, "That's… That's all of it."

"Did you run all the way there and back or something?" Fall asked, pulling the food inside.

"Don't you even start… I've been through a whole lot today, so-

*SLAM!*

And with that, their conversation ended. "…Not even a thank you?!"

Stumbling away from the house and into the woods, Qrow barely had enough strength to open the van door and fall inside. Ozpin was back in his seat, laptop in front of him. "Oobleck just contacted me. He successfully ditched his car and is currently on his way back to Beacon, so he is in the clear."

"I don't give a shit about him," Qrow cursed, "What about us?! We robbed a goddamn store in broad daylight!"

Not to worry," Ozpin said, "Ironwood has it covered. He said he'll find a way to drop any charges."

"…James? You're lying."

"I am not. He said we will know why very shortly."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"I will be honest, I did pee myself a little."

"And I didn't need to know that," Qrow grunted as he sat down on a box, "So, what now?"

"I do not know about you, but I plan on finding out if Lilac discovers the affair this episode."

Shaking his head, Qrow reached into his pocket for his flask, filled with just enough leftover whiskey to put him to sleep. "Be my fucking guest."