Chapter 13 - Be Your Own Hero (Part 1)
As every day, Lena had spent most of her time locked in her office with a minimum of social interactions, privileging only what was necessary and saving her energy for the thoughts that had submerged her mind, and overwhelmed her heart since the last time she saw her mother.
Her mother who had come to check up on her, asking her how she was doing, as if they were having mother-daughter lunches on a regular basis. Which made Lena feel even more suspicious than she had ever been about her mother's intentions.
Lillian Luthor had never shown the slightest interest in Lena's well-being for the last twenty years, and no matter how hard she tried to understand, Lena couldn't get why she suddenly cared about her.
She's up so something, that was the only reason Lena could find. She's up to something terrible, and she needs my help to achieve it. She's going to hurt Kara and everyone else I care about if I don't comply to what she wants.
Lena pressed a hand to her heart, thinking about Kara was causing a terrible ache to tighten her chest. She had been avoiding to see Kara since the day her mother had come to crash the life she had barely started building in National City. She hadn't answered any of Kara's texts either, and nothing made Lena feel more guilty than ghosting Kara.
Kara could probably sense that something was off between them, because she was starting to text her less, and hadn't visited her at her office since the last time they saw each other.
Lena had come to National City mainly to repair their relationship, but instead, Lena realized that she was screwing it up again.
Again, she was pushing Kara away without giving her any explanations. That didn't only make her feel guilty, it also made her feel angry at herself.
She closed her eyes, chasing away the tears that were about to spill out.
Her phone rang on the desk.
With a shaky hand, she took it, and checked who was calling her, feeling a bit better when she saw her best friend's name appearing on the screen.
She picked up, and didn't get the time to say anything before hearing Andrea's voice on the other side of the line.
"So, did you win your girl back yet?"
Lena smiled slightly at the lively tone of her best friend. She shook slightly her head, although Andrea couldn't see her.
"No, I... no." She sighed.
"You haven't talked to her yet, right?"
"I did talk to her. Lot of times actually." Lena said, her heart fluttering from thinking about all the moments she had already shared with Kara since she had moved to National City.
She heard Andrea sighing slightly through the phone. "I meant, you didn't tell her why you broke up with her really. You didn't tell her that you still love her, and want to have a second chance."
Lena swallowed thickly. "How am I supposed to tell her that?"
"Tell her things like they are, that's all."
"I can't do that now." Lena said, sounding defeatist.
"Why?"
Lena began gripping at the edge of her desk with one hand, grateful she didn't have a super-strength that could smash it. "I just can't."
A silence followed those words until Andrea spoke, "Have you heard from Lex recently?"
Lena felt her chest tighten at the mention of her brother. "Not since I helped to put him in jail."
Another silence followed, and Lena could guess with the sound of Andrea's breathing that she was probably searching the reason Lena felt so downcast.
"My mother came to see me." Lena wasn't sure what she said that, but somehow, saying it aloud removed some of the weight out of her heart.
"What did she want?"
"She wanted to see how I was doing since I moved here."
A lingering silence passed.
"Don't do that, Lena." Andrea's voice came out as a gentle warning.
Lena swallowed thickly, knowing what her best friend meant.
Andrea continued, "Don't let your family destroy you and tearing your life apart. Not again."
"I don't wanna put Kara in danger," Lena said shakily.
"So, you rather throw your happiness away, throw her happiness away?"
"You don't know everything." Like, you don't know Kara is actually Supergirl.
"I know. There's probably something bigger going on there that I could never understand. But there's one thing I know for sure... You deserve to be happy, Lena. You deserve to be loved. Even if you can't believe it."
Lena shuddered, slight tears making their way out of her eyes. She sniffled.
"I'm sorry to make you cry."
"It's okay." Lena swept her tears away with the back of her hand. "I gotta get going though." Because I don't want to crumble over the phone, not even with my best friend.
"Okay. Think about what I said, please."
"I will." Lena promised. "Thank you for calling." She hung up the phone and put it down on the desk.
A headache made its way to Lena's head, she began rubbing her forehead and her temples as if that could make it go away.
She took a deep breath and got up from her seat to step onto the balcony.
Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Supergirl flying in National City night sky.
She swallowed thickly and began staring at Kara, awestruck as every time she saw her.
Kara stopped flying, and started floating. She spun around to look to the direction of Lena's office.
From a distance, their eyes met, and Lena's heart swelled with love until she noticed a glimmer of sadness into Kara's blue eyes.
The same sadness she had seen into Kara's eyes the first time their gazes had met when Kara had saved her from Corben.
Andrea's right. I have to fix this. Lena began thinking, even though she still struggled to believe that she deserved to be loved and happy. She was certain of one thing, no one deserved to be loved and happy more than Kara did. More than that, Kara deserved her entire honesty. Kara deserved the truth.
Before she got the time to do anything to tell Kara how sorry she was for ghosting her these last days, Kara flew away from her and disappeared from her view faster than Lena's brain could even comprehend.
Kara landed onto the DEO balcony, her heart heavy from having seen Lena on her way here. Since the last time she talked to Lena in her office, Kara couldn't stop wondering what did she do that had made Lena pull away from her, just barely after they had started becoming close again. Added to that, she had just discovered that Lena's mother was the leader of Cadmus. Which made her wonder what Lena knew about that.
Her brow furrowed as she strolled on the floor with a million thoughts racing into her agitated mind.
As if on cue, Alex stepped to her. "Did you talk to Lena?"
Kara looked up at her sister. "Not yet. I don't think she wants to talk to me anyway."
"Something's happened between you two?" Alex asked, genuinely concerned.
"I don't know." Kara replied with a sigh escaping her lips. "I thought we were getting somewhere. She seemed to want the same thing I do, but she's ignoring me since the day her mother interrupted us in her office. I stopped sending her texts since Lillian kidnapped Mon-El and me. I didn't want to keep bothering her."
Alex stayed silent for a couple of seconds.
"We need to know what Lena knows about Cadmus." Alex said after a while.
Kara began fidgeting nervously with the edge of her cape.
"And we need to know why did Lillian Luthor take your blood." Alex reminded her.
"I know," Kara sighed.
"Could you talk to her, or should we send someone else?"
Kara frowned. "You're not seriously suggesting that Lena is working with her mother to wipe out aliens from Earth?"
"No, I'm not suggesting that. But Lena is smart, and she may know something we don't."
"Fair point. I will talk to her tomorrow."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," Kara nodded. "For now, I need to go punch something, so I'll be in the training room if you need me."
"Kara..."
"I'm fine," Kara tried to dismiss her sister's worries and began stepping away from her.
At CatCo, Kara was sitting at the desk she had managed to get since Snapper seemed to like her a little more, or at least, started to dislike her a little less. Since her article about Lena had been published actually. Article that Kara had read a couple of times ever since Alex told her that everything she wrote in it made her feelings for Lena obvious to anyone who would read it.
She knew she had to talk to Lena soon, like today, she had promised Alex she would do it. But the idea of facing Lena again caused a weird anxiety to settle in the pit of her stomach. She began digging her pen into her palm, until she remembered how she snapped her pen in half in Lena's office the day she interviewed her. She looked down at the pen she was holding, which was the one Lena gave her after that said interview. She put it down, and moved to the keyboards, doing her best to focus on the article she was supposed to write.
Her super-hearing picked up the sound of her phone buzzing. She looked down at her desk, papers were scattered everywhere, and her phone was nowhere to be seen. She looked up, and glanced around the room. There were too many people for her to use her x-ray vision. So, like a frustrated human being, Kara sighed as she lifted paper after paper to finally find the buzzing phone.
Her heart skipped at least three beats when she saw the name of the person calling her.
Lena Luthor
Kara swallowed thickly, and began gazing at the still buzzing phone in her hand, trying to make sure she wasn't dreaming.
As she was about to finally pick it up, the buzzing stopped, and the notification informing her that she had a missed call appeared on the screen.
"Shit!" Kara almost growled.
Every eye in the room turned on her. Kara Danvers wasn't known to swear. Which made some people frown at her with a very confused expression on their faces.
"Sorry," she apologized. "I have to..." She trailed off, and rose from her chair, almost stumbling on her own feet on her way out.
Resisting her urge to use her super-speed, Kara headed to the rooftop. She wasn't sure why, but being up there always calmed her down when she was nervous.
She sat down, and gazed at the notification on her phone. She took a deep breath, and called Lena back.
She exhaled, and pressed the phone to her ear.
Quicker than she would have thought, Lena picked up the phone, and Kara could hear Lena's fast breathing through it.
Lena stayed silent, and Kara really wasn't sure what to say.
"I'm sorry for not picking up earlier. I was in a meeting and... anyway." Kara said, not wanting to dig herself into a lie.
"Oh, I hope I'm not disturbing you." Kara could hear Lena's unsure tone.
"No, not at all. I'm glad to hear your voice. I missed you these last days." Kara closed her eyes for one second, frustrated at her tendency to blurt out things she maybe should keep for herself if she didn't want to scare Lena with her feelings.
"I'm sorry," Lena's voice came out quietly. "For not answering your texts, I've been super busy, and I... anyway." she said the same way Kara did earlier. Which made her understand Lena was probably holding something back from her. She didn't want to push her though.
"It's okay," Kara reassured her with a smile even though she knew Lena couldn't see her over the phone.
A silence passed, but it didn't feel uncomfortable. It even felt peaceful.
Kara focused on the sounds of Lena's breathing and her heartbeat. She also heard birds chirping, and a dog barking.
Kara heard Lena's heart quicken, which began to make her worry. She was about to ask her if everything was okay when Lena's voice came out from the other line of the phone.
"I was wondering if you were free for lunch?"
Kara could feel her eyes widening at the question when she understood what Lena was probably about to ask her. Her heart sped up, and she was grateful Lena couldn't hear it.
Lena's heart quickened even faster than previously, probably due to the lack of verbal reaction from Kara.
"I mean, I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch... with me, at L-Corp." Lena continued. "Or elsewhere, if you rather like."
"I... um... I'd love to." Kara said, her voice making obvious that it wasn't how she thought her day would have gone.
Kara smiled when she heard Lena's heart calming down. She could also almost hear Lena smile at her positive answer, which widened her own.
"I'd join you at L-Corp with some take-out." Kara smiled, her anxiety about facing Lena again suddenly gone from her stomach.
"Thank you." Lena said, genuinely thankful.
At L-Corp, Lena was standing on the balcony, waiting for Kara to arrive for lunch. A lunch that seemed to feel like a date. Which led her to feel nervous. Even more so, because she knew she owed Kara the explanations she robbed her from years ago. She just hoped it wouldn't mess things up between them.
"Knock, knock." She heard the smile through Kara's voice.
Lena tuned around to see Kara walking into her office with a beaming smile, and some bags containing their lunch in her hands.
Lena smiled back as she stepped inside her office, and got closer to Kara.
"Thank you for inviting me," Kara beamed.
"Well, you're the one who brought lunch." Lena smiled, waving at Kara to follow her on the couch.
They sat down close to each other and began making small talks while they ate their lunch.
Once she was done eating, and there was nothing else to calm down her nerves, Kara started fidgeting with her glasses.
Which made Lena easily guess that something was troubling Kara. That also made her realize that it wasn't the best moment to tell her what she had to.
"You all right?" Lena asked.
"I, uh, yes. I just... There's something I need to ask you. I'm not sure how you're gonna take it, or if you'll even believe me, but..." She trailed off, and looked down.
Softy, Lena put a hand to Kara's knee, hoping to soothe her. "Kara, whatever it is, you can tell me. I will always believe you."
Kara smiled slightly, but knowing that what she was about to say could possibly shatter Lena's life, she stayed silent for a couple of seconds.
Lena waited patiently for Kara to speak, and began stroking very lightly her knee.
Kara breathed out, and looked up. "Did you know your mother was the head of Cadmus?"
Lena took her hand off Kara's knee. She looked down.
Kara swallowed thickly, and heard Lena's heart and breathing quicken.
"I'm sorry, Lena." Kara said sincerely.
Lena looked at Kara. "Are you sure of what you're saying?"
"Yes. She kidnapped me with Mon-El the other day."
"What did she do to you?"
"She only took Mon-El as a way to get through me. She made me solar flare, and took a sample of my blood. We managed to escape after that."
Lena sighed, and rubbed her forehead. "It's even worse than I thought." She squeezed her eyes shut. She opened her eyes, and sighed again. "I know she was up to something. But I didn't imagine it could be something so horrible."
"I'm sorry," Kara repeated.
"I'm the one who's sorry, Kara." Lena said, fighting back her tears.
Kara's brow furrowed. "For what?"
Lena swallowed thickly. "No matter how hard I try to protect you, my crazy family always finds a way to attack you."
"That's not your fault." Kara said, wanting to erase all the illegitimate guilt into Lena's heart. She frowned. "Besides, your mother is the only one who came after me."
Lena chewed slightly at her lips until she breathed out exhausted. "Because I've been able to stop my brother from doing so."
Kara frowned deeper. "What are you talking about?"
Lena took a deep breath. "There are certain things that you don't know about the real reasons that made me break up with you."
A phone rang on the coffee table, it took long seconds for Kara to realize that it was hers, and she only did it after Lena told her to pick up.
"Alex." Kara said, hearing her sister's voice that seemed panicked.
Kara's brow furrowed as she listened her sister.
Lena nibbled her lips, wondering if she could ever get the ideal time to open up to Kara without being interrupted by anyone.
"I'm coming right away." Kara said and hung up her phone. She got up from the couch. "I'm sorry. There's an emergency at the DEO. I gotta go."
Lena rose from the couch, about to ask Kara to meet her up later, but Kara spoke first.
"Can we continue this conversation later?"
"I would like nothing more." Lena said, for the first time not terrified about finally telling Kara the truth. "Text me when you got some time."
Kara nodded and smiled slightly at her before making her way out of the office.
Lena watched Kara leave, and sighed when the doors closed behind her, letting her alone in her office.
She strode to the desk, and sat down on her seat, trying to get some work done as she waited for Kara to text her.
It was late in the night when Lena got a text from Kara asking her to meet her up at her place. Somehow, she felt relieved to have that needed talk at Kara's place that made her feel safe and warm just like Kara did.
From L-Corp, she made her way to Kara's loft.
This time, she didn't stand in front of the building for long minutes. Instead, she stepped inside, and headed upstairs without hesitation.
Her fist was raised in the air, about to knock when the door creaked open before her hand got the time to make contact with the surface.
A surprised expression made its way on her face.
Kara smiled, "Sorry, I didn't want to startle you. It's just... I heard you, and... anyway." She opened the door wider. "Come on in."
Lena stepped into Kara's loft, taking in the safety this place was giving her.
"How're you doing?" Kara asked.
"We saw each other for lunch today, Kara." Lena let out a chuckle.
"Right." She strolled to the kitchen island. "Do you want something to drink? I got your favorite wine."
"That's very kind of you. But I rather keep my mind clear." Lena said. She cleared her throat. "How did your emergency at the DEO go?"
Kara was about to fidget with her glasses, and sighed when she realized they weren't there. She ran a hand through her hair instead, and looked down.
"Does it have anything to do with my mother?" Lena asked, somehow already knowing the answer.
Kara looked up with an apologetic look. "Cadmus stole a virus from the fortress of solitude. That's why they needed my blood."
Lena sat down on the couch, trying to process the information. "What kind of virus?"
Kara sat beside her. "A virus that kills every alien except Kryptonians. Mon-El has been infected."
"Is he…"
"He's still alive. Kryptonians and Daxamites share similar DNA. He will die if Alex and Eliza can't find a cure, and Cadmus is probably planning on unleashing it over National City, and I have no idea how to stop them, I'm... I don't do know what do to."
"This is not your fault, Kara." Lena said.
Kara sighed, "In a way, it is."
"What do you mean?"
Kara swallowed thickly. "My birth father is the one who created the virus."
"I'm sorry." Lena put a hand to Kara's knee.
Kara choked back her tears. "That makes me understand what you must feel like about your family. I feel responsible for what happens even though I know that it's not my fault."
Lena removed her hand from Kara's knee, and clasped both of her hands together instead. She looked away from Kara and began staring at the wall in front of her. "At least you're not pushing away everyone who matters to you."
"So, it's because of your family that you broke up with me?" Kara asked.
Lena nibbled her lips, and nodded, still not looking at Kara.
"I thought I was doing the right thing to protect you. Maybe it was. But perhaps, I could've... We could have found another way that wouldn't have broken both of our hearts." She swallowed thickly. "If I had talked to you instead of running away to fix things by my own, maybe things would be different today."
A long silence passed, Kara looked at the light of National City from behind the windows of her loft as she pondered Lena's words. She spun her head to look at Lena who seemed about to crumble.
Ever so softly, she took one of Lena's hands in hers and held her with all the love she felt. "What happened?"
Lena entwined her fingers with Kara's, feeling that having Kara's hand in hers was the only thing that saved her from breaking in tears. She took the deepest of breath and turned her head to look at Kara.
"Lex came to see me the day we had our last date. He knew what was happening between us. He knew the truth about you. He found a way to use all these informations to his advantages, to get me to do what he wanted. At least that's what he thought."
"What did he want you to do?"
"He wanted me to help him take down Superman. He told me that I was smarter than him. That I was the only one who could do this. Obviously I refused. But then, he told me he would kill Alex and Eliza if I didn't. He even threatened to come after Andrea. I was so scared for everyone, for the whole world itself that I knew I had to find a way to stop him."
Kara furrowed her brow, slightly confused. "But my cousin is the one who stopped him."
Lena stayed silent, and looked down.
"Did you help him to put Lex in jail?" Kara asked.
Lena looked up at Kara. "When I got back to Metropolis. I made Lex think I was on his side. Not too much though, because I didn't want him to become suspicious of my true intentions. But in secret, I teamed up with Clark. No one knew about that. I still don't know why Clark chose to trust me when I came to him. But we have spent years working together. Lex was totally clueless, and he still doesn't know my involvement in this. At least, I don't think so. No one knows. Except for Clark, and now, you."
Kara stayed silent. She exhaled. "Now, the way Clark acted with you while he was here makes sense."
"What do you mean?"
"He trusts you as much as I do. He kind of gave me the feeling that you were friends."
"I wouldn't go that far. I don't do well with friendships. But I'd say there is a mutual respect between us."
"Why no one else know about that?"
"I asked him to keep my involvement secret. It's better this way." Lena shrugged.
Kara's brow furrowed. "Why? You deserve to be seen as the hero you are, Lena."
"I'm not a hero. I didn't do what I did to be seen this way. I did it because that was the right thing."
Stunned by the revelations she just learned, Kara looked down and tried to wrap her mind around everything Lena told her.
"Are you mad at me?" Lena's voice withdrew Kara from her thoughts.
Kara looked up. "For saving my family? How could I be mad?"
"Kara, I didn't..."
"Yes, Lena, that's what you did. You broke my heart while doing it, but no, I'm not mad. I just don't understand why you couldn't tell me the truth back then."
"Honestly, I didn't think you would let me do what I had planned. Not without helping me, and putting yourself in danger, which was exactly what I wanted to avoid."
"I... yes, I probably would have felt the need to be part of your plan. I would have felt the need to protect you. "
"It was my mess. I had to fix it on my own." Lena exhaled, feeling that she could finally breathe properly. "You're not the only one I pushed away to do that. I even shut Andrea out of my life for a while. She forgave me when I explained her what got me to do that. What I could explain, without revealing too much at least."
"Does she know I'm Supergirl?"
"No. I would never betray your secret, Kara. Not even to someone close to me."
"I know." Kara smiled, stroking her thumb over the back of Lena's hand without even realizing it.
Lena looked down at her hand holding Kara's. Which increased the hope they could become as close as they used to be. Even closer, now that there weren't any secrets between them anymore. Well, except the one Lena still struggled to process. She swallowed thickly when it came back crashing in her mind.
"Is there something else?" Kara asked softly.
Lena closed her eyes and breathed out. "I'm a Luthor." She opened her eyes, and met Kara's confused stare.
"I mean, Lionel was my birth father. Lex is the one who broke the news to me the same day he came to ruin the happiest time of my life. I wasn't sure if I should believe him at first, but I tested my DNA as soon as I got back. I haven't been able to deny the truth any longer once I got the result." She paused, and sighed. "That's also why I broke up with you, somehow."
Kara looked at her even more confused than before.
Lena chose to explain, "Knowing I was a Luthor by blood made me feel that I wasn't worthy of your love. It also got me scared that I could turn like them. I'm still scared of that sometimes."
"Lena, you don't have to be afraid. Not about turning like the rest of your family at least. You're not like them." Kara said, gazing deeply at Lena.
"How do you know?" Lena asked, her voice dripping of vulnerability. "Lex wasn't bad at first either. He was literally my role model when we were kid. I wanted to become like him. But then, he started changing, and after I failed into bringing him back to the person he used to be, I swore to myself that I would never turn like him. But I can't know that for sure. I could lose myself."
"You wanna know why I'm sure you will never be like Lex?"
Lena nodded, feeling tears well up in her eyes.
Kara smiled. "Because I know you. You are the most incredible person I have ever met. I told you that already, but you are a brilliant kind-hearted beautiful soul. You're good, and that will never change. I believe in you, Lena Luthor. I know that me stating all these facts won't erase your fear of turning like Lex. But, I can promise you that I will never let that happen. If you ever lose yourself, I will be there to bring you back. I promise you that, I will always be there to remind you who you truly are. I will always fight for you, and I will always believe in you."
Tears spilled out freely from Lena's eyes as Kara spoke, and her fears melted away under the softness of the words she heard being told with so much determination that she had no choices but believe in them.
Kara put a hand to Lena's cheek and wiped her tears away with a gentleness that made Lena feel how much Kara still loved her.
Kara smiled and switched to Lena's other cheek, drying the tears that had made their way out.
Lena gave Kara a tearful smile and gazed at her with all the love she felt.
Kara smiled and caressed Lena's cheek for a couple of seconds. Wanting to be closer to Lena, she began leaning in.
Lena pressed her cheek deeper into Kara's palm and started leaning in as well.
Softly, they rested their foreheads together and closed their eyes for long minutes.
Kara began leaning in more, her nose caressing Lena's.
Their lips were so close they could almost taste each other already.
A phone rang, they both froze at the sound, and pulled away from each other with a blush coloring their faces.
Lena realized it was her phone that had disrupted them, she took it out of her purse and fought her desire to smash it.
Worries settled within her when she saw it was her assistant calling her. She picked up.
"Jess, is everything all right?"
Kara watched Lena's expression changing from annoyed, to stressed out, to terrified in a matter of seconds.
"Are you okay?" Lena asked with an obvious panic in her voice.
She sighed in relief at the answer she got.
"I'm on my way." Lena said. "Go home, and stay safe." She hung up her phone.
"Lena?"
"There's been an attack at L-Corp." Lena said before Kara got the time to even ask what was wrong.
"Do you think it has something to do with Cadmus?"
"I wouldn't be surprised. I have to go." Lena rose from the couch, and began heading to the door.
Kara got to her feet as well. "Let me come with you."
"Kara, I'm not sure that's... I need you to be safe."
"I don't think I will ever be truly safe. But I get what you mean. You want to protect me. I want to protect you. How about we protect each other?"
Lena gave Kara a smile. "Let's go."
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Kara had to fight against a beaming smile to take over her face. But her lips still curled in a smile as they made their way outside.