Day 20/30

When Qrow and Ozpin devised the idea to keep Glynda in their van as a sick form of punishment, they hadn't taken into account the very important fact that she was – surprise, surprise – a woman. That became a problem very quickly, as she very much objected to the two men being around when she had to use the restroom. Being slightly crippled also made the whole process difficult when it came to standing and moving with only a crutch made of wooden sticks and branches.

"You done yet?" Qrow knocked on the RV door, impatiently tapping his foot. He jumped back when Glynda tossed something at the door as a warning shot. "Jeesh… Don't gottta be rude about it."

"Please, Mr. Branwen," Ozpin said, "Chivalry is not completely dead these days. Let us show her some respect and allow her to defecate in peace."

"Show her some respect? You talk about that when we basically kidnapped her, Oz."

"Kidnapped is such a strong word. I consider this borrowing."

"So she's an object now?"

"…Are you almost finished in there, Miss Goodwitch?"

Qrow was knocked to the ground when Glynda threw the door open, glaring down at the two men. "Yes. It's safe for you two imbeciles to come back in."

"Thank you," Ozpin nodded as he brushed past her and sat before his laptop to resume his stories. Rubbing the back of his head, Qrow grunted at Glynda as he took a seat on the floor.

"I'm not sure I approve of this date Adam Taurus will be going on today," Glynda commented as she reclined back in her chair, "He is a dangerous individual that should not make contact with outsiders like this."

"I have a feeling things will go quite smoothly today," Oz said, quickly being absorbed by the picture on his screen, "And besides, he has not actually killed anyone in the house yet."

"Yeah, but he tried to before," Qrow added, recalling his and Winter's duel with the Faunus, "I gotta agree with Glynda on this one. He's an unpredictable son of a bitch."

"Would you like to go and interfere then? You had your scythe delivered here after that incident just for this sort of occasion, did you not?"

"Hey, don't think I won't. Last thing I want is that jackass tryin' to stab some girl with a butter knife. If it looks like it's gonna get bad at any time, I'll put a stop to it."

"I'd have put a stop to this whole things days ago if not for you two…" Glynda muttered, folding her arms in a huff. Her eyes floated over to Ozpin's laptop after hearing a familiar opening theme. "Is that 'All My Faunus'?"

"Why, Glynda. I did not know you were a fan of this program."

"I've watched it occasionally," Glynda confessed, feeling shame in admitting that she watched such a low-brow program, "I have seen up to the third season. My duties at Beacon overshadow most of my free time."

"Only season three? Then I feel now would be an excellent time for you to start binge watching. Ten days should be more than enough time to catch up to the current season."

"How many are there?"

"Fifteen, plus three two hour long specials," Ozpin placed his laptop by Glynda's seat, "Would you care to join us, Qrow?"

"You know, I'd just love to," Branwen said sarcastically, "But I think I'd rather kill myself than watch that melodrama."

"Very well. Let's begin, Glynda."

As the first of hundreds of episodes began, Qrow looked at the pile of empty mouthwash bottles he had gotten from Roman in the trash. Maybe if he believed hard enough, they'd magically refill on their own and save him a trip back to the house.

But maybe that wouldn't be too bad an idea, actually. He could even go and crash Adam's date for the hell of it. That sounded kind of fun…

"So, how does he look?"

Jaune and Pyrrha were unsure of how to react to the way Mercury had dressed Adam, if that was even the person they were looking at right now. Clad in a plaid jacket and blue jeans, it was hard to guess he was the leader of a terrorist militia group (aside from his mask, of course). For once, the Faunus looked like a relatively approachable person aside from the obscene amount of cologne that stunk the air around him.

"Surprisingly well, I must say," Pyrrha replied, coughing as a waft of musk drifted up her nose.

"What's up with the mountain of stench though?" Jaune asked with a plugged nose, "Smells like hot tar on a sunny day."

"Black suggested I spray myself with this bottle," the Faunus dug into his pocket and pulled out a small black vial, "I believe it is called Oedipus' Lust. He said the smell would make any woman want to bend over backwards for me when nobody is looking."

"And I mean any woman," Merc winked at Jaune, gesturing to Pyrrha with his thumb, "If you ever need any help with her, just come to me and I'll let you borrow a squirt. It works 100% of the time 60% of the time."

Pyrrha scooted Jaune behind her to defend his innocence from being tainted. "Our relationship is going just fine, thank you very much. Also, those odds don't make an ounce of sense."

"Never tell me the odds. Now, do you remember what we talked about, Adam? You goin' to follow my advice and not screw this up?"

Adam nodded. "I will claim this woman as my own. I swear upon it."

"Then get going, you devilish son of a bitch! It's nearly five o'clock! Go down there and get ready to greet her at the door!"

"I'd rather you not yell at me-

"Go out and bang that girl!"

After literally shoving Adam out the door, Mercury breathed a sigh of satisfaction. "There goes a 4-Star Man in the making…"

"Don't you mean a 5-Star man?" Jaune asked.

"Don't be stupid. There's only room enough for one of those on this planet."

Adam tugged at the infuriating collar of his shirt the moment he was out of Mercury's sight. He had objected to wearing this garment over and over, yet the assassin refused to take no for an answer. Perhaps he could stand at the door shirtless instead; it would surely be more comfortable than this-

"Hey, boss."

The sound of that voice stopped Adam in his tracks. Groaning, he didn't even turn around to face the Lieutenant behind him. "What do you want?"

"You look… great, sir."

"Why are you calling me sir? I stripped you of your rank, remember? Or are you too idiotic to recall that?"

"Sorry, sorry… But anyways, I just came to say something to you, that's all."

"Then make it quick," Adam folded his arms, noticing the hand of the clock on the wall growing ever closer to the 5, "Miltia shall be arriving soon."

The big guy opened his mouth to reply, but no words came from it. His throat had become suddenly dry; the hallway also felt like it had become much hotter in the span of a few seconds. Fumbling to pull out the letter stuffed into the pocket over his heart, he held it in his hand for only a moment before Adam snapped at him.

"Well? What is it?"

"I… I just wanted to say good luck. I hope it goes well for you."

"Hmph. I didn't expect you to have such a turn of heart this quickly. Very well then. I'll accept your thanks, though don't think for a second this changes anything between us. Understood?"

"…Understood," the Lieutenant answered quietly, still gripping the letter as Adam descended the staircase. Hanging his head low, he trudged back into his room but stopped at the doorway when he saw Jaune, Pyrrha, and Mercury exit their room down the hall, the latter rushing downstairs to catch a glimpse of the arriving ladies. Seeing an opportunity, he decided to let Adam find his words on his own by hiding them in his belongings like he had originally intended. Before he could make it halfway there, however, he literally bumped into someone else.

"Sorry about that, Penny," he apologized, helping the ginger-haired girl to her feet, "Didn't see you coming."

"That is okay," Penny smiled, dusting off her dress, "Besides, I was hoping to run into you! But not in the literal sense, just so you know."

"Really? You need help with something?"

"I just had a question for you, actually. I had asked your friend Adam about why I considered him a friend, but his answer was quite confusing. Perhaps you could tell me what it is you find respectable about him, seeing as how close you two are."

The big guy wasn't sure if this was convenient dumb luck, or a gift from the gods above. Probably the latter, but he didn't care. Smiling under his mask for the first time since yesterday, he beckoned for Penny to follow him to Adam's room.

"That is something I could talk to you for hours about, Penny… But I'll do my best to keep it under five minutes."

"So, like, how hot is this guy Miltia?" Melanie questioned her twin as Junior pulled their limo into the driveway.

"Like, ten out of ten, of course," Miltia said, spraying herself with a spritz of perfume before opening the door, "Would I ever go any lower than an eight?"

"Well, there was Opal," Melanie shut her door, waving at Junior as he backed up the car, "He was, like, such a loser."

Miltia shrugged. "He had a nice car."

"But his hair was, like, a four Miltia. Just like this guy's."

"Bleh," Miltia scoffed at her twin, "You know red is my favorite color. So, like, stop with the attitude and be a good sister Melanie."

"Like, whatever…" Melanie rolled her eyes as her sister knocked on the door. A few seconds later, they were hit by a wave of cologne.

"Hello, Miltia," Adam greeted, taking one knee and grasping his date's hand, "It is a pleasure to meet you in person."

Before either Malachite sister could react, Mercury slid in behind Taurus. "And if anything goes wrong, then I'm here to take his place. And I must say, you two are lookin' fuckin' hot today."

Miltia and Melanie gave each other a knowing look: this date was definitely going to be interesting, for better or for worse.