Hey everyone! I've had a pretty rough two weeks. Got into a really bad car accident. I'm doing much better now, but it's still an uphill battle. I just wanted to let you guys know how much your reviews, favs, and follows have meant to me. It's so cool to see how many people like my story, even when I don't think it's very good! Your feedback really boosts my confidence and is the reason I keep on writing. Also please feel free to be impressed that I got this up on time despite a near death experience. Love you guys!
I have managed to spend the past few weeks avoiding Theo, and Norbert has been sent to Romania safe and sound with Charley. I know I'm being childish, avoiding a twelve year old boy because he hurt my feelings, but despite my resolution to stop being friends with him...I don't want to. He might not be the loud and rowdy type, but I had fun with him and leaving him to the snake pit feels... wrong.
I don't know what's right anymore.
I know I tend to overcomplicate things, my nervous tendencies and overthinking make me prey to others who don't think their actions through nearly as much as I do, but I thought that I at least had a good moral compass- I didn't think I could make that complicated. And yet, here I am. Morally, it should be obvious that ignoring everyone else is the right thing to do; if I fraternize with them, I could accidentally kill them. My needs shouldn't come before other people's lives. But don't I deserve a good life too? And what if I can meddle, just a little, to make people's lives better?
This is why my moral compass is all wrong. And this is why one person shouldn't have all the world's knowledge to deal with! (Alright that one was a little overdramatic, even for my standards, I'll admit).
Today is the day I'm going to talk to Theo again. I've been arguing with myself like this back and forth and haven't come to a conclusion yet, but my potions grades are really starting to suffer, so I either need to start tutoring with him again or find someone else because I don't think I can get through the year alone.
To avoid detection from Draco, I decide to write Theo a note and send it via Tally. I watch from across The Great Hall as Theo opens it and looks up at me. Our eyes lock for just a moment, his expression unreadable as he swiftly gives a single nod before looking away. If anyone had seen the gesture, they never would have guessed that he meant to look at me. Sometimes, I wish I had grown up in a family like Theo's just so I could get a hold of those Slytherin super powers!
We meet just after breakfast, breaking our usual traditions to avoid being followed. We've only got a little bit of time before class, so I told Theo to meet me in an unused classroom not far from our classes. I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but as soon as I see Theo I freeze up.
"Umm, hi," is all I can awkwardly manage. Theo raises a brow at me.
"Hi?"
"It's been a while," I point out stupidly. I can barely look at him.
"You've been avoiding me." He cuts right to the chase and I flinch.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry." I jerk my head up to look at him in shock. I certainly didn't expect that. "Why do you look so surprised?"
"I...I mean...I just assumed-"
"That I wouldn't be sorry?" Theo begins to look affronted.
"No, I just-"
"Thought I wasn't your friend?"
"Quit finishing my sentences for me!" Theo quirks a brow again, but says nothing. "Are you...my friend?"
"Wow. And here I thought what I said was mean."
"I didn't mean to be mean, I just thought-"
"That I was spending time with you for your secret?" Theo finishes my thought yet again.
"I mean, you did say that was the reason the day we met." I pause. "Not that I know what secret you're talking about."
"Do you want to know?" Theo asks suddenly.
"Wait, why does it sound like I'm the one learning a secret instead of vice versa?" Theo laughs and I giggle along with him. Hearing him laugh, the situation doesn't seem as stressful anymore.
"Honestly...I wanted to know why no one else was friends with you. I thought maybe you were hiding something and that was why you were avoiding everyone else. I did think you had some big secret, but now that we're friends I don't think that's true."
"Well since you've put so much work in to finding out the truth, do you want to hear it?" I grin. He rolls his eyes.
"Why do I have the feeling you're going to make something up?"
"I'm not! I swear! The reason I don't have any friends is because I prefer upperclassmen." I wink and Theo blushes.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I laugh harder than I have in a long time and I finally come to my conclusion: morals be damned, I'm not going to leave Theo alone.
…
With Theo by my side once again, the year heads to its close at breakneck speed. Theo tries to convince me that we don't have to hide our friendship ("I can just take the fallout- it's not a big deal.") but I refuse to let him suffer on my account. That, and I can't run the risk of what changes will happen if he's on the outs with his classmates.
It may seem a bit over the top that Theo will be ostracized by his house just for being friends with a Ravenclaw, after all, that sort of thing happened in the books all the time. There are a few issues here that make this friendship an issue: I'm not a pureblood, Draco hates me, and Theo is tutoring me, not just hanging out with me. All together, these aspects make our friendship a taboo for a pureblood Slytherin like Theo. Malfoy senior is still in good standing in the wizarding community, for the most part, making Draco somewhat of a head honcho for his year, so Theo, being not as aggressive, has to play by Draco's rules. This is why I could never be a Slytherin- too much bureaucratic bullshit.
Anyway, with the year finishing up, I make sure to stay far away from the third floor of the castle, and patiently wait for Professor Quirrell to finally go die. His class has not gotten any less tense for me, despite the fact that I don't think Tom is going to bother with me again. I'm sure he's far too preoccupied with the Philosopher's Stone at this point. With my mental shields firmly up, I spend his class daydreaming about the day he'll be murdered by an eleven year old.
In flying class, I get a surprise when Madame Hooch pulls me aside one afternoon.
"Miss Campbell, I must say you are an excellent flyer. A bit over enthusiastic," she pauses and gives me a stern look, "but you certainly know how to fly. I haven't wanted to give you any more confidence than you already clearly have, but seeing as the year is winding down, I wanted to let you know your options if you wanted to try out for your house quidditch team next year."
"Oh," I take a moment to bask in my teacher's praise. This is the only class in which being an adult hasn't really given me an unfair advantage. I started flying young, but so have a lot of other witches and wizards. My talent in flying is my own, and I am intensely proud of it. That being said, "I won't be trying out, Madame Hooch." This was clearly not the answer she was expecting.
"Really? And may I ask why not?"
"I'm…" I force back the sigh trying to work its way out of me, "I'm just not very interested. I'd rather focus on my studies." Madame Hooch stares at me for a long moment.
"I don't understand your answer, Miss Campbell, especially when you so clearly love to fly, but your reasons are your own. You are free to reconsider whenever you like, but I wouldn't have pulled you aside if I didn't think you could join your team next year, despite your age."
After class, I find a quiet corner to cry in. I have been putting off my feelings about the quidditch team all year, knowing it was something I wouldn't have to think about until next year. Honestly, I would love more than anything to play quidditch, but no matter how much I want to, I know I can't. The quidditch games in the books are a big deal, and many have serious plot developments in them. Not only do I not know which games are important, I also know that some of those important games were against the Ravenclaw team.
What if I knock Harry out of a game that he was supposed to stay in? What if I knock him off his broom and no one catches him? There are too many moving parts in a game for me to control and the risk of me changing something important is far too great to chance. Playing quidditch would be a dream come true for me, but the risk just isn't worth the reward. I'll find a way to play someday, somewhere, but it can't be here. With a broken heart and a clear mind, I make my way through the rest of my day.
…
Just a week before the end of the semester, I am surprised to get a note from Tally in what I think is Dumbledore's handwriting. Does it make me a nerd for knowing that or just someone with a good memory? Maybe both. I open the note, taking care not to let my gaze wander towards the headmaster.
Please meet me after your classes today. I have something I would like to discuss with you. The password is lemon drops.
He didn't bother to sign it.
Class passes by excruciatingly slowly as I wonder what Dumbledore could want from me. Shouldn't he be focused on Tom...right now…? As the thought occurs to me I begin to put two and two together. He has probably realized by now what is going on with Quirrell, if he didn't already know from the start. If he just found out, he would want to interrogate me more about how I knew so soon or to see if I have any answers about whether his plan will succeed or not. I can only assume, but that seems like the right idea for why he would finally want to talk to me after all these months.
…
"Lemon drops." Hours later, I find myself in front of the gargoyle guarding the headmaster's office. With the password, it starts spinning upwards, and I jump on to the nearest stair to ride to the top. I don't bother to knock before walking in.
"Miss Campbell," Dumbledore doesn't look up or seem surprised. "Please have a seat." Without a word, I sit down.
Last time I was here, I was a bit...childish. I completely lost my cool and said things I shouldn't have out of fear. Today I'm a little bit older and a little bit wiser, so hopefully I can keep myself together. On top of making me fear for my life, another reason why the old man makes me lose my temper is that I don't trust him.
While the books are from Harry's point of view, and Harry trusts Dumbledore enough to die on his command, growing up a bit lended me a better perspective on what happened through the series: Dumbledore took advantage of Harry. He had a goal, a plan, and a way of executing it, and Harry be damned he was going to make sure it worked. Someone that cold and calculating, even for the good of others, isn't someone I can trust. Just because he's on the side of "good" doesn't mean he won't turn on me the moment he can come up with the right excuse to do so.
That being said, Dumbledore can be a powerful ally, if I can stay calm and rational enough to not say mean things to him like last time. He doesn't have to like me to work with me, especially since all I need him to do is continue on the path he has already chosen- I'm not asking the world of him here.
"Good evening, headmaster," I'm cold, but polite at least.
"Do you know why I called you here, Miss Campbell?" Ouch, skipped all the pleasantries and went straight to business. He really doesn't like me.
"No, sir." I feel a sharp probe on my mental shields. "I'm not lying," I say darkly.
"Your occlumency is quite strong," Dumbledore compliments, or maybe he is just merely point it out.
"Thank you?"
"I find it hard to believe that you went through all the trouble of learning it just to protect me. After all, you are clearly not a fan on mine."
"Well, sir, if you weren't so self-centered, you would realize that your secrets would probably get me killed if anyone else found our that I knew them," I practically growl. Man he pisses me off!
"Ah," he pauses, pulling the silly old man card again, "no that never occured to me." I take a deep, steadying breath. Why does he have such an irritating effect on me?
"Why am I here?" He probes at my mind again. "And would you quit doing that!"
"I'm just making sure that my "secrets" are being held safely." My eyes widen at the implication of his emphasis.
"You don't believe me," I say in awe. I should probably keep my mouth shut, but I'm so surprised it slips out. Being so afraid of the worst case scenario all the time can leave me blinded to simple truths- to things most people would think of first before assuming that the sky was falling. I assumed he believed me, but he only thinks I am a threat for learning what he assumes are just pieces of the truth.
"Now Miss Campbell, I have faith in my students, but sometimes it becomes necessary to make sure that a student is not a threat to others. I just want to know where you learned that information from."
Now I find myself at a crossroads. There are two options that immediately come to mind, both of which could end poorly. I could tell him that I was telling the truth and try to convince him that my lie was real, but that halfway puts me into the situation I've been trying to avoid in the first place; being a seer is only a few steps away from being...whatever I am.
My other option is to pin everything on Quirrell. This is clearly the better option, and chances of it ending very badly are much slimmer. I'll say that Quirrell has been telling me all these things, poisoning me against the school and the headmaster, and then coercing me in to talking to Dumbledore to try to learn more secrets. The only issue here is selling the lie and not getting in to too much trouble for it afterwards.
"It was…" I let my eyes flicker to the door, as if I'm getting ready to bolt.
"Charlotte, please, you can talk to me," Dumbledore begins to lean forward.
"It was Quirrell!" I squeak.
"Tell me everything." The headmaster's lack of surprise tells me that he at least knows who Quirrell is now.
"It started before the semester began. We met in Diagon Alley and he told me he was going to be my professor. My parents trusted him so he had plenty of time to talk with me. He told me...things. I didn't believe him at first, but he was so convincing and charismatic." Oh was that too big a word?
"And then?" If I sounded strange, Dumbledore didn't seem to care.
"And then I came to school and he told me more things. Then he started asking me to do things. To watch you and ask you questions. He said you were a bad person and that he wanted to make sure we were all safe. I was so confused. You're supposed to be the best wizard ever! I didn't think you could be evil, but Tom said-"
"You mentioned Tom before, who is that?" The headmaster's expression was stern and a little frightening. I name dropped Tom on purpose, since I had mentioned his name before. If I didn't bring it up again it would have been too suspicious.
"He said that was his real name. He told me when I said I wasn't sure if I could trust him." Dumbledore furrows a brow at this. That seems pretty out of character for Tom, but I don't have a lot of time to come up with better lies. For doing this on the fly, I think I'm doing a pretty great job. Maybe I should spend more time coming up with better lies for these sort of eventualities instead of thinking I can avoid them.
"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, Professor, but Tom was really nice to me until yesterday, and it made me realize that he might be the bad one."
"What happened yesterday?"
"He was just really mean! And he said stuff that he never said to me before, like he didn't really care about me. I don't know what had him so mad."
"Has he ever told you anything about what he plans to do here?" Dumbledore asks quickly and quietly. He seems quite convinced that he's gotten lucky. Fortunately for him, he doesn't need any extra luck from me, Harry's got all the luck in the world when it comes to fighting Tom.
"No. He just said that you were the bad guy. It sounded more like he wanted to know what you were planning on doing." The headmaster stands up so quickly I jump in my seat.
"Thank you for letting me know what was going on, Charlotte. I have to go now. Please see yourself back to your common room. Good night." And with a crack, the headmaster is gone. Geez, I really hope I didn't just change anything!
….
The next few days are a nervous blur as I wait for the end of the year. Final exams aren't doing nearly enough to keep me preoccupied. Fortunately, the golden trio look more and more concerned as they spend more time huddled together, which makes me feel a little bit better that things might end up the same. Professor Quirrell is still in class teaching, so Dumbledore hasn't made a move on him, which puts me slightly more at ease.
….
Finally! Finally the last day of the school year arrives, and Harry and his friends are nowhere to be seen, nor is Quirrell. I take what feels like my first breath in a while; as long as Harry isn't dead, things look like they're the same. The Slytherin banners hang from the ceiling of The Great Hall, and I feel a pang of guilt that those poor kids are about to have the rug pulled out from under them.
Dumbledore begins his end of the year speech, and my sigh of relief could not be bigger as it sounds exactly the same as I remember. Quirrell is gone, Harry is recuperating in the Hospital Wing, Neville did his first brave act, and Draco is pissed for not having won the house cup. All is as it should be. It looks like, so far, I'm on the correct timeline. Now I just have to keep it there.
Things wrap up more quickly than I had imagined they would, and I don't end up getting to say goodbye to Theo. We had previously decided that writing to one another wouldn't be too much trouble with proper nicknames, so at least I know I'll get to talk to him during the break. It's not like it would matter if someone got a hold of what we wrote- we don't have any super secret information to send to one another.
I have another fun train ride back with the twins- no spiders this time- and it feels like it's over in a flash. Getting off at the platform, I get the usual great, big hug from them, but this time my parents are there to gawk at us.
"And who are these two?" My dad asks, looking ready to jump in and "save" me. We split apart quickly at the sound of his voice.
"This is Fred and George," I point to each twin individually, who don't look the least bit worried about my possibly homicidal dad.
"How are you so sure who is who?" Mum cuts straight to the chase about them being twins. I laugh.
"When you get to know them it isn't too hard. Except for when they deliberately try to trick me." I give them a fake glare. They both gasp with just as much sincerity.
"How could you say such a thing, Char? We would never do such a mean thing to you!" Fred says.
"You're only saying that because my dad is here," I counter. My dad looks even more menacing.
"Have these two been mean to you?"
"Oh, Fred, do you hear that? Sounds like Mum is calling for us."
"I do believe you're right, dear brother. We've gotta get going now. Nice to meet you!" Fred, quick as lightning, takes my mom's hand and kisses, followed immediately by his brother before the two take off down the platform.
"Whoa," Mum whispers after them.
"Hey!" Dad says, offended both at them and Mum's response.
"What? They're incredible."
"Aren't they?" I agree. We all laugh. As we head off the platform to the car (Dad has some muggle errands to run) I note that we are missing a family member. "Grandma's not here again?"
"I know! She's been so busy with this new job, she's never around anymore!"
I don't bother to inquire about the "new job." I know it's a cover for whatever dangerous thing she's actually doing- the thing she won't tell me about.
"Hopefully she'll be able to stop by soon and say 'hi' to you," Dad says. I agree. Hopefully she'll be more forthcoming about what she's doing this time.
…
It takes two weeks for Grandma to come by the house, during which time I've been flying like crazy. I've missed my broom terribly and I'm going to take full advantage of the time I have with it. I've been practicing the Woollongong Shimmy and it's starting to look so good! I've only fallen once since I started practicing it, which helped me practice spellcasting in sudden and dangerous situations to prevent falling to my near death. So it's been a few weeks of learning!
I'm on my broom as I have been every day when Mum calls me in.
"Grandma's here!" I'm inside within moments.
"Grandma!" We embrace tightly. "I've missed you," I whisper.
"I've missed you too, sweetie. How did the end of your semester go?" She's wondering if things went the way I expected them to.
"It was crazy! Harry Potter killed our professor!" Exactly as I hoped.
"Wait, what?" Dad appears out of nowhere.
"Yeah! Apparently he was evil and tried to kill Harry, but Harry killed him first!"
"How did you find that out? Did you see it happen?" Mum seems especially worried now.
"No, it was supposed to be a secret! So naturally everyone found out." We all nod sagely at this- school never changes in that regard.
"Why didn't you tell us about this sooner?" Mum's using her disappointed voice.
"Because we found out last night?"
"Oh, well, please be careful. Crazy things can happen anywhere, clearly." Mum starts reaching for her purse as Dad puts on his shoes.
"Mum and I are going to the store. Do you need anything?"
"No, I'm fine." The pair head out, leaving Grandma and I alone to talk. "So now will you tell me what's going on?" I ask before their car doors have even shut.
"Not yet, sweetie."
"And why not?"
"It's too dangerous."
"My life is dangerous. My very existence is dangerous! You're going to need a better reason than that." Grandma pauses for a long time at this.
"You worry...a lot." She pauses for such a long time I prod her to continue.
"Yeah, I know, Grandma. I'm worrying about you right now."
"Well I think that you would be even more worried if you had information you couldn't do anything with. Do you agree?"
"I mean, I guess so, but that's how I feel right now!"
"I understand, but the work I'm doing hasn't borne any fruit yet. If I tell you what I'm doing you're just going to be more worried." Her logic is sound. I hate that! I pout at her in hopes of changing her mind, but she doesn't budge. "Please just be patient." I give her a fake glare.
"...Fine," I finally acquiesce. She's made up her mind, no use pushing it any more right now. "But as soon as you've found out something or finished whatever it is you're doing, I want to know!"
"As soon as it's safe and prudent to tell you, I will."
"Alright." That will have to be good enough, for now.
The rest of my summer passes uneventfully, for which I am grateful. Grandma promises to come by more frequently to tutor me on more advanced spellcasting that I won't get the opportunity to learn in school. Theo and I write back and forth frequently. He worries me about his blase reactions to how badly his parents treat him, but it's sweet how much he worries about me when I certainly don't need that much worrying about. I sign off my letters as Raven, as he has now taken to calling me almost all the time, but he still refuses to write down Theo- he says it's embarrassing, which always makes me laugh.
Before I know it, I'm back on Platform nine and three quarters, getting ready to head out to my second year at Hogwarts. Time flies when you're having fun! Let's just hope this year can be more relaxed because I am not going to have anything to do with the Chamber of Secrets or the Heir of Slytherin debacles. I'm just going to stay far away and let Harry handle this mess on his own. In the meantime, I'm going to have a fun year and maybe even make some new friends!